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Alas, poor Stoaty!


Spotted on display in the gift shop of a nature reserve. Barbarians. Far too many bird people involved in the local reserves, if you ask me. They don’t have nearly the requisite respect for carnivores.

Have a good weekend, everyone. Be careful on Halloween. Remember, just because you were too drunk to remember, doesn’t mean you didn’t do it.

October 30, 2009 — 6:50 pm
Comments: 17

In the Age of Obama, EVERYONE gets a prize


I heard back from Zazzle. They say they pulled my Nobel designs because the medal is trademarked. That sounds very plausible, actually. Supposedly, by taking the words “Nobel Prize” off, the stuff will be okay. We’ll see.

I SWEARS I’ll quit flogging my lame crap now. I just don’t have a whole to say for myself today. We drove way up the coast to our favorite chish and fips shop, and I drove all the way there and all the way back. Really kicked my ass.

I can’t relax for a second driving here. The roads are too narrow, everyone drives too fast for conditions and, of course, they’re doing it all the wrong way around. It doth suck, but my driving instructor is on vacation this week, so I need the practice.

Next up, written exam! My US license is only good until the end of this month 🙁

October 29, 2009 — 8:28 pm
Comments: 37

Mourning in America


Thanks to AliceH from D-Pud for kicking my tail, I’ve finally got a production version of Zombie Reagan up on the Zazzle site. Two Reagan shirt/mug variants and a bumper sticker. More to come.

Sadly, the product AliceH particularly wanted — Zombie Reagan postage stamps for mailing those critical government forms — is not to be. Violation of the postal guidelines:

• Result: Not Approved
• Policy Violations:

o Design incorporates the name or likeness of a current or former world leader or politician, or a local, regional, national or international leader, religious figurehead, or politician.

I was hoping the undead version wouldn’t count.

Anyhoo, thanks to Alice (and Ace!) I’m well on my way to a cool twenty bucks!

October 28, 2009 — 6:54 pm
Comments: 27

Eating rodents, eating

harvest loaf

The thing above is a harvest loaf. You find them in shops this time of year. Britons serve them at their…naked Gaia-invoking rituals, or whatever damn pagan thing they get up to at harvest time.

chewed soap

Anyhow, the traditional harvest loaf always has a little mouse baked into it.

Meanwhile, the Rat of Badger House has developed a taste for hand soap. Two new bars have vanished from the dish by the kitchen sink in the last week. And I mean vanished — not a trace. That’s got to be a major rodent, right there.

Then this gnawed lump appeared on the pantry shelf. Complete with gnawed wrapper, so it isn’t one of the missing kitchen bars.

I’ve switched to Pear’s (love that herb-y smell!) which seems to have put him off. So far.

What mystifies me is — no piles of waxy rat poops have turned up.



October 27, 2009 — 5:15 pm
Comments: 31



He’s loving himself some mop metaphors this week. Here’s one incarnation:

I’m busy and Nancy is busy with our mop cleaning up somebody else’s mess — we don’t want somebody sitting back saying, ‘you’re not holding the mop the right way,”’ Obama had said last week. “Why don’t you grab a mop, why don’t you help clean up… ‘You’re not mopping fast enough… That’s a socialist mop,’ He told the crowd: Grab a mop — let’s get to work.

You know, if I had come up with the idea of our president wielding that mop, I’m pretty sure that would actually, for reals be straight-up racist. Or race stereotyping, anyhow, which is much the same thing. I’m guessing the idea didn’t hit a nerve with him because he hasn’t touched a whole lot of mops in his privileged life.

Which reminds me…dude was raised by an elderly white couple in Hawaii. When he starts dropping his g’s and saying “y’all” and “folks” and sech, you know you’re listening to Reverend Wright.

October 26, 2009 — 9:15 am
Comments: 21

Meghan McCain’s feckless mammaries shatter the internet


Okay, so I’m a week late. Lighten up, it’s Friday!

Good weekend, everyone!

October 23, 2009 — 4:19 pm
Comments: 22

Really? REALLY?!


