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Round 57: bend over, here comes 2014!

Holy crap — I’ve forgotten to queue up the Dead Pool! That’s the kind of mellow holiday weasel I am today. Sam Paris wins dick with Kalashnikov (and I don’t mean he shot up the place).

I’m several dicks behind, incidentally, if you’re waiting for one. I tend to do them in batches. Don’t worry, the dick always gets there in the end.

Nope. Never get tired of it.


0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I didn’t have any dinosaur shit particles.


Comment from thefritz
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:01 pm

Olivia Mary de Havilland

Comment from steve
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:01 pm

Billy Graham

Comment from Montenegro
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:01 pm

Once more with Muhammad ALI!!!!

Comment from steve
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:02 pm

And the race is on!

Comment from Janna
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:03 pm

Kirk Douglas

Comment from Mrs Compton
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:05 pm

Damn, got distracted by Mark Steyn. I’ll go with Carol Channing, she has GOT to drop soon.

Comment from Davem123
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:10 pm

Harry Reid

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:16 pm

Fidel! Fidel! Fidel!

Vivir cortas y no prosperará Fidel!

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:18 pm

Ramsey Clark

Comment from xul
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:27 pm

Christopher Lee

Comment from cobrakai99
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:33 pm

Hillary Clinton

Comment from Stephen Falken
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:40 pm

Chris Christie

Comment from jic
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:40 pm

Steve Ditko, legendary comic book artist, objectivist, and recluse.

Comment from Bikeboy
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:52 pm

John Glenn, astronaut

Comment from StPatrick_TN
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:58 pm

Fred Phelps

Comment from dustoffmom
Time: December 27, 2013, 6:59 pm

HA! Got here in time today……so Nancy Reagan it is again!!

Comment from dustoffmom
Time: December 27, 2013, 7:01 pm

bikeboy….didn’t he die not too long ago?? I seem to recall that, or was it Neil Armstrong I be thinking of????

Comment from HTB
Time: December 27, 2013, 7:10 pm

Pete Seeger. He can be part of our land again.

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: December 27, 2013, 7:20 pm

Beaten to Harry Reid. So I’ll take Ethan Krupp, aka “Pajamaboy”, and worshiper of Buraq Hussein Obama. And no, he is not just a photomodel. He is a long time worker for the Left, and has their mindset. Quoting his own words when describing an argument over abortion he lost; “Beyond the women’s rights implications, I’m afraid it would be the ultimate surrender if I knew the truth.”.

Subotai Bahadur

Comment from Paul G
Time: December 27, 2013, 8:04 pm

Jimmeh Carter ftw!

Comment from gebrauchshund
Time: December 27, 2013, 8:08 pm

Charlie Sheen…winning!

Comment from Nanny 1
Time: December 27, 2013, 8:15 pm

Lauren Bacall

Comment from tonycc
Time: December 27, 2013, 8:16 pm

Ryan Buell

I hope he contacts us afterwards to settle the debate.

Comment from Michael
Time: December 27, 2013, 8:21 pm

@dustoffmom: is was Neil Armstrong

Due to a lack of research time (and creativity), I’ll take Rosalyn Carter again

Comment from eirik
Time: December 27, 2013, 8:39 pm

Robert Mugabe

Comment from unkawill
Time: December 27, 2013, 9:18 pm

ed asner

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: December 27, 2013, 9:30 pm

Well…I don’t b’lieve we got “full value” out of the last round, it being sorta brief and all…

So – Once more, I’ll go with Larry King, ol’ Marryin’ Sam’s ideal customer, leaving Insaney Janey FondaHerWe’reNot to the tender mercies and wishes for a quick demise of SomeVeg (or perhaps someone else, should he have other druthers this time ’round)

(If I can’t wish her croaked, maybe I can un-wish her croaked. It’s all good, so long as The Wicked Witch goes South real quick!)

