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Eye see ewe

They’re cleaning the Ghent Altarpiece, a spectacularly beautiful and important early oil painting. If it doesn’t ring a bell, you’d definitely recognize bits of it if you saw them.

When they gave the panels a good high-tech examination, they were shocked to find about 70% of it had been overpainted a hundred years later, nobody knows why or by whom. It went unnoticed for so long because the techniques and materials were so close to the original. So they decided to peel off the later additions.

And they discovered THE LAMB OF GOD IS SCARY AS HELL. This is such a weird departure for the Van Eyck brothers, who were famous as the first painters who carefully observed and faithfully reproduced the natural world. Their original lamb is just acll kind of wrong. Though it does explain why the lamb had four ears in the overpainted version. (Comparison of the before and after).

It’s apparently going viral on the Internet now. Because of course it is.

Articles about it here, here and here.

January 22, 2020 — 8:53 pm
Comments: 2

That is a hecking big pencil

World’s biggest color pencil, y’all. It’s 26 feet long and weighs 984.1 pounds. It is yellow. (It’s not the world’s biggest graphite pencil, though. That’s in St Louis).

The big yellow pencil is part of the Derwent Pencil Museum, a popular visitor attraction in the Northwest of England.

“It is particularly popular with visitors from the county of Yorkshire, due to the importance of pencil production for the local economy during the 1930s.”

Y’all think I make this shit up.

January 16, 2020 — 9:34 pm
Comments: 7

You gotta have a gimmick

John Cleese has turned his Ministry of Silly Walks shtick into a phone game. There’s something very meta about that, but I can’t put my finger on it.

If you like that sort of thing, it looks cool. It’s got generated environments (so it’s different every time) and some pretty good rag-doll physics (the code dingus that makes dead bodies flop around convincingly in games). And only €1.99 (I get everything priced in Euros because my VPN usually puts me in France).

Also from my Twitter feed, this very gross but cool horror makeup video. The link at the video goes to Cultura Colectiva, which is a Spanish-language news site that doesn’t appear to have anything more about this artist. I made a feeble attempt, but couldn’t find her.

C’mon, it’s less than a minute long. How horrifying could it be? (Heh heh heh).

Tweet comes from Elvira. Yes, that Elvira. Still kicking it and looking good for 69.

Too much time hanging out on Twitter lately. I’ve mentioned I have a different Twitter account on every device I use. It is a completely different experience depending on the kinds of things you follow.

January 9, 2020 — 9:10 pm
Comments: 2

The wheels of the bus go ’round and ’round…

I never had to ride buses much growing up, so I don’t share an anti-bus prejudice. Riding in the top is actually kind of fun.

If I hadn’t had to get up before dawn and crack the ice on the chickens’ water, anyway.

Anyway. Made it there and back and had my chest x-ray which, all credit to the NHS, was very low-key and painless. Thanks for all the lung advice. I haven’t had good lung capacity since a bout of pneumonia some years ago. That’s when I learned that lung capacity and stamina are the same thing!

Let us hope I won’t have to repeat that journey any time soon.

December 4, 2019 — 8:29 pm
Comments: 4

Toilet news…

A truckload of these has turned over on a highway near me tonight. They don’t say if they were headed out or headed in. I suspect the copper who tweeted this stole the photo off the internet: that’s an American phone number, and they don’t call it a Porta-Potty here.

It’s a Porta-Loo, which has caused epithet problems for poor train nut and ex-politician Michael Portillo.

Also, true story: my mother had an Indian kidney specialist named Dr Pordapodi, pronounced portapotty. They choose their own last names when they immigrate, but I don’t know if he picked that deliberately.

Yes, it’s raining. I got wet coming and going this morning. I was just settling in with a book and a very dry martini, when I suddenly thought – holy shit, I haven’t posted!

And now I have.

November 26, 2019 — 10:31 pm
Comments: 9

Says it all, really

Not even my picture. I stole it off Twitter. You can steal stuff off Twitter, yes?