So the Obama administration doesn’t think Fox is a real news organization. Okay. You want to conflate editorial with news and pick a fight, eh. It’s a point of view.

Then he invites Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Maureen Dowd over for an intimate chat?! GAH! That pegs my WhatTheFuckometer to twelve. Twelve, I tell you!

Is there ANY sense in which that was a smart move? Even if it helps keep all the attendees on side — seriously, was he likely to lose Olbermann or Dowd? — it totally screws that journalistic integrity thing they’re always banging on about. Sure, we thought the lot were lying leftist ratbags all along, but now they’ve gone and done something that looks bad. Will they have to go negative to clear their names, or will they wear their sellout proudly?

And what about all the lying leftist ratbags who weren’t invited? Will they really be more positive after this? Or less, from bruised feelings and journalistic chops?

And Fox — how high can their ratings go, anyway? Even the lefties will have to watch now, to be sure there isn’t stuff the other guys are afraid to touch.

Somebody’s been steaming up the Potomac with tankers full of industrial grade stupid, I tells you.

October 22, 2009 — 7:25 pm
Comments: 16

We want you to eat it. Just eat it.

hulahoopShe never disappoints, our most elegantest first lady, does she? Michelle, honey — ENOUGH WITH THE BIKER LEATHER AND CARDIGANS. See, this is what happens when you tell somebody everything she does is fabulous. She’ll be wearing her panties outside her slacks next. You watch.

Obama also managed a spot-on imitation of kids whining about eating their vegetables.

“I don’t wanna eat it. I don’t like it. It tastes bad. I don’t want it,” the first lady said in her best nasal whine.

Then she added: “We don’t want to hear the whining. We want you to eat it. Just eat it.”

OMG, that’s, like, spot on.

Snark aside, she’s a much better natural politician than her husband. I watched her on the campaign trail; she was very comfortable working a room. She connected with people in a way he doesn’t.

Him, he can’t order a fucking waffle without making it sound like Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech. Once that gets boring, he’s got nothing.

So, yes, on the whole, I’m content for Michelle to spend her time lofting a hula-hoop in those ugly-ass sweater combos.

— 5:33 pm
Comments: 21

Unserious people


I’ve got my numbers right, haven’t I? We’re ten months in, and I know the fundraiser tally is correct. As for the number of times he’s met with General McChrystal — there was a briefing back when Obama took office, and then he scraped up half an hour during his craptacular Olympics bid. Did I miss anything?

This is about the level of artwork you can expect from me for a while. I busted the pen to my Wacom tablet. Actually, Damien busted it three years ago, when he was a wee baby psychotic, and I’ve been holding it together with hope and chewing gum ever since. It finally gave up the ghost last night.

I have a spare. Somewhere. I was using it when I first got here, before the rest of my stuff arrived, so it definitely made it. Tragically, finding it will require…housecleaning.

October 21, 2009 — 4:41 pm
Comments: 9

Return of the big baby


I continue to be well and truly gobsmacked by the quantum of stupid radiating out of this White House. Even if you believe Fox News is the font of all faux-journalistic evil, calling them out publicly is the dumbest possible approach. It diminishes the office of the president while it elevates Fox. When Helen Thomas tells you to grow a pair and stop abetting your enemies, you’re doing something extra special in the annals of whining.

And — best of all — this puts all the other news outlets in a really, really awkward spot. The White House has ordered them not to pay attention to stories sourced by Fox. Flat out ordered them. In front of the cameras and everything.

Now what? They want to obey. They hate Fox and love Obama with equal passion. The White House has made it cear that it won’t take the slightest criticism without retaliation, so they have to butter his bottom to get sweet, sweet access. And Fox breaks all the stories the MSM hates to cover.

On the other hand, some of the stories Fox has been breaking are undeniably news. Journalists have made such a big fucking deal out of being independent whistleblowers. A bulwark against the power of the state. An extra-Constitutional fourth branch of government. The Dissenters.

Watchoo gonna do now, boys?

October 20, 2009 — 1:00 pm
Comments: 27