Also – I applaud StPatrick_TN’s selection as a possible alternative; the world minus Fred Phelps could only improve.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: December 27, 2013, 9:39 pm

Gordon Brown, God rot him.

Comment from weaselwannabe
Time: December 27, 2013, 9:44 pm

Tony Bennett

Comment from platypuss
Time: December 27, 2013, 9:58 pm

Zsa Zsa Gabor, Dahling.

Comment from BJM
Time: December 27, 2013, 10:09 pm

I’m late and can’t believe he’s still available…I’m gonna poach Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Comment from Teresa
Time: December 27, 2013, 10:30 pm

Michael Douglas.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: December 27, 2013, 10:33 pm

Nancy Pelosi (PLEASE GOD, PLEASE!!!)

Comment from Harry
Time: December 27, 2013, 10:49 pm

Once again, Valerie Harper. I don’t know how fast meningeal cancer works, I only know she got the long face some months ago.

Comment from LesterIII
Time: December 27, 2013, 10:55 pm

Wilko Johnson for the poached dick!

Comment from RushBabe
Time: December 27, 2013, 10:58 pm

Dang it, Steve! You obviously don’t have teenaged daughters who wanted to go after-Christmas shopping when the new pool went up! Since you poached Billy Graham, I’m going with Rep. John Dingell, Michigan’s oldest Communist.

Comment from Zimmermanfan
Time: December 27, 2013, 11:37 pm

Jesse Jackson Sr.

Because HE is more vile than fred phelps.

Comment from Vince
Time: December 27, 2013, 11:58 pm

George H.W. Boooooosh
Hope I lose and he Lives ON!!!

Comment from m
Time: December 27, 2013, 11:59 pm

eli wallach

Comment from gromulin of the tablet
Time: December 28, 2013, 12:21 am

Antoine ‘Fats’ Domino. The diabeetus gonna win someday.

Comment from gulliblepratt
Time: December 28, 2013, 12:25 am

Prince Phillip

Comment from Tibby
Time: December 28, 2013, 12:28 am

Slick Willy aka Bill Clinton, because I think he’s got too much on Hillary and she’s going to get rid of him…which I think is a mistake on her part, but then, she’s not known for making good moves, now is she?

Comment from LesterIII
Time: December 28, 2013, 12:30 am

OBVIOUSLY not an entry, but I just ran across this sight (don’t ask) and saw the following item. Thought it wholly appropriate to include in this thread in spirit (and my current mood while perusing the aether):


Their is also a badger skull and parts, and some are ON SALE!

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: December 28, 2013, 12:55 am

David Rockefeller Sr.

Death would become him.

Comment from Sockless Joe
Time: December 28, 2013, 12:55 am

George Soros

Comment from Armybrat
Time: December 28, 2013, 1:02 am

Mumbles Menino, the soon to be ex mayor of Beantown.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: December 28, 2013, 1:33 am

Yay! Not too late this time.

I’ll take the center square and
Lindsay Lohan for the WIN!

Comment from naleta
Time: December 28, 2013, 2:05 am

Michael Moore, the mountain from Michigan. May he choke on a fistful of fries.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: December 28, 2013, 2:10 am

Chrissy Matthews. Just cuz.

Comment from JeffS
Time: December 28, 2013, 2:32 am

Harry Bellafonte.

Comment from Pupster
Time: December 28, 2013, 3:23 am

Abe Vigoda. Just watched The Godfather yesterday…he looked old in 1972.

Comment from EZnSF
Time: December 28, 2013, 3:25 am

Dick Van Dyke.

But I’d prefer Reid, Hoyer or Puglosi.
Skin Crawl inducing lying cheating hypocrites.

Comment from Bill the Butcher
Time: December 28, 2013, 3:49 am

Olivia has been stolen from me once more!

Luise Rainer!

