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Gaze into the face of pure evil

puff, destoyer of worlds

Not kidding; this is a thoroughly rotten little fucker, this one. One of three feral siblings brought in (and probably spared on account of exceptional — but superficial — cuteness).

The other two are extremely shy and mayhap will hiss when you pet them. Not Beelzebub here. Attempting to pet him is like sticking your hand in a meat grinder.

After several days and small treats (he punched his sister, killed the spoon and dragged it behind the litterbox), I finally coaxed him into playing. Or, more precisely, “playing.”

I drag a puffball/jinglebell thing back and forth across the bars until, siezed with rage, he leaps forward, sinks his teeth into it and, growling and screaming, pulls it into the back of the cage with a series of sharp jerks.

Hates the jinglebell. Fucking hates the fucking jinglebell, lady. Got it?

One of his siblings is already homed. The other will probably be okay, too. This guy? If he ever makes it out of here, he’ll be back in a week. Doing twenty to life for assault with intent to murder.


Comment from pajama momma
Time: June 13, 2008, 5:01 pm

It’s the best when they’ve decided your feet are prey.
Freaks me the hell out.

Comment from Gabriel
Time: June 13, 2008, 5:08 pm

I have the same reaction to pop- and rap-music ringtones. Complete with the jumping rage, growling and screaming. Except that I also have laser beams shoot out of my eyes and blister the skin right off the silly fool who made it all the way through law school without figuring out how to TURN OFF YOUR DAMN CELLPHONE IN THE COURTROOM. DAMMIT!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 13, 2008, 5:10 pm

Oof! My office is bad for that. Dozens and dozens of open cubicles, and everybody has a different ringtone. I think that will come to be a cliche about this decade some day: all the retarded snippets of music we inflict on each other that way.

fucking jinglebell

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: June 13, 2008, 5:34 pm

My ringtone is the beginning of the Marines’ Hymn by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Makes me feel right proud whenever my phone rings.

Also, it says: “Don’t be messing with me, you little-sheet head. I’m an American. Hear me blast you to bits.”

Comment from porknbean
Time: June 13, 2008, 5:50 pm

See, in that first picture, ‘his’ name should be Damien. You just know if you take him home, he will trip you up at the top of the stairs and eat your eyeballs as you lay prone..a quadraplegic..at the bottom.

Comment from Allen
Time: June 13, 2008, 6:14 pm

On an animal related thingy. Now sure, I do believe each of my horses responds differently due to their personality. But…

“Most people are unaware of the large number of horses who are survivors of alien abduction.”

I don’t know if this a real person or not, but here’s the link.


It wouldn’t surprise me though.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:03 pm

Cats kinda freak me out b/c they always look at you like they’re just waiting for you to die so they can eat the soft bits. I like dogs, mastiffs, danes, wolfhounds -big dogs!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:28 pm

Dogs and cats will both tuck in to your remains eventually, if you die and leave them stranded.

True, cats’ll do it quicker. But I’ve heard it said that’s because they’re obligate carnivores. Dogs can scarf some stuff out of the fruit bowl for a few hours.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:29 pm

Well, if I’ve croaked, I wouldn’t want the little bastiges to starve …. 😉

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:29 pm

Yeah, but cats eye you like a serial killer. Dogs at least hide it behind kind, loving eyes.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:38 pm


Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:42 pm

Useless tidbit. The current theory is that dingoes were transported from SE Asia to Aus and then someone took some back b/c dogs in SE Asia actually have a kangaroo tick.

Comment from iamfelix
Time: June 13, 2008, 9:44 pm

Interesting! Well-seasoned! Provocative! (as they used to say on Sesame Street).

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 14, 2008, 5:13 am

Finally got to watch the final episode of Gorgeous, Tiny, etc. Weaz. It’d been broken for a while or sumpin.

I like the “Talk to the hot dog” music video best, followed by the LP episodes.

TI – couldn’t a visiting/traveling dog have gotten the offending tick in Australia, and brought it back to SE Asia? Just sayin’…

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: June 14, 2008, 7:14 am

I like dogs, mastiffs, danes, wolfhounds -big dogs!

Yeah, me too. Those little dogs – Shih Tzus, Chihuahuas, Pomeranians – they’re cats to me. If it doesn’t somewhat resemble a wolf in shape and proportion, then it’s not a dog. I guess I just don’t understand cats. Take this fellow for instance, this ginger (how did I know that? the photo is black and white) cat. He looks normal to me, but now we know he’s psychopathic. No, I’ll never understand them. That’s why if I see a cat anywhere I shout ‘Cat! Cat! Cat!’, drop to the floor, assume the fetal position and sob until a policeman assures me there’s no danger. I like policemen.

Comment from Lokki
Time: June 14, 2008, 9:12 am

Shout Cat! Cat! CAT!

