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Stand by: posting will be psychotic

duct tape weasel
<--- (Must give a shout-out to my man the Duct Tape Bandit, my go-to images search whenever I need to wad something up in a horrible Photoshopped ball of duct tape. You, sir, are my hero).

The closing on Weasel Manor is still tentatively set for November 25, and it looks good, but we haven’t gotten an official, can’t-back-out lockdown on the mortgage. Hence, I haven’t touched off the chain events that cost monies, mainly the movers and visas. Settlement visas are running about 20 days from the New York embassy, assuming there aren’t any problems. Which is an assumption you cannot assume without making an Ass of U and Me (one of my first acts as a corporate artiste was making a poster of that hideous slogan and, believe me, it made an ass of me for life).

With best of luck, we close on the 25th November, pussycat and I fly out on the 26th, and arrive in Jollye Olde on Thanksgiving Day, the 27th. Which would be impossibly cool.

Without luck, my visa won’t be approved when I sell the house and Charlotte and I will spend Thanksgiving sharing a Quiznos turkey sub in a hotel that isn’t fussy about pets.

Either way, between now and then stretches a vast desert plain of paperwork, lawyers, banks, cardboard boxes and assorted other scary grownup shit. Scary grownup shit isn’t really my strong suit. I have heretofore carefully crafted my life to include an absolute minimum of scary grownup shit. When scary grownup shit happens, little bits of junk start rattling off the weaselmachine.

So I’m going to keep up on sweasel.com as best I can in the next six to however-many weeks — it will no doubt be a tiny island of joy in a frothing sea of loose poopy — but I’m unlikely to maintain my usual frequency and high standard of low comedy.

I’d particularly like to apologize to my blogroll. I make a good faith effort to walk down that thing every day, check up on you guys, and comment where inappropriate. But much of my precious surfing time will be consumed by the aforementioned SGS. Also, people who have stumbled over this site and link to me — thank you! I always follow up and check your site out in return, and one day I will again. Just…not until Christmas.

In closing, I’d like to say, OHMYFUCKINGGOD THISISSOMESCARYSHITRIGHTHERE AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Lemur King
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:27 pm

Hell, the SGS is freaking me out just thinking of weasels and duct-tape and the amount of shit they have to do while in that state.

Feel free to get all squooshed out of shape. I don’t think anyone “here” will be anything other than completely understanding.

If work “goes south” there may be a number of us all railing against SGS…

 


Comment from Jill
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:33 pm

(holding a tiny little weasel paw) It’s going to be okay…everything will be just fine. Really. I won’t allow anything else. Shhhhh…

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:36 pm

Awww…you guys are the best imaginary friends a pretend weasel ever had!

I make Uncle B celebrate Thanksgiving, by the way. Have done for years. I call it Thank God I’m Not British Day. Oddly, it doesn’t take much pressure to get him to eat a large meal featuring turkey.

He’s the one that pointed out — I had never thought of it before — that we mostly don’t eat turkey all year long, then we eat it twice a month apart.

Huh.

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:40 pm

As long as the two of you will swear that you will never view, consume, or speak of tofurkey in any manner other than with tones of revulsion, you have my blessing. Call it anything you want. “Thank God I’m Not British Day” is pretty good but can’t you be arrested for that in the UK?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:50 pm

I don’t know about arrested, but it will be pretty odd once I’m carrying a British passport.

I’m pretty sure the very existence of tofurkey — and I’m not at all sure he even knows of the existence of tofurkey — would be deeply offensive to Uncle B. There was this one year, for Christmas, we almost got sucked into one of those turkeys stuffed with a duck stuffed with a pheasant stuffed with a chicken, or whatever the hell those things were.

I think you wrapped them in bacon and roasted them.

 


Comment from iamfelix
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:52 pm

Stoaty – You and Charlotte are welcome to come to MI & stay with me and 3 kitties (2 of which will hide under the bed for your entire visit) if need be! And I think I can speak for all of us when I say “write what you can … we’ll read it.” (Even if it’s bad song lyrics or copying entries from the phone book). I love that duct-taped weasel … here at my work we call it “high-speed tape” and it has held together many a test car.

