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Also gay

Ever since the first Assassin’s Creed game released in 2007, fans of the franchise have hankered after a version set in Feudal Japan. Well, this year they’ll get it. Good and hard.

It has two playable characters, a Japanese woman ninja and this guy – the one black guy in all of Feudal Japan (yes, he existed. No, he wasn’t a Samurai).

But that apparently didn’t piss off their fanbase enough, so they decided to make one or both LGBTEIEIO.

Part of the ongoing “I have control of this property you love and I’m wiping my bottom with it” trend in modern media. I can understand why activists do it – they’re activists – but I can’t understand why the shareholders put up with it. A failed videogame (or movie or TV series) is a very expensive proposition. BlackRock isn’t sliding them that much DEI money.

Have a good weekend!

May 24, 2024 — 7:48 pm
Comments: 8

Can’t we just let kids play?

Spotted in Sainsbury’s today. This is a character from a Lego playset called Friends. Her name is Autumn. There are three pictures of her on the box so I can confirm she is an amputee. Not, like, a half-built figure in progress.

She’s pictured on the front with a playmate, Leo, who is a brown person with pink shorts and a pink floral shirt.

Eh. The Danes. They could at least have given the poor girl a hook so she could feed the rabbits.

Story related. When I was about six, my parents were about to throw a party. My mother explained to my brother and me beforehand that one of the guests had lost both her legs (car accident, I think) and would be coming in on crutches and we were on no account to stare or make a big deal of it.

Comes the evening, an attractive young woman sweeps in without her prosthetics, a man on either side holding carrying her by the elbows. My mother took one look and shouted “OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOUR LEGS?”

Her legs were in the shop. I’m told our faces, staring at Mother, were beyond horrified.

One more. Some years later, my mother’s best friend had a prosthetic leg. She had an old wooden one (her swimming leg; she could float all day) and she kept it propped up against the wall in her bathroom.

Every time I went into her bathroom and spotted the leg, I blurted out, “oh, I’m sorry!” You know, like I’d walked in on her. Every time.

May 20, 2024 — 7:48 pm
Comments: 6

We shoulda called him Spot

The cat left something absolutely dees-gusting in the middle of the bed this afternoon. Uncle B thought it was something that had been through the cat, which called for an emergency vet visit. Which we were lucky enough to get.

Turns out, it was probably the remains of a victim (possibly after being lightly processed) and he’s fine. He needed worming anyway.

The duvet went straight into the trash, though.

He yelled at us the whole way there, was deathly quiet at the vet’s, then yelled at us all the way home. But since we’ve been back, he’s doing the oddest thing. He’s following me around, looking me straight in the face and meowing like he’s trying to tell me something.

It’s not food. It’s not outside (the door is open). He’s not mad. He’s been very friendly, in fact. It’s like he’s trying earnestly to tell me something about what happened to him today.

Oh, and the doctor said were aren’t to feed him any more. Ever. For as long as he lives. He’s just that fat.

Have a good weekend!

May 17, 2024 — 7:41 pm
Comments: 7

There really is an app for everything

Wifi controlled egg incubator.

I’d be interested if they included a candling egg cam. I was astonished when I candled my first egg. Folks, they flap around in there!

Meanwhile, I have just received the least effective phishing spam ever. The subject is “Purchase Confirmation 0991935444” – one of those where they try to trick you into opening a malicious pdf file masquerading as an invoice.

But the body of the email is “Good morning, cherished one! With each new dawn, may you be reminded of the blessings that fill your life. Start your day with a heart full of gratitude, and watch as the universe unfolds its wonders before you.”

You can’t fool me! That’s not a real invoice!

May 16, 2024 — 7:14 pm
Comments: 4

Lookit this!

I got my machine back a couple of hours ago. They charged an eye-watering price for putting the drive in for me (never again – next time we bull through it ourselves).

