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The wheels of the bus go ’round and ’round…

I never had to ride buses much growing up, so I don’t share an anti-bus prejudice. Riding in the top is actually kind of fun.

If I hadn’t had to get up before dawn and crack the ice on the chickens’ water, anyway.

Anyway. Made it there and back and had my chest x-ray which, all credit to the NHS, was very low-key and painless. Thanks for all the lung advice. I haven’t had good lung capacity since a bout of pneumonia some years ago. That’s when I learned that lung capacity and stamina are the same thing!

Let us hope I won’t have to repeat that journey any time soon.

December 4, 2019 — 8:29 pm
Comments: 4

Toilet news…

A truckload of these has turned over on a highway near me tonight. They don’t say if they were headed out or headed in. I suspect the copper who tweeted this stole the photo off the internet: that’s an American phone number, and they don’t call it a Porta-Potty here.

It’s a Porta-Loo, which has caused epithet problems for poor train nut and ex-politician Michael Portillo.

Also, true story: my mother had an Indian kidney specialist named Dr Pordapodi, pronounced portapotty. They choose their own last names when they immigrate, but I don’t know if he picked that deliberately.

Yes, it’s raining. I got wet coming and going this morning. I was just settling in with a book and a very dry martini, when I suddenly thought – holy shit, I haven’t posted!

And now I have.

November 26, 2019 — 10:31 pm
Comments: 9

Says it all, really

Not even my picture. I stole it off Twitter. You can steal stuff off Twitter, yes?

Another day of drizzle. I cannot remember a dry day, literally, in two months. (Reminder: I bike to work).I AM SO TIRED OF BEING WET.

An all around shit Monday, really. Please join me in dropping trou and showing backside at the end of this day.

Not literally, though. You’ll get a wet backside.

November 25, 2019 — 9:47 pm
Comments: 5

Naughty phishermen

Got this in the mail just now. Obviously assumed sweasel.com was a mail service of some kind and they could fool me into clicking the link (which actually pointed to a .de address). Bitch, I am sweasel.com!

Also, I’m sure I’ve posted about the email below. I started getting these in January, I think. The exact wording varies and stinks of Google Translate. They got more realistic after some web forum had a breach and they began appearing with a real password that I use.

Just wanted to let you know, as of this week, I have received over 600 of these. At work!


I know your password: xxxxx!
I infected your computer with my private malware some time ago.
It gave me full control over your computer, all your contacts and accounts, I can even turn your webcam and microphone on.
I collected all your private pictures, videos, contacts, everything!
I MADE A VIDEO showing you (through your webcam) WHILE MASTRUBATING!!!
What you think will happen, if everyone of your contacts, on social network, and everyone else will see all your private stuff togheter with my recorded videos of you?!
I think your life won’t be the same ever again!
I give you the chance to pay me 800$ with bitcoin.
If you don’t know where to buy them – Google “Where to buy bitcoin?”
Your wallet to receive and send bitcoin, you can create here: https://login.blockchain.com/en/#/signup/
My wallet is: xxxxx
Copy and paste my wallet, it is (cAsE – sensetive).
You know this all isn’t a joke!
You have 3 days time to get the bitcoins and pay me.
After payment, I will remove everything and you can live your life in peace like before…

November 20, 2019 — 8:41 pm
Comments: 9


That there is a giant inflatable toilet outside the UN building. You can compose your own joke, thanks.

I wasn’t going to post about #worldtoiletday, but I had to give up and admit I don’t have anything else. (I spent the evening making a simple web page for my art group; I had forgotten that there’s no such thing as a simple web page).

It so happens #worldtoiletday is on the same day as #internationalmensday, a fact which has made the men of Twitter very offended. Twitter is a very offended place. I can’t handle much Twitter.

I have four Twitter accounts: one for shitposting, one for chickens, one for Stoaty and one under my own real name that your grandma would think is a little too vanilla. They all follow totally different accounts and it’s amazing how different the experience is with each of them.

But even the vanilla one can be a less than pleasant experience. Tonight, it featured more than one snapshot of a dusky man handling human waste with his bare hands.

