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I can hear the wah wah pedal

I think this is the chicken equivalent of sexy times in the hot tub.

One of these days, Uncle B will remember he shares his Google photos with me. I am thief.

Oh, ew. He’s just sent me a picture of a dragon chicken. Obviously a painful mutation that some sadistic bastard decided to breed.

Ah, yes. Vietnamese mandarins.

May 15, 2024 — 7:34 pm
Comments: 9

Look, a duck!

I’ve been in a Zoom meeting all evening, so here’s a picture of somebody else’s duck that I stole from Uncle B’s Google Photo.

She gets a fresh wading pool every day and every day she jumps into it and immediately shits (pictured).

This is the same friend who had a pet turkey that was amazingly sweet and friendly. Sadly, Gloria the Turkey died. She has two other turkeys now but they’re just turkeys.

My back hurts. Stupid Zoom.

February 6, 2024 — 7:59 pm
Comments: 3

Not pictured: another gray blob

Pictured on the way home: the two white blobs are mommy and daddy swans and the four gray blobs (brown IRL) are the baby swans. Kind of teenager swans, actually. Okay, they were far away and I only had my phone. We’ve seen the adults in the adjacent field – probably the same ones – but this is the first we’ve seen of the swanlets.

Are we all excited for the Epstein papers? No? You disappoint.

We are clear that this isn’t the client list we’ve all been waiting for, but a release of the documents relating to Virginia Giuffre’s lawsuit. I spent a merry hour trying to find the original documents – not articles about them. There are dozens of articles about them, showing all the journalists knew where they were. I managed to find an individual document or two, but not the whole cache.

Finally, in a yet-unpublished Community Note on X, I found this link. I CANNOT VOUCH FOR THE SAFETY OF THAT SITE. Or the veracity of the document. I’d’ve hosted it for you, but it’s 28 megs (940-something pages) and I think that might flatline my connection.If you’re interested and you’re bold, I recommend you right click and save the document to your hard drive.

It’s word-searchable (Clinton appears 72 times). But no mention of Hawking or midgets (don’t ask), so maybe this isn’t the real deal.

January 4, 2024 — 8:16 pm
Comments: 5

Lying hounds

Google continues to say I’m over my storage quota, even though I’ve deleted dozens of photos. And yes, I emptied the trash. Let that be a warning: don’t go over!

Have one from July of 2018. The white one to the left is Sam, still very much with us. The dark blob in the middle with the white spot (it’s his bottom lol) is Mo. Also still alive.

Mum (not really their mum, but she sat on the eggs) is Millie, one of my best ever. Eaten in her sleep by a fox that broke into the henhouse through the nesting box. Bastard. I had him trapped in there, but I let him go. I had nothing to shoot him with and I’m not really up to beating a fox to death with a hoe.

Yes, I keep a chicken spreadsheet.

December 28, 2023 — 7:47 pm
Comments: 2

Driven down memory lane

More than 24 hours later and Google is still saying I’m over my limit, even though I’ve deleted hundreds of megs of images.

Still going back through my old stuff trying to pluck out the fuzzies and duplicates. This is my old girl Mapp, one of my first two chickens. She lived to be eight (old for one of my bantams) and was bugfuck crazy to the end. This is a still from a video – it was great to see the old girl pecking and burbling again.

Today was the first day of my Christmas holiday and if you think my posts have been low effort before, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

That’s it. That’s the post.

December 21, 2023 — 7:26 pm
Comments: 8


Albert the cockerel had a magnificent tail. You’re looking at it.

These two huge plumes floated gracefully and symmetrically from his backside, like a lyrebird. I’ve spent four years working to keep him from getting them stuck in doors and hinges. Moving Albert around has been largely defined in terms of that fancy tail.

And now it’s gone.

I’m assuming this is part of a normal molt and it’ll grow back again. It’s the first time in four years his tail has molted and you can see the feathers were getting pretty ratty. But I have to come to terms with the idea that without it, he just has a butt.

September 4, 2023 — 7:36 pm
Comments: 7

Mid cockadoodledoo

I happen to know this is the doodle portion of a cockadoodledoo. Uncle B got the whole crow in three shots. The third shot, Sam’s neck is outstretched, clearly marking it as the doo portion. The first one is therefore the cocka and this is the doodle.

Though it actually sounds more like rucka-rucka-roo, that’s a little Scooby Doo for me.

August 30, 2023 — 7:14 pm
Comments: 7


I have so many questions about chicken orb.

Like, how do you get a chicken into one? Could my little bantams make one go, or would they become static lawn ornaments?

If I put one of my belligerent cockerels in a chicken orb, could he rejoin the flock, or would the two boys peck each other to death through the Holes? (Why did I capitalize Holes?)

If I put both my belligerent cockerels in chicken orbs, would they roll around the garden smacking into each other like billiard balls?

Would that be cruel or awesome?

At £37 a pop, the world will never know.

July 19, 2023 — 6:29 pm
Comments: 8

Naughty girl

I thought I’d lost my last hen today. She vanished for hours. Then we heard a soft clucking behind the sofa…

I’m sure she laid an egg back there, but it’s one of those hidden places that has become a maze of unnavigable junk. We’ll find it when it gets smashed some day, I suppose.

Have you spotted what is interesting about this photo? I caught her nictitating membrane halfway across her eye.

It’s easy to see in chickens. They do a sort of double-blink, where their inner eyelid comes across right before their outer eyelids close.

That’s a drowsy chicken. Alert chickens don’t blink.

June 28, 2023 — 7:02 pm
Comments: 4

You probably think you know what this is

No, it’s actually two chooks behind my front door. My last little hen has decided she has to lay an emergency egg behind door, and Mo – gentleman cockerel that he is – is giving her a privacy screen.

She’s done this twice. Chickens is nuts.

Today I had to take a bunch of pictures of me using a credit card machine, so I could explain to a flock of old ladies how to ring up their artwork sales. Credit card machine in one hand, cellphone in the other. Erm. Click to take picture with end of nose? That’ll do.

I guess weasels is nuts also.

June 12, 2023 — 7:32 pm
Comments: 5