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Bring it up again and we’ll all vote on it

The upchuck. The rolf. The spew. The barf. The chunder. The technicolor yawn. Feel free to share some of your favorites; I might need them.

It was the damnedest thing. I made some elderberry cordial — a pound of elderberries in a demijohn, pour 750 ml of vodka over it, let it sit for two months, strain it off, add sugar to taste. It was absolutely delicious. I had my first sip last night — a thimbleful in my mother-in-law’s tiny cordial glass — and half an hour later…well. You know where that’s going.

What the hell could that be all about?

Plus, Uncle B has a cold. Uncle B has an intense, consuming, irrational hatred of colds. That never made sense to me, until I realized…

He’s been self-employed most of his working life. A cold is nothing but misery to him. He feels like shit, and he has a normal work day anyhow.

Me, I punched a time-clock most of my working life. Unless I had a critical deadline to deal with, a cold meant I got a couple of days off with pay to schlub around the house in my PJ’s, enjoy the narcoleptic embrace of Nyquil, watch TV, sit up in bed alternately reading and dozing, and feed a cold with all my might. Sure, a stopped up nose is miserable, but a rhinovirus was otherwise a happy mini-vacation for me.

Oh, well. It’s all misery in Badger House today.


Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: November 17, 2010, 12:18 am

Alas, there is nothing sicker than a sick Badger. Poor fellow. Once you recover from your elderberry induced illness, make yourself and the Good Fellow some comfort food, with perhaps some warm apple cider, with cinnamon in it.

Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: November 17, 2010, 12:46 am

A personally favorite has always been “shouting groceries”.

Comment from Dustin Smith
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:04 am

Toss your cookies is my all time favorite!

Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:07 am

It’s a “BUICK!”

Calling in the HUEY!

Feel better soon!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:21 am

Driving the porcelain bus.

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:32 am

So glad there’re several thousand miles between us…I have all next week off and I don’t want to be sick. πŸ™‚

Comment from David Gillies
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:36 am

Yodelling down the Great White Telephone

Spraying quiche lorraine all over the ceiling

Blowing chunks

When I get hypo, I get bouts of nausea that can last for hours. Did you know you can crack a rib by honking hard enough? It was an eye-opener, I can tell you. I still feel like I’ve been kicked two weeks later. And it’s always fun when the bile starts turning red.

Comment from Allen
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:42 am

Based on the graphic: The Flames of Weaselzilla.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 17, 2010, 1:50 am

Singing the ode of the Elderberry spew?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:00 am

I feel fine today, but my face is sporadically covered in petechial hemorrages.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:01 am


Comment from Armybrat
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:17 am

When the hubby is sick, the world comes to an end…..or so he thinks it should. The moaning, the groaning……and that’s just me! When I’m sick, the laundry still gets done, the trash still gets taken to the chute, the coffee still gets made…..in short, the world still spins albeit with a few breaks for heaving, hacking, etc.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:21 am

Based on the graphic: The Flames of Weaselzilla.

Yeah, I thought it was GodWeaselZilla flaming the Democraps.

Shouting groceries…gotta remember that one πŸ™‚

We always used to say ‘splashed’…or for long ongoing action ‘heave…splashsplashsplashsplash’

Technicolor yawn is another one.

Gotta be careful with that homebrew, sometimes it bites back.

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:31 am

Stoatie, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. BUT I have spent a number of years working in ER’s. If you have access to such a place, I would take the cordial, and the container, to somewhere it can be analysed. My first thought would be that either the elderberries had been sprayed with some agricultural chemical, or something had gotten into the container they sat in. The petechiae in this situation would make me think that it was a result of the increased blood pressure caused by the vomiting. They should resolve by themselves. If they become a regular thing, y’all might want to have a doctor look at it because if it is chronic it could mean you have a clotting problem [platelets].

Hope you stay well, and that you and Uncle Badger find something cordial that is less stressful.

Comment from Bob Sledd
Time: November 17, 2010, 3:07 am

Delivering street pizza.

Comment from francis
Time: November 17, 2010, 3:12 am

I always liked “praying to the porcelain god”

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 17, 2010, 3:38 am

Singing Psalms at the Temple of Swirling Waters….. πŸ˜‰

Giving mouth to mouth to the tidy-bowl man…..

Summoning the Spew-Dragon….. (ok, that one is a stretch)

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 17, 2010, 3:48 am

Might be strange to say, but the subject, for some reason, got me TOTALLY revved for the Gormagon episodes on “Bones”

Wierd how the human brain works, eh?

Comment from Mitchell
Time: November 17, 2010, 4:07 am

Stoaty! That sounds dangerous. You should consider what Subotai Bahadur wrote.

Oh, and Armybrat – two words: Man Cold. ‘Nuff said.

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: November 17, 2010, 4:42 am

The cordial was less than cordial….??

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 17, 2010, 4:49 am

Feeding your inner Penguin chick!

Comment from Mija Cat
Time: November 17, 2010, 6:01 am

Shouting at your shoes, lofting (or launching) your lunch…

And as an independent contractor cat, I know Badger’s pain. Supposed to be on semi-holiday this week and I’m unwell, of course. … get well soon!


