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You be careful out there

Police are trying to trace a mobility scooter rider who crashed into two elderly pedestrians – and then failed to stop to help.

The victims, two women – one in her 60s and one in her 80s- were knocked to the ground and suffered injuries including a sprained ankle and cut heel.

They were left “shocked and shaken”.

The incident took place outside KFC, Sandgate Road, Folkestone, at 3.30pm on December 22.

The rider of the mobility scooter is described as a white woman in her 60s of medium or large build with a plump face.

She was wearing a bobble hat, a yellow camel coat, laced shoes and glasses and was riding a metallic burgundy mobility scooter described as ‘bigger than average’.

Officers haven’t managed to identify her despite a number of possible sightings.

I know the stereotype is a fat American shopping Wal*Mart in these scooter things, but Igottatellya, they are EVERYwhere here.

Because elderly people retire to the seaside and because, I think, the NHS will pay for them. They’re dangerous as hell, and not just when old ladies run down other old ladies. People ride them in the street or run up onto the sidewalk and regularly tip over into the path of traffic.

Hm. Now I see why the NHS will pay for them.

Good weekend, folks!

January 23, 2015 — 10:37 pm
Comments: 14

A masterful troll

Oh, well played, Rupert Murdoch’s Sun. Well played.

To be fair, they didn’t actually say they were shutting down Page 3, but they strongly suggested such. Then they went all modest (if underthings and bikinis can be called modest) for a couple of days. And now, the titties are back! (Link does not go to titties. Link goes to a Telegraph sister getting her knickers in a twist. I told you the Telegraph had gone downhill).

It’s been dee-lightful to watch this play out all day.

First the howling shrews of the Perpetually Offended Brigade were all like WE WON! And then they were all like, we won, I guess, but it doesn’t feel that satisfying, really. And now they’re all like WTF! WE DIDN’T WIN!?

The sweetest part? Today’s titties ran under the headline CLARIFICATIONS AND CORRECTIONS. I wouldn’t have realized this if Uncle B hadn’t told me: that’s the header from the ultra-lefty Guardian‘s correction column.

Sweet troll.

January 22, 2015 — 9:45 pm
Comments: 20

There they are!

The picture that ran with the news article I read about the SotU showed and over-the-shoulder shot of Obama apparently reading his speech from a notebook. In a panic, I flipped through news photos until I found one showing his teleprompters, safe and sound. Whew!

I wonder if he has names for them. Gumby and Pokey. Mulder and Scully. Lefty and Other Lefty.

No, I didn’t watch. I couldn’t. And not just because I can’t bear the sound of Obama’s droning mediocrity.

The State of the Union speech has been a humiliating spectacle for decades. I held my breath for Poppy Bush (he used to trip over his words a bit, remember?). Bill Clinton was the biggest gasbag in history. Gee, that guy could go on. Remember his farewell speech? Hours and hours. He was still talking when they bundled him into a car. W wasn’t as awful as he might have been, but I still held my breath for flubs.

But that’s not it. It’s the whole spectacle of the thing. I actually hate the SotU more when ‘our’ guys are in power, because their behavior reflects on me even a little tiny bit. All that jumping up every twenty seconds, every time your guy says anything at all, barking and clapping like a troupe of trained seals. And the other guys sit and sulk unless The Guy says something so patriotic they kinda have to join in.

Awful. Just awful.

The speech is a big useless pile of applause lines and huge laundry list of junk that is never, ever going to happen and everybody knows it. Nobody even pretends to take it seriously. It has long since outlived its grownup purpose.

Can we kill it, please?

January 21, 2015 — 9:13 pm
Comments: 14

Look at these three tits.

Feminist politicians in the UK think it’s terribly important to prevent heterosexual men from enjoying titty pictures in the newspaper. Or something.

Rupert Murdoch’s Sun newspaper (it’s never mentioned in print without the Rupert Murdoch part) has featured a Page 3 girl for more than 40 years. That is, on the third page of the newspaper, there’s a girl baring her tits. It’s tacky, it’s embarrassing, I’m not the target audience, so what the hell business is it of mine? Working class men liked it (I guess), many of the models went on to lucrative careers in…being pretty girls with huge tits, so it had to be stopped. And it has.

