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This is me, now

I make coffee while I unload the dishwasher every morning. The first thing I take out is a spoon to stir the carafe. When the dishwasher is empty and the coffee is ready, that spoon is the first thing I put back in. This morning, I caught myself thinking what a shit life that poor spoon has. Five minutes a day outside a dishwasher.

That’s right: I started the day sharing empathy with a spoon.

Today is the one-year anniversary of the lockdown in the UK. They sold it to us as “two weeks to flatten the curve.” I have lost count of the number of times since then they have offered a little freedom only to snatch it away at the last minute. Classic behavioral psych.

“National Day of Reflection” my ass.

I wish I had done something worth doing for the past twelve months, but I’ve mostly drunk coffee and shitposted.

Oh, speaking of which – I am out of Twitter jail. I got put inside February 1st for reasons unknown. I’m a mild voice, so I suspect it was because my VPN showed me coming from someplace stupid and improbable. Albania is a favorite.

They wanted a phone number to unfreeze it and I really, really didn’t want to give them one. So today I tried the novel approach of writing them and asking nicely to unfreeze.

Ta da!


Comment from God’s middle finger
Time: March 23, 2021, 8:18 pm

Stoaty… a while back I mentioned the apps you can use to get a number – and I don’t know if the fact that you downloaded it while signed into google would let twitter spy…errrrr find…. errr identify you… it may be worth a look see – textnow and 2nd line – you could use the number once then toss it….

p.s. poor spoon

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 23, 2021, 8:57 pm

No, they let me back without it, GMF. I asked them to, and they did. Hooray!

I did look that up and was tempted, but I’m kind of a wuss.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: March 23, 2021, 11:05 pm

Hmmmm – you may be on point feeling sorry for that poor spoon, you know.

The Japanese believe that everything and every object has a spirit, be it a rock, tree, animal, or machine. Now, naturally the spirit residing in as simple an object as a spoon isn’t as complex or sophisticated as the one in, say, a motorcycle. Still, yokai are everywhere, and some are kind, and some are mischievous, but most, well, just are. Still, you should be nicer to your spoon… because well, you never know what may happen.

See the story of this teapot, below:


Comment from Pupster
Time: March 24, 2021, 12:04 am

Always the same spoon? That spoon is a HERO to silverware everywhere. Other spoons live a life of random, arbitrary use. Weeks in the drawer? Tea? Cereal? Beans? No idea what to expect. No consistency. No structure. The coffee spoon, that spoon has a job to do, every day the same task, and it performs it to perfection like Cal Ripken Jr. in the infield.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: March 24, 2021, 12:09 am

@Pupster — That spoon does indeed deserve a reward. Stoaty, how about once a week or so putting that spoon in a glass on the kitchen windowsill so he can watch chickens? Then pop him in the dishwasher with the evening dishes.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: March 24, 2021, 12:22 am

As Pupster wrote: Always the same spoon? Is there never more than one spoon in the dishwasher in the morning?

Or is this a particular spoon reserved for that particular job?

Would the domestic economy of Badger House grind to a halt if that spoon went missing?

(Spoons do go walkabout. We had some nice wide bowl soup spoons, but somehow all but four disappeared. We bought a few more off Amazon – and within 24 hours one of those was gone. Neither I nor my sister know where the runaways are.)

Comment from BullDawgGuy
Time: March 24, 2021, 1:59 am

I hate it for England. Maybe that’s one of the reasons the Markles moved back to North America. They didn’t want to deal with the shut down. It hasn’t gotten that bad in the US but there are still those who believe me wearing a mask makes them safe. Go Figure. It really hits at the soul when its one of your friends that defends all of this government intrusion in your life.

May the spoon have a happy life in the Dishwasher. You might consider selling it to a high bidder who wants to give it a better life.

Comment from Mitch
Time: March 24, 2021, 3:48 am

I have a fancy pewter spoon with a dragonfly on it for my french coffee press. It even hangs on a hook in it’s Special Place. I have an even fancier teaspoon hanging right next to it. Alas, I only use the kurig and teabags anymore and they go unused.

Comment from dangedyankee
Time: March 24, 2021, 4:22 am

Better than feeding the spoon to the garbage disposal. That sometimes happens round these parts.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: March 24, 2021, 4:47 am

Does anyone else wonder if Megan Markle would be willing to be interviewed by Fannie Farkel?

Sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me.

Comment from catnip
Time: March 24, 2021, 6:07 am

I think the authorities may be trying to gauge how far they can push us before we go irretrievably berserk. Now the Natl Park Service, in line with CDC guidance, has divulged that they will be limiting pedestrian and vehicular access to D.C.’s Tidal Basin (and surrounds) for the duration of “peak bloom” of our lovely cherry trees. This prohibition will extend from around March 26 thru approximately April 12, solely for our own good. Never mind what’s going on at the southern border.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: March 24, 2021, 11:25 am

The CDC is changing their name. No longer using the word Disease.

Now it’s just going to be the Center for Control.

Comment from April
Time: March 24, 2021, 1:39 pm

The lockdowns won’t end till the coming of Gozer the Traveller – he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveller came as a large and moving Torb! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants, they chose a new form for him – that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you!

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: March 24, 2021, 4:27 pm



Comment from Janet Roesler
Time: March 24, 2021, 4:33 pm

Good goddle mitey- how many meals are the two of you eating that necessitates running the dishwasher every night?? Or is it one of those mini-washers?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 24, 2021, 6:12 pm

You don’t fill yours every day, Janet? We do easily. I gather from Uncle Al referring to the “evening dishes” that he runs his twice.

Now, I never had a dishwasher before moving in here. I was on my own and I just washed things as I used them.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: March 24, 2021, 6:37 pm

I have to agree with Janet. There are four of us, and we barely do the dishes every other day. How much food do y’all cook, or how tiny is your dishwasher?

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: March 24, 2021, 6:44 pm

Our dishwasher could hold probably 5-8 meals’ worth of dishes (recall some of them are kid-sized). Depends on how many pots we used – some meals might leave us room for only 3 sets of plates, utensils, and cups. But we don’t do that kind of cooking every day by any means. We do a lot of sandwiches, quesadillas, and other items that use only one plate per person (the griddle for the quesadillas is hand washed).

When I lived alone, I had a dishwasher, but it took me a week or more to make enough dishes to run it, so unless I had a big cooking event, I just hand-washed as I went along. (I rarely eat breakfast and ate lunch at work, so I generally had only one meal a day at home…)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 24, 2021, 7:31 pm

Hm. I’m thinking our dishwasher must be small. Considering the general size differences between US and UK appliances, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: March 24, 2021, 7:51 pm

That must be why we don’t do em every day, we have a Texas sized diswasher!


I uh, mean, Yeeeehaaaaaaaa, of course.

Comment from Jon
Time: March 24, 2021, 8:11 pm

Pretty sure I read somewhere that EU regulations limit the size of dishwashers. Hooray for bureaucrats! /sarc

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 24, 2021, 8:18 pm

My mother called me one day. She was watching Keeping Up Appearances and she wanted to know why the lady kept putting the milk in the dishwasher. Most British fridges are not much bigger than bar fridges.

We managed to get a good sized one, but it’s still about half the size of my one in the states.

Comment from drew458
Time: March 25, 2021, 6:58 pm

Euro appliances are usually pretty small. Small cars, small homes, small appliances, narrow roads, high taxes. Go figure.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: March 31, 2021, 7:32 pm

We use British refrigerators all over the US. We call them mini-bars. Every hotel room in Vegas has one.

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