sweasel.com

Another example of why this place is like my favoritist place on the innernuts.

You.Crack.Me.Up.

You cannot imagine (no, really, you can’t) how much this goes against the badgery grain. The very idea of ‘counselling’ gets me up on my hind legs ready to rip limb from bloody limb.

But the town hall?

Chavs, footballers, semi-retired car thieves. The last time most of the men wore suits they were referred to as ‘the accused’ (badgers never wear suits).

It was better to come to ‘an arrangement’ with baby Jesus. If they don’t mention religion, neither shall I.

That it should have come to this…

I am specifically not precluding the roof falling in on our heads. Or lightning. Lightning would do.

Don’t fear the vicar, you will be happy you did it in an ancient church later. It’s not like they are going to shave your head and use you as kindling.
When abouts will the ‘deed’ be done? We wanna be there in spirit. Will the weasel be wearing a dress? Ooo, oo, and you can post some pictures with badger and weasel heads ‘shopped onto your bodies for privacy.

So…did the Weas circle the “road humps” sign?

Knuckle under and accept the vicar and his pronouncements. There will come a time when you will be quite happy you did it.

Mrs P, I SO TOTALLY almost picked the “humps for 350 yards” sign. Because that one always cracks me up. Also, it looks like someone carelessly flung a bra into the road.

Don’t Fear The Vicar? Sounds like a Blue Oyster Cult song…

heh, I remember you or Badger telling us about the first time you saw the humps sign.

I guess you were “supposed to” pick stuff like “Yield,” huh? Seems like a pretty dumb exercise to me.

Nope. “Men working” was centered on the page, and that’s the one we were “supposed to” pick. And we kinda did. But we both independently pointed to this one as our top pick.

Because a) it’s probably the most clumsy, offensive roadsign EVARRR and b) it does, in fact, come close to what we’re hoping for from this relationship.

HA! I got married in a small church outside of Bury St. Edmunds. The Vicar was impressed when the wedding party showed up in Dress Blues.

Boo! Your leak doesn’t work Weasel!

My Parental Units eloped and got married at a courthouse in another county (Mom was too young for where they lived). Next summer will be their 50th anniversary.

hrm. Your mutual idea of wedded bliss is “file not found”? I … suppose I was warned, but still!

Hm. Works for me. Still.

Try this one.

Why on earth would you need an ‘elderly people’ warning sign? Are they usually targets?

I think I like the one you guys picked than the working men one. ‘Cause if you desire to be that together, then you instinctively know work/acceptance/idiosyncracies is part of the game. And humour, lots and lots of humour.

Oooh, someone is going to have to nick one of those and send it to me!

My second favorite British road sign was definitely the one that warned you of an upcoming humped crossing–near me the warning signs said HUMPED ZEBRA CROSSING.

I stopped and stared for five minutes before I figured it out.

Hmmm.

““hear ye, hear ye!””

1. Can you make up lines for the guy to shout?

2. Would he walk past your house at 5am?

3. Does he take Visa? American Express? Mastercard? Anything?

Oh and after you ask about #2, please forget it ok? There’s nothing to worry about.

Honest.

Hmmm.

My Dad has a book with all of his and mother’s wedding photos. They got married Korean-style to the nines. The vision of my strawberry-blond and beet-red faced father wearing Korean wedding robes is one I’ll never forget.

And the duck.

A wooden, I *think*, duck is supposed to show fertility, fecundity and prosperity. But the key part is that my Dad was holding it and had the most incredible expression on his face. Like “WTF am I doing hold this damn duck!?”.

Mucho hilarity ensued.

Note:
Google “korean wedding robes” for the robes and “korean wedding duck” for the duck.

I don’t want to end up in spam purgatory. 🙂

““Men working” was centered on the page, and that’s the one we were “supposed to” pick.”

Ye Gods, why…? It’s not very 21st century, is it?

“Why on earth would you need an ‘elderly people’ warning sign? Are they usually targets?”

They tend to be put up near old folk’s homes, to warn drivers that people with poor reflexes are likely to be in the vicinity.

Age Concern, the UK for-the-elderly ‘charity’ threw a hissy fit about them recently:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article4568656.ece

They wanted a ‘generic sign that is representative of all vulnerable pedestrians, regardless of age’. Quite where they’d put such a sign (everywhere?) I don’t know…

It’s so goofy of me to say so, and I don’t care.

It touches me in my warm Dave gooshy places, to see this unfold for you both.

There. I said that. My kindest regards and shit.

Deal with that.

Well, that’s one way to decrease the number of required counseling sessions.

