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I got paid today!

I wish I knew how much. They’re using new payroll software and my payslip is encrypted. Nobody told me the password.

It should probably hit the bank tomorrow and I can see it on my statement.

Free money! I have a feeling we’ll be paying for this free money a long, long time.


Comment from thefritz
Time: April 29, 2020, 7:25 pm

try ‘Rosebud’

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: April 29, 2020, 7:34 pm

Course it’s free!

It’s obtained by the government selling the only product they produce.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: April 29, 2020, 8:26 pm

If you want to be certain it’s the right password, there are only two possibilities that are certain…

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: April 29, 2020, 8:51 pm

This document is password-protected. Please enter a password.

Well, heck, they told you what to do right there. Enter “a password”.

I’m reminded of a cow-orker years ago who used [password] (with the square brackets) as a password a lot.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: April 30, 2020, 1:25 am

Non programmers would probably be astounded at how careful we once were when selecting the verbiage for system documentation manuals. Yes, we wrote documentation, in English.

Not allowed to write “HIT” enter, you must write “Press (or depress) the enter key”, for example. My favorite is still one from a southern compatriot “Mash the enter key”.

And every time I hear the word “functionality” now, I recall the heated discussions from the early 80’s when the English grammar fanatics on the team would insist “THERE IS NO SUCH WORD!”

Comment from Armybrat
Time: April 30, 2020, 1:43 am

Husband is unemployed. On the dole for the last 6 weeks. Getting on the dole is an exercise in patience coupled with large amounts of alcohol. Password? It took the state 4 weeks to mail him his password, another week to mail him his PIN. He couldn’t check on his status to update/modify info without his password and pin and couldn’t get confirmation/acceptance without updating his status. It’s like being on a hamster wheel. We did finally get a deposit in the bank account today for a goodly amount, so we think all is finally well.

On a side note, we did a ZOOM happy hour with a bunch of friends last week. 100% of our friends are currently unemployed. Let that sink in….100% are unemployed

Comment from Teej
Time: April 30, 2020, 1:57 am

Dayum, Armybrat—that’s awful. I’ve been working through this whole thing, but believe me, I’ve been worried about all of you who weren’t.
Praying you’re all back at work, soon.

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: April 30, 2020, 2:26 am

@DurnedYankee: the phrase “increased functionality” sends me into orbit. JavaMan likes to tease when teaching me how to use some new electronic device by pointing out the functionality key.

My first job that required me to learn how to use a computer, I told my Boss that I needed “Heath Kit Instructions.” He laughed, but he knew what I meant.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 30, 2020, 8:57 am

The mean old bastard I work for has paid me nowt. Says I’m out of a job and that he is ruined. Still, what do you expect from a boss that does nothing but dig holes and eat worms?

Sorry to hear about your trials, Armnybrat. There’s no doubting we are all in the most terrible mess this time.

As for ‘instructions’ the trend nowadays seems to be ‘why bother?’ Microsoft (of course) leads the clown parade by promising ‘updates’ then neglecting to say either what they are or how to implement them. Not to be outdone, Android ‘app’ writers publish dysfunctional software with neither instructions nor even explanations of what they are actually meant to do.

Or was there a ‘psychic’ app I was meant to have inhaled first? Pah!

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: April 30, 2020, 12:05 pm


My favorite is still one from a southern compatriot “Mash the enter key”.

That one was common in the doc for Micasoff Winders.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: April 30, 2020, 12:27 pm

@Armyb – very sorry to hear that, all of it.

Walking the emergency backup dog this morning and seeing a paper laying on the sidewalk face up – “US economy diving” or something like that.
I mumbled “buncha damned liars”, but I guess instead I’m just being a damned fool.

I do believe keeping half the country locked up, and talking the economy down at every opportunity when they’re not taking steps to deliberately strangle it, isn’t going to make it better.

8 years of “wow! it’s awesome and it’s getting better!” and “Recovery (fill in your favorites season here)” and “Stimulus!”. Now we get 8 plus weeks of a self imposed economy killer instead and a lot of the powers that be are probably dancing albeit behind slightly closed doors.

And Unca B – I blame Microsoft for a couple of generations who think it’s okay if they buy something and it doesn’t work right (or has to be restarted) and instead of never buying stuff from that company again, they eagerly buy MORE.

Comment from Armybrat
Time: April 30, 2020, 12:39 pm

The husband and I are actually doing fine. I’m still employed and his unemployment plus the extra fed $600/week is just about what he was bringing home. We got our house in order over the last few years as we prepared for retirement, so no debt, LOTS of savings. And we’re still retiring in Aug. many of our friends are not so lucky. Both in most couples are unemployed, most with kids just finishing up college, most with large houses with large mortgages and car payments. Most have emptied their retirement savings to pay off those debts and now will be working till the day they die, if they go back to work. This whole idea to shut down the economy has just devastated the middle class.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: April 30, 2020, 1:03 pm

A million years ago when I was doing my “mandatory military service”, our office manuals had examples of letters that military members could submit to request exceptions to policy. They were pretty much fill-in-the-blank letters:

Appropriate Letterhead

I wish to request an exception to (policy x) because (insert justification).


I marveled at the one we got where the Soldier had actually typed “Appropriate Letterhead” on a plain sheet of paper.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: April 30, 2020, 2:53 pm

Lol SomeVeg – that reminds me of the swearing in for the Delta pledges in Animal House.

“Repeat after me”

“I, (state your name)”

And they all repeat “I, state your name”

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: April 30, 2020, 5:36 pm

“Say goodnight, Gracie”

“Goodnght, Gracie!”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 30, 2020, 7:12 pm

Uncle Al is ollllld internet. I haven’t seen anybody say “cow orker” in years.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: May 1, 2020, 4:35 am

Yup. Pre-WWW. Heavy user of Usenet way back when.

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