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Oh, dear


Oh, dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. In what’s being called “the design fail of the year,” San Fran designer Lehu Zhang apparently really and truly didn’t mean this minimalist monkey to look like a Communist propaganda poster for gay sex.

Eh. Well. Gong Hey Fat Choy, y’all. Happy Year of the Fire Monkey. Here’s a better article about Chinese New Year, what am today.

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February 8, 2016 — 9:11 pm
Comments: 19

Lookin’ better all the time


Behold, Tristan da Cunha, the Nipple of the Seven Seas. It’s not really called that, but just look at it. The capital — well, the only settlement, really — is called Edinburgh of the Seven Seas, though. It is the world’s remotest inhabited island, smack in the middle of the Atlantic, somewhere between Africa and South America.

The record high temperature is 75.9°, the record low temperature is 40.3° and it rains 250-plus days a year. It is a British Overseas Territory, natch.

The islands have a population of 301. The main settlement is Edinburgh of the Seven Seas (known locally as “The Settlement”). The only religion is Christianity, with denominations of Anglican and Roman Catholic. The current population is thought to have descended from 15 ancestors, eight males and seven females, who arrived on the island at various times between 1816 and 1908. The male founders originated from Scotland, England, The Netherlands, the United States and Italy, belonging to 3 Y-haplogroups: I (M170), R-SRY10831.2 and R (M207) (xSRY10831.2)[39] and share just eight surnames: Glass, Green, Hagan, Lavarello, Patterson, Repetto, Rogers, and Swain. There are 80 families on the island. Tristan da Cunha’s isolation has led to an unusual, patois-like dialect of English described by the writer Simon Winchester as “a sonorous amalgam of Home Counties lockjaw and nineteenth century idiom, Afrikaans slang and Italian.”

I mention this because a) it’s an interesting place, duh and b) THERE’S A JOB OPENING. Local government is searching for an agricultural advisor. Looks like a terrific place to ride out the apocalypse. Plus, a place that inbred is bound to be full of…certain…opportunities.

Man, if I were thirty years younger. And male. And knew jack shit about agriculture…

Have a good weekend, y’all. Tomorrow comes DEAD POOL ROUND 80. Be here, 6pm WBT, or pick through other people’s leftovers.

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January 21, 2016 — 10:15 pm
Comments: 7

Not good


Jihadi trouble in Paris tonight. Current reports are three separate scenes, thirty dead and ‘scores’ taken hostage, but it’s all very fog-of-war just now.

I wish we had a decent news outlet on the scene, but failing that: BBC Live Coverage; Sky Live Coverage. They’re as bad as each other, but they have bodies on location.

Unfolding as I type.

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November 13, 2015 — 10:19 pm
Comments: 33

Jack Ma’s huge head and tiny face fill me with awe


Jack Ma, founder of Ali Baba. Richest man in China. Actually he sounds like a cool guy, but he looks so strange, I actually googled to see if he had some kind of weird metabolic disorder I shouldn’t make fun of.

Nope, just freaky looking.

China, if you haven’t paid attention, is in deep shit.

On the domestic front, Uncle B and I have just trimmed and washed nine flipping pounds of gooseberries for the freezer. Gooseberries. They’re a misery.

Also, my pickled carrots have had eight days of the seven to nine I was supposed to give them. They’re delicious. I’ve put them in the fridge.

Does anyone know…now they’re in the cool, do I need to keep burping them?

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July 7, 2015 — 10:05 pm
Comments: 13

Then and now

This is a ring that turned up in a 9th C Viking burial in Sweden. It’s made of glass (apparently that was a new and expensive material then) and the inscription reads “to Allah” in Arabic. It was a woman’s burial in a place called Birka (ha! ha!), but the body has completely rotted away, sadly, so they can’t tell if it was an Arabic woman that somehow made it to Sweden. Here’s hoping some hardy Viking beat up and A-rab and stole his stuff to give his good lady.

