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It burrrrnnnnssss usssssssss

we wants it, my precioussssss

You know who really showed me something? Hillary Clinton, that’s who. I’m serial.

Her whole life was a preparation for this race. Big Feminist on Campus weds fat-face smarmy hick from Arkansas — Arkansas! Arkansas, man. There’s not even no crack-heads in Arkansas. She stoically squeezes out a kid to fluff her ‘regular jill’ resume (do you doubt it?) and plays First Lady of Upper Possumnuts until the unbearable weight of that fucking smile nearly breaks her.

Life is one humiliating kick in the crotch after another. Perpetual campaigning (for Him). Perpetual scandal. Always on guard. Always running. Always catching the shit and cleaning up the messes. And then finally…at long last…after sixty years of baking the fucking cookies — IT’S! HER! TURN!!!!!

And here comes Hopichangelo who totally steals her shit. OMGWTF???? Dude is practically jailbait. And then that moose-humping beauty queen elbows in on her first-woman-ever cred, the only thing that makes a Hillary candidacy special. Bitch stole her woman card!!!

We’ve all asked ourselves whether we could take the five years of torture and captivity that McCain survived (‘tsha! No). Could you take this? To have yearned and labored and suffered humiliations and chased one single prize for sixty long years, and just as your fingers close around it, it is slapped away. Could you put on the pants suit and the happy face and go out there and be a good trouper about it?

Nuh uh. Not me. Hillary Clinton is a better man than I.

September 12, 2008 — 10:43 am
Comments: 47