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Cat fight!

You know Hokusai? Yeah, you know Hokusai – the Wave guy. About the time he drew that, in 1825, he did a series of illustrations for a picture book.

For reasons unknown, the book was never published. Which is good, because the original illos would have been destroyed in the engraving process. But it’s also bad, because they passed into private ownership never to be seen again.

Until now!

The British Museum bought all 103 of them in the Spring and put them on virtual display last month.

I really recommend having a browse. They’re fun and beautiful. More delicate than the swirly brush Japanese drawings I’m used to.

Toward the end of the Smithsonian article linked above, there is a handwringing about whether the BM should be in possession of them at all. Colonialism, don’t you know?

I may be reading too much into it, but I got the feeing the art historian quoted was shitting himself a little. To think, if countries can’t buy artworks outside their own local culture, the high falutin’ international art market will collapse.

Boo hoo.

September 22, 2020 — 8:22 pm
Comments: 14

Phew…

I went into the office today for the second time since the lockdown. It was a little like the Mary Celeste. There was a sweater thrown over the back of an office chair, my coffee cup was on the table, the meeting room was set up for a meeting. The plants overgrowing everything out front didn’t help.

I had over 2,500 emails in my main inbox and another 1,800 in messages sent through the website. I’m tempted not to try and sort through them (they’ve been forwarded to me at home all along) but to throw them all in a folder labelled The Plague.

No, that’s not really my inbox in the picture. It’s a screenshot of Outlook that I pinched off the internet. Stop trying to read the email addresses.

Oh, and and I had upwards of fifty voicemail messages, mostly asking if we’re open. And a handwritten note from my boss (who was in earlier today) asking me to re-record the answering machine message to tell people we’re closed.

I hate that. I did it. But when I’m a little nervous, the cornpone sneaks back into my accent. It was particularly noticeable when I directed people to our website. You know, the dubya-dubya-dubya part.

Still, it felt kinda good to be back. Which is nice, as I have to start going in again.

September 17, 2020 — 8:15 pm
Comments: 11

Can’t talk. Under cat. Using onscreen keyboard. Explain later.

Later: I’m not usually quite that indulgent, but the little cat has been unwell. He was huddled up and miserable looking day before yesterday. Wouldn’t eat, which is most unusual for him. We held off overnight taking him to the vet, and he was a little better in the morning.

He’s been steadily better ever since, but tonight was the first time he’d cuddled up and wanted attention and I wasn’t going to turn him down. Photo courtesy lousy webcam.

I guess he caught a bug or ate a bad mouse or something.

September 16, 2020 — 6:54 pm
Comments: 4

The language of love…

I knew a Russian woman who told me that English and German sound so similar to her, she was surprised we couldn’t understand each other.

I can almost get my head around “Mit 2 Keramiknäpfen.”

If I keep buying pet products over here, I’m bound to learn another language. In which I will be able to converse fluently, as long as the topic is “tuna with white fish” or “two ceramic bowls.” I dunno why pet product in particular are multilingual on the box.

That’s been a permanent change wrought by covid, anyway: buying catfood in bulk off the internet. Much cheaper, awesome selection and it gets to me in days. The only drag is getting rid of the packaging.

I usually try to do that right away, but Welly is enjoying the big cardboard box too much.

September 1, 2020 — 7:21 pm
Comments: 8

Nobody told me this was a thing!!!

This is a Brother Scan N Cut. It scans line art and then cuts it out of stuff, like construction paper or adhesive stuff. Or you can feed it fonts and just tell it to cut stuff out.

It’s…I could make such fantastic…mandalas…doilies. Stuff. Shit, I don’t know. I’m not crafty. I just want to spend an afternoon playing with it.

I didn’t know such a thing existed in the world until Amazon offered me a replacement blade for one this morning.

August 24, 2020 — 7:35 pm
Comments: 18

And Henry Aduts, as himself

I hate those prove you’re human Captcha things as much as the next webizen, but this right here is why they exist. When I went into work yesterday and logged into the office computer for the first time in four months, there were over two thousand of these waiting for me.

Don’t worry, I don’t have to go through them. I’ve had the work account forwarded to a gmail account from the beginning, so they’ve all been dealt with.

I get about a dozen of these every day, and I’d say one in a hundred is a genuine inquiry. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize which ones to biff unopened.

Henry Aduts is selling a get rich quick scheme of some kind, several times a day. Not sure what, I’ve never clicked the link. Some kind of bot.

Girl’sfirstname Rogers has a $3,500 commission check waiting for me, often. I just need to give her my address.

Then there are usernames that follow a pattern: normal first name, screwy second name and a couple of uppercase letters tacked on the end. GeorgIzzCQ. AnthonyBoilkAS. KenCreedmoremitPP. NatashaLag941EA. Those are always selling gross porn. And by gross, the only description I actually remember is housewife torture porn.

