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Let me explain what a GAME is…

So, I started my Christmas video games, oldest first. That would be the Witcher.

Technically, it’s holding up great for a four year old game. It’s pretty. I’m enjoying all the smiting and the alchemy and the running around all day long without getting a stitch in my side (though dude totally can’t hold his liquor). But the storyline is getting a leetle grown up for my taste.

No, I don’t mean the dryad chick with the green nipples. Or the dwarves who keep grumbling that their balls itch.

I mean the game forces me choose between two bitchy, controlling girlfriends. (Ahhhh…none of the above! None of the above!).

Also, I have to pick sides in a war. Worse, it’s pretty obvious the game doesn’t want me siding with the greedy, racist humans and their creepy religion. I’m supposed to go with the non-humans who have decided anti-human violence is the way forward. (Dear game designers: please don’t make me bet against my own species.)

I suppose this would make more sense if I had read the books these games are based on, but that’s no guarantee I’d like it. I’m here to kill stuff, not make mature choices between difficult options.

Oh, well. I was going to start with Skyrim, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Ba-dum tss.

Good weekend, everyone!


Comment from Mono The Elder
Time: January 6, 2012, 11:22 pm

sounds like the affliction Us gamers call “What?! No! It was a simple non-threatening remark why are you pissed?!” Or some other variation. Very common sadly.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: January 6, 2012, 11:24 pm

Um, are the folks shown in your illustration humans or non-humans?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 6, 2012, 11:45 pm

He’s a mutant and she’s a sorceress, but I think they’re technically human.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: January 7, 2012, 12:09 am

LOL… You know Stoatie, I could TOTALLY see you, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost all sitting on the couch with game controllers in your hands, a tea setting on the table in front of you, and the Zombie Apocalypse unfolding outside the house around you……. 😉

Right now on the Help Desk, the great craze is the new Jedi Old Republic release. Everyone is hacking the wireless d-tap with their laptops to login and play between calls…..

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 7, 2012, 12:13 am

Doesn’t look like any sorceress I have met (think Tolkein-brained old hippies with ratty hair and a worryingly large collection of Hawkwind records. In vinyl).

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: January 7, 2012, 12:17 am

UB – I see you haven’t attended that many COSPlay conventions.

There are some REAL CUTIES there, and the outfit in that pic is MODEST in comparison….

Come to think about it, though, you would probably enjoy Jim Butchers ‘Dresden Files’ novels… Tolkien is a common theme in that series….

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: January 7, 2012, 12:52 am

Since Mr C got Skyrim the only time I’ve seen him was when we were in the UK at Christmas.

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: January 7, 2012, 1:39 am

Found this for you, hurry and you can book now!


Comment from DarkLord sez FUS RO DAH!
Time: January 7, 2012, 2:18 am

Dude in the pic looks like Sam Neill. Always a plus in my book.

And it took two looks to notice the…daring cut…of his companion’s garb. Lost in color table translation, I suppose.

Comment from mojo
Time: January 7, 2012, 2:40 am

Awww, poor little mutie…

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 7, 2012, 3:20 am

Maybe you should have started with just plain Witch before graduating up to Witcher.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: January 7, 2012, 3:42 am

Shamus wrote in great detail about his hatred of Witcher. It was entertaining. (It basically boiled down to the fact that the game forces you to inhabit Geralt, and Shamus just couldn’t stand Geralt.)


and notice that the links at the top and bottom of the post will take you to a few more posts on the topic.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: January 7, 2012, 3:50 am

I wonder if they’re ever going to re-release ‘REDNECK RAMPAGE RIDES AGAIN”?

Comment from If you don’t care, I don’t
Time: January 7, 2012, 4:22 am

You don’t want to pick a side? But thou must!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 7, 2012, 8:52 am

Oh, wow, Mrs P! You get collectibles for having sex? I have declined all offers so far.

I mean, it just didn’t seem like something I wanted to do.

Comment from Mike C.
Time: January 7, 2012, 9:45 am

What, you don’t have Pong?

I just don’t get the whole computer game thing. Oh well – I suppose it does cut down on the numbers at the range…

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: January 7, 2012, 11:56 am

You’re not alone, Mike C. Not only don’t I get pooter games, I don’t ‘do’ Facebook or Twitter either.

I don’t think it’s mental sclerosis – I simply don’t have the time, even if they appealed. Which they don’t.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: January 7, 2012, 1:44 pm

I keep trying computer games. So far I’ve only ever made significant progress with Myst, and Civilization III PTW. Love CIV III but the later versions…lacked something.

