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Dead Pool Round 99: the ‘OOooo almost a hundred!’ edition

Glen Campbell wins it, Uncle Al takes the dick. But you knew that.

Campbell was only 81 — which no longer strikes me as very old — but he’d had Alzheimer’s for a thousand years, so this was probably a blessed relief.

Any ideas what to do for Round 100, let me know. But probably not in this thread…it’ll get lost in the candidates.

Ready? Okay then!

0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.

3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.

4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.

5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.

6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.

7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.

8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.

The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.


Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:00 pm

Hugh Hefner

Comment from Ben
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:01 pm

William Shatner

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:01 pm

Ruth Bader Ginsberg

Comment from Janna
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:03 pm

Kirk Douglas

Comment from Mitchell
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:04 pm

Kim Jong Un. I’m not particular, a coup or assassination will work just fine for me.

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:06 pm

Miriam Moskowitz

Comment from Capt. Kranky
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:24 pm

Betty White, she gots to go sooner or later.

Comment from Eirik
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:26 pm

Robert Mugabe

Comment from sassamon
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:27 pm

For this round I will again choose the Ding Dong Gentleman, Leslie Phillips. Comic actor Who has been in over 150 films and television shows. Known early in his career for the Carry On and the Doctor film series.

Memorable phrase “Ding Dong, you’re not wrong”


Comment from Deborah HH
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:30 pm

Maria Teresa Thierstein Simões-Ferreira Kerry

Comment from RimrockR
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:32 pm

Chuck Yeager. Seriously Chuck live forever,ok?

Comment from Hutch
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:39 pm

Olivia de havilland

Comment from RealMc
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:40 pm


John McCain

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: August 11, 2017, 6:48 pm

Moving from my usual political choices, when I saw this I laughed my a** off.

In San Francisco, south the former Army post at the Presidio is an exclusive neighborhood of 35 multi-million dollar mansions. Being rich Leftists, they got title to the streets and easements. Being rich Leftists, the neighborhood has the city maintain the streets and easements, and for some reason they are only assessed $14 [fourteen dollars] a year total in taxes for those streets and easements.

The homeowners’ association, being rich Leftists, did not think that making sure the taxes were paid was worth their attention [they sent the money to a former accountant who doesn’t work for them anymore, ignoring the fact that he did not work for them]. When the taxes, penalties, and interest reached a bit over $900, it went up for tax auction. It cost a bit over $90k after a bidding war, but Tina Lam and Michael Cheng bought full legal title to the streets, easements, and incidentally the guard shack and gate at the only entrance. And they say that they are going to monetize their investment.

The rich Leftists are having litters of kittens, born with claws fully extended. They are suing to overturn the tax sale [which happened a couple of years ago, but the couple did not announce their ownership until they thought they had it all locked down].

I have no doubt that since the rule of law does not exist, and all the judges have price tags attached, that the rich Leftists are likely to win. In which case I hope Tina Lam and Michael Cheng turn the streets and easements into a homeless refuge. But if they win, I expect that said rich Leftists will have them whacked.

Tina Lam and Michael Cheng [who actually live in San Jose, California], in the street, by Left-wing Guido’s. I’m sure that before the bodies hit the pavement the coroner’s certificate will say “natural causes”.

Comment from ea in ga
Time: August 11, 2017, 7:16 pm

Jimmy Carter

Comment from Steve
Time: August 11, 2017, 7:16 pm

Herman Wouk

102 years young!

Comment from RushBabe
Time: August 11, 2017, 7:32 pm

Billy Graham. He’s one person who shouldn’t have to witness the Book of Revelation firsthand.

Comment from xul’s fedora
Time: August 11, 2017, 7:41 pm

Since I decided to go with Charlotte Rae last time instead of Martin Landau after having Leslie Phillips poached, I guess I’m just gonna stick with ol’ Charlotte since she’s gotta some time.

Comment from thefritz
Time: August 11, 2017, 7:59 pm

Late to the party…so….Jerry Lewis is as good a pick as any.

