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Good weekend, folks!

Geez, sorry you guys. We went to the movies tonight and I didn’t queue up a post beforehand because I didn’t realize how long the movie was going to be.

We went to see Interstellar. It was only three hours long, but we aged a hundred and fifty years.


That was Uncle Badger’s joke.

Blame him.

December 5, 2014 — 11:58 pm
Comments: 23


Believe it or not, this is not a ferocious set of brass knuckles. It is a pony skin handbag. It’s an Alexander McQueen — if that means anything to you, it’ll mean something to you — and it was one of the things taken in a recent London house robbery.

Brief article, short on details, but here’s guessing one of the robbers was a relative. Who else would know she had this pile of ugly crap that was worth a shit-ton of money?

How weak is the connection between money and taste.

Speaking of which, if you haven’t watched the video linked off Drudge yet, do it. The one with the Hillary song. When cynical manipulation goes wrong, it goes hilariously, toe-curlingly wrong.

Hillary is like the anti-Slick Willy.

December 4, 2014 — 11:05 pm
Comments: 17

Have videogames gone too far?

So, Steam informs me I can get early access to this today. Um, yay?

If you watch the videos, it’s not all that far outside the bounds for a video game: slice of bread and its desperate quest to become toast. You oonch your way along one corner at a time trying to find ways to immolate yourself.

For six quid, I…no. Not really my thing. Not enough blood.

December 3, 2014 — 8:31 pm
Comments: 16

A flock of three

Checked the chickens on this miserable drizzly December night and found Maggie dead in her nest box.

She’s the black and white one in the front. If you recall, she had an accident when she was about six months old (we think she panicked at the sight of a fox and banged he spine on the edge of the chicken house) and her legs were paralyzed. I didn’t expect her to live long after that, but I kept her fed and clean and occupied and damn if she didn’t live another fifteen months. Reasonably happy, as far as I could tell.

Unlike her sister, the pretty little black hen in the picture, who grew to be a beautiful big fat bird and dropped dead for no apparent reason at less than a year old.

Chickens. They’re a bit like that.

Funny thing, though — we’ve had six bantams now, and every one was a unique entity. They have separate personalities and different tastes in food. I can tell their voices apart. When chickens are added or die, the weight of their personalities changes the behavior of the whole flock. They have chickeny souls, dammit.

And I’m having chicken for dinner again. I can’t process this. I think I shall drink instead.

Join me in a glass in honor of Magpie, won’t you? A nice little bird who never got a chance at the life she deserved.

December 2, 2014 — 10:47 pm
Comments: 26


Another day, another article about saturated fats and how, ummm…maybe they aren’t so awful for you after all.

Disclaimer: I’m one who thrived on Atkins’ low carb ideas and I’m still sore about the absolute shit way he and his ideas were treated in his lifetime. I want those people to feel his vindication. Good and hard.

But long before I knew Atkins, my mother (who was a nurse) told me to be careful cutting fat, because fats contribute satiety. And if you’re not sure how important feeling full and satisfied to a dieter, reflect: if they get hungry enough, human beings have been known to murder and eat their children. ‘Kay? You can’t guilt people for giving in to the most powerful biological force known to all living organisms.

What we’ve done for the past forty years is tell fat people to cut the fats and eat lots of carbs — a diet guaranteed to make them crazy-eat-their-young hungry — and then wondered how so many of them went from merely obese to sideshow fat. Honestly, somebody needs to swing for this.

So, read any good fat articles lately? Do share. I won’t rest until lard is properly recognized as the life-giving superfood we all know it to be.

December 1, 2014 — 10:19 pm
Comments: 15


Welp, it’s Steam Sale time again, that Amok Time when Valve cuts prices so low you buy a ton of shit you don’t need and somehow believe you’ve saved a bunch of money. Ninety percent off Goat Simulator? Sign me up!

So I was browsing titles and came across Castlevania — you play an old and weary Dracula, yearning to retire. But first you have to fight your boss, Satan, to get out of your contract. It is rated 17+ for Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Language, Nudity.

The punters loved it. The critics, not so much. In fact, it got a mysteriously low Metascore of 58 (user votes are excluded from Metascore). A halfway decent game is always going to be 80+. Then I noticed the disclaimer above.

For those who haven’t been following this particularly complicated internet shit-storm, the simple version is: pro-#GamerGate = people who love videogames just the way they are. Anti-#GamerGate = people who think today’s video games promote violence and sexism and would like to see that change. Much of the professional gaming press — like our lefty betters in journalism everywhere — are firmly in Column B.

See the little #GamerGate recommends icon? Yeah. Steam is promoting games off of the back of the #GamerGate controversy. Gabe Newell is a sooper genius.

Hells yes I bought Castlevania.

And, um, Goat Simulator, too.

Good weekend, folks. Assuming you’ve shaken off the tryptophan coma yet.