Recently bought Fallout III but after finding myself in a basement unable to look up from the floor while being attacked by mutant rats and hit over the head from behind, I just turned it off and can’t get myself to go back.

As for Facebook, Twitter, et al. I wisely resisted those (although Twitter is probably OK) but fell for the professional version of Facebook: Linked In.

So far (seriously) three old girlfriends, two guys from my military days, and one from college have found me there. If you think that’s a good thing, well, I’ll put them in contact with you. So far I’ve mostly ignored all their link requests, but I feel sort of hunted, and not in a good way.

But yes, I’ve had a couple of hits from Headhunters too, so I suppose it’s not all bad.

Oh, and could one say that Witcher is the Leisure Suit Larry of the fantasy world?

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: January 7, 2012, 1:48 pm

Scubafreak: If you’re just looking for a re-release of the original version of the Redneck Rampage games (updated with a wrapper so they can run in modern OS’s), check out gog.com (Good Old Games).

The Redneck Rampage series was one of the first ones I bought there too! 🙂

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 7, 2012, 4:06 pm

Redneck Rampage was hilarious but brutally hard. It was a great remake of Duke which was lots of fun too.

By the way, the new Duke Nukem is a lot of fun too, but the forced interface with Steam definitely hurts its appeal, as does the lack of save games.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 7, 2012, 4:13 pm

Really? I heard all kinds of bad things about the new Duke Nukem. Maybe after all the drama, expectations were just too darned high.

I still haven’t figured out what LinkedIn is *for*. I get some of the strangest requests from strangers, too. It recently suggested Uncle B as a contact — which, considering we have no professional association and I haven’t changed anything including my name since I moved from the States – is distinctly spooky.

Comment from Redd
Time: January 7, 2012, 4:26 pm

The closest I get to computer games is watching The Guild.

Comment from Ripley
Time: January 7, 2012, 4:27 pm

“… You get collectibles for having sex? I have declined all offers so far.”

Well, does jewelry count? Like, um, in real life?

I had a boyfriend once who was addicted to one or the other Civilization game (I think this was about 10 years ago?) I’d have to more or less dress like the sorceress to get his attention at times…

Comment from Deborah
Time: January 7, 2012, 6:02 pm

My computers have never been powerful enough for gaming. I wanted Myst (do NOT laugh) when it first came out, but I didn’t have enough digits or decibels or something. That whole parade passed on by … By the time Husband bought me an aviation game (I’m a warbird enthusiast) and a joy stick, I didn’t care anymore.

Comment from JeffS
Time: January 7, 2012, 6:58 pm

The only “computer” games that appeal to me are the digital versions of Scrabble and Mahjong tiles, and some of the card games. Never could understand the point of role playing an alien mutant warlock blasting or chopping enemies through banging on the keyboard and swishing the mouse about. Even the Wii stuff (far more interactive) is unappealing. I mean, if I want to shoot something, off to the range I go!

As for the “social networking”…..I use Facebook, but only for seeing what the rest of the family is doing. Not taken to extremes, it’s an alternate communication method, similar to but different from e-mail. For example, the TEA Party group I belong to uses it for sharing information. But it’s not the ONLY method.

And by “taken to extremes”, I mean that “social networking” does not replace genuine human social interaction.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: January 8, 2012, 3:53 pm

I got hooked on multiplayer stuff with Half-Life and TFC. Now I do whatever Call of Duty game is currently hot. However smart game AI is, it’s never as challenging as battling 12-year-olds with lightning reflexes and potty mouths.

I also like Ninja Gaiden I & II. I guess I’m just a sucker for ludicrous gibs.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 8, 2012, 6:35 pm

I get requests for Linked In but it seems pointless and redundant. I am on Facebook mostly to keep touch with scattered family and have a professional presence to update my work for my handful of fans, but I don’t really care for the entire concept of social media.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 9, 2012, 4:19 am

Sweasel wants to kill stuff?
Perhaps you should take up a blood sport? Learn to ride? Learn to shoot?
It’s much more fun in real life. Imagine touring Brixton with one of your AR14s and taking pot shots at Muslims?
Much more fun than playing with silly computer games?

Ever heard a human scream from a pelvic or gut shot? They sit there screaming for a bit in a pool of blood and guts popping out. And you all want to play computer games? lol!