Archaeologists think it confirms old stories that there was trade between the Vikings and the Islamic world. Quite possible, too — those guys got everywhere.

There’s an escalating kerfuffle between Sweden and the region. Swedish Foreign Minister Margot Wallström had planned to address the Arab League and give them a finger-wagging lecture on human rights. So the Saudis blocked her. So Sweden published the speech she was going to give (it didn’t mention the Saudis by name, but it talked up women’s and human rights — wait, there’s a difference?). So the Saudis won’t issue any more visas to Swedish businessmen. So the Swedes cut off military cooperation with the Saudis. So the Saudis have expelled Sweden’s ambassador.

All this matters, I guess, because the Swedes desperately need oil. And the Saudis desperately need…pass. I don’t know. Blondes?

Anyway, it’s not just the Saudis. The whole Arab world has its panties in a twist (wait, do they wear panties under those things?). The Organization of Islamic Cooperation (OIC) which represents 57 muslim countries (wait, there are fifty seven of the buggers?) issued a statement that read in part:

“The world community, with its multiple cultures, diverse social norms, rich and varied ethical standards and different institutional structures, can not, and should not, be based on a single and centric perspective that seeks to remake the world in its own image.”

Emphasis mine. Rich and varied ethical standards. Ho ho ho.

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March 19, 2015 — 9:14 pm
Comments: 20

Kung Hei Fat Choy

Year of the Goat, ladies and gentlemen. Though I’ve seen it described on some sites as the Year of the Sheep. I suspect that’s because sheep have better PR.

Sadly, it would appear that the Year of the Goat does not mean we get to head-butt and stink in 2015. Honestly, what is the point?

Did I ever tell y’all about the herd of fainting goats we had when I was small. Yes, it looks like I did.

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February 19, 2015 — 10:35 pm
Comments: 19

Two things that are dangerous

Two dangerous things about the Guardian article circulating today: the one that says 50% of all property is owned by the richest 1% of the world’s population.

The first dangerous thing is, it’s just a press release from Oxfam. I mean, literally, there was no reportage going on here. They basically ran with a shorter and slightly reworded press release, quotes and bullet points and all.

If you think I’m shitting you, here’s the press release. Also note, the chairman of a thing called the Coalition for Inclusive Capitalism is a woman named Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild. Say, did you just hear the theme to the X-Files?

It’s shocking how much journalism is that and only that these days. How valuable a service is a press release aggregator, really?

The second thing is, they’re playing with fire. How very fucking easy it is to whip up class envy. Almost no-one on this earth — including some incredibly wealthy bastards — doesn’t look at some other wealthy bastard who has a few kgilliion more and think it’s not fair. The guys in first class you walk past to get to your miserable seat? They’re all thinking to themselves, “public transportation sucks. Why don’t I have a private jet?”

As conservatives, we are naturally disinclined to steal from our neighbor even if we do think he’s got nice stuff and more of it than he deserves. Plus, we know well the inviolable rule of wealth distribution — those that do the distributing get the wealth. And even so, it’s not too hard to get us hating on the rich folks.

But heed this statistic from the article: the world’s poorest 80% own 5.5% of the wealth. You know what that means? If you live in the West and have a basic middle-class existence, you’re almost certainly in that top 20%. And if you think the great sucking black hole of socialism will hit that top 1% and leave you and me — the rich bastards in the following 19% — alone, you haven’t been watching how it works.

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January 19, 2015 — 11:10 pm
Comments: 17

Matter of perspective

Heh. An anonymous commenter sent me a link to this picture (thank you, masked stranger!) showing our fearless leaders kicking off the Unity March in Paris. Originally posted by this blog.

I actually did a little due diligence trying to authenticate it. “En direct” is just “live” in Spanish, but I did try to pick out individual figures (people wearing slightly different colors) in the top picture and match them to the bottom picture. Turned out not to be necessary, as the Independent has picked up on the story.