Comment from Hutch
Time: December 28, 2013, 3:55 am

Nanette Fabray

Comment from ben
Time: December 28, 2013, 3:58 am

William Shatner

Comment from catnip
Time: December 28, 2013, 4:00 am

Author, Bel Kaufman

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: December 28, 2013, 4:04 am

Maya Angelou!

Comment from P2
Time: December 28, 2013, 4:33 am

Coz Ginger didn’t win last week, let’s try the professor… Russell Johnson ….

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: December 28, 2013, 4:37 am

Stan Lee

Comment from Oceania
Time: December 28, 2013, 5:04 am

William Forrest Hannon,

Comment from dissent555
Time: December 28, 2013, 5:24 am

Dang. Late again.

I stay with the Robert Reich pick from last round.

“Certainty of death.
Small chance of success.

What are we waiting for.”

Comment from sandman cheerfully says screw you…
Time: December 28, 2013, 5:30 am

I will take, for the second dead pool in a row, Arch(liar)Bishop Desmond Tutu. One can only hope he
chokes on his own preening sanctimony and shuffles off this mortal coil. If shuffle seem racist there, who gives a rat’s nuts?

Comment from tinman
Time: December 28, 2013, 8:44 am

Mary Tyler Moore

Comment from steve
Time: December 28, 2013, 1:12 pm

@ RushBabe:

11:58 WBT?

You folks do some serious after Christmas shopping! I’m impressed!

Comment from currently
Time: December 28, 2013, 3:29 pm

Hefner, Hugh

Comment from rimrockR
Time: December 28, 2013, 4:01 pm

Gaston Glock – based on his Wikipedia entry it’s amazing he’s lived this long.

Comment from twolaneflash
Time: December 28, 2013, 7:32 pm

The turd-tunneler calling itself pResident B.H. (Butt Hole) Obama, a turd in every respect, which cannot be polished, picked up by a the clean end, nor buried deeply enough, even by S. Weasel’s entire menagerie of cats digging in unison for a fortnight.

Comment from ocareha8er
Time: December 28, 2013, 8:29 pm

Vallery Jerret. yeah….misspelled on pur-pose.

I believe it to be the puppeteer.

Comment from stina
Time: December 28, 2013, 10:06 pm

Naleta beat me to the Mountainous One, so let’s see…

…Gene Hackman. No particular reason except that he’s old, which makes him tasty Dead Pool fodder.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: December 28, 2013, 10:36 pm

Bruce Springsteen.

Or, if you prefer: BOOCE SPINGSTEEE

Comment from Thursby
Time: December 28, 2013, 11:23 pm

Chuck Berry

Comment from ed
Time: December 29, 2013, 1:54 am

Everybody’s favorite dinner guest to the Last Dance: Mahmoud Abbas

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: December 29, 2013, 5:43 am

Going local this time – Ed Burke, the last of the original Daleycrats, who has infested the Chicago City Council for 44 years. (Ms. Weasel, is that too small gauge?)

Comment from Oceania
Time: December 29, 2013, 9:47 am

my choice is on the previous column … mines on a respirator and has just start dialysis … for renal failure

might not be too long … alas

Comment from smedleythebarbarian
Time: December 29, 2013, 11:23 pm

Watch out for that tree Mr Shumacher

Comment from Nora
Time: December 30, 2013, 1:58 am

Gwyneth Paltrow. Please God, put us out of our misery

Comment from Cindermutha
Time: December 30, 2013, 2:19 am

Sean Penn. He’ll probably choke on his own stupidity.

Comment from thefritz
Time: December 30, 2013, 3:31 am

Auto racing legend Andy Granatelli dead at 90.

Comment from Pablo
Time: December 30, 2013, 4:16 am

Bob Dole.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: December 30, 2013, 6:35 pm

These dick jokes are getting a big spotty.

Comment from acat
Time: December 30, 2013, 8:59 pm

Jesse Jackson Junior. (note *not* stealing from Zimmermanfan)

Admittedly, being sent to Club Fed for 2.5 years isn’t exactly doing “hard time”, but I don’t see where it’ll be too kind to a guy whose grip on reality is tenuous at best.


