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Smut week continues on sweasel.com

japanese manual for holding hands

It snew! Yes, the big storm racing across America reached a Weasel this noon. I flew home at a cumulative speed of 6.25 miles an hour (wot a beaut of a traffic jam!) and…continued putting things into boxes.

So here’s a link to somebody else’s shit! Tokyo Damage Report has been on my reading list since before I read blogs, even. The proprietor is a messed-up American dude in Tokyo who comments on…bands and porno, mostly. This is where I first heard about tentacle porn and used panty vending machines — without the knowledge of which, my life would be immeasurably poorer. Yet, despite the subject matter, his posts are somehow never in the slightest prurient or even smutty.

But the site can be hard to follow. Whenever he gets jammed up in the structure of his own site, he shifts everything around and opens entirely new pages in different places. No blogging software, either; it’s all free-form and bewildering. Sometimes interesting links go here to die.

The photograph above comes from what purports to be a Japanese sex manual from the 1960s. I think. The description got severed from the page scans and I can’t seem to find it again. Anyhow, here’s the book. Sure, it starts off innocently enough, making hand-holding as complex as docking the shuttle to the international space station, but it gets pretty hot after that.

Click at least as far as the nice lady in the leotard making vague gestures at an artist’s mannequin from across the room. That’s oral sex! It looks so wholesome.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 13, 2007, 7:56 pm

The Japanese must have really long tongues. And…things.

Who knew?

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 12:45 am

If I am ever challenged to properly stimulate a test-tube, I shall chuckle at the looks of disbelief when I meet said challenge with a surprising expertise (not to mention a certain aplomb). Thank you, Weasel, for the edifying link!

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 3:39 am

Would that be…Titiliating the Ol’ Test-tube?

Ah. Teasing the Ol’ Test-tube into Tumescence.

Please know that I resisted posting that comment for hours. To no avail…

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 10:39 am

I’m not sure how they do it in America, but in Blighty rolling jimmyhats over large test tubes was part of the sex education class. The rest being watching video about teenage pregnancies and STIs. Or used to be when I was in skoowil.
So hand-holding is tantamount to fucking in some cultures eh?
http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/03/04/05W_IRAN_narrowweb__300x364,0.jpg
Admonish them!
I tend to not look at or watch any oriental – mostly Japanese – art. This may sound racist, but in all of it that I’ve seen, it’s been a combination of tiny-genitalled men, and submissive, scared-looking women, all of which combines to make for something about as erotic as rubbing uranium hexaflouride into your eyes.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: December 14, 2007, 10:46 am

The pleasure is in the vessel like a pestle, or is it that the pleasure of the pumpin’ is in the floggin’ of the dragon?

I always get it wrong, but I like it

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: December 14, 2007, 10:49 am

Rats! Try this link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS75NtlH3gI

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 10:53 am

‘It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean…’
Hey, I’m not overly-endowed myself, but goddamn, some of it (the J-porn) is like looking at (I imagine) pre-pubescent groping. And then there’s the hentai…

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 11:13 am

So….would some Short Dick Haiku be in order? I can’t help noticing that “Japanese Wieners” has five syllables.

Since the subject has been broached (and not by me) I don’t mind mentioning that for several years I’ve had a running joke going with some former NASA friends (including a Japanese-American) about the Japanese Space Program, which has had more than its share of abysmal failures:

“Ya can’t explore space with a short dick.”

It just stands to reason.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 11:18 am

It’s never to early for Short Dick Haikus.
You know NASA people? I, sir, am thoroughly jealous.
Shit, if we didn’t have things like the BBC and the NHS (which is to money what a black hole is to light), we might be able to have our own space program.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 11:19 am

*too…gah.

