Auntie Weasel's Litterbox

I saw a billboard yesterday sporting the state's new public service doggerel: Use It, Lose It. It means kids under 21 risk having their driving licenses taken away if they get caught enjoying a tipple (even if they aren't drinking and driving, which seems a little unfair). It's a poor choice; the brain can't resist sneaking an "OR" in the middle of it when "AND" is wanted. This messes up the whole dynamic and won't escape the notice of graffiti artists and underage drinkers.

They're trying to repeat the success of last year's campaign, Click It or Ticket, which imposed big fines on anyone caught not wearing a seat belt. Worse, almost, than picking my pocket and calling it concern for my safety was the annoying television ad that went with it: clickitorticket, clickitorticket, clickitorticket, clickitorticket. Ahhhh!! Stop clickitorticketting at me!

Whew. Anyhow. I've come to the conclusion that we don't have public health problems in my state, it's just that all this annoying busybody stuff happens to rhyme. And we, as a species, are helpless to resist the mighty power of rhyming couplets. This is why OJ Simpson is out playing golf today.

I've never actually poked anyone in the snoot, but I have a feeling I might be able to manage it (snoots being mostly soft and pokable, not hard and ouchy like jawbones). Especially if you walked up to me and said something like "think before you drink" or "pay your taxes or the IRS is gonna come after you with meat-axes." Woo! I feel a snoot-poking coming on!

I tried to come up with my own counter examples, but it turns out none of my important sociological ideas lend themselves to poesy.

Dammit, I didn't want to do this, but they drove me to it. I'm going to have to escalate my bumper stickers!

	If it doesn't rhyme, it's not a crime Friday, October 15, 2004
	I saw a billboard yesterday sporting the state's new public service doggerel: Use It, Lose It. It means kids under 21 risk having their driving licenses taken away if they get caught enjoying a tipple (even if they aren't drinking and driving, which seems a little unfair). It's a poor choice; the brain can't resist sneaking an "OR" in the middle of it when "AND" is wanted. This messes up the whole dynamic and won't escape the notice of graffiti artists and underage drinkers. They're trying to repeat the success of last year's campaign, Click It or Ticket, which imposed big fines on anyone caught not wearing a seat belt. Worse, almost, than picking my pocket and calling it concern for my safety was the annoying television ad that went with it: clickitorticket, clickitorticket, clickitorticket, clickitorticket. Ahhhh!! Stop clickitorticketting at me! Whew. Anyhow. I've come to the conclusion that we don't have public health problems in my state, it's just that all this annoying busybody stuff happens to rhyme. And we, as a species, are helpless to resist the mighty power of rhyming couplets. This is why OJ Simpson is out playing golf today. This explains why my own public service campaign — "Mind Your Own Goddamned Business or I'll Poke You In the Snoot" — never got off the ground. I've never actually poked anyone in the snoot, but I have a feeling I might be able to manage it (snoots being mostly soft and pokable, not hard and ouchy like jawbones). Especially if you walked up to me and said something like "think before you drink" or "pay your taxes or the IRS is gonna come after you with meat-axes." Woo! I feel a snoot-poking coming on! I tried to come up with my own counter examples, but it turns out none of my important sociological ideas lend themselves to poesy. Dammit, I didn't want to do this, but they drove me to it. I'm going to have to escalate my bumper stickers!