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I fell asleep and snored through my usual post composing time tonight, so you get beans. Or, beanz. Specifically, here’s a Mail article about Heinz Beans advertisements through the ages.

It’s hard to overstate what an enormous brand Heinz is over here. I tried to scratch up a country-by-country sales comparison, but the best I could find were these bullet points:

●Heinz employs approximately 2,500 people across the UK and Ireland

●The Kitt Green factory, in Wigan, produces more than 1 billion cans per year of beans, soups and pasta meals and is Heinz’s largest food factory around the world

●The UK is the biggest bean eating nation in the World

●More than 1.5 million cans of Heinz Beanz are sold each day

●Recently recognised as one of the UK’s most loved food and drink brands following consumer research by FreshMinds

Those English people up there? Yes, they are doing what you think they’re doing: they’re making baked bean sammiches. Because, fuck knows. Baked beans are principally a breakfast food here (aiiiiii!), but they’re good for a snack any time because…no, they’re not. They’re runny orange sweet beans, Jesus what is the matter with these people?

I mean, being a Southerner, I grew up on beans. Nice, salty beans, slow cooked with a bit of pork and served with a garnish of raw onion and slice of cornbread.

Honestly, I do not know what these things are supposed to be. Get them away from me.

September 3, 2013 — 10:45 pm
Comments: 50