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How to get a Weasel Import License, Part the First

Ugh. It was mere minutes before the visa application process turned me into Screaming Attack Weasel.

Some visas must be applied for online (then you print it out and mail it in, so god knows what that’s about). You know who doesn’t do online very skillfully?


Like, the forms would ask a long-ass question and give a 100-character allowance for the answer. Then strip out all punctuation except for commas and periods, making a weasel’s crisp prose read like something a baglady would mumble to herself in her sleep.

But the show-stopper came when I reached Uncle B’s details. UK citizen, born in London, currently living in the UK. Got it, got it. Next page: on what date did he enter the UK? Pretty much on his birthday, you stupid piece of shit. It asks me to prove it and when I hit the little question mark help dealie, it suggests I attach the first page of his passport.

Yeah, I’ll do that. Using magic electron staples that stick to the internet. Jesus.

Fortunately, you don’t have to fill it out in one sitting, because I so had to walk away right about then. If you don’t get it just right on the first try, it can weaken your chances in the future.

We would be willing to pay for professional help, but that’s like writing “chum” on your ass and jumping into the shark tank. When you want to immigrate someplace good, people slither out of the woodwork to tell you they can get you there, they swears…for a small fee.

October 3, 2008 — 2:25 pm
Comments: 76