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This young lady is the daughter of a pair of sweasel.com readers.

Yeah, I know. I’m as shocked as you are. I had no idea any grownups read this stuff.

Anyhoo, she makes music. I have heard it and it is good.

You can hear some of it here.

And then I’m going to leave this picture up all weekend, so’s you can stare into her soulful gray eyes and contemplate giving her your moneys.


Good weekend, everyone!



October 15, 2010 — 10:17 pm
Comments: 27

From one old broad to another…

GrannyJ is a former journalist and sometime sweasel-reader who has been knocked down with pneumonia. Or the peenumonia, as my mother used to call it. If you want to know what that has to do with Her Maj, you’ll have to wander over to Granny’s blog to find out.

And leave her an encouraging word, if you’re so inclined. She’s in rehab at the moment (no, not THAT rehab — been-sick rehab); I’m sure good wishes will go a long way.

I had pneumonia (I think) a few years ago. Sick as a dog. By the time I realized how sick I was, I was too sick to make arrangements to go to the hospital or anything. I slept sitting in a chair for a week waiting for it to pass.

Worse, it was six months before I got my stamina back. Before that experience, I had no idea oxygen and stamina were essentially the same thing.

Hey, GrannyJ — if you move over here, Her Maj will send you a birthday card on your 100th. No kidding.

Of course, she’ll be a pretty old broad herself by then.

February 8, 2010 — 4:34 pm
Comments: 22

More cute animal pictures


This is Dawn’s new critter. It’s some variety of Mexican hairless, I think. Good luck paper training that puppy, Dawn!

Me, I just harvested the peppermint plant. It smells like a packet of Wrigley’s in here. What the hell am I going to do with a crapload of mint? Honestly, how much tea can one weasel drink?

August 11, 2009 — 6:22 pm
Comments: 15

Kittens! Hot buttered kittens!


Get ’em while they’re cute!

I have a feeling Scubafreak is going to be a six cat man forever. But just in case anyone’s in Colorado and feeling a mite peckish, look how good the little fuzzies are coming along!

June 16, 2009 — 12:48 pm
Comments: 7

Look into these ten weepy eyes and…ummm…pick two


I know it’s a real long shot, but if anyone reading is near Colorado Springs and catless, commenter Scubafreak got hisself stuck with these five crusty hobgoblins and sure could stand to unload a few. The Humane Society was going to gas them. Yeah. There’s a title mismatch for you.

I know those goggle eyes and bony, stretched faces; that’s what all-but-starved looks like in a kitteh. Charlotte looked worse when I pulled her out of the squirrel trap: gray with filth, one eye crusted shut, a kink in her tail and no fur at all on her belly. She was the most repulsive little beast I’d ever touched with my bare hands. But she cleaned up real good…eventually.

You will — seriously — not find a more faithful cat than one you pulled from the brink when it was small. Charlotte is seven this year and still trails me everywhere like a shadow.

I make this two all black ones, two all gray ones and a gray-and-white, gender to be determined, age about eight weeks. I promise you, these babies will outgrow the knobbly look and be proper sleek and imperious kittehs in no time.

June 4, 2009 — 2:47 pm
Comments: 35

Take it away, Glenster…


I had to go into the hospital this evening for a routine diagnostic — no, no. No big. I have a family history of bum kidneys and they like to give ’em a poke now and then. They’re fine, thanks. I saw them myself on ultrasound! They’re totally shaped like black-eyed peas. But now I’m off my shed-yule tonight.

So why not visit Glenster’s site? He makes nice clean MP3’s of vintage big band 78s and he’s put up ten brand spanking new tracks today — all of ’em from the UK!

My very first web site was dedicated to MP3’s of my 78 collection. There’s all kinds of deeply cool software you can get now to depop, dehiss, rebalance and otherwise restore funky old recordings. It’s like magic. It’s like magic that is a hell of a lot of hard work, so I gave up after the first dozen.

Also, if you can’t bear to listen to Teleprompter Jesus — Greatest Orator of Our Age — stumble through somebody else’s words in primetime one more time, why not listen to this guy talk off the top of his head? He’s a Tory MEP (a British conservative member of the European Parliament). Giving a squirming, smirking Gordon Brown a procto exam. With a rusty garden weasel.

That’s what the thing looks like.