Comment from Oldcat
Time: November 17, 2010, 7:20 am

Yes, you can get those on your face from vomiting severely. In fact, you can do even better – I’ve had bleeding inside the white of the eye, turning it blood red. Fun!

A ways back I used to have episodes of vomiting that would last exactly 24 hours. I would have some back pain, then throw up anything I ate or drank to the last drop or bit. Even saliva if too much went down. Turned out the issue was kidney stones passing mixed with hypertension causing a synergistic reaction in the stomach.

So while I was figuring out the pattern I did a lot of spitting up, and you can actually learn to do it well and with a lot less strain. The wierdest thing was Grape Nuts cereal and milk. It comes up like spackle, not liquid.

I once had one episode start just as I had to take my mom to the LA airport. By then I could feel it coming, pull over, lean out the open door, vomit, and go on driving. I had to do that several times on that trip.

Comment from Dede Miller – founder Divacafe.net
Time: November 17, 2010, 7:54 am

reading the comments alone was awesome!

Comment from Mike C.
Time: November 17, 2010, 9:11 am

Being self-employed also, I’m with Uncle B. on this one. Having a cold means I’m even more miserable than normal while working. Having anything worse than a cold means I’m at least temporarily unemployed, sans bennies. Consultants don’t get sick days or vacation days.

Comment from Deborah
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:08 pm

Oh dear. My mother was a nurse, so we were rather clinical in my household. She said, and I still say “vomit.” No euphemisms for us.

For Uncle Badger: when you feel better, I hope you will look up Jala Neti—the yoga practice of nasal lavage. You use a little pot to pour warm salt water in one nostril and let it run out the other, thus washing out your sinus passages and nose. In 11 years, I’ve only had three colds.

Actually, I don’t use the neti pot anymore; I use a plastic baby bottle (with a hole drilled in the bottom so the saline will flow) because the rubber nipple is soft and fits better in my nose.

A few weeks ago I had a rather severe event of nausea and vomiting, and blew vomit out my nose. Mercy. I couldn’t do a neti fast enough!

Comment from steve
Time: November 17, 2010, 2:23 pm

Calling “EUROPE!”

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: November 17, 2010, 3:36 pm

Deborah, I think you underestimate my English Cousin’s toughness. When a Badger does such a thing, he merely insets the tip of the pressure washer into a nostril, and, after a quick blast, does the other one. Problem solved. Then you feel like a new badger, and you go and taunt dachshunds.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: November 17, 2010, 4:05 pm

I snort salt water every morning as a part of my routine, Deborah. A herbalist recommended it to deal with morning congestion. I don’t think it makes a permanent improvement, but it certainly clears me out for the day. Whether it does anything to block colds…ask the Russians.

I wish I knew of such a place, Subotai Bahadur. I am completely and utterly puzzled by this. The berries are from our own garden, so I know they haven’t been sprayed. Put into a clean glass demijohn, our standard storebought vodka we drink all the time poured over them, and our standard everyday sugar added to the mix, then poured into empty vodka bottles. The taste was delicious, but it’s hard to argue with the cause-and-effect.

Also, I have three bottles of it πŸ™

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 4:07 pm

Anonymous was me, obviously. I’m test-driving the new integrated browser/FB/Twitter platform, Rockmelt.

If anyone wants to try it, speak up — I have two invites left.

Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: November 17, 2010, 5:36 pm

Asked some friends, and got the following:

“calling Ralph on the white courtesy phone”
“Laughing at the ground”
“Tasting the rainbow”

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: November 17, 2010, 6:30 pm

The very same thing happened to me with the last third of a bottle of zinfandel. There I was enjoying its sturdy brio, and the next hour I was decorating the wall with whichever end of me wasn’t on the can.

I guess I’ll say no more.

Comment from Deborah
Time: November 17, 2010, 6:32 pm

SCOTTtheBADGER—there have been times when I wished I had a pressure washer to stick up my nose! I have seen a nasal attachment you can use with the Water Pik, that shoots a pulsating stream of water through the ball-shaped tip. I don’t have enough courage to try my Water Pik by itself.

Scott Jacobs: I declare “calling Ralph on the white courtesy phone” to be the winner, if anyone should ask me.

Stoaty? I’m so sorry about the elderberry cordial; maybe you’ve made flea repellent!
Re: jala neti. I use a small pinch of baking soda in my neti water, along with salt. The baking soda chemically alters the natural pH of the nasal mucosa (very slightly, but it’s enough) which blocks rhino-viruses at the cellular level. And I’m using a large volume salt/soda water—20 oz. to pour through my nose. I know I sound like a zealot, but daily nasal lavage improved my quality of life enormously, because I was sick all the time before.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: November 17, 2010, 6:58 pm

I’ve been thinking this over, and I think the alcohol content got reduced enough that a toxic yeast or mold was able to grow and produce its poison.

Try adding most of your sugar at the start of the soak next time. (If you ever want to try again.)