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: January 9, 2012, 4:53 am

Yep, Here’s Flashy, acting bad and talking shit, and he doesn’t even realize that there is NO SUCH THING as an AR-14…….

Flashy, did you perhaps mean the AR-15? Or maybe an M-14? Hell, even a Mini-14 would work. I know MINE does…

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 9, 2012, 6:40 am

Dear oh Dear .. a slip of a 4 for a 5 and Pubey gets alll twisted. Go on Pubey … let it all out!

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 9, 2012, 6:46 am

Are you still hanging with the Kiddy Corn pic swappers on the Pornfield still Pubey?


Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: January 9, 2012, 9:13 am

Scoob, I think you just poked the Kiwi Maroon in a soft, mealy, overly-sensitive spot…

Do it again – it’s always fun to see an ego-heavy moronic moonbat blivet jump and screech and sputter like that!

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 9, 2012, 9:37 am

Actually, there was an AR-14 planned … Pube doesn’t know about that …

Comment from Mike C.
Time: January 9, 2012, 10:35 am

All threads that run long enough eventually devolve into either gun or food threads…

LinkedIn is FaceBook for supposed professionals. FaceBook is a giant, sucking chest wound of a security risk, so I don’t do that. I do have a LinkedIn account which has on it my name and the fact that I’m a consultant – period. No picture, no bio, no CV. I have actually been able to find or keep in touch with some professional associates via LinkedIn, so I can’t condemn it completely, but I sure don’t trust it.

Comment from Oldcat
Time: January 9, 2012, 3:08 pm

I played Civ I years ago. It irritated me that in 200 BC Rome could be building cities in the Ukraine, so in that way it was too easy. Of course then the Zulus came over on their jet aircraft a few years later, so it was also too hard.

The game seems to be missing something a paper wargame called Empires of the Middle Ages had years back – a rating for how good your king/government is in getting things done. In that game if you get a 1/1/1 king (ratings are military/admin/diplomacy) pretty much everything you do fails – even collecting taxes leads to revolts that you have a heck of a time putting down.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: January 9, 2012, 3:58 pm

The later versions of Civ (III anyhow) take that into account. You have more power in despotic governments but less growth in technology and economically. You also suffer from more corruption. You end up with the Saddam Hussein problem. You’re in total control till some big power with better technology decides you might have a valuable resource they want. Note that with this verion of CIV it IS possible to win the game on pure cultural goodness without even once fighting a war. Possible but I’ve never heard of it being done.

My view of the world is summarized in the old quote:
Having the lambs lie down with the lions works fine, as long as you remember to keep adding fresh lambs now and again

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: January 9, 2012, 4:57 pm

Some Veg: You just need to have lambs that are mean as hell and armed….

Comment from Oldcat
Time: January 9, 2012, 7:20 pm

Some Veg –

I think that balance between despotism and technology was there in Civ I. But most Empires fall not from an attack from a superior technology, but just from their own dead weight.

The Barbs didn’t take Rome with their laser cannon.

It always seemed way too easy to keep things humming absent an external attack.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 9, 2012, 8:02 pm

But in Civ I — if you were very, very lucky — you could build a massive modern civilization while your neighbors were stunted by accident and bad terrain.

Then, in one mighty swoop before the timer ran out, your tanks could roll all around the world, felling city after city and conquering the other civs double quick, one after the other. Oh, the sound of the guillotine falling on the…

…um, sorry. Got lost in reverie for a second there.

Comment from Nina
Time: January 10, 2012, 12:13 am

I still have the original Civilization board game, circa 1981. We played it over the weekend, as a matter of fact.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: January 10, 2012, 1:19 am

My problem with the Civ games is that the combat is idiotic. You can have nuclear weapons and 6th generation fighter jets and a few guys with spears can beat you. That, and the designers seemed to really want you to go with communism and not a Republic.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 10, 2012, 3:36 am

Is that the one Sweasel where your spy can demolish city walls, poison the water supply, or plant a Nuke?

Comment from Mr. Compton
Time: January 12, 2012, 8:10 pm

Once you enter Skyrim, you can’t leave.

Don’t like choosing sides? Well you can choose either side in the civil war and roll your troops across the landscape winning the war for your side, including the opportunity to behead the losing side’s leader after assaulting their city.

Oh, and this is a side quest *rolls eyes*

I admit it is a little odd to be hailed as a loyal and heroic defender of the Empire, when I assassinated the Emperor just a few weeks prior. Nords are dumb, I guess.

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