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: December 14, 2007, 11:46 am

A short Dick makes
good rationalization
for no space program

A Short Dick problem
Never slowed me down to speak of
In fact, I’m too quick

An ill-trained Short Dick
makes me all the more glad I’m
A silver-tongued devil

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 11:56 am

Excellent, Lokki. And Race/Culture neutral, too. I’m glad…

Dick – Interrupted?
This is no problem. I am…
Linguistically skilled.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 14, 2007, 12:48 pm

My cousin is a NASA guy. He knew that lady who flipped out and killed her kids. Given my family, I’m lucky he isn’t the lady that flipped out and killed her kids…

 


Comment from Lokki
Time: December 14, 2007, 1:04 pm

There once was a scientist from NASA
whose dick wasn’t exactly too massive
Though he used scientific techniques
He caused few moans – just some squeaks
as his love partners just usually laid passive

Not so good, but I actually am having to do some work today.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 1:16 pm

Short Dick Haiku. And limericks.

Two more Firsts here at S. Weasels.

There was once a young nerd lacking Wood.
He was convinced he could not – but he could.
He just needed ecstatics
And some Gymnasts gymnastics
She convinced him he’s really quite good.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2007, 1:37 pm

Short Dick Haiku. And limericks.

Two more Firsts here at S. Weasels.

Right. This blog is on the bleeding edge. Of what I’m not exactly sure, but it’s definitely there. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 14, 2007, 1:46 pm

Think of all the Firsts here. I’ll start:

Short Dick Haiku
Short Dick Limericks.
Mother-porn.
Booger Haiku.
Islamic Rage Boy Haiku
IRB limericks.
The Badgerbugger Estate Epic.
Mooning Haiku.

Now those are just off the top of my memory- and formerly-opiate-impaired bwain. There were others, I’m sure.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 2:02 pm

Badge:

You say “rubbing uranium hexaflouride into your eyes” like it’s a bad thing.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 2:04 pm

Of course, if you do it too long, you will go blind. Moderation, young man.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 14, 2007, 2:19 pm

Some linguists, cunning,
Ken the place for everything.
Slot A, meet Tab B.

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: December 14, 2007, 4:55 pm

When I saw the picture, I thought that was part of the Muybridge series of animation stills. Were I a wealthy man I’d own that set.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 14, 2007, 5:03 pm

Well, shoot…you can own the abridged versions Animals in Motion and People in Motion. No self-respecting illustrator would be without them.

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: December 15, 2007, 1:24 am

The lady needs to shave her armpits. Ewwwww….

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: December 15, 2007, 2:30 pm

No self-respecting illustrator would be without them.

Other than the very poor ones.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 15, 2007, 3:10 pm

I was desperately poor when I bought mine. God bless Dover Books, the student’s friend.

 


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: December 16, 2007, 12:42 pm

Have you checked their prices lately? They ain’t so friendly any more.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 16, 2007, 1:37 pm

Ya know, I just read through this whole post. Here are a few quotes – just from this one post:

* “This is where I first heard about tentacle porn and used panty vending machines…”

* “That’s oral sex! It looks so wholesome.”

* “If I am ever challenged to properly stimulate a test-tube, I shall chuckle…”

* “…it’s been a combination of tiny-genitaled men, and submissive, scared-looking women…”

* “…or is it that the pleasure of the pumpin’ is in the floggin’ of the dragon?”

* “Ya can’t explore space with a short dick.”

* “It’s never to early for Short Dick Haiku.”

* “Of course, if you do it too long, you will go blind. Moderation, young man.”

* “The lady needs to shave her armpits.”

That’s just a few…

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 16, 2007, 4:12 pm

We are, indeed, a quotable bunch of ne’er-do-wells. I expect a check from Roget’s any day now.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 16, 2007, 7:17 pm

True, jwp.

I’ll tell you what; I can think of worse things to be remembered by than for uttering the truism, “Ya can’t explore space with a short dick.”

It has snap, and pizazz. Like “The buck stops here.”, or “Nuts!”.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 16, 2007, 7:33 pm

I’d vote for a President with that sign on his desk.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 16, 2007, 7:38 pm

Ah, who am I kidding? My vote will always belong to Dennis.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 16, 2007, 7:46 pm

For years, I had a sign on my desk that said,

“Be careful, or I’ll include you in my plans.”

Still have it – somewhere, packed.

 

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