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Beeg spooder

Spotted at a local farm shop. That’s a roll of hay in the middle. It was in a tableaux between two rolls of hay painted like jack o’ lanterns and two scarecrows, but the arachnid in the middle was the star. Boy, did this guy have some pumpkins!

I have been reminded we have a Dead Pool winner. I’ll be perfectly honest – I have no idea who or with whom, but I vaguely remember it happening. I been a busy weasel this week!

I promise I’ll look it up before tomorrow – New Dead Pool. Tomorrow. 6WBT (a reminder that the blog is strictly GMT and does not observe British Summer Time, which is still in effect)

October 21, 2021 — 5:40 pm
Comments: 5

I gave him my best Festus squint

Uncle B sent me a link to this video with a note that read: “… his accent has me in stitches. Extremely cool toy, mind you!”

People, that’s East Tennessee. That’s my native accent. It’s not even a particularly strong East Tennessee accent.

Mind you, Uncle B has never heard me speak my native tongue. I dropped it somewhere between Providence and London. I have to be very drunk or very angry or on the phone to family before it comes roaring back.

He’s in Pigeon Forge, by the way. Home of Dollywood. And, I’m astonished to see, a Museum of the Titanic built in the shape of…the Titanic. Nobody does tacky like Tennessee *beams*.

Of course when I was a kid, Pigeon Forge was just a little town you drove through to get to Gatlinburg. That’s where the real magic happened. And by magic, I mean tacky.

Oh. Video’s worth a look. He’s demoing a Kelly Kettle, one of those camping devices that puts out incredible heat from a handful of twigs. Pay attention; we may need us one of them before this year is over.

October 19, 2021 — 6:51 pm
Comments: 15

The shape of a weasel

I give you “Eleven different specimen of the family of weasels.” Coloured etching by W. Warwick after Captain T. Brown. From the Wellcome Collection.
Brown, Thomas, active 1842-1855

For the record, the key says

Polecat
Polecat
Hardwick’s Polecat
Weasel
Ermine
Ermine
Pine Marten
White checked
White eared
Sable
Vison

Zoom in for some seriously goofy weasel faces. At the link. You can’t zoom my blog, obvsly.

Good weekend, all!

October 15, 2021 — 6:14 pm
Comments: 16

They really aren’t very good at this scaremongering stuff

The headline reads “CNN says Americans won’t be able to go back to shopping like in the ‘Before Times’.” If the phrase the ‘Before Times’ makes your brain itch, it’s almost certainly lifted (or accidentally repurposed) from a Star Trek episode.

Remember the one where they land on a planet that’s a mirror of Earth, only all the grownups (‘Grups’) have died of the plague and everything has descended into a Lord-of-the-Flies society ruled by grubby children? Yeah, that one. It was called Miri.

So what hellish new world of want and lacking do we find ourselves in, ladies, gentlemen and enbies? Around 18% of beverages, 15% of frozen foods, 16% of snacks, 15% of candy and 18% of bakery items are out of stock. Before covid? Typically, 7 to 10 percent of items were out of stock.

You want specifics? Can you handle specifics?

Many grocery stores are facing limited allocations of popular products, like Rice Krispies Treats, Sour Patch Kids, McCormick grommet spices, and some Ben & Jerry’s flavors of ice cream.

Rice Krispies Treats! I don’t want to live in this world any more.

We went to Aldi this afternoon. They were out of freezer bags.

For the second time.

If you want me, I’ll be in the library with a flask of whisky and a revolver.

October 12, 2021 — 6:40 pm
Comments: 12

O tempora, o mores!

My art club met today for the first talk in two years. It was downright touching seeing the old dears again.

Mostly old ladies. The occasional old gent. A few didn’t make it through, but you expect that every year. The demographic of the art club is, if anything, older than the history society I work for.

The mask etiquette was hilarious. Some old bats wore them standing up but took them off when they sat down. Some old biddies wore them sitting down and took them off when they stood up. Several leaned over to me, waggled her mask in hand and hissed, “are we doing this?”

