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Deer Butt Alien Heads

deerbuttalienart.jpg

Man, now I know I’ve hit the bigtime: I got people sending me sick links (that you, Gnus?). Plus, this thing hit Dave Barry’s blog a month ago, so it’s also old. Get me! I’m practically Ace!

Here we have decorative sculpture fashioned from the ass-ends of various game animals. This guy is the Martha Stewart of ruminant rectums.

Oh, god. I think I’m going to hire a Scotsman to say that to me, over and over. Rrrrrruminant rrrrrrectums. I bet he’d do it for a wee dram.

Many people say that the real red neck art is the shaping of the deer anus to look like a mouth. This is the true test of the artists loving hand. The anus can be made very simple, or you can stretch the anus for realistic effects such as smiles and frowns. In general, the leading deer butt artists concentrate on the details of the mouth.


My mother and I were in a pawnshop in Lebanon, Tennessee once when she began to wheeze and point. The ordinary deer head mounted over the counter had been fitted with bear teeth and taxidermed making the grrrrr face. She damn near lost control of her bladder.

Anyhow, scroll down his page for some more fine examples. I’m partial to the doorbell, myself. Though the tasteful kitty cat butt refrigerator decoration and the attractive rat butt plaque are also very nice.

Remember: make sure to tie-off the hiney hole. Words to live by.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 4:04 pm

Kinda makes booger haiku pale by comparison. I wonder if you could make an elephant’s butt into a wall safe?

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: June 18, 2007, 4:12 pm

At the bottom of the page there is a disclaimer

Note: The pages on this site were created as a support and training reference for use by our staff of DBA consultants. If you find it confusing, please exit this page.

Sweasel, you should put one of those up here.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 18, 2007, 4:37 pm

I wondered what that article was doing on a DBA site! Also, in Opera, the page doesn’t render right, so the content is all shoved down to the bottom. So I follow the link about “deer butt art” and got to a blank page from a Data Base place.

I thought Gnus was maybe a little <makes the drinky-drinky motion>

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:06 pm

And my character is impugned for talking cooties. Sniff.

 


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:09 pm

The teacher in my sculpture class keeps making us have the “Is this random piece of junk on the wall count as art or not, and if not, why not?” discussion. I’m going to have to mention deer butthole art as having a more legitimate claim to title of “art” than some of the crap he’s slinging at us.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:16 pm

Linoleum patterns and cobbled-together junk. Art died centuries ago. As did reason.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:25 pm

Ah – but excuses are alive and well, jwp. They’re like – well – buttholes. Ubiquitous. But usually not terribly artistic.

I wonder if there is a haiku here – somewhere.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:36 pm

I built a cootie
using boogers and buttholes
Ars gratia artis!

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:37 pm

dang, shoulda wrote “grat’a”. I have shamed myself. I have forgotten the face of my father. I have broken the covenant of the haiku.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:40 pm

What I get for pronouncing “gratia” as “grasha”. I blame public education.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:42 pm

No matter, jw:

– to quote Slim Pickins in Blazing Saddles:

“Yew use yor tongue purtier’n a $20 whore!”

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 5:55 pm

Gee, um, thanks. For the mental image, at least. Think I’ll pass on salad tonight.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 6:14 pm

Slim Pickins was never the best at imagery.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: June 18, 2007, 6:16 pm

My take on modern art is here:

I-recently-went-to-museum-of-modern-art

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 6:36 pm

Lokki – It was always my suspicion that modern art was little more than an inside joke – and often a poor one at that. Nice to know that someone who really knows something about art (I don’t) say much the same thing.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 6:39 pm

Great overview of the decline and fall of art, Lokki.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 6:50 pm

It occurs to me that it could easily serve as an analogy for the decline and fall of Reason among the intelligentsia. That the time-frame of both is identical doesn’t hurt.

 


Comment from Gnus
Time: June 18, 2007, 6:52 pm

Guilty.

A work of art is a thing of beauty forever.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:05 pm

Good point, jwp. And done by some of the same folks, I dare say. I wonder how one would organize into correspondance the areas Art and Reason: impressionism, relativism, deconstructionism, cubism, postmodernism, and what I label the present time – utter denial of objective reality. Non-objectivism? Or is that just Relativism?

