Dead Pool Round 50: such a nice, round number
Poor old Harryhausen and xul takes the dick! A second win, and a birthday win!
You know, it’s a funny thing. We’ve had forty nine Dead Pools so far and each one easily gets a hundred, a hundred and fifty unique entries. So how come we ended up with so many double winners? I’m sure it makes perfect sense to a statistician, but I am not one of those. It mystifies me.
Oh, yes. And then there’s Steve.
We don’t talk about Steve.
Right! On to the roolz…
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The winner will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original sketch by moi. That is, if the winner chooses to send me a mailing address. I wouldn’t blame the winner for not, because what if I turned up one day and tried to touch the winner for money? Still…official certificate!
May 10, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 102
Happy birthday to xul!
So, happy birthday, Xul — you win the dick! You know what to do if you want it.
The rest of the Justice League, assemble here Friday, 6pm sharp.
Dead Pool Round Fifty!
May 8, 2013 — 9:50 am
Comments: 11
Round 49: now with added absence of dick!
Mrs C takes it at last, and regretfully, with Margaret Thatcher. Farewell to the Iron Lady, from grocer’s daughter to state funeral. Seldom in history has just the right person arrived at just the right time to save everyone’s bacon.
Right! Who’s next?
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The prize? An official Certificate of Dick Winning (if that doesn’t make sense to you, you’ll have to go back through the Dead Pool archives until it does) and a small original sketch par moi.
April 12, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 130
Round 48: you don’t get dick any more
AltBBrown wins again! With former NFL, NCAA coach Jack Pardee. I trust you guys that this is significant.
I totally didn’t inherit the sports gene. I told my dad that once and he said, “yeah, me neither. You watch football, though, right?”
Right! Here we go:
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The prize? We call it “winning the dick” for historical reasons. It used to be an actual dick you got in the mail — but, man, dick is heavy! So instead, you will get a small, simple, original sketch by me. And it won’t even be a sketch of dick. I tried, but it turns out I can’t draw dick!
April 5, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 99
Round 47: I’m'a call it dick no matter what
I called Dead Pool 46 for fawn, who took the dick with Bonnie Franklin. But I have a feeling Hutch was robbed. See, he had Hugo Chavez. And if they’re lying about the day Hugo popped his clogs…well, if he died before March 1 (and I suspect he did), it would be a total Dead Pool upset. So Hutch is getting a consolation dick.
And, hey — good news! They’re going to pickle Chavez and put him on permanent display!
Okay, here we go…
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The prize? Good question. It has always been a delicious two-pack of Aunty’s Spotted Dick, but we’re currently debating the merits of a prize that isn’t like trans-Atlantically shipping a brick.
March 8, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 144
Procedural question. Or, let’s talk dick!
Okay, before we kick off Round 47 of the Dead Pool, I gotta tell you: I’m about six dicks behind mailing them out.
Dick is cheap. Packaging them up properly and sending them, colossal pain in the nethers. Turns out, spotted dick is now widely available in the US (including Aunty’s, in some places), making my little dick joke addiction rather pointlessly expensive. Also, the Post Office tells me shipping time alone for freight is, like, 70 days, going the cheap route. Yuck. Outdated dick.
In the end, most people seem to enjoy the little sketches I put in the envelope more than the dick. Spotted dick is, I have to admit it, not a taste sensation poised to sweep the planet.
So, time to discuss alternatives. But before we do: it is very, very important to me that the prize is something pretty good. See, I don’t get to play the Dead Pool (duh), so the pleasure for me is believing the winner is genuinely tickled to win and looking forward to something fun in the mail. So none of this “winning is its own reward” shit, m’kay?
Okay, well, it could be just a sketch (see sample). I feel a little squidgy about that. Giving away artwork is what cheap-ass artists do to their friends instead of buying proper gifts. It always makes me feel funny, like mama pinning my pitcher on the fridge and telling me I’m the bestest artist in the whole world. (My actual mother never did that, but I’ve seen it on television).
Or it could be a coin from my awesome collection. I used to buy old circulated coins by the pound, so I have thousands of not valuable but insanely cool coins from all over the world. Boxes of the suckers. I used to give them away freely, so that’s not an issue.
Or…I dunno. It’s always fun to read foreign newspapers and magazines. Britain has some terrific rags of the “My Cheap Breast Implant Exploded in the Cereal Aisle of the Supermarket!” variety. I love those things.
What do you say? What would gladden your shriveled conservative heart? What would you love to think was in the mail and headed your way?
Okay, New Dead Pool. Tomorrow, 6WBT. And I’m still going to call it Winning the Dick, okay? I can’t give up my dick jokes. It’ll be a…metaphor. And only the cool kids will get it, a’ight?
March 7, 2013 — 9:40 pm
Comments: 87
The Judgement of Weasel
Well. I’m calling the Dead Pool for fawn, who had Bonnie Franklin (pancreatic cancer…ugh). Fawn, you know what to do.
I’m pretty sure Hutch wuz robbed. If I had to take a guess, I’d say Chavez fell off the perch this week. Whether they’re literally keeping him breathing or he’s dead as a doornail and keeping it quiet or he’s not QUITE dead, we do not know. We may never know.
So. If it turns out Chavez died before Franklin (that is, if we get official confirmation of this fact from the Venezuelan government), fawn keeps the title for Round 46, but Hutch gets a consolation dick. I just love, love, LOVE saying “consolation dick.” If he dies after Franklin but before Round 47, nobody gets anything.
If you choose him in the pool next Friday and it is announced that he died after March 8, you (unnamed participant) will win the dick. But if they make the announcement after March 8, but confess that he died before March 1, then Hutch gets your dick. You don’t want Hutch to get your dick, do you? Or if they declare he died in the lacuna, nobody gets dick. So, really, Chavez is a mug’s pick next round, unless you’re Hutch.
But. Whatever. I’m not going to tell you how to play Dead Pool.
It is not perfect, but that is my judgment. So let it be written, so let it be done.
Good weekend, everyone!
March 1, 2013 — 8:47 pm
Comments: 50
Miracles of Cuban medicine
So, I’m guessing they have Hugo Chavez hooked up to the latest modern machinery. While I suspect they will soon reach the limits of potato-based medicine, I’m not comfy calling the Dead Pool until we get an official death notice. That could take Some Time.
(On an unrelated note, did you see where Ariel Sharon is showing significant brain activity hooked up to a Functional MRI? Brrrrr).
No new Dead Pool tomorrow, even in the unlikely event they call him out before six WBT. So, tough luck, Hutch…for now.
February 28, 2013 — 10:34 pm
Comments: 24
Round 46: man, that’s a lot of dicks!
Davem123 wins dick with…some…guy. Honestly, you people and your sports thingies. You’re the reason I could never win at Trivial Pursuits.
Okay, let’s hope this next round has some traction, because I’m, like, five dicks behind at this point.
Ready?
Okay then!
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The prize? Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!
February 22, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 117
Round 45: so many, many dicks…
So, Christopher Dorner is a crispy critter. Probably. I’m going to call it for Davem123, and in the unlikely event the DNA indicates otherwise…well, we’ll have our first ever Rescindment of Dick. Won’t that be fun?
But until such time as mayhap such a miracle doth come to pass…
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The prize? Still a fabulous two-pack of Aunty’s Spotted Dick…!
February 15, 2013 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 92