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Help me out here, Mother


Is there any sight more heartwarming than an old lady and her coon?

Yeah. I have done exactly jack shit today (that’s bugger-all to our British friends), so here’s a photo of my mother and friend that I ran across unpacking. That’s the last in a long series of pet raccoons she raised. It’s no longer legal to keep them on account of the rabies risk, but it was then.

My mother was extremely good with animals, but a raccoon makes a dangerous pet (and she had the scars to prove it). They’re very smart, very bitchy when they grow up and they have opposable thumbs — or as near as dammit.

They also like to shit high. After Mother died, I discovered the architectural high points of the house (the balcony, the sills) were a rich treasury of dessicated coonshit.

Who says I didn’t inherit anything?


Comment from Fa Cube Itches
Time: April 14, 2009, 8:22 pm

“Is there any sight more heartwarming than an old lady and her coon?”

*quietly chants over and over “I will not make a Driving Miss Daisy joke. That would be wrong.”*

Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 14, 2009, 9:49 pm

Hoo! I thought we’d have to go several in for a ‘coon’ joke!

She was a lovely animal, this. Somewhere around here I have a picture taken half an hour later, by my mother, of this raccoon *just* closing her teeth on my nose.

Her name was Sarah. She was cornered under the porch and killed by one of Mother’s dogs. Personally, I’d’ve shot the dog. But then, I’m not a dog person.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 14, 2009, 9:50 pm

Anonymous? Yoik! It’s me!

Comment from apotheosis
Time: April 14, 2009, 10:31 pm

Raccoons are, indeed, foul-tempered little heathens. Far crankier than anything that cute and cunning has any right or reason to be.

Comment from Mrs. Hill
Time: April 14, 2009, 10:36 pm

“Her name was Sarah, and when she smiled,
She just showed teeth for miles and miles . . .”

(Okay, that Sarah was a whale, but the bit about the teeth seemed to fit pretty well :P.)

Hands. The mask is disarming enough, but the hands just kill me. Little rodent hands (I’ve kept a couple of P. maniculati over the years) tweak that same, darned “awww” neuron.

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 14, 2009, 11:43 pm

That is a great picture. When you find the one of your nose getting chomped, you gonna post it?

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: April 15, 2009, 9:02 am

I knew a guy who kept “descented” skunks. The descenting procedure never seemed to work. Raccoons can be the meanest of animals, but THIS lady takes the cake.


Comment from Pupster
Time: April 15, 2009, 11:15 am

Shit High, Piss Low


Location, location, location.

That coon would have made a fortune in real estate.

Comment from Bob
Time: April 15, 2009, 11:28 am

My buddy raised a raccoon from a kit. Its last act of gratitude was to bite his pinky off at the second joint and dissappear up a tree.

He said he probably wouldn’t do it again.

Comment from Eirik
Time: April 15, 2009, 12:10 pm

Why not? He’s got another pinky.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 15, 2009, 12:12 pm

That’s a cute looking animal. I don’t think we have any of those over here. Except maybe in captivity.

That photo of the anteater drinking a beer is funny. He looks like he’s happy. Can’t paint for shit though. Stupid anteater.

Comment from JuliaM
Time: April 15, 2009, 1:21 pm

“They also like to shit high. “

Interesting! A way of keeping predators off the scent, perhaps?

“That’s a cute looking animal. I don’t think we have any of those over here. Except maybe in captivity.”

Denatured skunks are apparantly big on the exotic pet trade here. Especially albinos…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 15, 2009, 2:30 pm

I had a descented skunk for a pet once. They’re about as interesting as pillows. And they still smell.

I got a skunk, my brother got a raccoon.

Stupid parents.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: April 15, 2009, 3:47 pm

Another famous anteater! Sorry for the gratuitous use of the f-word here, but then again I’ve seen it here before. This website is a must, right behind the daily weasel fix!


Comment from Dawn
Time: April 15, 2009, 4:35 pm

Speaking of inherited poo. I went to a TEA party in my little bitty town today. It was fun – got my picture taken for the paper.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 15, 2009, 5:14 pm

Tea parties, fuck you penguin and lung firs. I love you guys.

Comment from scubafreak
Time: April 15, 2009, 5:55 pm

Just doing my part to keep the gradual extinction of the human race as interesting as possible.. 😉

p.s. Schroedinger says hi… er….. meow..

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