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Can he do that?

Tonight was the second and final night of my first aid course. I gave CPR to the dummy. I passed the exam. Still, god help you if you have a heart attack in front of me.

So, a quickie. I know we’ve subjected soldiers to dangerous experiments in the past. MK Ultra comes to mind. Standing close to nuclear testing, as above. I always thought these acts were mitigated because the military really didn’t know how dangerous they were when they went on. Probably.

I also assumed there’d since been…I dunno. Legislation or a regulation or something to allow soldiers to opt out of dangerous experiments not centrally important military service. I mean, those things have generated so much controversy.

So, how the fuck can we knowingly send thousands of soldiers into the middle of an epidemic hot zone for reasons not obviously vital to American security? I mean, that’s not what they signed up for. That’s not what the military is for, is it? Is there a mechanism to opt out? Also, by the way, it’s a really, really bad idea.

I haven’t seen anyone else asking this question, so I have to assume it’s an incredibly dumb question. But it’s mine and I’m asking it.

September 17, 2014 — 10:13 pm
Comments: 22

Ducks ate my Doritos

I suppose ducks’ll eat anything, but they seemed madly keen on Doritos.

We’re having a proper Indian Summer here, so we snuck out to Bodiam castle this afternoon to take advantage. We picked a nice spot on a bench with a view of the castle, unpacked our picnic lunch and the grounds crew parked a truck between us and the castle and began weed-whacking the bank. It’s been that kind of a day, really.

Still, I got to feed Doritos to a bunch of ducks, so not a total loss.

*picture courtesy Uncle B’s fancy new camera.

September 16, 2014 — 9:40 pm
Comments: 19

Space opera, soap opera

I don’t usually opt for a female character in video games that give a choice, but something about the face of the default male Shepard in the Mass Effect games kind of creeped me out, so I played Mass Effect 2 as this chick here. My Stoaty Shepard is pretty badass; somehow I can’t see her getting up in the morning and putting on mascara and a little eye shadow. Maybe machines do that in the future.

I’m finally playing the third and final installment of Mass Effect. You start (optionally) by importing your character from Mass Effect 2. One of things that gets carried over is which of your crew members you’ve had affairs with.

Wait, what? This was an option? How on earth…?

Trust me to carry my social ineptitude into video games.

September 15, 2014 — 9:24 pm
Comments: 9

Wherein Weasel shows her ass to the internet

Phew. Sorry for lameness this week. I’ve alternated between screaming busy and lying on the beach like a clubbed baby seal.

One more ordeal — we have to go to London for the day tomorrow — and then I plan to revert to the useless sack of wastrel mustelid you all know and love.

Oh, the Scottish thing? Absolutely neck and neck. The latest polling has it 48/48 among Scots. But the voting is not just among Scots, it’s any EU citizen living in Scotland, and the outsiders are slightly inclined toward No. It’s a bit nerve wracking.

A Yes vote could have some ugly short-term financial consequences for us. It could have better medium- and long-term consequences for us, as the rest of Britain moves a big step to the right by process of elimination.

You should hear some of the hare-brained socialist booshwa they’re coming up with up there, should the Yes campaign prevail. They think they’re going to float a lefty utopia on whisky and North Sea Oil.

They only joined the Union in the first place because Scotland went bankrupt. The nobles lost their kilts in South American investments in the late 16th C and graciously accepted an English bailout. In other words, they’ll be back. Plus ça change.

Good weekend, all!

September 12, 2014 — 11:00 pm
Comments: 20

I prefer when it lands on the weekend

Meh. I hate this fucking day. I’m still sore, but I’ve said all I want to say about it. But I don’t like to let it pass without acknowledgement, either. So, consider this acknowledgement.

Talk about whatever you like in the comments.

September 11, 2014 — 8:01 pm
Comments: 22

Annie? That you?

Just got in from Part 1 of a first aid course. It’s a work requirement — or, really, a work ‘strong suggestion’ — but I don’t mind. I’ve always felt uncomfortable that I’ve never taken a proper course including CPR. I’ve read that CPR is nearly always doomed and pointless, but I’d still feel bad if somebody croaked in front of me and I hadn’t done jack.

Not a bad course, but it’s late and I’m tired and I still have stuff to do, so allow me link you back to this post I wrote some years ago. I saw our classroom had a case marked SOMETHING-SOMETHING-ANNIE, so I bet next time I’ll finally have my chance to play smoochies with l’Inconnue de la Seine.

Go read the post and it’ll make sense. Also, you’re looking kind of pale — you feel alright?

September 10, 2014 — 9:03 pm
Comments: 8

A dignified people…

If you want to read the article for some reason, click here. I won’t send you to the Sunday Sport — they want you to sign up to an account first.

I wonder if these stories are real, or if they just pay some poor bastard to use his mug for the purpose.

September 9, 2014 — 9:18 pm
Comments: 17

Dat lens flare

‘Nother beach day, while the weather holds. Beaches along our coast are mostly shingle, but that’s not nearly as uncomfortable as you might think. You can wriggle a bit and make quite a nice, comfy weasel nest. For your butt.

I’m soooo not ready to dive back into the week yet, so let’s talk about the weather. How’s yours? I thought we’d had it a couple of weeks ago when it turned damp and cold, but we’ve since had a bit of Indian Summer.

September 8, 2014 — 9:21 pm
Comments: 30

Dead Pool Round 69: nope, not going to touch that

Well! drew458′s clever gambit paid off in the end — Joan Rivers is no more. I didn’t realize how popular she was over here — her death has been front page everywhere. The papers have been full of Joan Rivers one-liners all day — a most welcome break from the various shit-storms in the news ATM.

If only she hadn’t done that horrible thing to her face.

Ready? Here we go…

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I didn’t have any dinosaur shit particles.

September 5, 2014 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 111

Hurrrr

NATO is meeting in Wales at the moment, so this doof is over our side. It was reported on the radio this afternoon that so many things are happening in NATO’s territory, there’s a chance the meeting will hold Obama’s interest this time. That, ordinarily, he finds these meetings so boring, he sends his aids out to buy crossword puzzle magazines to get him through.

I shit you not. It was a straight news broadcast, so maybe I…surely I misheard…?

You know, if everything bores you, it isn’t an indication that you’re extra super smart. If the most important job in the Western world seems beneath you, you aren’t a sooper genius. You’re a malignant narcissist and borderline retard.

So, anyhoo, changing the subject…RIP Joan Rivers. The way they were reporting the story sounded bad to me — like, it doesn’t sound as if she ever recovered consciousness — so I’m not in the least surprised.

Time enough to queue it up — Tomorrow, 6WBT, Dead Pool Soixante Neuf.

September 4, 2014 — 9:25 pm
Comments: 27