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I’m a pepper, you’re a pepper, she’s a pepper…

I’ve totally forgotten who suggested putting this on a shirt, so you, sir or madam, are off the hook. What the hell, it was a good idea.

Only, holy shit, I haven’t checked in with Zazzle for a while — they’ve done a redesign. Which effed up my customizations and makes my store look stupid. Also — damn, have their prices gone up. I have it set for the lowest allowed royalty and everything is still a freaking fortune.

Anyway, here it is on a shirt, a sticker and a coffee mug. As usual, if I put it on a shirt, you can move it to any other shirt they sell (any style or color. May I suggest a hoodie?). Same deal with the coffee mug.

If you order before the end of the day tomorrow, the code 4THOFJULYDAY will get you 17.76% off. Still too way fucking expensive, IMO. I’m going to have to think about this.

Ah, a point of grammar. I realize it’s probably improper Ebonics to put a hyphen in “creepy-ass” but I didn’t want anyone to think I was a creepy ass-cracker. That just wouldn’t do.


Comment from Clifford Skridlow
Time: July 3, 2013, 9:48 pm

It was me! Thank you!! A hoodie would be nice, but this time of year in Texas, a T-shirt with sleeves is a bit too much.

Comment from Can’t Hark My Cry
Time: July 3, 2013, 10:28 pm

That’s a point of usage, not of grammar–punctuation isn’t a grammatical issue, technically speaking. And there is no reason to assume that written AAVE would not employ essentially the same punctuation conventions employed in standard English–in which, as you note, creepy-ass, as a modifier, would be hyphenated.

(Lord, I hope you haven’t fallen under the spell of Neville Martin Gwynne–eeeewww! http://www.nmgwynne.net/)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 3, 2013, 10:36 pm


Whaddya know.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: July 3, 2013, 10:45 pm

I’m a creepy-ass Cracker! And all this time I’ ve beening telling people I’m Spartacus.

By the way I first heard of “Polar Beer Hunting” as a slang term today, in the sentence, “Trayvon Martin was probably polar beer hunting”

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 4, 2013, 12:24 am

I cornered a leftist today on facebook about race. He was claiming that racist statements against some groups are worse than against others because they are more offensive. So I noted that the problem then is obviously not about race at all but about who feels the most offended.

Which kind of kicks the legs out from under the race baiting system entirely. Rewarding people for throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old is something we all innately know is a bad idea, even if we sometimes won’t admit it.

Comment from AliceH
Time: July 4, 2013, 12:47 am

I’ve got some creepy-ass cracka yutes setting off bottle rockets and the like going on for 2 days now. Is it legal to do this in “city” limits? No. No, it is not. I’m not calling the cops for two reasons: first, they are just 4 houses down and know already and second, I’d rather deal with this in a mutter-mutter-grumble-grumble get-off-my-lawn manner. I am just venting, not looking for vengeance.

Happy Independence Day eve, y’all.

Comment from Frit
Time: July 4, 2013, 1:20 am

Happy Independence Day, from Down Under, to all the other Damn Yanks out there! 🙂 *Waves to Stoaty*

Comment from mojo
Time: July 4, 2013, 2:53 am

I would argue that the hyphen is perfectly proper.

Dumb-ass, stupid-ass, creepy-ass, whiny-ass(ed)

Looks fine to me.

Comment from twolaneflash
Time: July 4, 2013, 3:19 am

A note on the hyphen:

I am a creepy-ass Cracker.

Obama is a creepy ass-cracker.

Comment from AliceH
Time: July 4, 2013, 3:37 am

I was informed that individuals setting off fireworks is in fact legal here. well, legalish. It’s not an actual law or anything – just sort of understood that you can set off firecrackers the first few days of July so long as it’s not been really dry weather. Huh. Imagine that.

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 4, 2013, 4:28 am

The 4th of July will be the Worlds Independence day – once you have Fallen …


Comment from How To Become A Model
Time: July 4, 2013, 6:32 am

Superb blog you have here but I was curious if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really love to be a part of online community where I can get responses from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thank you!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 4, 2013, 11:05 am

We’re not going anywhere, O.

