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It’s come to this

This goofy scrotum-faced potted-palm bastard has decided I MUST DIE. Testosterone has caught up with Albert.

When the pekins briefly went through that phase, it was like being hit on the back of the leg with a party balloon, but this dude is different. He’s at least three times their weight, with wicked evil spurs. A reminder that roosters fighting to the death is a sport.

At his most pissed, he jumps up and comes down with those spurs, and that emeffer hurts. He got me in the shin twice yesterday and drew blood.

At first I thought non-violence was the way to go. If I acted nonchalant, he didn’t escalate. For a while.

Then I tried lifting him on the toe of my boot and boosting him into the air. It’s not a kick because my foot doesn’t contact him hard. It’s a stimulating toss. That may have shook him a little, but he still tried to get a couple of pecks in later.

Thank goodness he’s so blind, he misses half the time.

All I can do is wear my wellies around him and hope he gets over it like the others did.

I know what you’re thinking, but I just couldn’t. I’ve been coddling this silly peckerhead since he was an egg. He’s still my boy.


Comment from Deborah HH
Time: August 17, 2020, 8:30 pm

A quirt might work. You don’t have to hit him hard—just let the bird know who’s the boss.

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: August 17, 2020, 8:41 pm

Vote count. After hearing this, my wife said she had dealt with something similar when a kid with the family chickens.

I and my daughter voted Coq au Vin.

Subotai Bahadur

Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: August 17, 2020, 10:12 pm

Geese. As a kid I was terrorized by a flock of domestic geese at my Aunt and Uncle’s farm. Vicious animals.

Comment from BJM
Time: August 17, 2020, 10:35 pm

@Stoaty…The Queen probably feels the same way about Harry.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: August 17, 2020, 11:03 pm

That’s exactly what Lincoln said about Grant!

I re-learned American Hysterical facts recently.

Only I think he said something like
“He’s my large historical building gendered non-cis fighting non-guy gender thingie!”

Actually, he might have said “Splunge!”

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: August 17, 2020, 11:31 pm

beak & spurs + angle grinder? Just to dull the sharp pointy bits a little.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: August 18, 2020, 1:44 am

It’s too late now but can’t you despur them when they are wee lads?

Comment from Surly Ermine
Time: August 18, 2020, 3:00 am

I’m sure we have this to look forward to. We have more roosters than hens. At least we did. Three went missing two days ago and another is lame. Broad daylight and within a 2 hour period. We’ve seen hawks about but the barn swallows tend to run them off. Looked out the window yesterday just in time to see the culprit slinking away from the direction of the chicken shed, a fox. Can’t wait to turn him inside out.

Comment from mostly cajun
Time: August 18, 2020, 12:14 pm

Dad used a garden rake and caught one his roosters in mid-attack. They make good gumbo.

A pair of wirecutters will trim spurs quite nicely.

Comment from durnedyankee
Time: August 18, 2020, 1:42 pm

You really want to watch out for the armored roosters from the Chicken Universe.

That’s all I’m sayin.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 18, 2020, 3:36 pm

You may not encounter it, Surly. Most of my boys are sweet.

There is such a thing as a cockerel flock, but I suspect you have to keep them out of range of girls for it to work.

If you haven’t yet, rush right out and join Backyard Chickens right this minute. Best source of information on the web.

Comment from BJM
Time: August 18, 2020, 8:57 pm

@Durned…didn’t he also say give all my generals whatever Grant is drinking?

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: August 18, 2020, 10:21 pm

@BJM. In the version of history I learned, yes.

But that was before we discovered all those people actually fought the “Uncivil” war because of a long standing regional argument over the use of sugar in proper cornbread and the correct pronunciation of the word Pecan. A mixed bag really, the South is wrong about not putting sugar in cornbread, but correct in that the word Pecan is NOT pronounced Pee_can.
The band Mason-Dixon opened for Lincoln’s Gettysburg fandango.

Comment from homer
Time: August 19, 2020, 1:31 am

Walk out with a pitcher of ice cold water in your hand. I don’t mean water with cubes, I mean water that has a thin film of slush forming on top. When he nails you, let him have all of it. I can’t swear this will work because I’ve never had this problem. You’ll probably need to do it at least twice, but it should make him leery of you when you have something in your hand.

Comment from BJM
Time: August 19, 2020, 5:34 pm

@Durned…sugar does not belong in a proper pan of cornpone, however a little molasses is mighty tasty if you’re making cornbread sticks (in a cast iron mold/pan) and it’s pronounced “peekun” one syllable.

As kids we ate the leftover cornbread crumbled into a tall glass of cold milk. Remember those spun aluminum glasses in the 50’S that cottage cheese was sold in? Best milk glasses evah. We kept them in the fridge and man, cold milk with some Hershey’s choklit syrup was 8 yr old heaven.

Comment from BJM
Time: August 19, 2020, 5:38 pm

Now that we’ve settled the cornbread and pecan conundrum …shall we move on to P&J sammies? Jam or jelly? Smooth or crunchy? White bread or Wheat? Crusts on or off?

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: August 20, 2020, 11:09 am

I’ve grown to favor the allegedly Mexican style of cornbread with whole kernels and peppers mixed in.
My sugary Yankee cornbread days are passed.

Pbjs – have to have peanut butter, natural, crunchy or smooth makes hardly a nevermind to me. The “jam” smear may be anything including honey (but not ketchup…bleh) and may be on any edible floury product though corn tortillas should only be used in extremis and should be crispy if they are.

Obviously apart from the PB in PBJ I’m a bit of an iconoclast.

Comment from Anonymous
Time: August 20, 2020, 8:12 pm

Homer, I’m having some success with something similar. I fill the chicken’s water bowls with a garden watering can. I’ve taken to giving him a shower whenever he gets stroppy. Seems to work.

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