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:07 pm

If we’re talking ultimate goals, I’d have to say Nihilism.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:10 pm

“Relativism” (and even “non-objectivism”) suggests at least the possibility of innocent error. Nihilism, on the other hand, connotes a conscious contempt for reality.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:12 pm

Nietzsche? The ultimate achievement of Man should be the destruction of Man – or whatever?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:16 pm

That attitude of contempt for reality is so easily disproven as a philosophy, though. “Deny the bullet in the gun I’m pointing at you”, etc.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:18 pm

In fact, It’s been my working theory for a while now that contempt is the single emotion that unifies and motivates the myriad and seemingly disparate gangs seeking the downfall of Western civilization.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:20 pm

I won’t argue with you there, except to add to contempt envy, anger, loss of power/prestiege, and loss of personal self-esteem.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:28 pm

Well, Nietzche made some good observations on what motivated a certain type of man, but he was as full of shit as a christmas turkey about most things.

I suspect it’s more of a looter mentality; these schmoes don’t think they’re really working for the destruction of man, they just want to get at those golden eggs. The contempt they feel just makes their looting guilt-free.

If they really wanted to create the paradise on earth their various prophets predict will follow the downfall of the Evil Imperialist US, they’d pool their resources and buy an island somewhere, and show the world what unfettered [anarchy] [socialism] [communism] [veganism] can accomplish.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:33 pm

“…envy, anger, loss of power/prestiege, and loss of personal self-esteem…”

Yeah, you named the range of venality perfectly, Steamboat, but I believe contempt is the one identifying mark they all share. The reality that it is ultimately self-contempt is lost to them, though not to their handlers.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:39 pm

Your statement about Nietzche should be preserved for all time. Succinct and accurately covering all the essential points. I usually just declare that he gives me a headache.

100% agreement here on the looter mentality. It worked more or less – 900 years ago. But the West has passed them by.
Their argument against you would be “Oh! But it only works if everyone is included!”

My personal practical-but-unattractive solution – and one I think will happen eventually – is to make a whole lot of glass from a whole lot of sand. My only concern is what’s downwind after the blast(s).

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:39 pm

Your point on self-contempt is well taken. I was reading the narrow definition.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:43 pm

And it occurs to me that we have drifted far, far afield from the discussion at hand: butthole art. Probably my fault.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:48 pm

Yeah, I’m afraid that nuclear glass is the ultimate solution for at least one looter infestation. I’m also afraid, however, that as a culture, we’ve lost the will to survive by such drastic means. I forget who said he wished humanity had a single throat so he could cut it, but ours has been bared to looter for decades.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:51 pm

The taxidermist
Rejects my special business
Another asshole?’

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 7:59 pm

Another quote for you:

“You tread heavily. But you speak the truth.”

I don’t *want* us to have lost the will to survive. It really pee’s me off. That will is being sapped by that same loss of Reason you mentioned.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:04 pm

The posterior
of my cat is now a purse
Help me find my keys.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:10 pm

You got that EXACTLY right, Steamboat. Dunno if you saw the link I posted on PB to Bill Whittle’s article on “The Prisoner’s Dilemma” (of game theory fame) and The Remnant, but Whittle nails at least a certain aspect of what ails our culture (although I think his analysis of the looters as pragmatic is far too benign).

Here it is again, just in case:
http://www.ejectejecteject.com/archives/000157.html

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:19 pm

Constant butt of jokes
Modern science makes of rears
Eternal joke-butts.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:36 pm

The posterior
of my cat is now a purse
Help me find my keys.

Damn! I can’t stop laughing! Here we are in the middle of all this Nihilism , and all I can think of is the joke about the retiring Rabbi and his collection of foreskins the he’s saved….

Oy! 40 years of work and all you make me is a lousy wallet?

Well, yes, but if you rub it right, it turns into a suitcase!

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:41 pm

Saw the link at your place (hey – I read it every day! Same as Wardo – probably) but did not read it. I will.

What I “think” ails our culture – western culture – is the beginnings (here in the US for instance) of precisely what ailed europe in the 1930’s: The idea that philosophical appeasement can work against a barbarian or a barbaric culture. Maybe Wittle phrases it better. Maybe I’m full of shit. I shall read it tonight.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:45 pm

Oh! Thank God you came Lokki! jpm had me waaaay out of my depth. And he gave me homework, too!

Someone (ahem, Weasel? Yo!?) should collect all these haiku…s and put them on a page. That last jwp one is purrrrfect.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:46 pm

That reminds me of the one about the guy that goes to the whorehouse, and goes upstairs with one of the girls. She comes down quickly, laughing.
The other girls gather around and ask what she’s laughing at. “He’s got a tattoo on his thing that says ‘shorty'”
Another girl goes up, and comes down quickly, laughing. “Yup,” she says. “”‘shorty.'”
Finally, the madam goes up, and doesn’t come down for six hours. When she does, the girls all gather around.
“Doesn’t he have a tattoo on his thing that says ‘shorty’?” they ask.
“Yeah,” the madam replies, “but when he gets hard, it says “Eat at Shorty’s Bar & Grill, Albuquerque, New Mexico’!”