Comment from Mad Ivan
Time: August 11, 2017, 8:04 pm

Henry Kissinger

(HRH Prince Phillip seems to have recovered remarkably – good on him!)

Comment from Jeff Weimer
Time: August 11, 2017, 8:08 pm

I’m sticking with Burt Reynolds.

Comment from Crabby Old Bat
Time: August 11, 2017, 8:09 pm

Beverly Cleary (hope I don’t win)

Comment from Montenegro
Time: August 11, 2017, 8:32 pm

OK Gene Hackman one more time

Comment from JC
Time: August 11, 2017, 8:40 pm

Sticking with Paul Erlich

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: August 11, 2017, 8:47 pm

Full Dislosure: Secretly, I’d really, RILLY! like to see Uncle Al ring da gong…and Damnquick!! – this time out…I simply would dearly luuurve to watch the spectacle as President Trump would swing into action, and deliver his second Supreme Court Justice appointment…Particularly dee-lightful, as it would dispose of one of the very most regrettable (In)Justices of all time, grungy ol’ Ruthie BadNews Ginsberg…

As for myself, I will adhere to my usual mode – fondly wishing Red-assed Insaney-Janey Fonda an early and (preferably) painful demise…c’mon, Janey, jes’ step right over to these-here tracks, an’ give that S.F. cable-car a big ol’ smooch on the front railing as it comes down the hill! Atta girl, you can do it, you know you can!!

Comment from Armybrat
Time: August 11, 2017, 9:29 pm

Desmond Tutu

Comment from gromulin
Time: August 11, 2017, 9:39 pm

Dammit, late again. Back to the diabeetus pick – Antoine “Fats” Domino

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: August 11, 2017, 9:52 pm

George H. W. Bush

Comment from gulliblepratt
Time: August 11, 2017, 10:03 pm

Angela Lansbury

Comment from Pupster
Time: August 11, 2017, 10:39 pm

Charlie Sheen.

Comment from Spad13
Time: August 11, 2017, 10:44 pm

Dan Rather

Comment from dissent555
Time: August 11, 2017, 11:05 pm


Bill Clinton; still poached.

Comment from Mrs Carl
Time: August 11, 2017, 11:07 pm

Clive James

Comment from Carl
Time: August 11, 2017, 11:09 pm

Sir Bruce Forsyth

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 11, 2017, 11:28 pm

Just a cheap Hollywood pick this time: 1940s-50s glamour girl Janis Paige. Oh, those legs!

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: August 11, 2017, 11:39 pm

John Glenn

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: August 11, 2017, 11:45 pm

Oh, and just to cool down any odometer fever: this is actually the 97th Dead Pool. There were two #10s and two #24s, but no 29, 30, 65, or 81.

Comment from Veeshir
Time: August 12, 2017, 12:18 am

Robert Fuller. Not that I want it to happen but I’ve been watching Laramie a lot lately.

Comment from tinman
Time: August 12, 2017, 12:35 am

Dick van Dyke

Comment from Some Vegetable i
Time: August 12, 2017, 12:42 am

Henry Kissinger – I still flip flop in my opinion of him as either evil genius, just evil, or just maybe, genius. Certainly RealPolitk is a speciality of his.

He pioneered the policy of détente with the Soviet Union, orchestrated the opening of relations with the People’s Republic of China, and negotiated the Paris Peace Accords, ending American involvement in the Vietnam War. Kissinger has also been associated with such controversial policies as CIA involvement in Chile and U.S. support for Pakistan, despite the genocide during the Bangladesh War. I have no doubt whatsoever that that his fingerprints were on both Bushs’ Iraq wars for better or worse.

Anyhow, Hell is no doubt in need of some foreign advice after Trump’s surprise election victory so let’s send them an expert. Better that than giving the Republicans advice on North Korea.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: August 12, 2017, 1:36 am

Sorry, @Some Vegetable i, but Mad Ivan grabbed Kissinger some hours back.