I wonder if Morsi ran again, if he would win again. He won with about the same percentage of support as Obama, and his supporters haven’t gone anywhere.

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: July 4, 2013, 1:51 pm

I’m afraid O. may have a point, if the immigration bill passes, but it’ll be September 16, not July 4.
Anyhoo…I’ve found that dealing w/ Zazzle becomes more palatible after signing up for their e-mails on the site and always first checking
We just got 2 SWeasel coffee mugs for ½ price.
In defense of their costs, I gotta admit they do great work, package securely and ship quickly. NEVER been disappointed by them.

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: July 4, 2013, 5:34 pm

So I wonder if that “How To Become a Model” message is plain ordinary spam. Or some kind of coded message to Sweasel from the same people tracking her on LinkedIn?

And to AliceH, you can’t call the police on teenagers. They come back in the night for years and years to “get even”. The only way to deal with teenagers to either ignore them or kill them. No middle ground. Killing them involves hiding the bodies and they’re heavier than they look.

Sometimes I wish we were more like Egyptians. Imagine if our military removed Obama, shut down ABC, and threw members of the Democrat party into jail. Yeah, bad news from a purist point of view. But hey, I’d bet we’d get over it.

Comment from weasel tablet
Time: July 4, 2013, 6:00 pm

Regular old spam, Tom. Several got through this morning and it was easier to hit delink than delete.

Comment from MikeW
Time: July 4, 2013, 6:08 pm

Then again, maybe it should be ‘Creepy-assed Cracker’?

I also liked the idea of putting a classic plumber-crack picture with the label du jour, “Creepy Ass Cracker”. It’s not a plumber, but this’s good for a creepy chuckle:
(Not often a webcomic uses an animated gif to good advantage, so, points for that.)

Comment from AliceH
Time: July 4, 2013, 6:15 pm

–you can’t call the police on teenagers–

Well, I wasn’t seriously considering calling the police, but I do need to clarify that around here, it’s likely the majority of the firework setter-offers are well past their teen years. And fwiw, they are still at it.

Comment from twolaneflash
Time: July 4, 2013, 9:03 pm

Oceania, if America falls, We will take you down with Us. Best pray We stand firm for Our Faith, by Our Constitution, and with Our guns. We are still 80% self-proclaimed Christians, and most of Us are counting the last straws placed on Our backs by a lawless and tyrannical Government before We reach the breaking point. Then there will be a terrible reckoning around here.

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 4, 2013, 11:11 pm

Oh no … I’m quaking in my boots … but they are made in China.
You’re already gone – you just don’t know it yet. Everybody else does.
And by the way – parters friends and allies don’t spy on each other – only enemies do.

Comment from unkawill
Time: July 4, 2013, 11:22 pm

I prefer the term “Saltine-American”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 4, 2013, 11:23 pm

Oh, Oceania…everybody is spying on everybody. Always have, to the extent we are able. You know that, surely.

Comment from Pablo
Time: July 5, 2013, 1:41 pm

A hoodie would be nice, but this time of year in Texas, a T-shirt with sleeves is a bit too much.

As long as it’s long enough to conceal my Kel-Tec PF9, it’s all good!

Comment from twolaneflash
Time: July 5, 2013, 3:20 pm

O, my boots are American-made, and they’re made for walking – all over you.

Comment from Oceania
Time: July 6, 2013, 12:02 am

Unless you can swim – you are shit out of luck.

and as I believe it, your combat boots are made in China!


Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: July 12, 2013, 9:14 pm

“I prefer the term “Saltine-American”.”

I am so shamelessly stealing that; can already picture several – hem! – “strategic” locales in which to utilize it, and there will doubtless be Others To Come…

Though, myself, I’m really more of a “Sunshine Hi-Ho -American”, or maybe a “Ritz-American”.

“Then again, maybe it should be ‘Creepy-assed Cracker’?”

To be properly Ebonic, it would need to be “Creepy-ass Cracka”, I think – but then, there’s nothing else particularly “proper” about the atrocity called Ebonics, so…

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