Glad your resettlement is going so well! Weasels are pretty hardy.

We’re gonna need a webcam of The Ceremony.

That ought to impress the vicar.

OMG! If the first session is a psyops exercise with road signs (what does that have to do with getting married?!) what will they be talking about in the counseling sessions? Grrr! Why all the hoops? Doesn’t Britian have some equivelent to “going to Vegas?”

P.S. I’m 100% in agreement with Dave in Texas’s feelings though. You guys getting married is so cute and wonderful!

“Doesn’t Britian have some equivelent to “going to Vegas?””

Yes. Eloping to Gretna Green. A lot fewer Elvis impersonators and performing white tigers, though…

You can still elope to Gretna Green?!? I thought that was only in Regency romance novels. That’s it. When I get married, I’m going to Gretna Green!

Anyway, re: “men working,” I assume it was the generic “men,” like in “all men are created equal.” The point being that marriage is not all fun and games and requires work to keep up.

Yes, that was the intent, Mrs P. So it does make a sort of sense. But even Margaret Calvert admitted the Men Working sign wasn’t her best effort — on account of she should have let the edge of the shovel show or something.

Seriously — only twenty five years of working for a corporation and putting up with stupid corporate bullshit programs, one after the other, prepared me for this exercise. (I’ll never forget Total Quality Management and the careabouts).

Jesus.  

And so naturally I gave the vicar a lecture on Margaret Calvert — the New Zealand woman who redesigned most British road signage in the 1950s and a parTICularly violent hate object of mine — including several diagrams drawn on the spot to explain why Calvert’s graphic design skills are totally Teh Sux0r.

Ok, I think I love you.

Weas:

TQM? That holds nothing on ISO 9000 Compliant (i.e., “a family of standards for quality management systems, blah, blah, blah …”) maintained by ISO, the International Organization for Standardization. (Wait, shouldn’t that by IOS …?). Sort of like the Department of Redundancy Department. Perhaps you didn’t get the memo about the new covers for the TPS Reports (gratuitous “Office Space” reference.)

As my twelve-year old son blurted out at my second wedding: (mimicking Peter Cook’s lisping vicar in “The Princess Bride”) “Mawwiage, is what bwings us togever, today. Wuv, twue wuv …”

Mrs. Pupster and I had to go through ‘counseling’ in order to get the privilege of paying the local pastor to marry us and use her church. We both figured out real quick that the truth would queer the deal, and we started giving the answers we thought the reverend wanted to hear.

If you don’t give a shit, it don’t matter. Still doesn’t mean you ain’t gotta do it.

Total Quality Management, and etc:

Before I lost my mind and decided to go back to school, I worked as a Medical Temp, which entailed bouncing around the country, working 3-month contracts in short-handed hospitals. Pay was excellent, and I got to see a lot of the US. Pretty much a “it was fun, when it didn’t suck” type-of-thing.

Anyway, the 2nd worst thing about it was the mandatory new-hire “orientation” I was always required to endure. An entire week full of “Don’t sexually harass anyone, don’t be an evil racist, don’t post patient records on the internuts” and etc, etc.

Apparently, women and people with dark skin count as human beings. Who knew? Thank god I got to watch cutesy little videos to teach me these things.

AND, while I’m speaking of videos: My absolute favorites were the videos telling me 1) How To Wash Your Hands, and 2) How To Clean Up An Acid Spill (without blowing up the lab in the process). Because after 15 years as a medico, I hadn’t quite gotten those things worked out yet.

I had to go through this crap 3 or 4 times a year, every time I started a new contract. And about half the time, I was watching the exact same candy-ass’d little video as the last time. It was getting to where I could recite the dialog.

Y’all & your signage have made me think of this. And loved RSWitch’s comment from her boy — too funny. Also loved this comment at the sign link from JuliaM:

You all make excellent points, but all these years I thought the sign indicated butt-grabbing grannies on the loose? They should be pleased that elderly people are displayed as sexually vivacious go-getters.

LOL. And I heartily endorse DinT’s comments on the upcoming festivities. All the best!

Our vicar is a woman too. I haven’t really been to church since she’s been in the position, but I hear she’s very nice. She’s certainly very typical of a village vicar in that she lives in a massive, beautiful old house which must be worth at least a million squid. Sure, her garden is literally a graveyard, but she still comes out on top in my opinion.

Why on earth would you need an ‘elderly people’ warning sign? Are they usually targets?

Possibly because old people can be very vicious.

I guess you were “supposed to” pick stuff like “Yield,” huh?

We’ve got our very own rendition.