Oh, now, I understand dozens of heads of state can’t really mix in a giant, milling crowd of strangers in a city on super duper high terrorist alert. The security services would never allow it, nor should they. I understand completely.

But they tried to give that impression, and that pisses me off no end. Couldn’t they say “heads of state convened in Paris to wish the marchers well” or summat? Noooo, they had to be photographed on the street, arms linked, ‘leading’ the parade.

God, our leaders are phonies and mediocrities. And, worse, they assume we must be dumber than they are, if they’ve got the big offices with the comfy chairs.

Okay, not a huge point. But fair’s fair…everybody’s giving that poor ultra-Orthodox paper shit for P’shopping out all the wimmins (a move so pointlessly stupid I can’t even…). Leaderofthebandgate is something a little less benign, if only because it’s a lie to a much, much bigger audience.

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January 15, 2015 — 8:23 pm
Comments: 11


The British Daily Telegraph used to be my favorite newspaper. Well written, right of center. It has– like so many once-great institutions — been trending left for years. All institutions drift leftward with time, and the Telegraph has had some unhelpful changes of ownership and management.

Recently, they’ve had theyselves a good old purge of conservatives, making the paper unreadable once and for all. Oh, well. The Telegraph’s loss has been Breitbart’s gain.

Gerald Warner is one such. I’m going to stamp my little foot and insist you read his essay published today (just kidding — I have huge feet!).

His thesis is that the scoundrels who locked arms at the front of the parade are the very incompetents who have made our countries into the violent, multiculti shit-holes they are today. He says it better. Go read.

But, not central to his thesis was a bit at the end about our ‘friends’ at Charlie Hebdo.

The brutal murder of its journalists should not blind us to the true character of the magazine. Charlie Hebdo is a far-left publication promoting authoritarian repression of politically incorrect views. Just 18 months ago it published a petition to President Francois Hollande demanding the compulsory dissolution of the Front National. It had already run a similar petition in 1996.

“We ask you to dissolve the Front National, this league whose political aim is to bring about the end of the Republic,” said the Charlie Hebdo petition. So, a party that came first in the recent European elections in France, with 4.7 million votes and 24 seats in the European parliament, and whose leader received 6.4 million votes in the 2012 presidential election and is ahead of Francois Hollande in polls for the next contest, should be forcibly dissolved, in the view of freedom-loving Charlie Hebdo.

Yeah, not quite the freedom absolutists one might have hoped. I still support their right to be assholes without getting murdered by even assier assholes but truly, they are assholes.

Oh, yes. That up there is exactly what you think it is: the Charlie Hebdo September 11 tribute issue.

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January 14, 2015 — 9:15 pm
Comments: 15

…about that march…

I’d feel a whole lot better about this march thing if I knew for sure what the marchers thought they were marching for. I’ll bet you a shiny new Euro the majority of them thought they were marching in favor of multiculturalism. I don’t know when it started to be called the March for Unity, but it did. Dunno about you, but when I watched the Paris atrocity unfold, my first thought wasn’t, “what’s needed here is to open up a can of Unity.”

Maybe I’m just cynical. Maybe it was the sight of all those international scoundrels (the ones with very dodgy track records on freedom of the press) locking arms and looking pious and butter-wouldn’t-melt at the head of the procession.

Mahmoud Abbas? Really?

Maybe it was the people playing John Lennon’s Imagine out the window while the crowd roared.

Srsly. Imagine is my trigger. Whenever I hear the monotonous strains of that braindead puddle of toddler puke, my my eyeballs throb and my vision blurs and I am truly not responsible for what happens next.

It’s easy enough to turn out for the message, “I’m for nice things and against murder ‘n’ stuff.” It’s hard to decide what you’re going to do about it. I saw thousands of those “Je Suis Charlie” posters, and not a single picture of Mohammed. So, really, how Charlie were they?

Now, the PEGIDA thing. That’s getting interesting.

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January 12, 2015 — 11:10 pm
Comments: 13