G’night, Twitter!

November 19, 2019 — 8:40 pm
Comments: 7

They make the most adorable sounds when they die

I finished the last of my antibiotics this morning. I don’t know if it’s the sickness or the medicine, but something has transformed my usual robustly lazy self into a still, tranquil lump of inert flesh. Man, I’m tired. I reckon one more weekend of bone idleness should set me on the road to recovery.

Or not. Whatever. I ain’t moving for two days.

To that end, I bought a little game: bad north. It’s a light strategy game from Sweden about Vikings murdering and pillaging your people, but the graphics are so adorable and the music is so catchy it makes genocide positively kawaii.

This is not big brain stuff. I think it’s available in phone edition, so it’s that kind of game. But after an hour or so of gameplay, I think this is a recommend.

Please join me in having an indolent and enjoyable weekend.

November 15, 2019 — 9:06 pm
Comments: 10

….spotted in a shop window this evening…

Stuffed rooster. He’s very good. It’s a very posh shop, so I’m sure it’s a very posh price.

It’s not Steiff, though. I looked. You can, however, have a Steiff Foghorn Leghorn for a mere £275. Whew!

p.s. I currently have four (4!) cockerels. Anyone want a snuggly chicken buddy? And I don’t mean stuffed.

November 14, 2019 — 9:50 pm
Comments: 6

Let the pill taking begin…

Amoxicillin. I arrived at work gasping and wheezing this morning and my boss made me go to the clinic.

At first I tried to make a regular appointment with my doctor, but the next available one is in three weeks. This thing would have either gone away or croaked me by then. So I made a so-called emergency appointment and got seen in an hour by a nurse practitioner.

The NHS paradox: good in a crisis, not so good for the routine.

She decided against steroids, but she could hear junk in my breath-bags, so antibiotics it is. It’ll be five weeks tomorrow since I caught this bug, so I guess an infection stands to reason, but I hate taking antibiotics. My gut microbiome is a sacred garden. Bring me kefir!

Still, it was great to have official doctor’s orders to skip out on work and be a lazy sack of shit all weekend. Have a good one!

November 8, 2019 — 8:27 pm
Comments: 6

Thank you

Pic is a random driving snapshot off my phone because I like clouds. I have a lot of these. They all look stupid when you get home.

Thank you all for indulging me this Inktober. ‘Twas fun.

It’ll be a month tomorrow since I picked up this bug, and I’m still not over it yet. It’s a total stamina vampire. I’ve appreciated being able to curl up in my chair and draw hands instead of having to think.

Yeah. I think a lot for this blog.

My pledge to you — I shall not do nanowrimo. Or Movember.

November 1, 2019 — 9:15 pm
Comments: 8

Today we rode the steam train!

We hadn’t been to a heritage railway line in several years, the regular season is almost over, and weekdays when the kids are in school is the bestest time. Uncle B will probably murder me if I mention there was also a senior discount today.

You still get whole carriage-loads of special needs people, today as in most times we’ve visited. I don’t know if they get a discount or if it’s just a thing they particularly love to do, but you need to put a little gentle distance between yourself and the happy car.

I saw a whole field full of lady pheasants and then, two fields later, a whole field full of gentleman pheasants. I felt like leaning out of the carriage and shouting, “hey, boys…?” The were fields of moo and baa and lots more interesting birds and a bit of a castle.

You can still get on a train in the countryside and travel for an hour without seeing a giant housing project. That is unusual. They are doing a heartbreaking amount of construction in our area, on a scale and of a quality that is nothing short of vandalism. All to accommodate refugees.

And by ‘refugees’ I mean English people fleeing the cities.

But enough of that! It looks like Timothy McCorkle won the Dead Pool (Timothy. Dude. Email me at stoaty@sweasel.com – don’t put your address in a comment!). I never heard of Sid Haig, but it looks like he was in a bunch of stuff. You know what that means! Back here, tomorrow, Dead Pool Round 127.

September 26, 2019 — 5:59 pm
Comments: 4