By the end, everyone was maskless and having a high old time.

I don’t think a single one of them is afraid of covid. They behaved as people transported to a foreign country: unsure of the customs of this strange new land and desperate not to offend.

If they think they can use fear to lock us down again, they have another think coming.

October 11, 2021 — 6:58 pm
Comments: 9

Duuuude…

I didn’t make this picture. The Brighton Argus made this picture. Because you can’t have a story about Paul McCartney growing hemp without a photo of him looking stoned out of his monkey tree.

It’s hemp. It’s boring. And yes, his farm is not far away. We’ve never seen him in the wild, but we know people who have. Mixed reports on whether he’s a nice guy.

Speaking of weed, only California could legalize marijuana and still make regulation such a pain in the ass that it’s worth setting up a massive illegal growing operation. $1.19 billion worth.

That story is two months old, but it’s not the last one.

p.s. thanks everyone for the air fryer suggestions. Our chicken turned out brilliant. I think we’re going to like this.

October 6, 2021 — 6:10 pm
Comments: 9

Nope.

Shhh…I’m having myself a funk today. We were scared awake at the crack of boom by an almighty rain storm and, one way and another, I’ve been getting wet and drying off all day since.

Miserable.

I have no idea why I drew a picture of worms playing gin rummy (it’s not ink, it’s a P’shop). There’s no clue in the 2008 post where it originally appeared. Just a picture of worms and me blathering away.

Sweasel.com: delivering hot gibberish since 2007.

October 4, 2021 — 6:28 pm
Comments: 9

Finnish origami artist Juho Könkkölä folded this sucker out of a single sheet of paper in 41 hours. The link to the time-lapse video mentioned in the article goes to Instagram. Don’t go to Instagram. It is a silly place.

I found the same video on YouTube (which is also a silly place, but at least it doesn’t make me log in to view files).

And being the impatient person that I am, I didn’t have the attention span to watch 41 hours compressed to 19 minutes, so I asked it to play back double speed.

At that speed, it looks more like he’s molding clay. Which may be a clue to what’s going on in his head – a process by which he leaves a certain amount of material for each feature he means to fold.

He spends a long time planning his stuff, a process he goes into a bit in this article. I can juuuuust about wrap my head around…no. No, I can’t.

September 29, 2021 — 6:41 pm
Comments: 4

We has a petrol crisis

We’re having a gas crisis. Did you know? I assumed you did, but then I didn’t realize you had a gas crisis four months ago until I was trawling the internet looking for pictures earlier.

Here’s an explainer: it’s fake. It’s fakity-fake-fake. It’s hooey, bullshit and rubbish. Rather, shortages are real enough, but it’s panic buying brought on entirely by newspaper headlines. Somebody did this a-purpose, but why?

Greenies hoping to stop car travel? (They succeeded…everyone’s afraid to go anywhere). Remainers hoping to discredit Brexit?

I also didn’t know until a little while ago that people in the States were banging pots and pans to honor nurses during the pandemic. I thought that was something dreamed up by a dweeb on Facebunk to worship the NHS.

You have to wonder how much brainstorming goes on in the Illuminati PR Division.

Never mind. Let’s have some Fun with Math.

The sign says 133.9p per liter.
There are 3.7854 liters in a US gallon.
As of just now £1 = $1.35.
I make that $6.84267831 a gallon. Honestly? I thought it was more than that. The pound must have fallen against the dollar.

September 28, 2021 — 6:14 pm
Comments: 12

I has a stick

I bought a very crooked walking stick at a church fete this Summer. It is a chicken herding stick. It is for herding chickens who are not safe in the presence of my hands.

Albert. I’m talking about Albert.

I gently guide him around with the thick end when I need him to go somewhere. Albert has come to hate the chicken stick with intensity and goes out of his way to kick and peck at it.

Maybe that’s because I push him around with it. But looking at it this evening in the umbrella stand, I believe it’s because it looks like a snake.

Gosh, my camera phone is getting crappier, isn’t it?

September 27, 2021 — 6:31 pm
Comments: 9