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Here, let me waste your afternoon for you

monster

The Sea Monk (Umi Bozu) is a sea monster with a smooth round head, like the shaven head of a Buddhist monk. This woodblock print illustrates the story of the sailor Kawanaya Tokuzo, who decides to go to sea on the last day of the year, which other sailors consider unlucky. A violent storm breaks out, and the Umi Bozu appears. In a ghastly voice the apparition demands, “Name the most horrible thing you know!” Tokuzo yells back, “My profession is the most horrible thing I know!” The monster is apparently satisfied with this answer and disappears along with the storm.

Utagawa Kuniyoshi (1797–1861) did woodcuts for popular consumption. They were like 19th C Japanese monster action comix. There’s a nice selection of his pictures here.

He was a contemporary of Hokusai, the Great Wave guy and they both belonged to a school of painting called Ukiyo-e. The word ukiyo means “floating world” and describes the lifestyle rather than the subject matter.

Edo (now Tokyo) saw a boom in the 17th C and suddenly merchants who had been at the bottom of the heap could afford to go to the theater and hang out with the professional ladies. And go watch the fat guys rassle in their underpants. And buy art for the walls. This stuff caters to that taste.

If you go to the Wikipedia article (previous link), look at the pictures in the sidebar (you’ll surely recognize some of them), take a name to ukiyo-e org, you can spend happy hours paddling around the art.

I think Kuniyoshi is my favorite, though. Lots of soldiers and monsters and ghosts.

February 21, 2017 — 8:35 pm
Comments: 6

The Oven Roaster of Turin

broilerofturin

Went to put the Sunday roast pan in the dishwasher — and behold was revealed unto me in the grease thereof the divine image of…a roast chicken, basically. Look at it.

In one of my (many, many) Facebook chicken groups, someone posted that she’d bought two chickens from a local small breeder. A couple of months later, she bought another from the same breeder. The third chicken was the chick of one of the first two and she was astounded when mother and daughter recognized each other and were happy to see each other.

I swear, I’ll end up vegan. Or a Jain.

If only chicken weren’t so gosh darned delicious.

February 20, 2017 — 8:08 pm
Comments: 12

Art geekery

muller

When I was a teenager, I was the spergiest art geek EVER. Art lends itself to geekery. It has so many moving parts.

One of the coolest is pigments and colors. All that ancient boogidy-boogidy alchemy survived as (among other things) paint chemistry – some of the experiments they did on the way to the philosopher’s stone resulted in paints and dyes that we still use.

In art terms, at least, a paint is made up of little particles of colored pigment, often mineral, that don’t dissolve in the medium. A dye is made of a colored stuff, often vegetable, that does dissolve in its medium. So, proper oil paints are a paint but most ink is dye. Dye is inherently fugitive (but often gorgeously colorful).

Between the two are the lake pigments, which are organic dyes that are stained onto an inert material making them kinda sorta pigments, more stable than most dyes. The best are just acceptable to use in an artist’s palette. My favorite color, Alizarin crimson, is a lake; it was the very first natural pigment (madder) to be synthesized in a lab in the 19th C. It’s usually regarded as the least permanent of the acceptably permanent pigments.

Folks, I could burble like this for hours.

Anyway, I made my own oil paints for a few years. They refer to this as “grinding” paint, but it’s a misnomer — you don’t grind the pigment particles into smaller pigment particles, you spread them out as thinly as possible to make sure each little particle is surrounded by oil. To do this, you use a sheet of glass and the thing in the picture, a muller (that’s a purty one, available here). A little pigment, a drop of oil, and you go round and round and round and round. It was the shitty job given to the newest apprentice in the studio.

Over and over again, you’ll read that modern paints are far better than this. That machine methods ‘grind’ paint better than any snot-nosed apprentice ever could. That the old masters would die for the kind of paint we have now.

I read it for years before it dawned on me what they were clearly, obviously, blatantly saying — modern paint is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from the stuff the masters used.

Okay, maybe that doesn’t sound like an all-caps moment to you, but I assure you it was one of the stonking thinks of my lifetime. I felt like flinging off my clothes and running down the road yelling “URETHRA!”

And it’s true: you have a better chance of reproducing some of the masters’ techniques with paint that is slightly less well ground. In fact, some of that beautiful, globby lace that Rembrandt painted wasn’t even ground at all, it was just pigment lightly folded with a drop of oil. Turns out, though, that it only really matters in the bright opaque colors, particularly white.

I’m not going anywhere with this. I’m just happy to be playing with my paint box again.

Good weekend, all!

February 17, 2017 — 9:07 pm
Comments: 20

I joined a thing!

paint

I joined a local art society. Been meaning to do it since I moved here. I was going to describe it as prestigious, but it isn’t that at all. It’s…venerable. It’s an amateur society set up fifty years ago to complement the local professional society.