November 28, 2014 — 10:06 pm
Comments: 20

T-day marathon for thee, not for me

MST3K is recreating their good old Turkey Day Marathon online this year. I’ve been looking forward to it all week. Got the notice, tuned in and…”sorry, the owner has not made this stream available in your country.”

Oh, boo. I mean, I can spoof it and watch it on my computer, but I wanted to stream it to the television.


Anyhoo, the turkey — not a whole turkey, but a generous slab of the finest from Marks and Spencer — is all set. The fixin’s. A bottle of schmoo. We do Thanksgiving as an evening meal, but we damn well do Thanksgiving in this house.

You guys are among the things I’m grateful for. This blog has gone a long way to keeping homesickness at bay — real Muricans to chat with! Hope everyone has a splendid day, and a chance to shop until your brains run out your ears tomorrow.


November 27, 2014 — 6:45 pm
Comments: 23

Poison in the body politic

The length of one of the most aggressively monitored borders in the world runs for 3,145 km (1,954 miles). The iron pillars, concrete walls, security cameras and drones that make it virtually impermeable today were partly triggered by just a tiny bit of paper during WW1 – a telegram.

Recognize that? It’s the BBC’s description of the US/Mexico border! It was an aside in an article today about WWI. (With socialized medicine, the crazy pills are free!).

I can’t tell you what a problem the BBC is in this country. I know US media is corrupt, but we’ve got nothing as pervasive, as ubiquitous as the BBC. Depending how you count, they control half a dozen TV channels and a dozen radio stations. It’s not at all unusual for a typical Brit to consume nothing but BBC from morning to night.

And they talk complete shit.

Beautifully produced and often clever and highly entertaining shit, but shit nonetheless.

After the Boston Marathon, a neighbor of mine — a solid conservative gun-toting Americanophile — sidled up and asked “so — Tea Party?” Because that’s the only suspect he knew. I’ve had two people in the last few weeks congratulate me in casual conversation on dodging that horrible Palin woman. No doubt, they had never heard a single good thing about her until I hissed, “well, actually, she’s a bright and articulate woman who was the most popular governor in America when she was selected to run.”

Truth is, I consume as much BBC as anyone. Mostly radio. Mostly Radio 4. I swear, they can work a George Bush joke into the cooking program. The can make flower arranging positively Marxist. Lately, I’ve taken to playing a little game with every program I listen to — Spot the BBC Hook.

Our next guest is an eminent British composer — who is from an immigrant family. Let’s get a legal opinion from a senior judge — who is militantly gay. Our science program this evening is about women scientists who rose in their professions despite gender discrimination.

I promise you, the number of programs without such a social justice hook is vanishingly small.

Tell you what, though — I stole that image off the internet and I’m'a call bullshit on it. Why would a BBC logo be centered over North America?

November 26, 2014 — 10:46 pm
Comments: 8

and the message is…?

I dunno. Give in to mob justice or we’ll burn our own houses down and bankrupt our neighbors?

Eric Holder’s right: we are too cowardly to have that conversation about race. But he’s wrong to think he’d like it if we did. And I suspect we eventually will.

Meanwhile, we figure we can afford to rebuild their neighborhoods from time to time, as long as they continue preying exclusively on each other.

Oh, hey, the Ferguson riots have now officially killed as many unarmed young black men as Officer Wilson.

November 25, 2014 — 9:55 pm
Comments: 12


Can someone explain to me why Obama’s power grab is not a huge loss for immigrant activists?

■ it potentially applies to only five of the ten to twenty million total illegals.

■ it requires a lot of paperwork. Don’t discount this one. As someone who’s been through the immigration mill, lemme tell you the time, money and angst involved in pleasing a bureaucrat is terrifying.

■ coming out of the shadows requires coming out of the shadows — identifying yourself, giving your location and confessing to lawbreaking. Maybe confessing lawbreaking on behalf of associates and employers, as well.

■ the deal is only as good as long as Obama’s in office. I can’t imagine any Republican president would be so delightfully cruel as to deport they asses after they come clean, but that doesn’t mean the terms of the deal will stay the terms of the deal. With the backlogs that are sure to happen (good luck getting extra money out of Congress to add capacity), it’s likely the typical applicant won’t make it through the whole process before O and his travelling circus of executive orders is long gone. Who buys a pig in a poke?

and the big one…

■ delivering a giant Fuck You to the Republican base in their moment of triumph kills any chance of serious GOP cooperation over anything in the next two years — but especially on immigration. Boehner and our RINO betters would love to have given O the kind of comprehensive immigration suppository he supposedly craves, but that’s out of the question now. If they pass anything at all, it’ll have to look a whole helluva lot tougher than what might’ve passed before.

In fact, the whole thing is such an enormous shitburger for the left, I have to wonder — for the umpteenth time with this guy — is he truly this incompetent, or is there some diabolical hidden lefty advantage I’m not seeing?

November 24, 2014 — 9:35 pm
Comments: 16