Battle royal
I have a little stash of American junk food I order online, because I’m pretty sure if my body is ever completely clear of preservatives, they’ll take away my passport.
So this afternoon, I’m like “hey, B — want a plain M&M?”
And he’s like, “what even is one of those?” (He didn’t say it like that. He talks real stupid like “oh, I say, Weasel, whatever might those be at home?” I do my best to translate).
You could’ve knocked me over with a pixie stick. Imagine! So I give him a little pile of M&Ms and he’s like, “oh! Smarties!”
I’ll spare you the argument we had on account of I suck at writing dialogue, but it came down to me yelling “It’s M&M’s because they were first!”
You guessed, didn’t you? They weren’t. Smarties were introduced in 1937 and M&M’s in 1941. We laughed and laughed and then we ate the whole bag because we are pigs.
If you hanker to learn how much of a piece of shit Forrest Mars was, here you go.
March 25, 2019 — 10:08 pm
Comments: 10
Liquorice, yay or nay?
My current chai recipe calls for star anise, which I’ve slavishly added because I’m an idiot obviously. I hate this shit. It gives me the willies.
Anise, star anise (totally different plants, I did not realize), fennel and liquorice all derive their flavor largely (I have learned through a cursory trawl through Google and now I r expert) from a compound called anethole.
But they each have lots of other stuff going on. Like, “90% of the world’s star anise crop is used for extraction of shikimic acid, a chemical intermediate used in the synthesis of oseltamivir (Tamiflu)” Wikipedia tells me.
And once most liquorice was used in cigarette manufacture, giving American cigs a distinctive flavor, until the FDA banned it in 2009 for some reason. Which means the cigarettes I knew and loved no longer even exist.
My mother in law loves the stuff. My mother did, too. We could always con her into taking the black jelly beans.
Black candy. Surely, Mother, they are trying to tell you something.
Can you bear this stuff, or is it just me?
March 18, 2019 — 9:29 pm
Comments: 15
From the moist bowels of FaceBook
I got spotted dick. Because of course I did.
Liner notes: a crumpet is an english muffin. I’ve heard of Americans making potato chip sandwiches, but not Brits — my guess is that should be a chip butty. Also, it’s only a shepherd’s pie when it’s made with lamb; most people make it with hamburger, which is a cottage pie.
Confession: I like mushy peas.
The images was credited to Getty Images/Buzzfeed, which doesn’t seem likely.
March 13, 2019 — 10:04 pm
Comments: 16
Thus endeth a strange week in a recipe
My new favorite snacky:
Soak a cup* of dried soybeans overnight**
Drain and toss into a hot wok with 1 tablespoon† of peanut oil
Wok for ten minutes⁑
Sprinkle with salt‡
Keeps for days in a bowl. Tastes like popcorn, but more satisfying because it’s full of protein-y goodness. (Careful, fellas — don’t grow soy tiddies!).
Image stolen from Sincerely Nuts, a charmingly-named American online purveyor of foodstuffs. Recipes at the link look interesting, too.
Good weekend, all!
** Seriously, WTF does this mean? I hate it when recipes say overnight. Is it eight hours? Is it twelve? Is there some magical alchemy that happens to food while the world sleeps?
† I need to start measuring this. I keep eyeballing it and using too much oil which is gross.
⁑ give or take. Less, and they’re chewy. More, and they’re crispy. I like them both ways.
‡ last, before you turn them out of the wok. I think it coats better if it goes on last, or perhaps it protects the surface of the wok. Chunks of coarse sea salt in a grinder is the best.
March 8, 2019 — 8:56 pm
Comments: 13
Recipe for weaselchai
What do I know from chai? I’m a small furry mustelid from Tennessee. I went on YouTube and watched Indians make the stuff. Which is so simple, turns out, the easiest video to follow wasn’t even in English.
Per the instructions, take 2 parts water and 1 part whole milk. Bring it to a simmer, add chai, bubble for three minutes, add sugar and done. If you’ve bought a decent chai mix, that’ll make a very fine drink. There are some nice mixes to be had online.
But what’s the fun in that? What I actually do is boil the water by itself first, including any ‘hard’ ingredients like stick cinnamon or cardamom pods that could use a good boilin’. I let that chunder until I remember it’s on the stove. Then I add the milk and any ‘soft’ ingredients: things like tea that shouldn’t boil too long. Let it all come back to a simmer and then strain into a pre-warmed thermos flask with lots of sugar.
Things that really should be in chai: water, milk, tea, cinnamon, cardamom, ginger root, sugar.
Things lots of people put in chai: star anise, cloves, peppercorns, orange peel, nutmeg.
Things that can be put in chai: anything. AN-Y-THING. Any spice you like the taste of, any herbal remedy that wants boiling. I know a herbalist who puts turmeric in it. The only error I’ll admit to so far is hops (fine in an herbal tea, too bitter for a sweet chai).
