Ugh. Is it over yet?
Kinda ran out of gas this week. Nothing like losing your pussy to put you off your game.
May 9, 2008 — 4:43 pm
Comments: 39
This isn’t very good blogging advice
Do you ever get sick of the sound of your own voice? I know I do!
I was hitting my blogroll this morning, leaving weasel droppings in various comment sections, and I caught myself thinking, “shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! Do you have to have an opinion about everything?”
I just backspaced over the comment and went for a walk. (Yes, now that you mention it, it was your blog…and it was a really great comment, too).
Not conducive to blogging.
Instead, help yourself to a really disturbing graphic of a weasel wrapped in duct tape. Somehow, I thought it would be funnier. I dunno. Maybe if it didn’t look so terrified. Maybe if I’d left it a breathing hole. (On a related note, the Duct Tape Bandit copped a plea and is expected to get ten years).
May 8, 2008 — 2:53 pm
Comments: 39
Get me! I’m Miss Marple!
This is my big birthday present, though of course I can’t play with it yet. It’s exactly what I wanted. Poor Uncle B was mightily confused when I sent him out to find me the funkiest old Raleigh three-speed touring bike in the county.
“But it’s all rusty, Weasel!” he wailed.
Perfect.
It’s probably one of the last Raleighs built in England (look! They’re pretending “Nottingham” is a real place. Hee hee! Those zany Brits; they never break character). I had a bike just like it years ago, until some toe-rag stole it. I loved that bike. I’ll get this one all cleaned up (did you know a ball of crumpled aluminiumnum foil makes a fabulous chrome de-ruster?) and ride into market every day.
The wicker basket is a nice touch, don’t you think? Now all I need is one of those little bells, so I can go, “chi-ching, chi-ching! Get the fuck out of the fucking road, you stupid fucking limey dick-hole!”
May 7, 2008 — 6:00 am
Comments: 108
Lost: adorable fluffy psychopath
What the heck. Might as well give the little knucklehead his own thread. I’m not panicked yet; it’s been about five days. It’s a record for him, but not for tomcats. Stupid testosterone.
I spent some time yesterday calling around various vets and rescue leagues. In fact, I screwed up my list-making activity and accidentally called Providence Animal Control twice in the space of about ten minutes. I didn’t realize it until the guy on the other end said, “call once a day, please.”
He must’ve thought I was the queen of all crazy cat ladies.
Anyhow, here’s the next great website idea: a lost and found pets registry. I know there’s Craig’s List, but that’s where civilians go to trade information about lost and found pets. Vets and rescue organizations don’t have any reporting mechanism. I know, because I asked them. I had to track down all the likely organizations in Damien’s territory and call them individually.
This could be big. I’m serial. You could entice vets and city organizations to participate by describing it as free advertising, and support it with paid advertising from, like, Petco. Write the occasional goopy cover article about people reunited with beloved mutts or the latest in chipping technology, and there you have it.
I’d do it myself, but I’m moving away. Also, I’m butt lazy.
May 6, 2008 — 8:30 am
Comments: 36
My kung fu is strong
Long time readers may recall that I observe the Birthday Fortnight (working my way up year by year to the Month of Birthday). My actual birthday falls somewhere in the first two weeks of May. In the interests of amoniminty, that is all I shall say. As a first of the birthday tributes, Uncle B bought me a drawing program called Manga Studio 3.
Not to worry, I’m not about to start drawing weasels in teeny tiny sailor suits with eyes the size of dinner plates. It’s just a drawing program that is specially designed for black and white line work, à la comix. It does things like calculate vanishing points and make speed lines and comic panels.
It’s kick-ass fun to play with. If any of you still harbor that old, old desire to be a comic book artist, there’s a 30-day free trial. I can’t work out the difference between the $50 version (which I got) and the $300 version, BUT IF THE MANUFACTURER SENT ME A COPY I’D BE HAPPY TO TEST DRIVE IT AND THEN FLOG THE SHIT OUT OF IT RIGHT HERE ON THIS BLOG.
That’s going to work one of these days. I just know it.
May 5, 2008 — 11:05 am
Comments: 35
Happy birthday to Spam!
Spam turns thirty today! No, not the delicious potted luncheon meat from Hormel. And not me, either — I turn somewhat older a little later in the month (but you get extra points in the It’s All About Me sweepstakes if you remembered that Spam was once my online moniker).
Nope, the very first Usolicited Commercial Email (UCE) was sent thirty years ago today. And here it is:
DIGITAL WILL BE GIVING A PRODUCT PRESENTATION OF THE NEWEST MEMBERS OF THE
DECSYSTEM-20 FAMILY; THE DECSYSTEM-2020, 2020T, 2060, AND 2060T. THE
DECSYSTEM-20 FAMILY OF COMPUTERS HAS EVOLVED FROM THE TENEX OPERATING SYSTEM
AND THE DECSYSTEM-10COMPUTER ARCHITECTURE. BOTH THE DECSYSTEM-2060T
AND 2020T OFFER FULL ARPANET SUPPORT UNDER THE TOPS-20 OPERATING SYSTEM.
