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It’s Crazy Bitch Friday!

Did you see this thing on Drudge? A baby doll that says something that sounds remarkably like “hey, crazy bitch!”

It does, too — but the story is a bit of a put-up job. They play it to shoppers and ask them if they’re outrageously outraged, which the dutifully try to pretend to be for the camera. Except this lady right at the end, who is clearly the crazy bitch they’re talking about.

Many years ago, there was a Po the Teletubby doll that said something suspiciously like unto “bite my butt!” Closest I’ve ever come to soiling myself in public, I was in a department store in downtown London, gave Po a poke, and sure enough…

Oh, also…film has surfaced of the guy who took a couple of shots at the White House. It was taken back in September and he’s wangling for a spot on Oprah. He claims to be Jesus and all kinds of crazy shit, but — funny thing — he doesn’t peg my crazy meter. Usually I have pretty good schitz-dar. I wonder if he’s more Hinckley than M’Naghten.

Oh, also, there’s this crazy dude, who forges works of art and then gives them to museums for free. Just a garden variety crazy dude, apparently.

And finally, from those crazy bitches at the European Food Standards Authority: EU bans claim that water can prevent dehydration. They picked a bad time to land themselves on the front page doing something retarded again.

Good weekend, all!


Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 18, 2011, 9:40 pm

A long time ago, me, my Ma and my brother were shopping in the toy section of a local department store and we came across this thing called ‘Bag of Laughs’…it was this little yellow cloth bag with a plastic gadget in it that played the sound of a maniacal, wheezing laugh when you pushed the button.

We almost pissed our pants laughing at it, people must’ve thought we were nuts.

Me and my brother both got one 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 18, 2011, 9:51 pm

We had one of those! It was contagious.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: November 18, 2011, 10:47 pm

Weas, you do find the most fascinating stuff. Check, about the Ortega-Hernandez clip–he’s way too focused and together; yeah, he’s reading from something (in his little pocket notebook with pen inserted in the spiral binding) but in my experience that’s no guarantee of being able to stay on task if you are dealing (unmedicated) with real mental health issues.

But, yeah, that last commentor in the baby doll clip? Never blinks? And wouldn’t you love to know what they bleeped out? Mind you–I heard the “itch,” but I’m not entirely persuaded the consonant proceeding it was a b, and I couldn’t hear what preceded that; sounds like a put-up job to me.

Comment from Mono The Elderish
Time: November 18, 2011, 10:50 pm

Yep. The white house guy seems nuts to me.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 18, 2011, 11:10 pm

Is she in the Democratic party perchance?…looks like she should be hanging out with Jamie Gore-lick.

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 19, 2011, 2:12 am

Is that an American woman?
There is a song about them …

Comment from Nina
Time: November 19, 2011, 2:54 am

Stoats, everyone knows that it’s expensive sports drinks that prevent dehydration, not water, geeze. It’s a scientifically proven fact that something cheap and accessible like water could never do that!

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 19, 2011, 6:14 am

Those dolls were obviously created as conduits for Satan’s minions to come forth and indoctrinate toddlers in the ways of hip-hop. Bitches be hatin’, yo.

Oh, and mass-marketed bottled water actually causes dehydration, inflamed corpuscles, ionization of the humours, and some studies show evidence of pre-cancerous chakras. That’s why I only drink my own home-made tap water and bottle it fresh from the faucet.

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 19, 2011, 6:17 am


Never drink it. Fish fuck in it.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 19, 2011, 3:08 pm

The “Water prevents de-hydration” claim is patently absurd, as anyone with the smallest bit of real, “classical” education can instantly deduce.

For those of you without that benefit, I shall explain. The mythological Hydra had eight heads. If it were to have less, it would, by definition, NOT be a hydra, but something else. It must follow that removing one or more heads would result in “dehydration”.

Now, I ask you: how are you going stop someone from cut cutting off your head(s) by drinking a lot of water?

PROVEN: Drinking water cannot prevent de-hydration.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 19, 2011, 3:23 pm

I suppose that some of you shall attempt to argue against the great truth I have revealed by quibbling about petty details.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 19, 2011, 6:13 pm

Some Vegetable,

I didn’t mention that tidbit because here in the northwest we have our own de-hydration method, we release the Kraken whenever there are hydra sitings. I had forgotten that the EU had also banned any and all use of kraken for domestic purposes that didn’t involve Calamari.