But look at this! Is there anything more beautiful than a two terabyte SSD with one folder on it? I’m so looking forward to corralling my games in this one place. I shall bring them all to heel!

My house may be chaotic, but my hard drives – when I have the capacity – are neat as a pin.

May 14, 2024 — 7:31 pm
Comments: 6

I have no computer and I must post

My birfday present was a nice fast SSD to put games on and which we could install ourselves in a flash!

Yeah. No. Computer’s at the shop. Might get it back tomorrow. All my stuff is on it, including the old stuff I’ve been posting. So – hello!

I did play the cat game through during the break. It was beautiful and sweet. And weird. (Fair warning, it hurts the cat a couple of times in unavoidable cut scenes).

Also, I did something I’ve never, ever done. I take a tiny sliver of pride playing games through on normal difficulty, old lady though I be. Not resorting to easy or – god forbid! – story mode. What do I look like, a games journalist?

But I gave up and downloaded a cheat trainer for this. That’s what they call them now – cheat trainers. Kitty has to run through swarms of little parasitic creatures and I got sick of hearing him get jumped, scream and die.

Insult to injury, I watched other people play through on YouTube and they had no problem zig-zagging and avoiding trouble. I suck under pressure.

Now, to top it off, I miss the little cat and feel really sad about it. Stupid monkeybrain. Nothing for it but to play through again. When I get my computer back.

May 13, 2024 — 7:33 pm
Comments: 7

It was fine and hot

Another from the Litterbox.

Britain doesn’t have a lot of murder. Well, it didn’t. Cultural enrichment is putting an end to that. But back when all the murderers in England were Englishmen, it was a rare phenomenon.

Rare, but always weird. The Fanny Adams murder is one of the weirdest. The murderer was such an ordinary young man, the act was so awful and his demeanor afterward was so cool.

And then there was the dreadful temporal overlap of the potted mutton.

May 10, 2024 — 5:00 pm
Comments: 4

The failed diary

This was an experiment that didn’t work. It was a series of short memories – my memories, duh – that were linked together in three different ways: chonologically, as I posted them, chronologically, as they had happened in time, and topically. You could navigate the stories any way you liked.

Turns out, there was nothing particularly interesting in doing it that way (and keeping track was a nightmare).

Remember, this was early days and people were trying experimental comics that branched in different ways and ‘choose your own adventure’ and things like that. Turns out, there was nothing particularly interesting in those, either.

Because of the nature of it, I dropped a lot of personal (and likely traceable) information in this section. I later decided that was unwise – another reason I never tried to get the site back online.

The graphic was a take on an Altoids tin. Altoids were popular in my circle then, for some reason. I was particularly proud of the rusty tooth marks (see the color version). The pills are 1 milligram Xanax – a precious prescription I wrangled out of my doctor when I was a frequent flyer.

May 9, 2024 — 5:00 pm
Comments: 2

I apologize in advance

And now for something completely different. The Litterbox section was where I put the less savory bits of weaselbrain.

It started with a couple of True Crime stories. I had originally intended to do a whole True Crime site. Remember, this was early days and every idea hadn’t been done to death yet.

I never really gave up on the idea. When I moved, I brought my enormous TC library with me. Not only did I buy such books, but both my parents did and sent me their paperbacks when they were done. I managed to accrue a whole bunch

I’d honestly like to get rid of them now. I’ve forgotten most of the stories I wanted to tell. I’d like to find someone just starting a TC site or podcast and ship the lot to ’em. Any ideas how I could go about looking?

But this post isn’t about True Crime. Oh, no. This is an essay about human genitals.

May 8, 2024 — 5:00 pm
Comments: 3

Beelions and beelions

One more from the Laboratory, for now anyhow. This one is about visualizing our solar system.

I was a big fan of those this is what a million pennies look like in stacks of ten graphics. They were a staple of the early Web.

Come to think of it, I guess 2004 was the early web.

May 7, 2024 — 5:00 pm
Comments: 7