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Say, why not join the NRA?

I joined the NRA in 1999, after the Columbine massacre. As usual, the press did a hatchet job on them after the atrocity and, as usual, it caused an unprecedented rise in NRA membership. And, with it, an unprecedented jump in the NRA’s money, power and influence. If I were a paranoid weasel, that would smell all hmmmmm.

Still, on planet reality, the NRA is about as sinister an organization as your Uncle Fred’s bowling league.

Anyway, the best benefit of the NRA: merchandise with the NRA logo on it. They sell especially good t-shirts — high quality Fruit of the Loom shirts, good designs, sturdy silk-screening. Wear an NRA shirt with a pair of grubby jeans and sneakers, and you can wander around Whole Foods for ages before somebody actually reads your shirt and get the rage-face. You can actually see the moment the NRA shirt registers on the liberal brain. It almost makes a little sound, like poink.

And you get these awesome mailings a couple of times a year, with their gun giveaway sweepstakes. Its their main fundraising gimmick. It’s like the Publisher’s Clearing House thing, with the little stickers where you get to pick your prizes. Uncle B and I spent a merry time playing, “okay, you can have the Glock if I can have the S&W.” I loved those mailings; they’re refreshingly unashamed. They have colorful pictures of guns all over the envelope, with text like “GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS AND MORE GUNS!!!’lebenty!!!”

The downside is, at least once a week, Wayne LaPierre’s hair catches fire, and then you get these mailings that go, “oh my god! They’re coming! They’re coming for our guns! No, seriously! Right now! Give me ten bucks RIGHT THIS MINUTE!” Way too many fundraising letters.

Also, there are many who think the NRA is insufficiently protective of gun rights (I know. Try explaining this to a lefty. It’s like trying to explain that George Bush wasn’t a conservative). Me, I think the name recognition alone makes them worth belonging to, but if you don’t agree, there’s always Gun Owners of America.

Or my most favoritest — Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership. Now, these guys are serious. They’re the ones that got in trouble for trying to buy “trigger locks — rapist approved” billboards. Their newsletter is a hoot.

The very name Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership is a tidy ’nuff said argument against gun control. It’s kind of an argument-ender all by itself. Without firing a shot, as it were.

I’ve let all those memberships lapse. I was hoping to make enough on the sale of my house to buy a lifetime membership in the NRA on my way out, but the housing market collapsed (you may recall, ahem) and I barely got away with pocket money.

Anyway, I think the mailings were making my postman uncomfortable.

January 14, 2013 — 11:57 pm
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