You don’t apply to join the professional society. If they want you, they’ll let you know.

In addition to monthly lectures of various kinds, the real appeal is the annual show. And the appeal of the annual show is to kick me in the ass and make me paint some shit.

Behold, my ancient pile of watercolor tubes! (Here it is in color, because honestly that looks pretty cool).

Now I just have to paint something.

February 16, 2017 — 10:42 pm
Comments: 29

A how much of what now?

coal

Are we back now? Excellent. Thank you for indulging me. For posterity’s sake, the anniversary header image can be found here.

And now back to your regularly scheduled weaselin’.

The stuff in the picture is similar unto the stuff we burn in the stove for heat. It’s like charcoal briquettes. It comes in lots of different flavors and I don’t understand it very well, but if you aren’t extremely careful, Onkle B will tell you all about it.

We buy it by the ton, it arrives in 40 or so 25-kilo bags wrapped up on a wooden pallet. We move the car, the delivery driver uses one of those handcart dealies to push it down to the end of the drive, and there we are — enough or nearly enough for the average heating season. We’ve done this for years.

Only, today’s guy was a stroppy bastard and decided he couldn’t be bothered. He winched it off the truck and left the whole flipping thing at the curb, blocking the end of the drive. Blocking us out and ripe for the stealing. We had no choice but to unwrap it all and carry it to the end of the drive ourselfs, bag at a time.

A TON of coal.

Lest you think that was unchivalrous of Onkle B, he did the heavy part. He lifted the bags onto a handtruck and I only had to wheel them down and tip them off. I wouldn’t let him do the whole thing himself.

A TON of COAL.

February 15, 2017 — 8:47 pm
Comments: 30

HAPPY WEASEL-DEC-AVERSARY!!

feb14

W00t!

If I did that right, you had a moment of technicolor mustelidity that click-linked to this individual post. Last time I hijacked my own front page, though, the place was a mess until I put it all back where it used to be. (April Fool’s Day, 2011. FYI).

I *will* have my little joke.

Oh, don’t worry. The blog’s still there. I’m not taking this opportunity to retire or anything like that. I’ll put everything back directly. I’d be lost without you, my imaginary internet friends.

I’ll entertain suggestions, though. If you’d like the occasional guest post or photo essay or something.

I was going to do a redesign, but I hate it when my sites change without warning. Also, lazy. I do think I’d like to freshen things up. Clean up the sidebars (are blogrolls any use any more?). Maybe tweak the comment section. Find a rating plugin that works.

Anyway — thanks for a decade of larfs! Honestly, I don’t think I could’ve made a trans-Atlantic move without you.

p.s. Oh, did I forget to mention? Today is also my eighth wedding anniversary. Tonight, I shall drink champagne and eat steak. And leave this post up another day. *waves*

February 13, 2017 — 9:28 pm
Comments: 57

Dead Pool Round 95:

Am I late? I’m late! Beg pardon – Daylight Savings Time or whatever the hell.

Ric Fan takes the dick with ‘Professor’ Irwin Corey. Despite the fact he was older than holy shit, I somehow never ran across this guy before. I’d heard the name, I just didn’t know his shtick.

Apparently, among other things, he entertained the troops of Occupy Wall Street. So another lefty comedian, what’s new?

e’s dead, that’s what.

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.

February 10, 2017 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 75

Coven meeting

ladies

Had a late thang with my historical society tonight. We’re just in.

My bosses are old. You know my employers value me for my relative youth and strength. I am, like, historical society muscle. True story. And they think Onkle B is adorable.

These aren’t my old ladies, though. From what I gather, this is a group of Norfolk biddies in their traditional garb.

There must have been one rotten horrible old Norfolk hag whose behavior made this the international symbol for witches.

Don’t forget! Back here tomorrow, 6WBT. Dead Pool Round 95!

February 9, 2017 — 10:27 pm
Comments: 13

Adorable cartoon weasel

cartoonweasel

Okay, maybe not so adorable. This is a 3D model I made ages ago, when I first got started with Blender. I posted about it at the time. I guess. I hadn’t remembered.

Until somebody wrote and asked if he could have it for something. Of course he could.

And. Oh. My. God. IT’S SO FUZZY!

February 8, 2017 — 9:14 pm
Comments: 15

Sneaky like I like ’em

Huh. While none of us was paying attention, Ric Fan snuck in and won the dick with “Professor” Irwin Corey (July 29, 1914 – February 6, 2017).

Ric Fan didn’t even notice, and I sure didn’t. It took ExpressoBold to point it out.

So, you know what that means. Back here Friday, 6WBT. Dead Pool Round 95.

And the answer is: iceberg lettuce was £1.19 at Aldi today, an increase of 9p over last week.

There were plenty. I bought one.

The sandwich is back, baby.

February 7, 2017 — 9:50 pm
Comments: 16