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Good weekend

Long time readers may remember that this is our wedding annniversary. It is, in fact, our fifth anniversary. I will leave it to you to Google what you get on your fifth anniversary.

G’night, folks!

February 14, 2014 — 10:40 pm
Comments: 27

e pluribus…wait, what?

Here it is — just in time for Valentine’s Day — FaceBook’s new list of all the possible ways to describe your gender on your FB profile:

Cis Female
Cis Male
Cis Man
Cis Woman
Cisgender Female
Cisgender Male
Cisgender Man
Cisgender Woman
Female to Male
Gender Fluid
Gender Nonconforming
Gender Questioning
Gender Variant
Male to Female
Trans Female
Trans Male
Trans Man
Trans Person
Transexual Female
Transexual Male
Transexual Man
Transexual Person
Transexual Woman
Transgender Female
Transgender Person

Huh. Many of these words mean the same thing. I guess in the world of people who disagree with the big basic dichotomy, the subtleties — things like the difference between trans, trans*, transgender or transsexual — loom large.

Nope. That didn’t make sense to me, either.

More likely, FaceBook is leaking badly and is desperate to pump some air back in. I’m not sure this is the way to do it, but hey — am I a billionaire? No. I am not.

Oh, do yourselves a favor: don’t ever undertake a Google Images search of “reproductive organs,” m’kay?

February 13, 2014 — 11:06 pm
Comments: 47

Who flushed?

This is what meteorologists call a “swirly.” They should, anyway. They really should.

South of England has been getting weather off the Atlantic for twelve solid weeks. That means warm, wet and windy. I mean, day after day. After day after day after day. ‘Round about 45° in the daytime, 37° at night, and cloudy.

Sometimes wind. Sometimes rain. When it’s both at once — boy howdy! — this house leaks in all sorts of new and interesting places. “Honey, have you pissed on the floor in the pantry? Because there’s this, like, huge puddle…”

I shouldn’t bitch. What they’ve gotten in the Western half of the country is much, much worse.

That’s because they bear the brunt of it on the West Coast. But here on the East Coast, every few centuries the Channel hikes up her skirts, tiptoes inland and nicks a couple of fishing villages. Much more of this — and there’s much, much more of this in the forecast — and we’ll be looking over our shoulders for her.

Today’s magic word or phrase: Grote Mandrenke.

— 12:20 am
Comments: 14

Make a note: read the labels….

I grabbed an antihistamine out of a blister pack in the the sealed drug container in the fridge, and it just tasted wrong. So I axed Uncle B if there was anything else in the box I should know about and he reckoned there might be a couple of sleeping pills down in the bottom. He was really exercised that I would take anything without checking the labeling — but, honestly, if I believed there was anything interesting in the house I’d’ve eaten it long ago.

Sleeping pills. Bingo.

Unfortunately, were were headed out to hear a two hour talk. I didn’t disgrace the fambly by snoring, but I am surely ready for my bed.

See you’uns tomorrow.

February 11, 2014 — 10:22 pm
Comments: 13

Daddy in his skivvies

This artwork isn’t mine, I just weaseled it up a little. It’s an old advertising gimmick from a German lingerie maker. You don’t want to know what I was searching for when this turned up.

But I don’t want to talk about George Washington’s underpants, I want to talk about his false teeth. For I have seen them with mine own eyes, before they were stolen out of the Smithsonian in 1976. Thought you’d like to know that.

Actually, he had several pairs (and none of them made of wood). He had trouble with his teeth all his life. By inauguration day, the Father of our Country had one natural tooth left in his head (and when that went, he gave it to the dentist who had made his best pair of store-bought teeth)(whose name was Greenwood, so maybe that’s how ‘wood’ got associated with the august gentleman’s gnashers).

By the time Gilbert Stuart painted the famous portrait, Washington’s dentures were a source of constant misery. By some accounts, that’s why his mouth is swollen. But I’ve also read that they were so godawful painful, he took them out and stuffed his mouth with cotton balls, and that’s why his mouth is swollen.

But I have also read that Stuart and Washington detested each other on sight and the former wasn’t all that worried about making the latter look good. The original was deliberately left unfinished so that thousands and thousands of unflattering copies could be made and spread across the land.

Poor old George Washington. He was a heartthrob in his day.

p.s. I added the hearts.

February 10, 2014 — 8:18 pm
Comments: 10

Round 60: and it rained and it rained and it rained some more

ExpressoBold takes the dick with Joan Mondale. This may come as a surprise to ExpressoBold, who didn’t so much choose Mrs Mondale as suggest someone oughta. But I’m taking it, because I’m easy, and coming up with posts lately is hard. I blame the weather.

(Seriously, if I miss a post some day, it’s because I’ve floated away on the kitchen table. It Will Not Stop Raining).

Right, here we go!

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I didn’t have any dinosaur shit particles.

February 7, 2014 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 128

Mad Jack’s toy, the movie

By popular acclaim — okay, one of you guys asked for it, don’t remember who — here’s a YouTube of Mad Jack playing with his kitten maddener. If you look in the sidebar next to the video, you’ll see many other people posting vids of their cats playing with the same toy. Because this is the internet, and that’s what billions of dollars of network development was destined to do. Apparently.

Back here tomorrow for Round 60 of the Dead Pool.
If we don’t wash away in the night.

February 6, 2014 — 11:24 pm
Comments: 14

Just in from the States…

You know, when I get a package from home, it’s only reeeeeesonable to expect it might be something nice for me. But no.

This dingus is a battery-operated cat-maddener. It’s got a thing that sticks out the side with a feather on it, and a motor that makes it go round and round — random directions and speeds — with a rip-stop nylon cover so el Pusso only gets glimpses of it stuttering around under there.

I had to turn it off and hide it eventually. I thought Jack was going to have a seizure.

February 5, 2014 — 11:54 pm
Comments: 18

It’s bacon, but not as we know it

I know, I’ll post a picture of bacon. Americans love bacon!

This is a giant, messy wad of dismembered bacon chunks. It’s called “cooking bacon.” I guess it’s made up of offcuts and leftovers. It’s substantially cheaper than any other kind of bacon, including my favorite British bacon: lardons.

Lardons don’t taste different from any other bacon, it’s just fun to say. “Oooo, that Oscar Mayer, he gives me such a lardon!”

Anyway, I’ve been on a dried bean kick lately. I asked for fatback, and I got this cooking bacon stuff. It’ll do, it’ll do.

Oh, hey, I’ve lived here upwards of five years, and I’ve only just realized you can’t get lima beans for love or money. Turns out — I did not know this — lima beans are just baby butterbeans. I can get butterbeans, but not limas.

You just never know what you’re going to miss.

So Mrs Mondale croaked and ExpressoBold takes the dick! We know what that means, don’t we? Dead Pool Round 60 Friday, 6 sharp.

February 4, 2014 — 11:28 pm
Comments: 20

Well, 2014 might be more interesting than I thought…

I’ve seen this posted around the tubes the last few days and assumed it was fake. Nope. BBC really did fail this large.

Can’t wait for the Year of the Skank.

February 3, 2014 — 11:51 pm
Comments: 16