Comment from Mr. Dave
Time: August 12, 2017, 1:45 am

Ramsey Clark please great angel of death.

Comment from Some Vegetable i
Time: August 12, 2017, 2:40 am

Thanks, Uncle Al….

Then I’ll fall back on a guy who probably is more needed in Hell than Kissinger – George Soros. I think he already has a desk there for when he checks in with his boss.

Comment from gebrauchshund
Time: August 12, 2017, 3:07 am

Yoko Ono

While squalling in agony, surrounded by a crowd of hipsters who dutifully applaud her “performance art”, and then freak the fuck out when they realize she’s dead.

It would truly take a heart of stone not to laugh at that.

Comment from Bob
Time: August 12, 2017, 3:15 am

Nicolás Maduro Moros

Comment from weaselwannabe
Time: August 12, 2017, 3:40 am

Nancy Pelosi

Comment from p2
Time: August 12, 2017, 3:45 am

since no one poached her majesty yet, i shall… elizabeth II.

Comment from Davem123
Time: August 12, 2017, 5:08 am

Sinead O’Connor – Nothing funny or insightful to add, apparently suicidal. Never cared for her politics, good voice though.

Comment from catnip
Time: August 12, 2017, 5:15 am

Actor, Norman Lloyd–Dr. Daniel Auschlander, “St. Elsewhere” TV series

Comment from ama
Time: August 12, 2017, 5:23 am

Rosalyn Carter

and durnedyankee…check your man’s pulse there

Comment from LesterIII
Time: August 12, 2017, 5:52 am

Methinks Fritz sabotaged the official timepiece at The Estate, thus inconveniencing my preferred pick. Perhaps Skeptic colluded with him in this endeavor. Rationalization complete, I shall prepare for both of their entertainment, perhaps for a joint visit?

I must then go with the blustering prick Ed Asner.

Comment from Timbo
Time: August 12, 2017, 10:57 am

Phil the Greek aka Her Maj’s consort.

Comment from Malcolm Kirkpatrick
Time: August 12, 2017, 5:18 pm

The terrible lizard Jiang Zemin, of something stolen Falun Gong body parts cannot cure.

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: August 12, 2017, 5:21 pm

I feel compelled – in the interest of fairness – to “back up” ama‘s comment: durnedyankee, John H. Glenn, he of “The Right Stuff”, took his Final Flight last year – December 8, 2016 – at the ripe old age of 95. You should perhaps make another selection?…

Comment from dustoffmom
Time: August 12, 2017, 6:48 pm

Huma Abedeen. The feds are getting closer and she must know a great many secrets. Some sort of suicide if Bill and Hill’s luck with staffers holds true to form.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: August 12, 2017, 8:11 pm

Chris Mathews. He’s not too terribly old but all the insanity he spouts is surely to make his head explode one of these days.

Comment from thefritz
Time: August 12, 2017, 8:59 pm

Durnedyankee…John Glenn slipped the surly bond back in ’06

Oh, and Lester, I too lost track of time and missed my chance at once again claiming one of the DP’s perennial favorites…Olivia D’Havilland. I had a good excuse though, I was splitting 4 cords of beautifully aged Michigan oak..plenty of extra wood for you to heat The Estate this winter…it’s awfully drafty down in your ‘basement’.

Comment from Sk.Y M-39
Time: August 12, 2017, 9:55 pm

Late again, But I can still go with Harry Belafonte… It’s time…

Comment from Nana1
Time: August 12, 2017, 10:30 pm

Roberta McCain.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: August 12, 2017, 10:39 pm

Completely spaced on this again.

Changing it up once again and selecting singer, songwriter, satirist, and mathematician TOM LEHRER.

89 years old and not getting any younger.