 


Comment from Jill
Time: October 20, 2008, 1:55 pm

(reassuring pats on a weasel noggin)

Maybe you could draw a kid’s book called Pat The Weasel once you cross over (the pond, not the afterlife).

I had an idea for one called Pat The Hell’s Angel.
I knew a Hell’s Angel named Pat.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:00 pm

Thank you, Felix. We’d have to find another bed for Charlotte to hide under. She doesn’t do people. This is going to be extremely not fun for her.

I hate to say it this way, but at least I won’t be having to deal with TWO pussoes. Their paperwork is almost harder than mine. And I won’t have to be wormed not less than 24 or more than 48 hours before I get on the plane…

 


Comment from Liberty Girl
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:01 pm

DAMN, and I was just going to ask you to do an illo of Ho-bama as Decepticon Blackout (the cop car), complete with “to opress and enslave” emblazoned thereon.

 


Comment from iamfelix
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:03 pm

LOL @ worming …. !!!1!

Did you see this at CO?

Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, they made me switch to dayshift. Perilous days @ The General ….

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:06 pm

Would it be an easier move to the UK, if say, you were coming from Pakistan or Algeria?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:17 pm

I did notice you were here at an odd time, Felix! Hope the times aren’t too, too perilous. (And so say all of us, I guess).

It’s hard to say, PnB. The British people are rightly upset at the almost completely uncontrolled immigration under Labour, so the Home Office making a huge show of cracking down. Unfortunately — this being government and all — they’re doing it in the stupidest ways possible. Mostly be being dicks over small technicalities in paperwork, gumming up people like me…and, I’m sure, letting Abu Hamza’s eighth wife through without a hitch.

And I’ve just heard a rumor that biometric control is down, which is jamming up the pipeline. That’s right, biometrics — I get to be fingerprinted 🙁

Libertygirl, you are one of the people I had in mind. I’ve seen your URL in my logs and I’ve been meaning to put you on my blogroll (I’m a huge drama queen about my blogroll, because it’s kind of a pain to update, the way I set it up). Love the clean look of your blog, anyhoo.

 


Comment from Pupster
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:39 pm

Courage, Weasel. Courage.

A little duct-tape to reinforce the frame of the weaselmachine should take care of that rattling quite nicely.

All your minions are pulling for you babe.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2008, 2:55 pm

Huh. Looks like Mrs R from Wuzzadem is up and posting again. And she’s still not funny. (John, on the other hand, was hilarious…and I never quite understood the flame-out there).

 


Comment from Allen
Time: October 20, 2008, 3:27 pm

All the best weasel. Think of it as one big adventure, heh, “Weasel’s Bigtop Adventure.”

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: October 20, 2008, 4:21 pm

There was this one year, for Christmas, we almost got sucked into one of those turkeys stuffed with a duck stuffed with a pheasant stuffed with a chicken, or whatever the hell those things were.

As long as they wrap the whole shebang in bacon and roast it in the cavity of a pig, I’m cool with it. Hell, I’d eat a bumper hitch if they prepared it that way.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2008, 4:24 pm

Aw, shucks, y’all…I wasn’t blegging for hugs, just explaining why posting might be screwy for a while.

On a related note, typing the phrase “blegging for hugs” just made me yak up a furball.

 


Comment from benning
Time: October 20, 2008, 4:30 pm

The USA will miss you! Will you send us some English Toffee, or maybe some Scones?

Aww, come on! Willya?

Heheheee!

Good luck!

 


Comment from Shirley
Time: October 21, 2008, 11:29 am

I hate SGS ! It gives me agita, so I avoid it at all costs, until all heck breaks loose. Avoidance is good.

You will be fine. A great adventure, indeed !

 


Comment from apotheosis
Time: October 21, 2008, 11:29 am

possibly related, or maybe just amusing.

 


Comment from nbpundit
Time: October 21, 2008, 4:54 pm

Moving…wotta bitch! Even when it’s domestic…
Pop! pop! and cheerio!

 

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