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Stoats in the News!


Uncle B has been giving me hell this week about how stupid and lame my posts have been. And I’m, like, “pff! Dude! Don’t sell me short. I can be a lot stupider and lamer.” Here goes.

Top picture: Christopher Taylor of Word Around the Net sent me the link. Man thought he’d hit a stoat in the road, drove thirty something miles to his home, woke up next morning to find an apparently healthy stoat poking its head out of his grill. I’m guessing that little beast was pissed.

Say what you will about the decline of the once-proud Daily Telegraph (where he found that item) — they run some really fine pictures of cute animals and funny signs from around the world.

Just minutes after Christopher’s link, Bruce sent me this item, intriguingly headlined Family harassed by vengeful weasel.

A man in China trapped a weasel in his yard and released it in the hills and has been plagued by the weasel’s mate ever since.

“It excretes on tables, and even throws dead mice corpses into our home. The scariest thing was when it jumped onto our bed, screaming. It seems to be protesting at me for catching his wife.”

Ah, the old excreting-on-tables ploy. The classics never get old.

The article is complete cock, of course (please to be reading complete cock in Uncle B’s accent. It’s a Britishism that doesn’t sound right in Americanese). Unless Chinese ones are fundamentally different, weasels don’t mate for life or stick together in pairs.

In fact, in an unusual, repulsive and highly successful reproductive strategy, tiny newborn weasels are often impregnated by they weasel-daddies, after which gestation is put “on hold” until the she-weasel is grown and the conditions are favorable. Weasels (but not stoats) are nasty baby-makin’ fools.

The Chinese characters for weasel translate literally as yellow rat wolf. I just happen to know that.

What I don’t know is which blog Bruce writes for. I’ve been staring at my blogroll for twenty minutes, disconsolately poking links and trying to remember.

Yes! That’s the kind of pharmaceutical-grade stupid and lame I have to offer!

August 13, 2009 — 7:46 pm
Comments: 10