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Dead Pool 113: OH MY GOD, I DIDN’T HIT ‘PUBLISH’

ZOMG! So sorry, you guys, I fell asleep before I finished this post!

John McCain is dead and I am not sad. That is all. RushBabe takes the dick with one of the most fortuitous wins of all time.

GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.

August 31, 2018 — 6:30 pm
Comments: 57

Weirdest gay romance novel EVER

Not really. It’s an ad for a Health and Safety training course that keeps popping up in my Twitter feed.

One week to go until my guests descend and I will fob you off with any old shit while I continue scrubbing floors.

But tomorrow — Dead Pool Round 113. Be here or be somewhere else and just wish you were here.

May I just say Round 112 was one of my favorite wins ever, and leave it at that?

August 30, 2018 — 9:39 pm
Comments: 11

Reduce the incidence of the…what now?

Onkle B spotted this sign on a collecting box in Waitrose today. It seems a bit mean-spirited to make fun of a charity — and a brain injury charity, at that — but honestly. Proofreading, people!

On the other hand, as strategies go…it’s a bit drastic, but it would work.

August 29, 2018 — 9:20 pm
Comments: 7

Horseshoes

Another one from a country show. Farmers hereabouts turn these up all the time, ploughing the fields (a neighbor of ours has an impressive personal collection).

The guy identified the approximate age by the style. Forgive me; I don’t remember. Most of them are Medieval.

The asymmetrical one upper left wasn’t corroded into that shape. It was for a horse with an asymmetrical hoof. So I was told.

Even these people’s garbage is interesting…

August 28, 2018 — 9:01 pm
Comments: 3

This little scrap of feline DNA…

This little one showed not the slightest inclination to roam, right up until two hours ago when he made a dash for freedom. I just side-glanced a streak of black and white leaping over Charlotte and pounding up the garden path in the dark.

I think he would have come back, but every time I put his kitten glop out to lure him in, the other two made a grab for it. Adult cats love kitten food; it’s super rich.

I might be out there still, but Jack made a screaming lunge for the baby (taking him for an intruder) and drove him up a tree.

Phew. Running late. Hope you guys had an excellent weekend.

August 27, 2018 — 10:04 pm
Comments: 12

Buttman and Weasel

We went to the circus tonight! It’s our unofficial end of Summer, which is sad. But, hey — circus!

For the past…many years, they’ve had a tiny Mongolian acrobat who does a number of different acts. He’s very good. One of which is always in costume, and the ringmaster invites the chilruns up to have their picture taken with whoever he’s pretending to be.

I always have my picture took. I have documentation. It was Spiderman last year. Transformers the year before. Batman this year, as you can see.

Except the ringmaster has the most impenetrable French accent and kept calling him “Buttman.” I lost it, each and every time.

Yes, I do have an in focus version of me and Buttman. Good weekend, everyone!

August 24, 2018 — 9:29 pm
Comments: 17

The exciting lamb races

All orphan lambs. The farmer said he went out early in the season when there was snow on the ground and found the first two newborns huddled next to their dead mother. Their hooves had frozen to the ground.

They’re okay now, obviously. Thus they were named after characters from Frozen. The one with the O is Olaf.

The winner, best two out of the three, was Gaston. Yes, I know that’s Beauty and the Beast. They ran out of Frozen.

August 23, 2018 — 9:49 pm
Comments: 4

The plain of bones

Ladies and gentlemen, the British Deer Society (I really wanted a BDS t-shirt, for reasons I didn’t care to explain to them).

The sign says something like “for display only — these deer were killed in traffic accidents or died of old age” or something like that.

I have to tell you, though — for an animal advocacy group, they displayed an awful lot of dead bits of their favorite ungulate. Including bits that were for sale.

I offered to buy Uncle B a deer-hoof door handle, but he inexplicably declined…

August 22, 2018 — 10:00 pm
Comments: 12

Vulture lurv

This was something a little different, also from the country show. There’s always a bird handling demonstration, usually hawks and eagles and like that. This is Maggie. She’s a vulture.

A vulture in love with her trainer. She was very sweet with him. He pointed out that her naked head — which had been white when she came out of the cage — turned a pretty pink when he handled her.

A blushing vulture in love.

When the other trainer got too close, she hissed and lunged at him. Not having it.

I’m not sure what you can do with a trained vulture. Hunt things that are already dead?

August 21, 2018 — 10:40 pm
Comments: 12

Let’s start the week with a little ass

From a country show we went to this weekend. He was three weeks old on Saturday.

August 20, 2018 — 9:06 pm
Comments: 8