Perhaps you could sell it as “Stoaty’s miracle diet elixir?”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 8:06 pm

British vodka is slightly weaker — 37.5% standard strength — but it’s a hell of a thing that could survive in that.

That’s all I can think of either, though, Bob.

I considered maybe the stuff I used to sterilize the demijohn, but I’m not sure what that was, looking back. Since yeast wasn’t an issue, I may not have used sterilizer.

Comment from FFFine
Time: November 17, 2010, 10:03 pm

Weasel, what color were your elderberries? And may I say you made the cordial wrong. Let me know if you would like the correct way to make this and other berry cordials, which is different than say lemoncello, aprict or pineapple cordials.

I feel for your tummy, kitchen chemistry gone wrong really really sucks wind.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 10:30 pm

Dark, dark purple, FFFine. It was a friend’s recipe, but I’d be delighted to learn a better one. You know — one that didn’t make me firehose purple gunk.

Comment from FFFine
Time: November 17, 2010, 10:45 pm

Glad they were dark purple, the red ones are poison.

Bruise the fruit, boil in 1 gallon of water, when cool filter the juice with a jelly bag (use several layers of cheese cloth), do not squeeze let it drip through the night. Make a simple syrup water with a lot of sugar dissolved in it. Take your filtered juice put in demijohm, jug, bottle cask whatever you have, same amount of liquior (vodka, whiskey, brandy) add simple syrup to taste. Place in cool dark place, you have a cellar maybe? For two months maybe more. Taste, is it pleasant to the tastebuds? If it is, decoct into bottles, leaving any sediments in the bottom of the demijohn, let bottles age, the flavor will get mellower with age.

The last thing you want to do is put the berries in the vodka. You boil the berries making sure they burst open, if you have to help with a spoon do so.

Next time you make cordial and you want to add spice or herbs do it in the juicing stage.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 11:10 pm

How much fruit to a gallon of water?

Comment from FFFine
Time: November 17, 2010, 11:23 pm

About 1 gallon of fruit.

Also taste at every stage, so you can adjust accordingly. To much berry flavor add more water, the sweet, need to balance the alcohol, so neither is overwhelming the other.
(this advice from Omar the cordial maker) No matter what you are brewing up taste at every stage.

If you ever decide to use cinnamon or ginger, use stick or part of root, never the ground stuff.

You know this makes me think I need to add to my blog about cordial, mead and liqueur making.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 17, 2010, 11:40 pm

Thank you for the recipe (I almost said “cordially”). Of course, it’ll be almost a year before I can try it out πŸ™

Blog? Why no URL on your comments?

Comment from FFFine
Time: November 17, 2010, 11:55 pm

Try it out on some berry you can get, pomegranite the same way. If you don’t have quite a gallon of fruit judt go ahead and do it.

You can of course do this with vegetables you like, or try pumpkin spice cordial (that is if you like pumpkin pie).

You are most welcome.

Comment from FFFine
Time: November 18, 2010, 12:06 am


Silly me, I really did not think to put it there.

Comment from Frit
Time: November 18, 2010, 12:21 am

Stoaty, I hope you and Uncle Badger feel better soon! Being sick, regardless of cause, is not fun! Ferret hugs to you both.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: November 18, 2010, 1:49 am

I have kindly strains of yeast that don’t quit until ~25% ABV, and that’s just when they stop producing alcohol. They still produce all sorts of pleasant notes right up until you drink the hootch.

Come to think of it, I was kinda bothered when you began this project with uncooked fruit. I figured you were following an ancient folk recipe.

FFFfine, Love your recipe! I know an Extension agent who adds five squares of fragrange-free toilet paper to a very similar recipe in order to get a much clearer syrup.

Comment from jc
Time: November 18, 2010, 3:42 am

I’m rather fond of the phrase “reviewing inputs”.

Comment from steve
Time: November 18, 2010, 3:19 pm

Doing the Big Spit

Commode Hugging

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: November 18, 2010, 3:46 pm

Looks like you might have found the recipe for Chateau Chunder: “a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.” (Monty Python’s Australian Wine Review)

Some variants from Down Under (where they have more terms for upchucking than Eskimos have for snow):

“Hurling your tucker”

“Parking a tiger on the lawn”

“Worshipping Ralph”

Comment from PeggyU
Time: November 20, 2010, 8:54 am

Shouting “Europe!” at the sink
Blowing chowder

Comment from chicken farmer
Time: November 23, 2010, 10:15 pm

It’s simple. Weasel. You had mould/mildew on your elderberries. They cause all sorts of intestinal nasties.
Wash your berries first, after picking out any with soft, damaged or obviously mouldy skin.
The sluice for a minute or so in basin of very dilute bleach. Then rinse, rinse and rinse again.
The Saxons used to sluice in fresh urine, if you’re looking to be uber-green!

Comment from Rowentree
Time: April 20, 2012, 4:30 pm

We always said “Blue Buick” – its code to your buddies at a party that you’re feeling nauseous [imminent lunch launch] and to give you a wide berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrth!

“Praising the Porcelain Goddess” – referring to when it is so bad, you gotta kneel in front of the toilet – because even when you think you’re done – you’re not done.

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