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:48 pm

I lost all faith in the idea that you can reach a solution to any problem through reason in 1980. Jimmy Carter taught me that there’s just some problems when a knife, gun, or nuke is the only viable solution.

I still hate the little rabbit, but I did learn something important from him.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: June 18, 2007, 8:55 pm

Double Damn Steamboat! Not only is he better at philosophy than us, he tells better jokes too!

Fortunately, except for one lucky one he got in about a cat’s ass, you’re stil the poetry Champeen around these here parts…. fer now at least.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:03 pm

Naw, Steamboat, Whittle’s thesis is (basically) that an adversary will (and must, to survive) take advantage of any weakness, and that under certain conditions, trust and forgiveness are such weaknesses. He postulates that Western culture flourished because its laws punished those who took such advantage, but that now (with retaliation and defense so outre) those traits are imminently exploitable, from without and within.

A very depressing assessment of the present state of Western civilization, quite frankly, more so because it has the distinct ring of truth to it.

And then Whittle talks about The Remnant. I won’t spoil the read for you (Whittle really is quite eloquent). It reminds me of John Ross’ Unintended Consequences, for some reason.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:06 pm

Lokki:

Cat’s asses have always been lucky for me….

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:08 pm

Poemist laureate Steam
Hangs from his victory wall
My grinning asshole.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:13 pm

Lokki:

I’m still laughing about “except for one lucky one he got in about a cat’s ass….”

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:23 pm

Shoulda wrote “My chagrinned asshole.”

Great. Now I’m editing my butthole haiku for clarity and meaning.

I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. deMille.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:26 pm

jwp – to answer Wittle’s question “What are you good at”. I will respond “READING”. 1500 wpm with 85% or better comp (when its interesting)! Done.

The prisoner’s dilemma I was familiar with: I’ve practiced the optimum multi-play solution most of my life, and (before I knew it was mathematically correct) sometimes felt a bit guilty in mistaking my negative responses for vindictiveness. But somehow I knew it was “right”. Treat as you WERE treated. He says it so well, though.

I like the idea of the Remnant – if you’re implying my assertions about not wanting things to be this way qualify me – well thanks! I know folks out there that do qualify for sure.

Sorry about the Slim Pickins remark – but it was a compliment, too, if a bit earthy. I always wanted to use it, but was sweating after I posted it.

We in the West really, really need to start playing the optimum multi-play solution: it works. It has to. Or, we will lose and the crash will be a 900-year fall into barbarism. Besides, its the way I would want us to play, so neener, neener towelheads! They can come visit us on Mars.

Thanks for the good pointer to some reading I had skipped.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:28 pm

I’m off studying and youse guys are having all da fun!

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:36 pm

No, Steam, the Pickens’ quote didn’t bug me (oh, all right! So I cried a little! Happy now?)

And I wasn’t implying that you (or I) were a member of Whittle’s Remnant (seems to me that can only become known about any of us under crisis conditions, and I know lots of people more brave than me); I’d like to think, though, that most of us who fear for the future of the US have at least the possibility of becoming a member of that group.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 9:43 pm

I would hope – fervantly – that I’d have the inner character to step forward.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I believe that there’s an awful lot of ‘mericans out there that would. Too bad they don’t step up to the voting booth more often.

And – I know you secretly want me to tell you – the “You tread heavily” quote was Obiwan Kenobi in Lawrence of Arabia. (snicker).

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 18, 2007, 10:00 pm

How ’bout “fervently”? ….and all the other mis-spellings. Like Whittle. It’s getting bad.

G’night.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 18, 2007, 11:18 pm

Yeah, I’d like to think I’d have what it takes when the time comes. To tell the truth, I’d like to think that of all men.

I missed the LoA reference completely. Apparently, I am still a couple of credits short of my Master of Space, Time & Allusions degree.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2007, 6:47 am

Holy cow! I give you people deer assholes and you hand me Nietzche. Wait, that’s not such a stretch.

Lokki, looks like you’ve written two whole posts in two years. And they were both good. Why don’t you do more of it?

As the dropout of a prestigious modern art school, I am (at last) qualified to give an opinion on this one. You are entirely right: photography cut the soul out of art. It’s hard for us to wrap our heads around how important artists were for thousands of years, when they were the ONLY means of recording visual information. Then photography came along, and art spent the next two centuries or so asking what, “what am I all about, really?”

