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Happy birthday, Sherlock

According to the National Archives, today is Sherlock Holmeseses birthday. The birthday of the character? The birthday of the creation of the character? I dunno. They don’t say. They do say

Scotland Yard used to receive many letters from individuals hoping to make contact. Allegedly a secretary was later employed to respond, explaining he was no longer detecting and had left London to enjoy a rural retirement in Sussex.

Hey, we could be fictional neighbors!

p.s. ever since I told WordPress I use a British keyboard, it changes my Z’s to S’s and puts all those gay extra U’s in stuff.

May 21, 2019 — 7:50 pm
Comments: 5

Yep, they’re still washing up

Unexploded bomb spotted at Beachy Head. It’s apparently only visible at low tide, so the bomb disposal squad is waiting for morning. You know, if you want to run out and steal it.

I wonder what damn fool took the picture.

Beachy Head is a tall chalk cliff near Eastbourne and is the UK’s favorite suicide spot. In fact, Wikipedia tells me it’s the third most popular suicide destination in the world, after the Golden Gate Bridge and the Aokigahara Woods. People have been offing themselves there since at least the 7th Century.

The one that sticks in my head is the poor bastard who drove his rascal off the cliff. Now that’s determination.

Happy Monday!

May 20, 2019 — 9:36 pm
Comments: 10

Dead Pool Round 121: Sunny Daze Edition

Uncle Al, to his sadness and ours, wins the dick with Doris Day. According to the linked article, she will have “no funeral or memorial service – or even a grave marker.”

It went on to say, “she didn’t like death.” Huh.

She seemed like a genuinely nice lady who poured herself into her animal welfare charity.

Though the papers have been calling her an animal rights campaigner.

According to my chicken studies, “animal welfare” is when you campaign for improved in conditions for animals.

“Animal rights” is when you argue that chimps can enter legal contracts and spend your evenings breaking into restaurants to liberate the lobsters.

Here. We. GO!

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.

May 17, 2019 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 58

I don’t think you could hide many merry men in there

Ladies and gentlemen, Sherwood Forest.

Somebody went on a hike there today; it came across my Twitter feed. It’s a park now, naturally. It blows my mind when I see something cross my threshold and I realize, ohhhhh, THAT Sherwood Forest.

Like the time Uncle B and I were out driving a ways from home and I said, “oh, look — there’s a tea room called the House at Pooh Corner.” And he was like, “no, Weasel, I’m pretty sure that’s the actual House at Pooh Corner.” And I’m like “GET. OUT!!!!

Right. Remember. Tomorrow. 6 WBT. Dead Pool Round 121.

May 16, 2019 — 9:39 pm
Comments: 9

Nicked!

Somebody stole this mako shark jaw from a display case in the Hastings Fisherman’s Museum this week.

The question is…how? Stuck it down his pants?

May 15, 2019 — 9:21 pm
Comments: 8

That’s two


And now Tim Conway? What the hell?

I mean he was 85. I get that. But it looks like we may be having ourselves a celebrity death cluster.

I feel mean saying it now, but I never found him funny. And he seemed to draw oxygen away from people I did find funny.

But that doesn’t matter now. What matters is WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS PICTURE? I know he was a little dude, but he looks like a dying satellite being sucked into the gravitational field of GIANT JOAN CRAWFORD HEAD.

WHERE IS HIS LEFT SHOULDER? HOW IS HER RIGHT ARM DOING THAT?

Oh, I’m all kinds of disturbed now.

May 14, 2019 — 9:13 pm
Comments: 12

Goodnight, Miss Kappelhoff

I know what you’re thinking — that doesn’t look like Doris Day! I nicked it from the Wikipedia article (which also says she’s 97, though most of the articles I read said 95).

She’s gone, anyway. And a very decent sort of lady she seemed, too.

Once upon a time, I collected 78 rpm records. One day, I picked up a few of Doris Day’s thinking, “ha ha — it’s Doris Day!” Ignorant little minx, me. In fact, she was a highly successful torch singer before she went to Hollywood and seriously debated with herself whether she’d rather sing than act.

I won’t opine on the debate, but I’d like to share my favorite Doris Day record: Say Something Nice About Me. A superficially sweet song with a deeply bitter aftertaste.

And, of course, Uncle Al won the dick. I expect to see you all back here Friday. 6pm WBT. DEAD POOL ROUND 121.

May 13, 2019 — 9:28 pm
Comments: 14

A little mystery

Okay, last picture from my field trip. This is from an ancient building next door to the church. It’s converted to offices now, and this giant wheel is over the receptionist’s desk.

I leave you to guess what the building was for (I’ll update the post with an answer later).

Good weekend, all!

And the answer is: abbatoir. It was a Tudor abbatoir. They would’ve hoiked cows into the air by that thing and, I guess, cut their throats over the spot where her desk is. She informed me cheerfully.

May 10, 2019 — 9:28 pm
Comments: 9

Laterz

The latch on the way out the side door of the church. I can’t imagine this is a anywhere near as old as the church. For the obvious reason, you can still get all sorts of new-made ancient-looking hardware here. But it’s identical to the one on the front door (which isn’t used every day), so I imagine it’s pretty old.

I get a kick out of the very old things still in daily use here.

May 9, 2019 — 5:38 pm
Comments: 4

Man, we all hate JW, don’t we?

Man, this poor guy. All he got is a tile about six inches square, butted up against a threshold.

Is he in there? Did it work like that, or was it altogether less tidy? I know when they pulled up the floor of the Chapel of St Peter ad Vincula at the Tower of London, there were like thirty royal bodies (fewer heads) jumbled together in a big bone pile. Including several of Henry VIII’s exes.

There aren’t any bodies under the floor of our local church. I asked. I’d like to be the first, but I have a feeling the Church would expect a very serious donation to consider it.

Hm. I’m getting an idea for a GoFundMe.

May 8, 2019 — 9:20 pm
Comments: 12