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Tick another box, pls

Please pardon my ruinous neglect of the blog in the past few days; I’ve been cramming for an exam.

At my age. The shame.

Before I get my next (and final) visa, I had to pass a thing called the Life in the UK Test — a Brit trivia test that (by common consent) most Brits couldn’t pass.

It’s only 24 questions (and you only have to get 18 right), but it’s pulled (randomly, by computer, when you sit down to take the exam) from a pool of a thousand possible questions. I had to Hoover up a lot of material in a short time (because if I tried it over a longer time, I’d just freaking forget everything. I remember that much from school). Given that the test was invented under a Labour government, it’s a lot of women’s rights and ethnic issues and how to apply for benefits and what to do with all the reliably Labour-voting babies you’ll be popping out as a new citizen.

So I took the train to Maidstone all by myself today and sat for my exam. I got 24 ones I knew, blew through them in 4 minutes and got 100%. I think. They don’t actually give you a score, just pass/fail.

Anyhoo, now I drink! I’ve got a hell of a lot of statistics to forget…

You can take a sample test here or here. I just pulled those links randomly off a search. I can’t vouch for the sites. You’ll probably get a virus, but you won’t have to emigrate to the UK!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:48 pm

There are 646 parliamentary constituencies in the UK.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:49 pm

School is compulsory from the age of 5 to 16, and school must be open 190 days a year.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:50 pm

Women won the right to divorce in 1857. Women over 30 got the vote in 1918, and women got full voting rights in 1928.

Here it comes! Here it comes! Bring it all up!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:51 pm

After 18 months, the unemployed have to sign onto something called the New Deal.

No fucking idea what that is.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:53 pm

Oh, do shut up, Weasel! No one likes a swot.

(secretly rather proud of the Other Mustelid)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:53 pm

England has 84% of the UK population. Scotland 8%. Wales 5%. Northern Ireland 3%.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 9:55 pm

There are 27 nations in the EU, and 53 in the Commonwealth. (That was one of my questions).

Comment from harrison
Time: May 10, 2011, 10:02 pm

My wife had the U.S. version when she went from Russian to American a couple of years ago.
100 questions on stuff they don’t even teach in school anymore.


Comment from some vegetable
Time: May 10, 2011, 10:13 pm

You mean life isn’t just all Spotted Dick and ” Did you see the Queen’s new hat” while having tea (and fondling chickens) in Britian? Who knew?

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: May 10, 2011, 10:14 pm

Do you feel more British?


Comment from EastAsia
Time: May 10, 2011, 10:33 pm

I’m SO glad you took a test! I mean, not really, it musta been awful memorizing (-rising?) that junk—but I’m grateful to know why your attention was wanderin’. I was starting to think you were getting bored with the blog. Where would I get my minimum daily mustelid?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 10:39 pm

Heh. I’m not promising posting will become more exciting now that I’m through the test. It’s Summertime, and the weasels are easy…

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: May 10, 2011, 10:50 pm

Wahoo! for the last visa! (You’re allowed to be unscintillating from time to time, whatever the reason–we’ll try to keep it all afloat in anticipation of your return.)

And, harrison–yeah, I’ve seen sites on the US citizenship test before, and a substantial percentage of the native-born folks I associate with couldn’t be sure of passing that test. Makes you think. . .

So, I’m off to look at the site you linked.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: May 10, 2011, 11:25 pm

Heh, harrison. Here’s one where you can actually take a test: http://www.800citizen.org/us_citizenship_test/

I scored 49 out of 50 on a practice test, and was told I might want to study more. Harumph! Who knew about Franklin & libraries (please don’t all chorus “I did!”)

And. Um. I am a fashioned-in-the-clay liberal civil libertarian, but I am also ruthlessly careful about intellectual honesty. . .and there was a definite bias in those questions. Not nearly as radical as that which Stoaty describes in the UK questions but. . .the correct answers for Susan B. Anthony and Martin Luther King, Jr. (for example) pretty much turned them into generic fighters-for-right, without any recognition of their actual goals or historic context. Shameful, ah shameful!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 10, 2011, 11:26 pm

You know, hard-hearted wingnut that I am, I felt really bad for most of my fellow test-takers. There were maybe a dozen of us, and only one other person was a native English speaker.

Most of the rest were sad, skinny little brown people who clearly hadn’t a clue. Didn’t speak the language, struggled to follow the basic instructions. Maybe never took an exam before.

I know some of them, at least, didn’t pass this time…and I’d guess that £34 was a lot of money to them.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: May 10, 2011, 11:37 pm

Heh. Stateside they would have been scored as “passing” since they were Preferred Species and the test obviously discriminated against them. Sorta like them Ohio cops who couldn’t pass the entrance exam but got the job because they are HIS people.

