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Th-th-th-the-th-the-THAT’S ALL, FOLKS!

There it is — ain’t it a beaut? — the stamp in my passport that means I don’t have fuck around with the UK Border Agency any more. This thing cost more than my last car.

In theory, that’s it. That’s all. No more. Done being a immigrant.

In practice, I’m going for citizenship as soon as I’m eligible, which is late November. It doesn’t mess with my American citizenship and it makes life easier here. I mean, I can’t just let these limeys choose between a giant douche and a turd sandwich without my input, can I?

I have to do it quick, though. I’m happy to pledge loyalty to Her Maj, but I’m damned if I swear fealty to that jug-eared Algore-wannabe useless son of hers.


Comment from Mark Matis
Time: September 13, 2011, 8:17 pm

Heh. So now I guess that in November, it will mean that this EU Referendum:
is for you?


Comment from Mono The Elderish
Time: September 13, 2011, 8:17 pm

Sweas, are you referring to the one that talks to the plants? Congrats on the Certificationy thing-gummit. Woo!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 13, 2011, 8:30 pm

EU Referendum is one of my favs, Mark. (The ‘My Blog Belches Carbon’ image in his sidebar is mine).

Comment from chicken farmer
Time: September 13, 2011, 8:31 pm

One thing that you’re going to have to learn is that links to US TV shows don’t work here in the EUSSR, Gulag 14 (previously the dis-United Kingdom).
Our Ubermeisters in Brussels don’t like the possibility of any form of criticism.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 13, 2011, 8:39 pm

If you mean the link to Douche or Turd — I know. It didn’t work for me, but I went with that link anyway because most of my readership is American.

If you use FireFox, the ‘modify headers’ setting under Tools will get you past the IP block on South Park Studios (and the Daily Show and many other region-block video sites).

Sadly, nothing but a paid proxy will get me Hulu back. I WANT MY HULU BACK!

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: September 13, 2011, 9:01 pm

So Tor won’t do for you:


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 13, 2011, 9:15 pm

Hmmmm…do you recommend it? I’ve been afraid to sign up to a free service. Lots of things seem to resolve to Russia. Others advertise themselves as giving you easier access to porn (not that I don’t totally trust the porn community).

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: September 13, 2011, 10:03 pm

A British subject for less than a day and already jonesing for your American TV? Next you’ll be wanting a real cheeseburger and fries. There’s a new place in town called “5 Guys Burgers”who make great “old-fashioned” burgers. You know you want one.

Oh, and a question: How did you do on the new mandatory English British language test? Did you remember to call a road a motorway? A hood a bonnet? Do you do the right thing when the girl next to you asked to borrow a rubber? And finally, did you give the right answer when the Immigration test monitor asked if you’d ever knocked up a neighbor?

Inquiring (Enquiring?) minds want to know!

Oh, and congratulation! Almost forgot 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 13, 2011, 10:14 pm

No, no…not a subject (yet). An alien who can stay forever (unless I get convicted of a really bad crime). It’s a few more months and another thousand quid to become a subject.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 13, 2011, 10:15 pm

Oh, and I aced the Life in the UK test. And there was slang on it!

Comment from James the lesser
Time: September 13, 2011, 10:21 pm

I dunno, jug-ears might be useful. I’d read somewhere that thanks to a Spanish connection the house of Windsor were sayyids, and if he’s really Sufi after all he might be a handy person to take over protection of the two holy cities when things fall apart in the sandlot.

Nah, I can’t see it either.

Comment from steve
Time: September 13, 2011, 10:52 pm

I am afeared that you pledge your fealty to “The Crown”…

There is no ability to pick and choose as to which in the line of succession is an overwhelming dolt and which is worthy of your pledge….

That’s where they got you in that whole monarchy thing….

In the words of “Kevin”….”Come and see the repression inherent in the system….”