Comment from Oceania
Time: December 31, 2013, 10:04 am

Prince Bandar and John McCaine had better sort their Affairs out.
They are both in a pile of Shit.

Mega Dead Pool Members.

Kim Dot Kom Sized Mega-Death.

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: December 31, 2013, 12:16 pm

Ian Paisley, former First Minister and DUP leader.

Comment from Fawn
Time: December 31, 2013, 12:28 pm

As a grieving poachee, I will now poach Christy Dignam – front man for Aslan.

Comment from Mark B.
Time: January 1, 2014, 12:01 am

Betty White

Comment from Acat
Time: January 1, 2014, 5:18 am

Heard Barbara Bush is in the hospital. Can ‘t change my pick so …

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: January 1, 2014, 6:30 am

Barbara Bush, only because I read that she is in the hospital for respiratory problems… one needs to breathe in order to remain undead. Right?

Comment from Carl
Time: January 1, 2014, 6:13 pm

Ariel Sharon. It’s the fourth time I’ve chosen him but it looks like he really is on his way out this time.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: January 1, 2014, 6:40 pm

James Avery appears to be no longer with us. RIP.

Comment from Sam Paris
Time: January 2, 2014, 11:01 am

@Rich Rostrom: “Going local this time – Ed Burke, the last of the original Daleycrats…”

Now, now Rich, “only the good die young.” 70 is still young, these days.

But I gotta admit it would warm my heart.

So long as we’re going local, little Dickie Daley hisself. Extremely unlikely, but oh, so delicious.

Comment from cheshirelion
Time: January 2, 2014, 2:33 pm

Former (disgraced) Speaker Jim Wright

Comment from physics geek
Time: January 2, 2014, 10:00 pm

Once again, I pick Keir Dullea of 2001: A Space Odyssey. The guy’s got to kick eventually, right? I’d pick Harry Reid, but the spells of necromancy animating his corpse are just too robust.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: January 3, 2014, 2:14 am

Bob Grant, radio legend, has passed.


Comment from Oceania
Time: January 3, 2014, 11:57 am

Barbara Bush is look like a dead body …

Comment from As If I Cared
Time: January 4, 2014, 6:51 am

Comment from Nora
Time: December 30, 2013, 1:58 am
Gwyneth Paltrow. Please God, put us out of our misery.

The best part of the movie “Contagion” was her gruesome death early on. I’ll watch it up to that point simply for the satisfaction of seeing her dispatched.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 4, 2014, 8:45 am

Mr Hannon passed yesterday at 3:30 AM, 68 years of age.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 4, 2014, 8:46 am

Barabara Bush will probably pass tomorrow.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: January 4, 2014, 1:33 pm

Phil Everly, of the Everly Brothers, has passed.


Comment from twolaneflash
Time: January 4, 2014, 4:54 pm

@Nora & As If I Cared:

Bruce Paltrow was my fraternity brother in college. He died of shame.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 5, 2014, 12:53 am

Soooo what happens when you name someone in the dead pool … and they snuff it … and … nothing happens?

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 5, 2014, 5:08 am


Comment from Yojimbo
Time: January 6, 2014, 12:35 pm

Dick Cheney, I am sorry to say.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 7, 2014, 11:25 pm

I’m calling Shenanigans on this thread.

Comment from Stephen Falken
Time: January 10, 2014, 2:40 am

My pick earlier in this dead pool was Chris Christie. I would, however, be more than satisfied if his political career is dead.

Comment from Pablo
Time: January 11, 2014, 12:36 pm

Congrats to Carl! Ariel Sharon has bought the farm.

Comment from Oceania
Time: January 11, 2014, 11:16 pm

Yes, But Mr Hannan snuffed it last week!


Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: January 14, 2014, 9:31 pm

William Hannan died in 1987, you idiot.

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