Comment from jwpaine
Time: June 14, 2008, 10:57 am

Allen: If the aliens have confined themselves to horses, that would certainly explain why they’ve found no intelligent life on this planet. As the old saying goes, “every time a horse is abducted by aliens, the collective IQ of the planet rises perceptibly.”

Comment from Steve Skubinna
Time: June 14, 2008, 12:07 pm

Gabriel, those loud phone ringing assholes will learn new habits PDQ if they ever get into litigation. I worked at the USDC in Seattle and the judges there were merciless towards pagers and phones. Instant fine if one went off in the courtroom.

Not all courtrooms are as harsh, but I doubt any judge is amused by anyone’s P. Kelly ringtone. Or Britney, for that matter.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 14, 2008, 12:43 pm

SS – I’ve heard that about judges pretty much all over are going damned-near postal about pagers/cells. Personally, I can’t blame them.

I wonder how the pager/cell phone owners will feel if I activate my flatulence alert system in public: It makes a brief loud farting sound (deep bass with a bit of contralto – for body) to let me know my body’s finished another batch of methane.

I mean, I have to stay “connected” with my bod’ don’t I?

Comment from porknbean
Time: June 14, 2008, 1:10 pm

I like policemen.

And to think, they will be microchipped just like dogs. Old story, so I wonder if they are going ahead with this.
One day this will be you. Everytime you step out of line, the lefties who are running it will give you a jolt…..hmm…what novel did that come from…


Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: June 14, 2008, 2:38 pm

McGoo, that’s actually the idea. The dingo pop’s genetics indicate a very small founding population. Like fisherman Bob and his three best SE Asian buds happen to be out fishing or exploring w/ their extremely pregnant village doggy (work with me here) and hop on over to Aus. Doggy has pups. Either mom and some of the pups are left, or just some of the pups, whatever. But they’re there long enough to pick up some nice ‘roo ticks and then bounce back to SE Asia.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 14, 2008, 3:02 pm

Ah! I had somehow read into the original statement that some time (like generations) had passed. I was figurin’ a simple 1-2 day visit by our heroic fishermen and their faithful dog was enough for the pooch to carry said pests back. My duh.

Whatever the scenario – it’s interesting that ‘Roo ticks made it over. If SE Asia wants some more, we have plenty of deer ticks and seed ticks in the Missouri woods. They can have all they can eat or carry. And hunting season on the li’l buggers is 365 days a year. No limit!

Comment from porknbean
Time: June 14, 2008, 4:30 pm

After I found one wandering around in the kitchen, in the masterbath, and on my arm (get it off! get it off!), I told the husband that when he comes home from hunting, he must strip to his skivvies before entering the house. Thank God he is bald. It makes inspection so much easier.
I hate ticks.

Comment from Gnus
Time: June 14, 2008, 6:02 pm

Thee and me, PnB. Ticks suck. Disgusting and they creep me out.

We mostly have deer ticks ’round here. Smaller and harder to see than what I think of as normal ticks. Malevolent looking little bastidges.

Comment from TattooedIntellectual
Time: June 14, 2008, 6:22 pm

Ticks totally skeeve me out. Nasty bastards hide in places they shouldn’t and carry bad-ass diseases. Yeah for DEET! Although, apparently eucalyptus and lemon will drive them off (some combination there but I don’t remember what portions or what else might be in it).

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 14, 2008, 8:03 pm

Ticks are arachnids – spiders, basically. No wonder everyone is creeped out over them. I hate the li’l fuckers.

I was told that chickens (or roosters?) love ’em. As in love to eat them. They can have ’em.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: June 14, 2008, 9:12 pm

AAHHHHHHH! TICKS! You know where I was today? Hiking. IN CONNECTICUT. That’s spelled L-y-m-e d-i-s-e-a-s-e. I’m scared juiceless of Lyme disease (can I interest you in my newsletter?). Every year I make my doctor give me the test, and every year he pisses and moans because it isn’t very accurate…and I always score partly positive and he shrugs and says he doesn’t know what that means. GIVE ME THE ANTIBIOTICS ALREADY.

I’ve recently read, to my horror, that both ticks and Lyme occur in Britain — though much rarer and milder.

Comment from Allen
Time: June 14, 2008, 9:26 pm

Limey Disease. “Splains lots.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: June 15, 2008, 11:04 am

I respect the kitty, he should be set free. He reacts like I would if I was in a cage and people poked things at me and stared at me all day.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: June 15, 2008, 11:26 am

Allen – good observation. It explains so much. 🙂

Weaz – the first thing I thought while reading your old post on ticks is “those are symptoms of old age”. I then noticed the first comment in that post. At least I’m consistent.

And I think all kitties should be inter-bred with Prisoner Kitty to make the whole species more interesting. He’s got spirit.

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