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Well, I laughed

Going through some old books in the work library today and I ran across a novel by Edward Bulwer-Lytton. I guarantee you know this guy, whether you know you know him or not. He was the originator of many a familiar phrase, like “pursuit of the almighty dollar”, “the pen is mightier than the sword”, “dweller on the threshold” and “the great unwashed” (I pinched all those off his Wikipedia page).

He’s also the guy who famously opened a novel with the words “it was a dark and stormy night.” In all fairness to the guy, it wasn’t yet a cliché in 1830.

You may or may not know that he inspired an annual competition – the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest – which challenges contestants “to write an atrocious opening sentence to the worst novel never written.” This year’s winner was chosen from 6,000 entries. Are you ready?

She was a beautiful woman; more specifically she was the kind of beautiful woman who had an hourlong skincare routine that made her look either ethereal or like a glazed donut, depending on how attracted to her you were.

Some of the others are pretty funny, too. Check ’em out – and have a good weekend!


Comment from OldFert
Time: January 12, 2024, 8:16 pm

Truthfully, I find many a glazed donut to be quite attractive.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: January 12, 2024, 8:37 pm

There are some remarkable sentences to be found at the B-L contest! While I didn’t literally LOL at this one, it did elicit an audible amused snort:

Officer Meyer Briggs burst into the bedroom and saw Professor Rorschach standing over the body of his mother, bloody knife in hand; “I swear it’s not what it looks like!” Rorschach exclaimed.

— Justin C. McCarthy, Cranston, RI

Comment from Surly Ermine
Time: January 12, 2024, 8:37 pm

Curious, did you enter?

Also, my self-imposed Steam exile has ended.

Comment from ExpressoBold Pureblood
Time: January 12, 2024, 8:38 pm


I just went through a similar investigation with this quote: “No plan survives contact with the enemy.”

Attributed to everybody from Leonidas to Patton, the actual original quote comes from Helmuth Von Moltke, a 19th Century Prussian Field Marshall. People can make themselves seem smarter by quoting famous 19th Century Germans… unless it’s Marx, of course.

“No operation extends with any certainty beyond the first encounter with the main body of the enemy” is the actual von Moltke quote.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 12, 2024, 10:50 pm

I know it as “everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face”.

Comment from ExpressoBold Pureblood
Time: January 13, 2024, 12:28 am

I think that quote is specific to Mike Tyson; it has other applications, war being one, but Tyson is the one who said it.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: January 13, 2024, 3:32 pm

I’ve always known it as

“Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: January 13, 2024, 11:53 pm

Really scary one

“Dark and stormy night, knock on the door, man at door says
“I’m from the government…”

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: January 14, 2024, 6:46 pm


p2’s pick Joyce Randolph, who played Trixie in The Honeymooners, has passed away.

I hope I didn’t jump the gun or otherwise mess up this time!

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: January 15, 2024, 12:23 pm

Why is it there’s never an internet choice for guys, Alice or Trixie.

Eh? Who?

Oh, right, because Ralph wasn’t parading supermodel Alice around without her clothes and Ed Norton was a sewer worker and not a football player and Trixie didn’t write songs about old boyfriends and make a gajillion bucks (and a million bucks wasn’t the sales tax on a private island bunker, and Gajillion wasn’t a number I needed to mean “a lot of money”).

Alice, just sayin.😁

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