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Things that are ugly…

nan's chest

Isn’t this lovely? Why no, it is not. This is the ugliest scrap of ancient Weasel family legacy kitsch I own (and that’s saying a Very Great Deal). My heart clenched when I opened this box tonight. It’s bumblebee yellow and black…did I mention?

This handsome item was hand painted by my cousin Nan, who — as far as I know — was neither epileptic nor had a metal plate in her head of any kind. She was actually my grandmother’s first cousin, which makes me related to her only below the Mason Dixon line. Grandmother was a great friend to Cousin Nan, despite the terrible dark blotch on her past. How disappointed I was to learn Nan’s dark secret was a youthful d-i-v-o-r-c-e.

Cousin Nan was hot shit.

For most of her life, she was a seamstress nine months of the year, sewing fine gowns for rich ladies and saving her pennies. Then in the Summers, she would hop a banana boat for points South. That was back when freight boats always carried a few passengers (do they still?). She loved South America.

By the time I remember her, she had retired to California, very old and very deaf and unprepared to accept either. When she came to visit, she was a total liability in public. She would lean over in a movie theater and shout in your ear, “oh my god, would you look at that big fat woman in the next row?” Eh. Bless her.

By an odd coincidence, my dad and stepmother were in her home town for some kind of function and dropped by to visit her one day in the mid 1980s. First time ever, I think. My stepmother swears she looked up as they left and saw the curtain twitch.

At any rate, Cousin Nan was raped and murdered by a stranger later that day. It would be flattery to call her attacker a serial killer. He was an animal who had himself a brief, nasty spree…savaged a few women and got caught within the week. My dad was called to testify about the timing. Murderous asshole’s probably out by now.

Anyhow, we all took turns sticking each other with examples of Cousin Nan’s art. Because it’s horrible, but what are you going to do?


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: March 6, 2009, 9:50 pm

It’s like Hieronymus Bosch on bad acid.

Ever get the feeling that the Weasel clan might be… ever so slightly bonkers?

Comment from Allen
Time: March 6, 2009, 10:09 pm

Damn Weasel, what is this my dark places thing? See James Ellroy.

As to trunks, when me wife and I bought the place in the mountains it came with all contents. Including a trunk, that I suspect came to the surface when the Titanic sank.

Spooky shit inside, but she lubbed that trunk. Fast forward, me wife passed, but my ladyfriend lubs that trunk.

So I’ve come up with the following mathematical relationship:

Some People + Some Old Stuff= ZOMG!

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: March 6, 2009, 11:05 pm

Good lord. That was not the ending I was expecting. I’m sorry you & fam had to go through that.

Comment from Jill
Time: March 6, 2009, 11:50 pm

If you haven’t read My Dark Places, I’ll loan you my copy.


Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: March 7, 2009, 12:33 am

Ever get the feeling that the Weasel clan might be… ever so slightly bonkers?

Don’t look at me, buddy… You married teh crazy of your own free will. 😉

Comment from jwpaine
Time: March 7, 2009, 1:07 am

Are we all so sure it was free will? teh crazies can be awful intimidating. teh crazy weasels… Well, I’d never get to keep my lunch money.

And neither would you.

Comment from porknbean
Time: March 7, 2009, 3:43 am

Not sure I would care for that color yellow, but the graphics are rather interesting. Reminds me of the illustrations in a book of limericks. Anyone know that artist?

Nothing wrong with harmless bonkers.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2009, 9:59 am

Heh. Sorry. Didn’t mean to be a surprise downer; I just happened to unpack that particular item just before postin’ time last night. (Though I have to say, we take a perverse pride that her killer testified Nan was the only one who fought back and managed to put some hurt on him. He was a BIG dude, and she was, like, 83).

My cousin is trying to convince me Cousin Nan would want me to refinish it 🙂

Comment from Dawn
Time: March 7, 2009, 1:03 pm

I adore old people! As a person ages I think it becomes to tiresome to fake the niceties anymore. They only seem crazy because they are so wretchedly honest.
I LOVE that trunk. Of course, I am not seeing it in it’s full bumblebee glory, but in black and white it is stunning. She must have been influenced by her South American travels. It is reminiscent of Mayan art with the side profiles and fertility and corn symbols.
Oh please do refinish it!
What a sprited and lovely person Cousin Nan must have been.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: March 7, 2009, 2:23 pm

You thinking of Lear, porknbean?

Comment from porknbean
Time: March 7, 2009, 4:35 pm

You thinking of Lear, porknbean?

Ding! Ding! Yes, that is the one.

*mind the spaces*
http ://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/learart.html


http ://www.bencourtney.com/ebooks/lear/

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 7, 2009, 6:47 pm

I’m nobody’s idea of a fashion maven, but even I know that lady with giant fat butt shouldn’t go within a MILE of this outfit:


Geez, what were her advisers thinking? And do you think our State Department — which must have a zillion talented Russian speakers on board — deliberately blew the translation on the Overcharge button?

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: March 7, 2009, 9:11 pm

Oh man. I could barely get away with that. Poor Hills.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: March 8, 2009, 1:21 am

Wot? Blaspheming the sacred book of the psychadelic? How COULD you?

Now you will NEVER have a good acid trip again……


Comment from Jill
Time: March 8, 2009, 2:27 am

No no no no no!!!! DON’T refinish it!!!!

Comment from wpdunn71901
Time: March 8, 2009, 9:44 pm

Weasels – CHECK
Posted Nekkid Pic of Mom – CHECK
Crazy Aunt- Double CHECK!

i love this blog!

Comment from Sigivald
Time: March 10, 2009, 7:18 pm

In black and white, I think it’s actually kind of brilliant.

Comment from Mike
Time: March 11, 2009, 5:54 pm

I kinda like the trunk. Looks okay with my glasses off, anyway. Hillary’s outfit, not so much.

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