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That there is a rescue badger being raised by a retired farmer. She’s raising three on milk and custard creams. Custard creams are a kind of vanilla cookie — when you get ‘tea and biscuits’ here, the biscuit is likely to be a custard cream (or a digestive).

I knew an old man in the mountains many years ago. He was very nearly pure Cherokee Indian, and he surely looked it. He found a baby groundhog once and raised it as a pet.

He fed it nothing but Little Debbie’s Oatmeal Creme Pies. Nothing. But. Because the groundhog loved them so. After two years, it had a seizure and died.

Like, no shit. I think about this whenever confronted with the numinous red man, the archetypal Indian with his spiritual connection to nature and the land. Even a Neanderthal like me knows a groundhog needs to eat a fucking vegetable now and then.

There were more interesting stories in the news, but it’s April 1, so I didn’t trust any of them to be true.

April 1, 2015 — 8:47 pm
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