Comment from Anonymous
Time: September 13, 2011, 10:53 pm

Hey, SWeas – Tor is about anonymity and encryption. No porn here. Used by folks that don’t want the “bad” guys to know who they are, where they are, or what they’re doing. Of course, to be reasonably sure of that you would also need to make sure the computer you’re working from does NOT have any Microsoft products, so I’m just using this to demo it. Using Tor, you can have it pretend that you are whoever you choose from wherever you choose. Although it MAY be too slow for Hulu. But maybe late at night, or early in the morning as the case may be…

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 13, 2011, 11:19 pm

The astute reader will have noted that the symbol at the bottom of that document is an EU bull… probably rooting around in bullshit, by the look of it.

That’s a bull… as in ‘Europa was raped by’….

And they think the semiotics are beyond us.

Like the sound of this Tor thing, by the way.. time for a badger to start digging. Thanks for the tip!

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: September 13, 2011, 11:27 pm

UB, U B welcome!

And further info, if you’re brave enough:


Comment from Oceania
Time: September 13, 2011, 11:34 pm

The Running of The Lambs


Comment from Ric Locke
Time: September 13, 2011, 11:38 pm

Gorgeous photoshopping on the name!

How much did you get for Oboy’s BC?


Comment from Nina’s Nina
Time: September 13, 2011, 11:40 pm

congrats on that.

I just got an email from the UKBA in New York that my student visa has been approved. YAY! So I can Finally get there- and before school starts! What a thought.

I am hoping to fly out monday AM and arrive in Manchester Tuesday AM although I am SO not looking forward to going through customs. :/

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 13, 2011, 11:52 pm

Well done, Nina’s Nina!

Now, just remember to crook your little finger when holding the ritual tea cup and everything will be just fine 😉

Comment from Deborah
Time: September 14, 2011, 12:12 am

Stoaty! Wah! You put your thumb over your picture! I am relieved to learn that you will still be an American citizen. We need your vote (Rhode Island, right? or was it Tennessee. Drat.).

Speaking of going-to-ground Uncle Badger. I think of y’all as my Mustelid DEW-line System. Maybe you and Stoaty can come up with a secret sign or word to let us know if we need to dig in too 🙂

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: September 14, 2011, 12:14 am

Mazel Tov, Stoaty! Well done!

And, Uncle Badger, I noted the bull (and a handsome one it is), but my tired brain was thinking “Merrill, Lynch,” which made /no/ sense at all. Not that I find using a bull as a symbol of the European Union altogether comprehensible, given the outline of the myth but then, I tend to have an unduly skeptical reaction to national symbols in general (and state symbols for that matter–but then, I come from New York, which has an official state fossil, for cryin’ out loud. Speaking of which, have you seen this site? http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/index.html Maybe not so amusing to a Briton, but providing endless hours of amusement to the cynical and profane Yank.)

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: September 14, 2011, 12:44 am

Hey, Chcm – What ELSE would one expect to represent the EU other than a bull? After all, isn’t a “whole lotta bull” their most pervasive product? Or is it a “huge pile of bull?” Sometimes I get confused…

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: September 14, 2011, 2:03 am

My daughter just got an e-mail from the UK consul in NYC to say THAT THEY FINALLY APPROVED HER VISA AND SHE’LL BE ABLE TO NOT GET HAULED AWAY TO YARL’S WOOD this year. She’ll leave next week, Stoaty, but she’s not staying. She promises she’ll be bringing her Englishman home with her next year.

She’d better…I already have both sons living across opposite oceans, no more of that business, ahem.

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: September 14, 2011, 2:08 am

Well I see my daughter beat me to the announcement, but congrats anyway, Stoatress. I wish you long happiness with your Badger in your old English countryside house!

Comment from Uncle Beaver
Time: September 14, 2011, 2:44 am

@Can’t hark my cry – thanks immensely for that state symbol link. Quite interesting and utterly useless as far as I can tell, so I’m sure it’ll be a favorite.

I couldn’t help but notice with amusement that California has a State Grass, but it is something called Purple Needle Grass rather than the actual state grass, which is, of course, “grass”.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: September 14, 2011, 2:48 am

Oops. Used the wrong handle from the drop down list. That post should be from Uncle Al, not Uncle Beaver. Dang fingers.