It took three years of concerted bitching and moaning, but the Perpetually Outraged Brigade finally hounded it out.

I don’t even know where to start with this one. The internet is full of free porn of the vilest kind. The world is full of genuine and horrible repression of women. And this — this — seemed to somebody worth fighting for. A lot of somebodies. A lot of stupid, shallow, deeply unserious somebodies.

Oh, Page 3 is still there, in (Rupert Murdoch’s PBUH) Sun. It’s now pretty girls with big tits wearing bras and bikinis, so…way to win one for the sisterhood, ladies!

Y’all probably don’t remember, but this blog used to feature Page 3 Weasels. No, really:

January 20, 2015 — 8:37 pm
Comments: 19

Two things that are dangerous

Two dangerous things about the Guardian article circulating today: the one that says 50% of all property is owned by the richest 1% of the world’s population.

The first dangerous thing is, it’s just a press release from Oxfam. I mean, literally, there was no reportage going on here. They basically ran with a shorter and slightly reworded press release, quotes and bullet points and all.

If you think I’m shitting you, here’s the press release. Also note, the chairman of a thing called the Coalition for Inclusive Capitalism is a woman named Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild. Say, did you just hear the theme to the X-Files?

It’s shocking how much journalism is that and only that these days. How valuable a service is a press release aggregator, really?

The second thing is, they’re playing with fire. How very fucking easy it is to whip up class envy. Almost no-one on this earth — including some incredibly wealthy bastards — doesn’t look at some other wealthy bastard who has a few kgilliion more and think it’s not fair. The guys in first class you walk past to get to your miserable seat? They’re all thinking to themselves, “public transportation sucks. Why don’t I have a private jet?”

As conservatives, we are naturally disinclined to steal from our neighbor even if we do think he’s got nice stuff and more of it than he deserves. Plus, we know well the inviolable rule of wealth distribution — those that do the distributing get the wealth. And even so, it’s not too hard to get us hating on the rich folks.

But heed this statistic from the article: the world’s poorest 80% own 5.5% of the wealth. You know what that means? If you live in the West and have a basic middle-class existence, you’re almost certainly in that top 20%. And if you think the great sucking black hole of socialism will hit that top 1% and leave you and me — the rich bastards in the following 19% — alone, you haven’t been watching how it works.

January 19, 2015 — 11:10 pm
Comments: 16

Jack the Disemboweler

As requested, cat picture not politics. Hm. That would be a pretty good t-shirt — “no politics, cat pictures.”

I popped Jack up on the desk and took this snapshot a half an hour ago. Sixteen months old and he’s still got a kitten face. And he’s a little squirt. I guess that’s going to be permanent.

What he lacks in stature he makes up in savagery. Not to us — he’s got the friendly ginger kitty personality — but to the local fauna. Mostly rodents, I’m happy to say. I don’t mind that so much.

But I found a pigeon on the doorstep two nights ago. He’d executed it by blood eagle, so we think he’s got some Viking in him.

Good weekend, folks!

January 16, 2015 — 9:39 pm
Comments: 19

Matter of perspective

Heh. An anonymous commenter sent me a link to this picture (thank you, masked stranger!) showing our fearless leaders kicking off the Unity March in Paris. Originally posted by this blog.

I actually did a little due diligence trying to authenticate it. “En direct” is just “live” in Spanish, but I did try to pick out individual figures (people wearing slightly different colors) in the top picture and match them to the bottom picture. Turned out not to be necessary, as the Independent has picked up on the story.

Oh, now, I understand dozens of heads of state can’t really mix in a giant, milling crowd of strangers in a city on super duper high terrorist alert. The security services would never allow it, nor should they. I understand completely.

But they tried to give that impression, and that pisses me off no end. Couldn’t they say “heads of state convened in Paris to wish the marchers well” or summat? Noooo, they had to be photographed on the street, arms linked, ‘leading’ the parade.