This is my favourite road sign. It’s puzzled me since I was a wee nipper.

There used to be a TV advert in the eighties where they played on the ‘working man’ holding and umbrella thing. He became animated, got out of the sign and broke into a rendition of ‘I’m Singin’ in the Rain.’ I think it was a beer advert.

Whoops, three strikes (links) and I’m out. I forgot about that. Sorry.

Yeah, if we had had to go through counseling, I’m pretty sure it would never have happened. We’d already been together for 7 years, living in sin so to speak and it was pretty much a do this for legality issue. So a 1950s Elvis wedding it was. Less than $500 and a really good Elvis later and the deed was done. Lots of fun, no counseling, no looking down of noses. 🙂

I’m glad though that you two are doing what it takes to get the deed done. While it makes not one whit of difference in how you feel or how you treat each other, like it or not, it still makes a difference in how others treat your couplehood. 🙂

My all time favorite place in Vegas, Drive Thru Weddings It just gives me the chuckles.

Just the idea of picking road signs signifying one’s marriage, oy! How about this one, Why, that’s different

…Chavs, footballers, semi-retired car thieves…

Uncle B…Query: Chavs? British term for…Red-necks?

My husband and I were married in Las Vegas by a family member who was a pastor there. He made us have premarital counseling before we were wed, too. So for a few weekends before the wedding we flew to Vegas, got counseled, and then flew home. It was great fun! The couseling was all about how to fight. One of us will want to escape an argument and the other one will want to pursue it until the end (end meaning when they won) and how to respect each others fighting style. We were also told to never say no to the others interest when asked to participate. Well I don’t want to make bottle rockets and my husband hates shopping, so that didn’t last long.

Chav is less redneck and more wigger. Think ghetto fabulous – welfare and designer clothes.

I love that you can buy a road sign and not be a state DoT… lol On sale with quantity discounts even!

Mustelids & Minions! I present to you: Weasel Puke Coffee. Order now and you can still get it before Christmas!

… so is this the real origin of the term Joe Blow?

The “man working” sign reminds me of shoveling manure at my friends farm when I was younger. It wasn’t bad until you got the top layer off. Then it was worse than cat pee.

Enas, You should try the original. Mind the space.

http ://www.animalcoffee.com/

http ://www.animalcoffee.com/faq.php

Oh, and BTW Enas. They were being polite when they said is PUKES it out. It’s the other way around. Literally.

So, could you, like, record these counseling sessions and put them here on the blog as podcasts? I mean, I would have paid good money to hear you lecture the vicar on British road sign graphic design. I mean, if she’s going to require you to come in for counseling, the least you could require is that she let you tape the sessions for all the world to hear. 🙂 ..bruce..

I want to hear more about the wedding plans. At this rate you’ll have to see if the vicar will do the ceremony over your napping space.

I think Weasel Poo Coffee sounds a lot more gentrified and pleasant.

😉

And I think you should start a cottage industry of weasel beds that look like vicar collars.

Nicole, that’s what I’m giving as presents to my friends this year. OOOoo! Look, Allen got us a sign. 🙂

Dawn-

Gotcha. Tracking now. thxbai

jamfelix, just a clarification: I be a he, not a she. “Witch” is a gender-non-specific appellation for an initiated practitioner of the Old Religion. If Weasel can meet with a female vicar, then a male witch (a priest of the Craft) somehow seems to bring Balance to the Force.

At my first wedding, I was married in a civil ceremony by a judge. Maybe because the marriage began with a judge presiding is the reason it ended with one present (at the divorce).

Duly noted, RSWitch. I’m female, with a male nom-de-blog (Felix … thought it might sometimes be better not to be immediately known as female on the innernuts), and I also have a given name that’s more often male than female. And then there’s the whole, “w00t, Stoaty’s a GIRL!1!!” thing. 🙂

Dawn’s right about ‘chav’ harbqll. It’s actually a new word over here (well, under ten years old) and there’s a lot of debate about its origin.

No debate about the chavs themselves, though – her Ladyship and I were in a supermarket this afternoon surrounded by the blighters. Who knew welfare payments could be spread so far? Rarely seen such laden shopping trolleys!

After that we watched a man eviscerate a pig, while we ate sausage rolls.

Well, no one ever said mustelids were nice and it is the festive season.

I’m sure The Weasel will explain.

I thought Chav was an acronym for “Council-Housed And Violent”?

Speaking of which–this game is just sick. I’m sure you’ll all be appalled by its callous attitude: http://www.maniacworld.com/Chav-Hunter-game.htm

(clucks tongue in disapproval).