I tried to request deletion but that didn’t “take” for some reason – nowhere to click after entering the reason.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: September 14, 2011, 3:27 am

Uncle Al–glad someone else finds it as. . .mesmerizingly irrelevant as I do. Some interesting trends to note are state beverages (not all that different from state to state, and focussing on two major choices. . .gee, I wonder why? Can you spell “lobbyists,” boys and girls?). Also, if I remember correctly (been awhile since I pored over the lists) the State Dance can be an interesting thing to compare from state to state. . .

Anyway, have fun!

Comment from JuliaM
Time: September 14, 2011, 6:44 am

“The astute reader will have noted that the symbol at the bottom of that document is an EU bull…”

Aha! I was wondering about that.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 14, 2011, 1:55 pm

It’s not legible in the pic, but the spotted background is actually EU repeated zillions of times.

Comment from Deborah
Time: September 14, 2011, 2:21 pm

So if you and Uncle Badger want to have supper in France, you can chunnel or ferry yourselves there and back without being stopped?

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: September 14, 2011, 2:36 pm

I love that we have a state flying mammal (the Mexican free-tailed bat) in Texas. Really, how many options were there for that slot?

Congrats, sweas!

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: September 14, 2011, 3:57 pm

Even better than that, Mrs. Peel, you have a state air force. . .the only one in the country. How cool is that?

Comment from Mitchell
Time: September 14, 2011, 6:04 pm

Mexican free-tailed bat? Oh sure. The Mexican free-tailed bat is doing the job that American free-tailed bats just don’t do anymore.

Comment from Deborah
Time: September 14, 2011, 8:44 pm

Deborah – Oh, heavens, no!

That’s just another of the lies they told to get us to join.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: September 14, 2011, 9:39 pm

Of course not, Deborah! Those frogs STILL haven’t forgotten or forgiven Waterloo…

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: September 14, 2011, 10:18 pm

A hearty congratulations to you Stoatie. You jumped through the hoops, put up with bureaucracy that would have made a Vogon blush, paid a ridiculous amount of coin to the Crown, and in the end, won the day!

Comment from Nina’s Nina
Time: September 14, 2011, 10:25 pm

Thanks Uncle Badger, I am a bit stoked, as you can imagine. And I’d like to mention that my visa does Not have the EU bull (which it really is).

I should be in merry olde england at 8:40 GMT in Manchester on the 20th! 😀

Comment from EZnSF
Time: September 14, 2011, 10:33 pm

Congrats Dame Stoat.
You’ll be eating hamburgers with a knife and fork then?

Comment from Mark T
Time: September 14, 2011, 10:42 pm

UB, et. al, I can’t resist throwing this semiotical tin-foil-hat into the bull ring: http://tinyurl.com/yecubzc Sweasel: Congrats on completing the gruelling process. Glad the rubber-stamping lads in Swansea approved all the ‘i’s’ and ‘t’s’!

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: September 15, 2011, 1:46 am

Why are you squashing that cute little weasel with your thumb?

(And why was the document issued in Liverpool, halfway up the island?)

(Mark T: that tinyurl doesn’t seem to work…)

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: September 15, 2011, 2:32 am

Well, the tinyurl worked for me. . .and the spot it linked to threw me into whoops. But that may be because I am. . .um. . .not a believer.

Comment from Frit
Time: September 15, 2011, 3:15 am

Congratulations, Stoaty!

(Hopefully my own attempt at becoming an Honorary Aussie will go as smoothly as yours to become an Honorary Brit. *Impudent Grin*)

Comment from Oceania
Time: September 15, 2011, 4:13 am

Icky … what do you want to go THERE for?

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: September 15, 2011, 4:51 am

Mrs. Peel:
I love that we have a state flying mammal (the Mexican free-tailed bat) in Texas. Really, how many options were there for that slot?

If they don’t have them designated already, I nominate the Fruit Bat for California’s flying mammal and the Vampire Bat for the District of Columbia. I’ve lived both places so I know what I’m talking about!

Comment from mostly cajun
Time: September 15, 2011, 12:51 pm

Uh…. Ms. Stoaty–

That looks suspiciously like the Barack Obama Real Official Hawaiian Birth Certificate and Free Happy Meal coupon.


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