Comment from MrsMGunz
Time: August 12, 2017, 11:08 pm

Aretha Franklin

Comment from BJM
Time: August 13, 2017, 3:50 am

Late to the party….I’ll go with Angela Merkel

Comment from Steve Skubinna
Time: August 13, 2017, 3:59 am

Never weighed in before, but I submit Keith Olbermann.

No, he’s not old or in poor health, but if anybody seems heading for an on air aneurism… I’d pay money to watch him check out on TV.

Comment from thefritz
Time: August 13, 2017, 11:42 am

typo, J. Glenn passed in 2016.

Comment from unkawill
Time: August 14, 2017, 2:59 am

Barbra Bush. She’s due and she’s been having issues.

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: August 14, 2017, 12:41 pm

Willie Nelson

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: August 14, 2017, 1:37 pm

RIP, Joseph Bologna. Always liked him.

Comment from svs
Time: August 14, 2017, 2:23 pm

Pope Benedict aka Joseph Ratzinger

Comment from Daniel
Time: August 14, 2017, 8:09 pm

Gordon Lightfoot. Reports of his death have so far proved fictitious. But I mean — he was born in 1938!

Comment from bikeboy
Time: August 14, 2017, 8:21 pm

Jerry Lee Lewis.

(“The Killer” – NOT the comedian / member of the Rat Pack… he’s already claimed.)

Comment from David Gillies
Time: August 15, 2017, 3:55 am

If it’s Brown, flush it down. Gordon Brown. I never expect to win this thing but if it’s still going in thirty years’ time I might have a chance.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: August 15, 2017, 2:27 pm

I’m sticking with John Glenn.
I suppose that means I can’t pick Myrna Loy either.

Well, I’m going with John Podesta then.
Mysterious suicide while weight lifting on a nude fishing trip at Fort Marcy Park.

Comment from Stephen Falken
Time: August 16, 2017, 6:07 pm

Charles Manson

Comment from Cobrakai99
Time: August 16, 2017, 6:29 pm

Michael Moore, choking on a whole chicken.

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: August 16, 2017, 9:24 pm

How come no one picks Clint Eastwood? Come on, he’s 87!

Comment from spunkus
Time: August 17, 2017, 12:04 am

Alan Greenspan.

Comment from currently
Time: August 17, 2017, 12:04 am

Rose Marie

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: August 18, 2017, 4:58 pm

RIP, Bruce Forsyth.

Carl’s got it.

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: August 18, 2017, 9:01 pm

Ric’s correct, and it does seem that Carl’s pick has won this round of the Dead Pool:

BBC article here: Sir Bruce Forsyth: TV legend dies aged 89

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 18, 2017, 9:09 pm

Argentium: did you see my message, four posts down? Drop me a line at stoaty@sweasel.com

Comment from mandel bread
Time: August 20, 2017, 5:33 pm

Carl Reiner

Comment from Mitchell
Time: August 20, 2017, 5:56 pm

Perennial Dead Pool favorite Jerry Lewis shuffled off the mortal coil betwixt picks – no dick for his kick.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 20, 2017, 6:09 pm

Oh Jerry… couldn’t ya have waited a few more days?
I was going to pick you again on Friday…you got the last laugh…

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 20, 2017, 6:13 pm

and since I’m kavetching…I was the first to bring Glen Campbell into the Pool almost two years ago…picked him regularly until Lester and I got into a pissing match over Olivia de Havilland…

Comment from thefritz
Time: August 20, 2017, 6:17 pm

that Anonymous is thefritz…

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: August 20, 2017, 6:29 pm

Poor thefritz – second pick, missed the dick!

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: August 20, 2017, 6:34 pm

Everybody is dying off!

Ever see the old movie On Borrowed Time?

Comment from Davem123
Time: August 21, 2017, 12:00 am

Dick Gregory also gone. RIP

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 22, 2017, 2:09 pm

The death of James Dresnok, who died last Nov, is confirmed. No RIP. He was an American soldier who defected to the norks during the Korean War. If you saw the documentary, Crossing the Line, you can see what a nasty human being he was. Just awful.

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