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So, there’s a wallaby in Highgate Cemetery

That sounds like one of those Monty Python bad English phrasebook sayings, like “my hovercraft is full of eels.” Or “my nipples explode with delight.” But no, there really is a wallaby loose in Highgate Cemetery in London. None of the local zoos have reported one missing, but expert say the photos look like a Bennett’s wallaby, and there are colonies of those known to live wild in the UK.

Yes, it’s true: there are wild wallaby colonies in Britain. The climate is so congenial — it seldom rises above 85° and never spends long below freezing — that stowaways and escapees find it easy to live off the land. It’s a real problem here.

Like the tiny, terrifying muntjac deer, AKA the vampire deer. False widow spiders. Hungarian laughing frogs.

London is so stuffed full of feral budgies they’re having to shoot the bastards.

Did I say “congenial”? I guess I meant survivable. For a laugh, I used to visit the meerkat cam at the Bristol zoo (camera link didn’t work for me when I tried it just now, but it feels wrong not to link). Bristol. Ah, poor bastards. I’d watch those old meerkats standing disconsolately in the rain, water dripping off their fur. Generations removed from the Kalahari Desert, but the looks on their little faces plainly said, “something is terribly wrong with my life.”

Anyway, back to the wallaby. Let’s hope he shits on Karl Marx’s grave.

Update: Obamacare.gov is still boned.

sock it to me

October 24, 2013 — 10:10 pm
Comments: 21