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A tale of two foodstuffs


How is everyone today? Feeling well? No high fevers or unexplained night sweats? Good, good.

I’ve mentioned this about British poultry before: the standard whole bird you get in the supermarket, they snap the poor bastard’s legs off right above the feet and jam the stumps up his ass. It’s so undignified; the Christmas turkey ’bout moves me to tears every year.

Well, Sunday’s bird got hisself half untrussed and waved a jaunty stump at us on his way to the death chamber. I thought it was poignant. I share.

As for see below — some sonofarodent got into the cupboard and ate up my bran flakes. Ate ’em all up! I hope he shits himself to death.



Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 27, 2009, 8:37 pm

Prissy.. just so very, very prissy.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: April 27, 2009, 8:56 pm

“Sultana bran” sounds like something one might get from eating a keffiyeh.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 27, 2009, 8:57 pm

Ah, the joys of rural living: death watch beetles, mice…what’s next? Better pray it’s not bats, because those are basically flying mice that you are forbidden, on pain of being sent to the cooler, to ever evict.

Comment from TimB52
Time: April 27, 2009, 9:06 pm

Chicken knees. Ick.

Comment from Roman Wolf
Time: April 27, 2009, 9:19 pm

If the two Mustelids luck changes maybe they’ll have a stoat coming along to take care of that nasty vermin.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 27, 2009, 9:53 pm

The absence of stoat is a great puzzle to me, Roman Wolf. We have a large hedge at Badger House, home to a zillion baby runny babbits. It’s also the ideal habitat for ‘certain creatures’

We know there are woats and steasels around (I’ve seen them) but, so far, it falls to this badger to run out clapping his paws and growling at the little bastard lagomorphs to make them leave his garden alone.

I’d put up a sign – but (for all they can master html) can weasels read?

And (knowing weasels) would they oblige even if they could?

Comment from bad cat robot
Time: April 27, 2009, 10:13 pm

put up a sign in weaselese that *forbids* them from eating the runnybabbits. All gone in a week, betcha. You just have to know how the weasel brain operates …

Comment from scubafreak
Time: April 27, 2009, 11:01 pm

STOATIE!!!! That POOR MOUSE is probably our there somewhere screaming in agony as your bran cereal passes through his little mouse butthole like a rattail file, making him feel like the victim of the hemmeroid commercial from hell….

FOR SHAME!!!!! Next time, the LEAST you can do is to leave some mousy-sized suppositories and witch hazel butt cleaning pads for him! He’s probably is SUCH AGONY!!!! (lol, I know I am after too much oatmeal 😉 )…..

Just ask yourself. What would Jesus (or Dick Cheney) do?


Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: April 27, 2009, 11:10 pm

Two barn cats should do the trick. I suggest black ones and name them, Lucifer and Bathsheba.

Comment from Rodent
Time: April 28, 2009, 12:18 am

“some sonofarodent got into the cupboard”

Oh, my, no.
I swear I have no sons.

And if’twer I, ‘twould be the liquor you’d be missing, not soom poofy bran flakes…

Comment from Jill
Time: April 28, 2009, 12:48 am

That little bran-eating bastich should be easy to find…just go in the direction of the high-pitched straining and grunting.

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 28, 2009, 3:04 am

Rodents? In my pantry of food? Brrr…
I’d have to douse it with gasoline and light it on fire. Not the rodent – it might be Uncle B with a peculiar man way of opening boxes – the pantry. Where there are mice , there are droppings and who knows where their little feets have been. And quite possibly the plague of swine proportions.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 28, 2009, 6:15 am

Yeah we men eat bran flakes my chewing a little neat hole in the box. I thought everyone knew that.

I’m just kidding of course. Men don’t eat bran flakes. We eat things fried in lard. Because we’re worth it.

So the swine ‘flu has touched down in Blighty eh? Well, shit.

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 28, 2009, 8:53 am

Gibby, you have no idea how many times I have observed the men in my family opening a box of cereal from the bottom. Drives me batty.
Who knows, maybe the mouse/badger chewed the UPC off of the side for a mail-in. It is a tidy little square.
I wouldn’t worry so much, at least yet, about the swine flu. Ask yourself how many people die from the regular flu every year. 36K, here in the states. So far, we have 40 people with swine flu. Is it for real or another potential Obamallama needs to jam through more government to save us moment.

Comment from Princess Bernie
Time: April 28, 2009, 9:21 am

Um, are you sure the little bastard ate the bran flakes? Maybe it took them and built a little bitty house out of them. A teeny tiny mouse-gloo or thatch-roofed cottage.

Comment from Gnus
Time: April 28, 2009, 10:24 am

Sweasel, that chicken looks waaaaay too big to me. How ya gonna get it in the microwave like that?

Comment from Dawn
Time: April 28, 2009, 11:32 am

Mice = Lyme disease. You’ll know the poison worked when you find the blue mouse turds.

Comment from Dawn
Time: April 28, 2009, 11:57 am

Speaking of dying from flu and the government creating crisis to further their agenda…
Mexican pig flu. California and Texas got it first for a reason. I live in a border state, but we changed our employment laws through a ballot measure in spite of the objection of our previous governor Napolitano. Homeland Security – pfffttt.

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 28, 2009, 12:35 pm

Hey weasel, didja hear? Arlen Specter just switched parties. Dude is desperate.

Good riddance.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 28, 2009, 2:00 pm

Ugh. I heard, PnB. I’m fucking furious.

Thanks, Dubya.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 28, 2009, 2:06 pm

Oh, and it’s deer and Lyme disease. Mice are…Chagas disease, I think.

Comment from Allen
Time: April 28, 2009, 2:18 pm

Mice = Hanta Virus.

That’s one sweet disease, like a slow motion version of the plague.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 28, 2009, 2:44 pm

Hanta! That’s the one!

Comment from apotheosis
Time: April 28, 2009, 2:51 pm

Hanta is like Ebola Lite(tm).

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