You can imagine why that stuck in my head.

So, using my vast powers of deduction, the only two on that list I had to open were Robbin Crookes and Eric Jones. Yeah, they were spam, too, but they weren’t nasty spam and there were only two of them. It helps.

The one that makes me laugh – well, rage, then laugh – is the one that goes “Webform spam works, and I can prove it! You’re reading this message right now!” Yes, I’m reading it and hating you for wasting my time, stupid spammer person.

August 19, 2020 — 6:42 pm
Comments: 2

It had to happen

Absolutely jack shit going on in my life, day after day, and what do I do? I schedule two Zoom meetings for the same time. Behold, idiot!

That got me thinking about ships that collided in mid-Atlantic, with a whole vasty ocean to navigate. Which is where I found this picture. It is described thusly:

H.M.S. Hawke in collision with R.M.S. Olympic, 1911.

H.M.S. Hawke was an Edgar class cruiser launched in 1891 and on 20th September 1911 was involved in an accident with the recently launched White Star liner R.M.S. Olympic. Olympic was the largest liner in the world at the time displacing 52,067 tons. In the shallow waters of the Solent, it was suggested that during a turn to starboard, the large amount of water displaced forward by the liner had generated a phenomenon of suction behind. With Hawke overhauling Olympic whilst on a parallel course, this suction may have drawn H.M.S. Hawke on to Olympic causing it to ram the hull on the starboard quarter. Here we can see the flattened bow of Hawke with one of the Portsmouth naval paddle tugs alongside.

The Olympic was a sister ship to the Titanic, though Olympic had a long and useful life. Them White Star ladies sure were accident prone, huh?

Happy Monday.

August 3, 2020 — 6:58 pm
Comments: 10

I can’t resist.

Sorry for the big file (for this site, anyway); I had to make sure jpegging didn’t make it unreadable.

This is the document everyone was laughing about yesterday, if you haven’t seen it. I didn’t see the second page of this until today (it starts at Religion). I mean, there are one or two things I could quibble with but, on the whole, this would be my list of Shit You Must Do and Be to Succeed.

The NMAAHC is the National Museum of African American History and Culture, part of the Smithsonian museums. But I’m just going to assume a white supremacist actually wrote it.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

p.s. my on-screen keyboard capitalizes random words without asking me. One of those words is ‘white’. First time I don’t catch that in a tweet, somebody’s going to yell at me.

July 17, 2020 — 6:36 pm
Comments: 11

Take two

Meh. I just abandoned a post partway through.

I watched a complete walkthrough of the game The Last of Us 2 last week. In case you’ve missed the controversy, it’s another lost battle in the culture war (it’s oh, so painful and woke). But apparently I can’t explain why without gibbering at great length and most of you aren’t the least interested in video games.

So let me leave it at this: the picture is a new character. Here she is, exhausted from slowly beating to death your favorite character from the first game with a golf club, while your other favorite character watches, screaming and crying. It happens about two hours in.

Then you get to spend ten hours playing as her. The murderer. Who is totally a woman and not a transsexual or anything.

The message of the game is ‘hate is bad’. Because of all the shitty things that happen to your other favorite character as she seeks revenge. Not because of anything bad that happens to Tranny McMa’am here. She’s fine.

It’s a thoroughly miserable experience from start to finish. And some (many!) people are calling it a masterpiece because anything that hurts this much has got to be grown up and deep, right?

p.s. The graphics were really beautiful. Not going to lie, I’m dying to play a good game with scenery this wonderfully rendered.

July 2, 2020 — 9:17 pm
Comments: 13

Be careful what you search for…


 

 

Found on a search for “wild boar hoof”. Yes, it’s a sex toy. The original file name was Overlength-Super-Wild-Boar-Hoof-Simulation-Anal-Backyard-G-Point-Climax-Console-Oneself-Organ-Sex-Toys.jpg

I can’t make sense of how it’s supposed to work. The hoof faces one way and the snout is at a 90° angle to it and I…don’t want to think about it any more.

A link, if you must, but I’m afraid it’s out of stock.

I was doing a wild boar illustration for Sussex Day. Sussex Day isn’t an ancient holiday and the wild boar isn’t the symbol of Sussex, it’s just a good old Saxon symbol.

The Sussex flag is blue with six yellow martlets (little heraldic birds) and it isn’t ancient, either.
 

 

Gromulin wins dick with Vera Lynn. Much beloved old dame here and everyone is sad. But not you! Because new Dead Pool tomorrow!
 

 

 

June 18, 2020 — 9:00 pm
Comments: 9