God, our leaders are phonies and mediocrities. And, worse, they assume we must be dumber than they are, if they’ve got the big offices with the comfy chairs.

Okay, not a huge point. But fair’s fair…everybody’s giving that poor ultra-Orthodox paper shit for P’shopping out all the wimmins (a move so pointlessly stupid I can’t even…). Leaderofthebandgate is something a little less benign, if only because it’s a lie to a much, much bigger audience.

January 15, 2015 — 8:23 pm
Comments: 11

Hmmmm…

The British Daily Telegraph used to be my favorite newspaper. Well written, right of center. It has– like so many once-great institutions — been trending left for years. All institutions drift leftward with time, and the Telegraph has had some unhelpful changes of ownership and management.

Recently, they’ve had theyselves a good old purge of conservatives, making the paper unreadable once and for all. Oh, well. The Telegraph’s loss has been Breitbart’s gain.

Gerald Warner is one such. I’m going to stamp my little foot and insist you read his essay published today (just kidding — I have huge feet!).

His thesis is that the scoundrels who locked arms at the front of the parade are the very incompetents who have made our countries into the violent, multiculti shit-holes they are today. He says it better. Go read.

But, not central to his thesis was a bit at the end about our ‘friends’ at Charlie Hebdo.

The brutal murder of its journalists should not blind us to the true character of the magazine. Charlie Hebdo is a far-left publication promoting authoritarian repression of politically incorrect views. Just 18 months ago it published a petition to President Francois Hollande demanding the compulsory dissolution of the Front National. It had already run a similar petition in 1996.

“We ask you to dissolve the Front National, this league whose political aim is to bring about the end of the Republic,” said the Charlie Hebdo petition. So, a party that came first in the recent European elections in France, with 4.7 million votes and 24 seats in the European parliament, and whose leader received 6.4 million votes in the 2012 presidential election and is ahead of Francois Hollande in polls for the next contest, should be forcibly dissolved, in the view of freedom-loving Charlie Hebdo.

Yeah, not quite the freedom absolutists one might have hoped. I still support their right to be assholes without getting murdered by even assier assholes but truly, they are assholes.

Oh, yes. That up there is exactly what you think it is: the Charlie Hebdo September 11 tribute issue.

January 14, 2015 — 9:15 pm
Comments: 15

avenge me!

This site is a work of absolute genius. Go there. Oh, don’t worry: it’s completely safe for work and won’t get you on a list or anything. You have the solemn promise of a woman who pretends to be a weasel on the internet.

Hint: you don’t have to click any links to read the whole thing, just scroll down. It’s one tall page.

Okay, okay. I’ll make up for that with something kind of cool and inspirational: this guy’s YouTube channel. He’s a Shaolin master. Who makes videos. C’mon, it’s fun.

No I am not too old to kung fu.

January 13, 2015 — 8:09 pm
Comments: 20

…about that march…

I’d feel a whole lot better about this march thing if I knew for sure what the marchers thought they were marching for. I’ll bet you a shiny new Euro the majority of them thought they were marching in favor of multiculturalism. I don’t know when it started to be called the March for Unity, but it did. Dunno about you, but when I watched the Paris atrocity unfold, my first thought wasn’t, “what’s needed here is to open up a can of Unity.”

Maybe I’m just cynical. Maybe it was the sight of all those international scoundrels (the ones with very dodgy track records on freedom of the press) locking arms and looking pious and butter-wouldn’t-melt at the head of the procession.

Mahmoud Abbas? Really?

Maybe it was the people playing John Lennon’s Imagine out the window while the crowd roared.

Srsly. Imagine is my trigger. Whenever I hear the monotonous strains of that braindead puddle of toddler puke, my my eyeballs throb and my vision blurs and I am truly not responsible for what happens next.

It’s easy enough to turn out for the message, “I’m for nice things and against murder ‘n’ stuff.” It’s hard to decide what you’re going to do about it. I saw thousands of those “Je Suis Charlie” posters, and not a single picture of Mohammed. So, really, how Charlie were they?

Now, the PEGIDA thing. That’s getting interesting.

January 12, 2015 — 11:10 pm
Comments: 13