I stole the image from this article on whether it’s okay to re-use tea. It’s an interesting article (and, from the looks of it, a good American tea supplier). Read it if you care.
March 5, 2019 — 8:28 pm
Comments: 6
My cup, let me show you it
I bought a few of these for cheaps on Ebay. They are hand-thrown terra cotta cups, glazed on the inside and unglazed on the outside. They look like what Judah ben Hur would drink his Ovaltine out of.
I’ve been making chai. Not out of chai mix, but out of bits. I am enjoying myself very much, as only a weasel with a chemistry set can. It seemed right to drink it out of one of these. I keep waiting to transmogriphy into Mrs Hyde, but so far it’s just a delicious beverage that makes me piss like a dray horse.
Of all the supposed benefits of multiculturalism, the only ones I appreciate are interesting food, textiles and ceramics.
March 4, 2019 — 10:09 pm
Comments: 8
Then there’s this stuff…
This is (someone else’s) picture of kefir grains. I bought me some (local Sussex grains) on eBay and I’ve switched from yogurt to this. For now.
It’s basically the same organism(s) as yogurt, plus a few more. It tastes like yogurt, but it’s a thick liquid like a milkshake and it’s incredibly easy. No pre-heating the milk or keeping it at a stable temperature or anything.
Pour milk over grains, leave out overnight, swizzle around occasionally — TADA! The only downside is, you kind of have to make it every day. It is a living beast AND IT MUST BE FED.
I think I like thick yogurt better, frankly. But this stuff is so easy and so similar. Also, I kept a wodge of my old yogurt in the freezer for when I change my mind.
Anyone else make this stuff?
August 1, 2018 — 10:06 pm
Comments: 19
Pop Tarts!!!!
Uncle B buyed me some. It’s amazing how cheering it is to bump into an old, disreputable friend like this. Though I’m so old, I still think of frosting as a newfangled impertinence. I think you can buy them in some supermarkets here, too, but they’re in heretical flavors like chocolate marshmallow.
We bought these from Amazon Pantry. First we’ve ever used it. I assume it works the same in the States.
You buy “a box”, but they don’t really tell you what means. Only, every time you put something in it, they tell you what percentage of the box is full. I suspect it’s by volume, not weight. We bought six six-packs of a fizzy lemonade we find hard to get in the stores, so ours was super heavy without filling “a box”.
A tiny woman carried it to our door, which was somewhat shaming (I found it hard lifting). The famous box was plenty sturdy, I must say.
Eh. We’d probably do it again.
July 31, 2018 — 9:58 pm
Comments: 10
Effing gooseberries
Now the harvest. I hate picking fruit. I come from a long line of people who got other people to pick their fruit, by force if necessary. I guess this is karma.
Some things have done very well this year, despite drought (the raspberries). Some, just okay (respectable yield on the red gooseberries, but they’re awfully small). We’re just beginning, but it’s an early beginning.
They began harvesting the hay on the 30th of June this year – the earliest on record.
Gooseberries are a bit of a hate object. Sour as a bastard, nasty thorns, and you gotta ‘top and tail’ them before they go in the freezer.
Uncle B did that last bit. Troo luv.
July 5, 2018 — 9:43 pm
Comments: 11
Yeah, I was s’posed to post this last night
Okay, then…how about a six foot tall copper meditation pyramid?
This is a custom made 100% copper pyramid with French doors. It measures 6 foot at the base and has an overall height of 58.26 inches matching the proportions of the great pyramid at Giza. Materials used are 16 gauge textured copper sheet,1/8 inch hand wrought copper piano type hinges with copper pins, 1/8 hand wrought copper riveting brackets (second to last photo), 1/8 inch x 1 1/2 inch hand wrought backing strips, 3/4 inch thick wall copper tube frame TIG welded with copper filler (last photo during construction), and copper rivets. This item is made to order.
Only $8,500!
I didn’t realize pyramids were still a thing, but eBay lists dozens of the boogers big enough to crawl into. Huh.
So — changing the subject — I just had my first ever yogurt #fail. After six hours on heat, it has totally neglected to set.
I thought my culture was starting to drift a little, so I went back to the storebought packaged starter. Third time I’ve used one of these, with great success every other time.
My only departure — I usually add the culture where I mean to carry on, about about 110°. This time, I let it cool to about 90°, added the culture and brought it up to 110°.
The hell? Being cold doesn’t hurt the bugs, otherwise you couldn’t make yogurt from last week’s fridge yogurt. Any ideas?
p.s. Next day. Still not set, it’s as loose as milk. Tastes a little sour, so I’m sure there’s a lactobacillus in there. I bought another liter of milk today, but you think I dare try re-cooking this one?
p.p.s. Lester III wins the Dead Pool with Joe Jackson. Quick, but not the quickest ever. You know what that means…back here, day after tomorrow, 6WBT, Dead Pool Round 111.
June 27, 2018 — 10:00 pm
Comments: 16