THE DECSYSTEM-2060 IS AN UPWARD EXTENSION OF THE CURRENT DECSYSTEM 2040
AND 2050 FAMILY. THE DECSYSTEM-2020 IS A NEW LOW END MEMBER OF THE
DECSYSTEM-20 FAMILY AND FULLY SOFTWARE COMPATIBLE WITH ALL OF THE OTHER
DECSYSTEM-20 MODELS.WE INVITE YOU TO COME SEE THE 2020 AND HEAR ABOUT THE DECSYSTEM-20 FAMILY
AT THE TWO PRODUCT PRESENTATIONS WE WILL BE GIVING IN CALIFORNIA THIS
MONTH. THE LOCATIONS WILL BE:TUESDAY, MAY 9, 1978 – 2 PM
HYATT HOUSE (NEAR THE L.A. AIRPORT)
LOS ANGELES, CATHURSDAY, MAY 11, 1978 – 2 PM
DUNFEY’S ROYAL COACH
SAN MATEO, CA
(4 MILES SOUTH OF S.F. AIRPORT AT BAYSHORE, RT 101 AND RT 92)A 2020 WILL BE THERE FOR YOU TO VIEW. ALSO TERMINALS ON-LINE TO OTHER
DECSYSTEM-20 SYSTEMS THROUGH THE ARPANET. IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO ATTEND,
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT THE NEAREST DEC OFFICE
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE EXCITING DECSYSTEM-20 FAMILY.
In honor of this exciting anniversary, my email service has shit the bed. Totally. If you’ve tried to email me in the last 24 hours, your message has gone into a big black hole in cyberspace. No bounce message, nothing. It’s all very mysterious.
Anyhoo, I haven’t got time to feex it. The maid comes in an hour, so I have to clean up!
May 3, 2008 — 7:27 am
Comments: 103
It’ll start rolling in any minute now
I’ve forgotten where I was at when this ad popped up. Oh, no…this is not a Photoshop. This is for reals.
My favorite part? AS SEEN ON NATIONAL TV! Because, like, that’s where all us happening cyberchicks and cyberdudes get the skinny on the latest cybernews, daddy-o. It comes with a book called “Blog about This!” that would really come in handy sometimes, only I notice it’s S/H not included. I’m guessing there’s lots and lots of handling involved.
Anyhow, as of this morning, 13% of the total lifetime traffic for sweasel.com has been in the last two days. Criminy. Some day, business majors will give names to patterns of traffic distribution. Allow me to dub a spike exceeding 1,000% the “holy fucking shit!”
It won’t last, of course. I’m mulling schemes for holding on to as many visitors as I can. What do you think of the “I’ll Show You Mine and You Don’t Even Have to Show Me Yours” campaign? Remember, I’m pushing fifty, so mine ain’t what it used to be.
Oops! Gotta go. It’s Friday, and you know what that means:
Corporate America ROCKS!
May 2, 2008 — 8:58 am
Comments: 36
The Portuguese Escudo: 1911 – 1999
Portuguese escudos. What? It came up in a thread, so I figured I’d dig out a few.
“Escudo” means “shield” in Portuguese. The denomination was adopted in 1910, after the Republican revolution. It replaced the real. There are 100 centavos in an escudo, and escudo amounts are written escudos$centavos (except it isn’t really a dollar sign in the middle; theirs has two strokes).
The escudo was in trouble in the early 20th C, especially after a counterfeiting operation was traced to the Bank of Portugal. Oops. Eventually it stabilized and was pegged to the British pounds, then the US dollar and finally abandoned for the stupid Euro.
That lady looks familiar. I think she’s a smurf.
I have the world’s stupidest coin collection; nothing I own is worth anything. I just like to play with moneys.
May 1, 2008 — 12:14 pm
Comments: 48
This is what one of them looks like
Everybody alright? Check to make sure, did your buddy make it through okay? Right!
I’ll probably never top this Ace-o-lanche, on account of New Comments Thingie went down just after Ace teased the link, so the morons were stuck with nothing to do and a big fat mystery link staring them in their slack moonfaces. Morons abhor a mystery.
And the reason they call it a ‘lanche, once Ace hit it, the Grapevine picked it up, and the Rottweiler and…lots of other folks I’ll have to pick out of my logs and followup. And I’ll do it, too, just in case somebody somewhere said something halfway nice about me.
The peak was probably a couple of hours later (that’s usage by hour up there), but I was down in the basement with a big glass of vodka and a crooked little smile.
Thanks for dropping by, y’all. You’ve made an attention whore very happy.
— 7:28 am
Comments: 24