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: May 10, 2011, 11:53 pm

See, this is why I’ll never likely leave my home country to live/work in another one again (been there, done that.) Having to deal with immigration is so incredibly intrusive that I can’t see myself putting up with that crap again. Doing so violates my goal of being left the hell alone by the government.

Congrats on passing and getting through what is hopefully, the last hurdle from those bureaucratic, intrusive, statist bastards.

Comment from some vegetable
Time: May 11, 2011, 12:29 am

Wonder what the test to become a Russian citizen looks like these days?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 11, 2011, 12:35 am

Not the last, Argentium… but getting there, getting there.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: May 11, 2011, 12:41 am

Wonder what the test to become a Russian citizen looks like these days?


Comment from Mark Matis
Time: May 11, 2011, 12:56 am

For Anonymous at 12:41 AM:
Are you SURE that’s not the Irish citizenship test? Or do they require similar quaffing of a LOCAL distillation, as the Scots also do?

Comment from EZnSF
Time: May 11, 2011, 1:12 am

Dame Stoat gets her limey license.

That link/test sucks. I got 21 out of 24. I’d never join a country that would that easily let me in.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: May 11, 2011, 1:21 am

Stoaty, I’m having a hard time believing the test at the first link is for real (I couldn’t access the second link, ’cause it wanted my library card number. What’s with that?) I have read, and do believe, your and Uncle Badger’s diatribes concerning the immigrant population but, all the same. . .I refuse to believe that the UK citizenship test is written in non-english.

“An adult person receiving unemployment benefit should join New Deal programme if he/she has been unemployed for”

Comment from Allen
Time: May 11, 2011, 1:41 am

Woohoo! I passed with flying colours. I only missed two on the sampler.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: May 11, 2011, 2:16 am

So, now you can get citizenship?

Comment from Lipstick
Time: May 11, 2011, 2:58 am

Congratulations Stoaty! Trebles all around!

Comment from Lipstick
Time: May 11, 2011, 3:15 am

Or “all round”. I am second-guessing myself on this one.

Comment from JC
Time: May 11, 2011, 6:56 am

Yeah, I passed. Colo(u)rs not exactly flying, but I passed.

What’s this about qualifying for the dole being in the test?

BTW, I also passed the tests for Australia and New Xealand, as well as for Mexico. The Mexico one was not available in English. I passed the one for the USA. In Spanish. Not bad for a Texas cowboy, huhh?

The comments won’t give me full width, but that should be “Zealand”

Comment from Mike C.
Time: May 11, 2011, 8:33 am

RE Mark Matis…

Wait a minute, all you have to do is drink the local product to get a Scottish citizenship? I’m gold!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 11, 2011, 9:25 am

I didn’t try the sample tests I linked to. I just picked two that didn’t seem to be riddled with viri (I’ve heard some of them are; preying on the vulnerable).

No, not qualified for citizenship quite yet. Late June, I apply for my next visa — Indefinite Leave to Remain. Late November (three years, for married persons) I’m eligible to apply for citizenship.

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: May 11, 2011, 10:56 am

How many applications/visas has it been so far?

I’m morbidly curious about just how badly Labour gamed the immigration system in order to extract maximum funds from the applicants. “Give us a money! And another money! That money’s not shiny enough, ANOTHER!”

(Oh, and you’ll be quite amused that “a money!” has become quite a popular phrase with Mrs. Tiger & our two girls.)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 11, 2011, 11:27 am

Three. This’ll be the third. You can trim it down to two if you get married out of the country and then apply to come in as a spouse.

So it was a Fiancee Visa, Further Leave to Remain (spousal visa) and now Indefinite Leave to Remain. About £600 a pop. And then naturalisation at the end of the year.

Not surprising, the Border Agency is totally self-funding.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: May 11, 2011, 4:36 pm

Good for you, miss Weasel!

When Missus was preparing for naturalization, I was suprised to find that most of our native-born associates did not know any of the information she was required to learn.

I’ve also always been of the opinion that the average Democrat could not, in good conscience, recite the oath of citizenship.

-Not that they have a one.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: May 11, 2011, 7:14 pm

Congratulations, Weas!

Comment from Mono The Elderish
Time: May 11, 2011, 9:40 pm

If only our immigration agency was self funding…. ah well, dreams…..

Comment from Oceania
Time: May 12, 2011, 1:36 am

Hmmmm Niggers and Pakis?

Comment from jam2
Time: May 12, 2011, 3:48 am

hope you passed…?

at sixes w/the sentiment…
a loss for the US?

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