Another day of drizzle. I cannot remember a dry day, literally, in two months. (Reminder: I bike to work).I AM SO TIRED OF BEING WET.

An all around shit Monday, really. Please join me in dropping trou and showing backside at the end of this day.

Not literally, though. You’ll get a wet backside.

November 25, 2019 — 9:47 pm
Comments: 5

Naughty phishermen

Got this in the mail just now. Obviously assumed sweasel.com was a mail service of some kind and they could fool me into clicking the link (which actually pointed to a .de address). Bitch, I am sweasel.com!

Also, I’m sure I’ve posted about the email below. I started getting these in January, I think. The exact wording varies and stinks of Google Translate. They got more realistic after some web forum had a breach and they began appearing with a real password that I use.

Just wanted to let you know, as of this week, I have received over 600 of these. At work!

Hello,

I know your password: xxxxx!
I infected your computer with my private malware some time ago.
It gave me full control over your computer, all your contacts and accounts, I can even turn your webcam and microphone on.
I collected all your private pictures, videos, contacts, everything!
I MADE A VIDEO showing you (through your webcam) WHILE MASTRUBATING!!!
What you think will happen, if everyone of your contacts, on social network, and everyone else will see all your private stuff togheter with my recorded videos of you?!
I think your life won’t be the same ever again!
I give you the chance to pay me 800$ with bitcoin.
If you don’t know where to buy them – Google “Where to buy bitcoin?”
Your wallet to receive and send bitcoin, you can create here: https://login.blockchain.com/en/#/signup/
My wallet is: xxxxx
Copy and paste my wallet, it is (cAsE – sensetive).
You know this all isn’t a joke!
You have 3 days time to get the bitcoins and pay me.
After payment, I will remove everything and you can live your life in peace like before…

November 20, 2019 — 8:41 pm
Comments: 9

Ew.

That there is a giant inflatable toilet outside the UN building. You can compose your own joke, thanks.

I wasn’t going to post about #worldtoiletday, but I had to give up and admit I don’t have anything else. (I spent the evening making a simple web page for my art group; I had forgotten that there’s no such thing as a simple web page).

It so happens #worldtoiletday is on the same day as #internationalmensday, a fact which has made the men of Twitter very offended. Twitter is a very offended place. I can’t handle much Twitter.

I have four Twitter accounts: one for shitposting, one for chickens, one for Stoaty and one under my own real name that your grandma would think is a little too vanilla. They all follow totally different accounts and it’s amazing how different the experience is with each of them.

But even the vanilla one can be a less than pleasant experience. Tonight, it featured more than one snapshot of a dusky man handling human waste with his bare hands.

G’night, Twitter!

November 19, 2019 — 8:40 pm
Comments: 7

They make the most adorable sounds when they die

I finished the last of my antibiotics this morning. I don’t know if it’s the sickness or the medicine, but something has transformed my usual robustly lazy self into a still, tranquil lump of inert flesh. Man, I’m tired. I reckon one more weekend of bone idleness should set me on the road to recovery.

Or not. Whatever. I ain’t moving for two days.

To that end, I bought a little game: bad north. It’s a light strategy game from Sweden about Vikings murdering and pillaging your people, but the graphics are so adorable and the music is so catchy it makes genocide positively kawaii.

This is not big brain stuff. I think it’s available in phone edition, so it’s that kind of game. But after an hour or so of gameplay, I think this is a recommend.

Please join me in having an indolent and enjoyable weekend.

November 15, 2019 — 9:06 pm
Comments: 10

….spotted in a shop window this evening…

Stuffed rooster. He’s very good. It’s a very posh shop, so I’m sure it’s a very posh price.

It’s not Steiff, though. I looked. You can, however, have a Steiff Foghorn Leghorn for a mere £275. Whew!

p.s. I currently have four (4!) cockerels. Anyone want a snuggly chicken buddy? And I don’t mean stuffed.

November 14, 2019 — 9:50 pm
Comments: 6