Comment from Mono The Elderish
Time: November 19, 2011, 7:23 pm

Kraken calamari. Huh. Wonder if that’s in the “Foods of the world” Section at my walmart.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: November 19, 2011, 10:38 pm

Oceania–do you breathe air? I mean, everybody but fish. . .

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 20, 2011, 1:14 am

Yes fish …

Sweating like a Lesbian in a Fish Market.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 11:48 am

Okay, I LOL’ed.

Comment from steve
Time: November 20, 2011, 1:54 pm

@ Nina

“Brawndo – The Thirst Mutilator”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 1:58 pm

Oops. I just bought another banjo. I fully expected to be outbid in the last seven seconds, but I was the only bidder.

My unemployed ass has no business playing this game, but I guess a good banjo is better than a savings account any day.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: November 20, 2011, 3:37 pm

A good banjo beats a 401k by a mile as well.

I had a 1972 Gibson Mastertone that sounded pretty nice when played by someone who new how.

My obsession with learning to play hot corn/cold corn
was intense and annoying so my wife stabbed me in the face.(not really; her fantasy though). I sold it.

What kind did you get?

Btw, I looked at the Concept Forum. It made me inspired and depressed at the same time. The good artists there, wow, just wow.

Hey Feynmangroupie! You can post science posts on my Corgi blog! Perhaps something like “Cell Phones and Cargo Cults”: When the cell phones stop working, hipsters will be building cell towers out of bamboo and coconut shells to appease the iGods”.

Comment from BigBluBug
Time: November 20, 2011, 3:39 pm

Just wanted to let everyone know that the last comment was me.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 3:58 pm

It’s an old Barnes and Mullins. Twenties. I’m in the market for an open-back frailer and this is a resonator, so I kind of screwed up. But I make it a habit to bid on any banjo I think is being under-sold (and am usually proved right by being out-bid in the last seconds).

I think Seventies-era Mastertones are still shit hot. I believe it was the Eighties when they slipped. I’d have to check, though…too rich for my blood, Gibson.

The trick with ConceptArt is to hang out in the Critique forum. Everybody there sucks and you’ll feel great about yourself.

Comment from Pupster
Time: November 20, 2011, 5:12 pm

You can’t play a savings account on the street and get people to throw money at you, so yeah. Although with a banjo they might be paying you to stop.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 5:37 pm

Oh, good lord — they’re supposed to throw MONEY?

Comment from BigBluBug
Time: November 20, 2011, 6:25 pm

I just cruised your SB. I kind of expected it but sweet Jesus on a jet ski Stoaty.

Moar please.

Comment from Redd
Time: November 20, 2011, 6:33 pm

I went from NYC where some guy would be playing Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring on a steel drum so beautifully you wanted to cry to San Francisco where the bums (I refuse to call them musicians) should have been arrested and thrown in the hoosegow.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 20, 2011, 8:37 pm

BBB, you forced me to track it down (once I noodled out what the hell you were referring to), and for every one else’s edification and awe
I give you Stoaty’s Sketchbook

She’s been holding out on us BIG TIME!!!!!!

Comment from Oceania
Time: November 20, 2011, 9:49 pm

Apparently being unemployed and hiding all day on the Net is now the ‘thing’ to do?!

Just ask Scube about SCA ….

Comment from BigBluBug
Time: November 20, 2011, 10:11 pm

I got a bad feeling about this, Fg. Like Shakespeare said,
“Pluck a weasel’s ire and thine clam cakes doth be battered”

I’d like to create an online SB on account of me tending to burn my failures (Conte on watercolor paper burns with very pretty flame). Electrons don’t burn.

Oh well, off the computer and practice, practice,
practice. Rabbit ballerinas are hard.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 10:59 pm

Oh, you clever beasties. I thought about biffing the link on account of the self portrait…but, hell, the newest painting in that thread is 25 years old. It’s not like anyone will recognize me.