That’s most of it, anyhow. But the disease also hit music and literature. I think the enormous explosion of technical and scientific change at the end of the Nineteenth Century got it started. Not any specific advance, but the general sense of hugeness and uneasiness and differentness. A lot of the cultural stuff we think traced to the horrors of WWI was already in motion BEFORE the war began.

So art looks at science and thinks, “I want a big exciting transformation, too!”

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. I’ve had to. I spent my whole sheltered youth in East Buttnozzle Tennessee preparing to conquer a world that hadn’t existed for over a century. I mean, I knew about modern art, I just thought they were kidding.

And, of course, they are.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2007, 7:02 am

And I read Whittle’s essay, too. The whole thing, which is not like me (I glaze over on the long ones). I even tried to put in an application for Village Idiot of Ejectia, but I’m told there were several applicants ahead of me. Perhaps Town Drunk is still free.

I never like to opine on matters of courage. Mine has never been tested, which I think calls for keeping fat mouth shut. I’d like to think I’d come through, but…well, duh. Of course I would like to think that. Everybody would like to think that. I suspect my failing wouldn’t be lack of courage so much as brain freeze. Think “myoclonic goat.”

But it’s hard to behave well, let alone heroically. If we become a society that doesn’t value and praise heroes, we’ll stop making them. He’s absolutely right about that. And all of us who paddle around the dextrosphere know there’s a terrible, inchoate yearning on the right to do something.

I’ve always been afraid my personal something would be described as “Loner Gun-nut Barricaded in Shabby Suburban House.”

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 19, 2007, 7:05 am

Ya put your finger (paw) on it Weasel. “…for thousands of years, _ they were the ONLY means of recording visual information.” More like 10’s of thousands. See France:Cave paintings.

I guess – in my ignorance – that’s the way I’ve viewed paintiings by the Old Masters. I viewed them thinking “This is what THEY wanted seen. This is what THEY felt was important.”

Besides, the old ones are damned beautiful. Those folk were so good!

FYI – not that you care, but I will be out of town starting in about 2 hours, for 2 days. Back Thurs afternoon. Then gone again all next week. S. MO today: Tx next week.

Weasel, you might consider saving all the haiku…s on a page. Never know – ya might get a book out of it.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2007, 7:12 am

Nah, thanks for telling me, McGoo. If you’d disappeared, I’d’ve worried. I don’t have so many minions I can afford to be profligate with them.

And thanks for bringing the circus to town. The clowns have mostly gone home, but we spiked to ten times regular traffic on Sunday.

Ugh. Mucho work to do. I’d better boogie…

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2007, 10:38 am

You know, the more I look at that drawing in the article, the more it looks like the hands and the hiney hole belong to the same animal. A man with a hairy ass and a tail. A deer with hands.

See, the hands really ought to be entering the frame from one side or the other. Reaching down from above means the upper part of the deer and the lower part of the man entangle one another in all sort of graphically ugly ways.

Damn my rigorous training in illustration!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2007, 10:39 am

I realize, per the article, there is no upper part of the deer at this point, but that hardly makes the brain picture any nicer.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 19, 2007, 11:31 am

Looks like auto-erotic assfixation to me, too.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 19, 2007, 11:46 am

A pun wrapped in a sight gag inside a sexual fetish…you’re the gift that keeps on giving, JW.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 19, 2007, 11:55 am

Sometimes I even amaze my own bad self.

 


Comment from Sinistar
Time: June 19, 2007, 1:49 pm

That is so messed up…

I might have to link this, not that it’ll get you much, if any traffic.

 


Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: June 19, 2007, 2:32 pm

Hey, completely off topic – but this is absolutely amazing: Photosynth Demo.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 19, 2007, 2:43 pm

How’d they get Jeff Goldblum to make that presentation, Enas?

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: June 19, 2007, 3:00 pm

Enas Yorl.
I wonder how animal butt pictures are going to get linked in photosynth. The minds that come up with these ideas…wow!

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 19, 2007, 3:37 pm

There are few problems, Dawn, that an animal butt can’t solve. Just count the horse’s asses in either house of Congress.

 


Pingback from S. Weasel
Time: July 6, 2007, 4:36 pm

[…] And so continues our proven interest in all things deer anus — behold, the Butt Out Tool. This tool is the fastest, easiest way to disconnect the anal alimentary canal from deer or similar-sized game. Immediately after harvesting game, insert the Butt-Out Tool into the anal canal and twist until it grabs the membrane. Continue twisting another half turn, then steadily pull the Butt-Out Tool out of the canal. Extract 10″ of membrane, tie the membrane off and cut. […]

 


Comment from ask
Time: February 22, 2015, 3:55 pm

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