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It must be Christmas


Yes, Christmas. That wonderful time of year when there’s nothing between my furry ears but visions of sugarplums. I gots the brain freeze.

I was going to post about webcollage, which is a kind of neat site that does random word searches of Google Images and turns them into a collage.

It refreshes once a minute. It’s a bit hypnotic at first.

And then I realized that, like, 80% of all the pictures on the internet are porn. I realized this because they started turning up in collages. Oh, holy crap.

I wasn’t searching for that picture, Uncle B — I swears.

So I got nothing.

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re WRONG. This blog is NOT boring, and I can prove it — I’ve broken the Alexa top one million.

Yeah, that’s right. There are now only 725,361 blogs more interesting than mine. Take that!

What I want to know is, how come 6.5% of my site traffic is coming from Sweden? 




Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 15, 2009, 8:42 pm

Look at the bright side. I didn’t use today’s post to flog my I’m With Stupid and Pull My Finger t-shirts.

Bonus: that’s really my hand!

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 15, 2009, 8:56 pm

Sweden = pr0n

Stupid weasel!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 15, 2009, 9:23 pm

Oh, Holy Crap, I think I got a woooood-ieeeeeeee….

VERY lyrical, Stoatie. I bet you and Badger are a trip to go caroling with….. 😉

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 15, 2009, 9:54 pm

I need to find out when Seven Falls is opening it’s annual light show. That drive through the canyon looking at the Christmas Lights is one of the highlights of my Christmas Season……


Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: December 15, 2009, 10:14 pm

Trust me on this one – having lived/worked there for a time, the average Swedish lifestyle, especially in the winter months, basically ranges somewhere between “totally boring” and “ennui” – and that’s for the ones who go out for winter sports! Your website is, at its lowest ebb, almost enervatingly exciting by contrast. Thus, the traffic from Sweden…

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 15, 2009, 11:46 pm

OH YES!!!!! Stoatie, you HAVE to see this one!


Gore got caught in a bald-faced lie today in Copenhagen….

Comment from The Dread Pirate Neck Beard
Time: December 16, 2009, 12:34 am

I dunno, does TOR route through .se domains a lot?

Also, is there a webcollage that does exclusively porn? For research purposes only, of course. :O

Comment from The Dread Pirate Neck Beard
Time: December 16, 2009, 12:36 am

O! & I just realised that’s the same JWZ of dadadodo fame. Hooray for the extermination of rational thought!

Comment from USCitizen
Time: December 16, 2009, 12:51 am

Now I see the picture is a wreath … at first glance it looked like a shotgun blast took out a hole in the door a chest height.

My bad.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: December 16, 2009, 2:11 am

“Honest, it just popped up on my monitor!”

Yeah, sez you.

I’m shocked, shocked I tell you.

I read somewhere that someone had proven* that for virtually every significant technological advance in the audiovisual arena of the modern era, the primary driver was the more rapid and faithful dissemination (oo-err) of pornography†. In which case let us raise our glasses (clasped in left hand, after application of moist towelettes) to the pioneers of more effective methods of eliciting ejaculation.

* if such a level of scholarship is good enough for the CRU, it’s good enough for me. Sources? Bite me.

† within approximately 30 minutes of my first exposure to a naked photo of Victoria Principal on WAIS in 1989 (honest, it just popped up on my monitor) I should have liquidated my entire wealth, nugatory as it was, and invested in online porn. Had I done so, Bill Gates would now call me “Mister Gillies” (or possibly, third person, “the Dark Lord”) and I could have my guards whip him until he frolicked for my amusement.

Comment from BillT(aka “The .0004572% Of Traffic That’s From Iraq)
Time: December 16, 2009, 5:27 am

enervatingly exciting

Okay, *there’s* a catch-phrase destined for the masthead!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 16, 2009, 8:49 am

Ooo! Traffic from Iraq! Everybody, check under your beds for camel spiders.

That’s not the story, Scoob. Uncle B spotted the REAL story — that it was the Times that took Al Gore to task (for what was, after all, a pretty mild exaggeration, for him). NO paper has been more in the tank for AGW than the Times.

If they’re starting to turn, that is a very big story.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 16, 2009, 8:50 am

Hm. Our front door looks like a prison door, doesn’t it?

Ironically, it’s Seventies vintage. The front door was moved from the side of the house to its present location much later.

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: December 16, 2009, 10:07 am

Without internet prOn, everyone would have to
go to Madrid for the live sex shows.

I spent a November in Sweden Bork Bork Bork and a December in Finland. Also a whole summer in Springfield Illinois which was kind of like being in a Fellini movie but much more weird. It scarred me for life.

Speaking of which, Cranston is now festooned with Suze Orman billboards hawking some financial service. It’s like there’s some greek god busting my harbles like Sisyphus except instead of a boulder it’s Suze fucking Orman.

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: December 16, 2009, 11:56 am

Looking in control panel for ummm, controls.

I haven’t had a pron pop up in ages, wtf is wrong with my computer?

Comment from weirdsister
Time: December 16, 2009, 2:48 pm

I have a theory that Suze Orman is one of the Manson children…seriously…she has Charlie’s crazy stare.

Comment from Roman Wolf
Time: December 16, 2009, 2:53 pm

Yep. Weasel is right. Only took a couple minutes till a porn pic ended up in that collage…coming out of a little kid’s head and right below a church sign…

As for me, I’m bushed. Just got through my hardest final. Just one more paper to go.

Edit: Oh! Just saw Felix the Cat in one!

Edit 2: Ha! Another one that had a bunch of hands offering buttons to Jesus.

Comment from BigBlueBug
Time: December 16, 2009, 3:37 pm

I have a theory that Suze Orman is one of the Manson children…seriously…she has Charlie’s crazy stare.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Someone who really understands!

And that smile is like razors across my eyelids…….

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: December 16, 2009, 3:58 pm

I saw on Good Eats what sugar plums are made of. Its half Anise flavor :/ no wonder British kids love the stuff g


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 16, 2009, 5:42 pm

Anise! Yuck! I hate me some licorice flavors.

Comment from EZnSF
Time: December 16, 2009, 7:32 pm

Screw Christmas! I’m changing my Dead Pool pick to Bernie Sanders (I)( i.e. Socialist) Vermont.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 16, 2009, 8:15 pm

David, I read somewhere that that’s why VHS won the format wars – Sony won’t sell their video-making equipment to pornographers, or something. So Betamax lost. Similarly, no one wants their porn in HD (ewwww!), so that’s why Blu-Ray beat out HDDVD.

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