March 24, 2009 — 9:01 pm
Comments: 18

Loot! Plunder! Swag!


This? A British Airways place setting…from the Concorde. This is just the sort of brilliant, clever gift-giving Uncle B excels at and I…do not. I made him circle shit he wanted in a gardening catalogue. I’m pretty darned sure this is the first time in my life I’ve ever bought anyone vermiculite for Christmas.

We’ve just polished off the champagne…the turkey is in the oven…it has been an good Christmas. Hope yours was, too!

See you on Boxing Day! (Don’t ask).

December 25, 2008 — 9:02 pm
Comments: 36

Evildoers? On the *Internet*?!

google badware warning

Have y’all run into this yet? I got this one clicking on the result of an images search.

Backstory here. Google just finished combing through three billion web pages looking for bad actors. They found about three million. One in a thousand.

They were surprised to find there was only a slightly greater risk of badware in the sleazy neighborhoods. So go on, surf porn with confidence (I’m looking at you, McGoo).

The breakdown? China: 67%. The US: 15%. Russia: 4%. Malaysia: 2.2%. Korea: 2%.

Malicious site operators in China fall into two broad categories, Thompson said: fraudsters looking to steal your banking password, and teenagers who want to steal your World of Warcraft character.

The solution mentioned in the article is to keep automatic updates switched on. Automatic updates can kiss my ass. The last time I ran automatic updates, it made Internet Explorer my default browser and loaded the vile Outlook Express on my nice clean machine. I turned it off, and now it pisses and moans every time I reboot. So I don’t reboot. How bout we just don’t give out our banking or WoW details instead?

I know, I know. It’s the weekend. I’m s’posed to be restesing. But I’m all about looking out for the minions.

Hey, can you cook potroast from frozen?

February 23, 2008 — 10:34 am
Comments: 23

Another boring day at the office

the office

I hope you don’t mind if I post this, Felix — I thought it was cool and I figured since you’d mentioned it on your blog that it was okay. Squeak and I’ll pull it.

This is where Felix works. She’s a test driver for GM. She says it isn’t all that cool, but she doesn’t spend her day sitting between a woman with cattarh and a man who tacks “…and all like that…” on the end of every sentence he speaks.

February 21, 2008 — 2:28 pm
Comments: 26

Look, I’m a little sensitive about my snubby, okay?

Weasel's S&W 686 revolver

Whoa! What’re the odds? That’s Enas Yorl and his brand new Smith & Wesson 686 onscreen in the background there, me and mine in the foreground…turns out Mr Minority has one and McGoo has one, too.

This is my bedside cannon. My “holy shit, lady, you aren’t kidding!” piece. It is very big and shiny. It makes an extremely loud bang. I suspect it would make exceedingly large holes in bad guys, but happily I’ve never had to test this theory.

When I moved to Rhode Island, I arrived unarmed and stayed that way for twenty years. I knew the rules were more restrictive up here in Yanquiland and I figured buying a gun wasn’t worth the trouble.

But then I bought a house on a corner lot. Sound travels funny here. Somebody slams a car door, it sounds like bad guys moving around in the basement. One night, I found myself creeping down the stairs clutching a tack hammer like Conan the Ovarian, and I thought, “this is too stupid.”

Turns out, while it’s nearly impossible to get a concealed carry permit in Rhode Island, all you need is a “blue card” to buy a gun and keep it in your home. To earn your blue card, you need to pass a background check and a written exam.

I am now going to tell you how to pass the written exam. Ready? Here’s the secret: there is no condition under which any gun can ever be considered unloaded. None whatever. Just fired six rounds out of a six shooter? Still loaded. Just completely disassembled your pistol into its umpty-ump constituent parts? Still loaded. Crushed it flat with a backhoe? Loaded. Aliens blew our lovely blue earth to smithereens and just as your lungs collapse in the cold nothingness of outer space a molten glob of metal that might possibly once have been your favorite revolver sails past your ear into the void? Count on it, it’s loaded.

Yup. See, they took the old common-sense recommendation that it’s safest to regard every gun as loaded and morphed it into a nonsensical declaration that every gun really is loaded all the time. Put your hand on your heart and say something stupid, and we’ll give you that blue card.

I wonder how many rosy-necked sons of the soil were too proud to say something that dumb to earn their papers?

November 29, 2007 — 5:45 pm
Comments: 69