Kim Jong-dead
I did not do this. This is not my work. God help me, it might even be real. Tineye found 129 copies of this, and not one (that I could find) with an explanation.
No Photoshop of mine could top this, so I didn’t try.
The two official DPRK sites I know of (here and here) haven’t caught up with the news yet. That probably means screaming chaos behind the scenes for the foreseeable. They’re worth a look anyway — always a zany, madcap romp through the Wonderland of the East.
I’m pretty sure this chubby young man isn’t sleeping too soundly tonight. Kim Jong-un was never officially named heir, he’s the youngest of the three sons, and Kim’s brother-in-law is apparently a contender, too.
If you’ll recall, it took three years for Kim Jong-il to consolidate his power, and even then, his dead father Kim Il-sung remained president. And still is.
My, my…what an interesting year.
December 19, 2011 — 8:27 pm
Comments: 32
ATTENTION…!
With Kim Jong Il, she’s just won the Dead Pool. Twice.
In a row.
New Dead Pool next Friday. The ante-penultimate day before Christmas.
Be here. If Mrs Peel spares us.
— 10:36 am
Comments: 33
ROUND 24: well, that was quick
Mrs Peel wins the lightning round with Christopher Hitchens. And now Hitch knows for sure the answer to the big question. Or, rather, if he was right, he doesn’t know anything at all. If you know what I mean.
Are y’all ready for some CHRISTMAS DICK?
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
What do we want? Aunty’s dick! When do we want it? When somebody on the list dies!
December 16, 2011 — 6:08 pm
Comments: 139
STOP THE PRESSES!
I really did stop the presses on a magazine once. Well, I spotted the error. The editor made the decision to stop the presses. (No kidding — a period was missing on the end of a sentence in a footnote. Engineers are sooo anal retentive)
Anyhoo, that means the new Dead Pool will be up today, 6pm WBT.
About seven hours from now.
Be here, or be someplace else!
— 10:46 am
Comments: 15
Barack O’Baby
Hoo boy! Did this article ever get on my tits.
“I took a different path. And as Michelle reminds me, ‘You volunteered for this thing’.”
Poor baby.
That’s a weird tic. Is that a weird tic? Talking so much about how Michelle fusses at him? I guess the other presidents mentioned their wives a lot, but Michelle always plays the part of the Presidential Scolder in Chief.
She must be riding up on him like somebody else’s thong.
Oh, but the best is right at the end. When asked if he considered not running again, he said “no”:
“Not because our quality of life might not be better if I were not president. Not because Michelle is so enamoured with me being president. But because we both think that what we’re doing is really important for a lot of people”
Seriously. His quality of life. Really, he’s gritting his teeth and enduring the fleet of jets and the military escort and the staff and the house and the golf and the dinners and the little tune they play just for him when he walks into a room. And he’s doing it for us.
God, what a time to have a rotten Republican field.
December 15, 2011 — 10:34 pm
Comments: 24
A very Amazon Christmas (again)
Welp, that’s it. That’s my Christmas shopping done. And I did it all without moving from this spot.
Do you have any idea how screwed I would be without Amazon? Can’t drive, foreign country, unhelpful spouse. Unhelpful in the sense that he doesn’t want anything. If it’s short of a Ferrari, he’s already bought it for himself.
I’m reduced to trawling the fearsome backwaters of Amazon. Occasionally, I score a hit (the electric butter dish I got him for his birthday has worked a treat), but it’s usually the Festival of Socks and Underpants.
Fortunately, he loves him some socks and underpants.
December 14, 2011 — 11:36 pm
Comments: 42
So, Chelsea Clinton made her TV debut last night
The best part of Chelsea Clinton’s TV performance on MSNBC last night was this savage review in the Washington Post today. See, this is what happens when you forcibly hold journalists at arms length for twenty years: they bust out nasty.
I love a mean review. Of anything. A professional word guy being savagely rude about someone else’s work somehow scratches an itch for me. This is the money quote everyone’s running with:
Either we’re spoiled by TV’s unlimited population of giant personalities or this woman is one of the most boring people of her era.
Ow. Only…speaking as someone with crippling stage fright, I have a strong suspicion what we’re really looking at is a serious case of Xanax Face.
December 13, 2011 — 8:48 pm
Comments: 50
They’re doomed now
Got a long email from my big brother today. I have one of Those Brothers (haven’t you?).
Turns out, he’s been hanging with one of the Occupy crowds. Well, he was a full-time resident, but his tent blew away (perfecto!), so he’s strictly a day patient now. I’d love to post the email; it’s hilarious. All about shutting down Bank of America and free cheese danish.
I did an images search looking for pictures of him, without any luck. He’s not camera-shy, so I’m guessing he has a full-time minder in charge of For God’s Sake Keeping That Loopy Old Bozo Away from the Media.
He was particularly chuffed about the marching. The marching and the cheese danish. If they let him wear a special hat to march, while eating free cheese danish, it would probably be the most awesome thing in his whole life, ever.
Oh, there’s no harm in him at all. My mother was the first to call him Baby Huey, which is so perfectly, hilariously apt, I can’t tell you.
Also, when your mother thinks up mean junk to call you, that there’s a bad sign.
December 12, 2011 — 10:42 pm
Comments: 32
ROUND 23: dying for some dick
Veeshir takes it with Harry Morgan. Is it okay if I remember him for Dragnet? I couldn’t abide M*A*S*H.
Here we go. Maybe somebody’ll get dick for Christmas!
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
What do we want? Aunty’s dick! When do we want it? When somebody on the list dies!
December 9, 2011 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 101
‘Scuse us. We have wind.
That’s up in Scotland, where they’re getting gusts up to 165 mph. Wind turbine done blowed up.
Technically, we’re not getting that storm down here, but it’s windy as a bastard tonight. The lights have dipped a couple of times, so I think I’d better queue up tomorrow’s Dead Pool ready to go.
Sorry to be so dull this week; we’ve had a lot on. We are now fully engaged in the Shitstorm Before Christmas.
December 8, 2011 — 7:27 pm
Comments: 28