I used to be quite careful and paranoid about anything that could lead back to me. The internet is so full of crazy. But when you talk as much as I do in as many forums, sooner or later you’ll burn your cover no matter how hard you try.

Then I think about somebody like Michelle Malkin or Ann Coulter, who have made themselves huge targets with well-known faces and locations, and I think what a pussy I am.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 20, 2011, 11:18 pm

My humblest apologies, Stoaty, I am chastened.

Being of a secretive nature, myself, I should have considered that you might not want that particular documentation of your life to be made so brazenly available.
My motives were pure, for what its worth. I do so enjoy your creations and assumed the rest of your patrons would appreciate it as much as I did.

Comment from BigBluBug
Time: November 20, 2011, 11:23 pm

— The internet is so full of crazy —


Not only do MM and AC put themselves out there, they ignore the vile threats and keep pushing on.

Imagine some slimeball author/peeper renting a house next to yours. Just to keep an eye on you while he makes up nasty shit about you and your family out of whole cloth.

It would make me batshit insane.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 11:24 pm

Oh, don’t worry, FG. I’ve been juggling Weasel accounts and People accounts for years. At this point, I’ve made so many clumsy cross-references, I’d be easy to track down.

What I *am* careful about is pinpointing my house. I would only have to mention a few local landmarks to lead Nutcake McInternet right to my door.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2011, 11:26 pm

Me too, Bugs. Michelle retweets some of the stuff people tweet at her — Jesus, it’s the vilest. And, yeah, I’d be sitting up all night with a shotgun across my knees.

Comment from beasn
Time: November 21, 2011, 12:28 am

Love your work weasel!

Were you a doodler/art student in grade and/or high school? Have you kept any of your earliest work?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 21, 2011, 12:48 am

My mother was a very talented portrait painter who didn’t do much with it, beasn. She had much more talent but much less drive than me. Which is saying something, as I haven’t finished a painting since Reagan was in office.

Anyhoo, I knew I wanted to art (among other things) before I knew I knew it.

Comment from Frit
Time: November 21, 2011, 2:17 am

Thank you for allowing that link to stand, Stoaty. I enjoyed looking over your sketchbook, and I am envious.

Comment from The Jannie
Time: November 21, 2011, 11:44 am

Thanks for reminding me, Quasimodo, of another job I didn’t get. I had a laughing bag in my pocket when I went for the interview and, yes, you’ve guessed it . . . .

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: November 21, 2011, 12:42 pm


Like Frit, I’d like to thank you for allowing that link to remain present. I really enjoyed perusing those.

I particularly liked:
– Posts 5 & 7: The animals here remind me of Beatrix Potter’s style (which I remember fondly from reading her books in my childhood.)
– Post 50: The oil painting of the 2nd dragon about to open up a case of whup-ass on the dragon-slayer
– The lioness sketches in post 80 (you got the muzzle and eyes spot-on, something I immediately notice in art involving the big cats)
– “You have dishonored the House of Weasel” in post 94 – that one provided me a much desired laugh today.
– The cat looking to the side in post 127. (You’ve captured the pose well.)

And yes, the self-portrait in post 8. It’s certainly got an 80’s feel to it, but in a good way.

I’ve got what I hope will be an amusing treat for you; someone’s reading of: “Peter Rabbit, Tank Killer.” *heh*

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 21, 2011, 12:51 pm

Hahaha…loved it, Argentium.

Comment from Pupster
Time: November 21, 2011, 12:54 pm

Heh. Puffy sleeves.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 21, 2011, 12:54 pm

That’s from a defunct perrsonal website. I forgot to renew the URL and a sniper got it.

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: November 21, 2011, 1:08 pm

Stoaty: Site snipers… ugh. I hate those types.

The picture is definitely full of win. I must show that to eldest daughter when she gets home from school!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 21, 2011, 1:42 pm

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 21, 2011, 1:44 pm

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: November 21, 2011, 2:57 pm

Stoaty, you have more artistic talent in one of your little fingers than I have in my entire body.

Very nice weasel-adaptations of Rosie the Riveter and the Shroud of Turin.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: November 21, 2011, 5:43 pm

I desperately need a reversible blanket with the Weasel of Turin on it!!!!! Because that would make the most awesome bedspread/duvet ever.

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