web analytics

It’s back!

As promised, the all-new Catsophone 2.0!

For those unfamiliar, the Catsophone is a theoretical instrument played by puffing air across a cat’s anus.

I have confessed before that I thought of the Catsophone in a dream, but I’ve never explained why I was dreaming of puffing air across a cat’s bottom.

I was lying on the floor watching television one day (for reals) when my cat Damien got between me and the TV and did one of those long feline stretches, the kind where their claws go forward and their backends go up in the air. Shoved his butt right in my face. So I blew air at him thinking it would startle him into moving.

He loved it.

He waggled his ass and started backing up into the stream of air.

I thought to myself, “Ew, little bastard. Creepy. I must never, ever tell anyone.”

It’s just us in here, right? 




Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 7, 2011, 11:31 pm

I got contacted today by a lady from the Open University. They wanted to use one of my illustrations — this one — to illustrate ordinary people needing a voice or something. Want to use it in a text book. She said, “of course we’ll credit your website.”

I thought, “whoo-ee! You better look around before you link a textbook to sweasel.com”

And then I went back to composing Seventy-Six Trombones on the Catsophone.

Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: January 7, 2011, 11:32 pm

Just us.

Dave was weird like that too.

But now that he’s all froze up in the freezer, he don’t do shit like that no more.

/Thank goodness.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 7, 2011, 11:38 pm


Comment from BuckNuttu
Time: January 7, 2011, 11:51 pm

I don’t even know what to think about that

Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: January 8, 2011, 12:08 am

I have confessed before that I thought of the Catsophone in a dream, but I’ve never explained why I was dreaming of puffing air across a cat’s bottom.

I will never, for the rest of my days, be able to think – of or interact with – you, without this phrase coming to mind…

Comment from harrison
Time: January 8, 2011, 12:24 am

If you have an old cat that’s deaf; will still make a noise?

Comment from Andy
Time: January 8, 2011, 1:32 am

Magnificent! I’d like to order a half-dozen.

Comment from Andrea Harris
Time: January 8, 2011, 3:12 am

My cat does that too. I thought she was simply ignoring me when I’d yell at her when she did it, but now I think she was just enjoying the vibrations caused by the sound of my voice on her “special place.” Jeez, it sounds like one of those old “true confessions” stories: “My Cat Used Me As A Sex Toy!” They say that when cats rub all over you they’re just marking their territory. Uh huh.

Comment from Some vegetable
Time: January 8, 2011, 3:51 am

Everybody sing it with me!

Seventy-six tomcats led the big parade
With a hundred and ten calicos close behind!
They were followed by rows and rows of the finest cat assholes-
pooting out notes of every Catsophone kind!

Comment from Allen
Time: January 8, 2011, 5:30 am

I don’t know Weas, sounds reasonable to me. Have I mentioned “Roll the Fool?” I must have. Me laying on the ground, horses rolling me like a log with their noses. With the latest addition of the wolf helping.

Hey, I’m socializing my critters. Srsly it works. My big guy, the thouroghbred, decided to have a bit of a stretch on the ground, so I sat down and leaned back against him and read part of a book. Did I mention my trail horse snores?

Woohoo! I’m retiring. 50, and they’re giving me the golden handshake. Well from the Borg at least but, I’m still a rapacious capitalist.


Comment from Cranch
Time: January 8, 2011, 6:24 pm

I literally laughed out loud at this. Somehow reminded me of this:

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 8, 2011, 6:46 pm

Heh. I used to have a Cat Butt Air Freshener from the same people.

And somebody makes a towel holder in cat butt shape. You poke the towel in the, um, receptacle.

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: January 8, 2011, 7:49 pm

Giggling. 🙂

Comment from jwm
Time: January 9, 2011, 3:38 am

Manx cats have better tone, and are easier to play.


Comment from mrmacs
Time: January 9, 2011, 4:37 pm

jwm: The manx, though may have better tone, is harder to hold without the “handle”.
IIRC, when I was stationed in Bitburg AB, GE, we used to get visiting European partner aircraft. One of the units that visited had painted on the vertical tailfin their squadron logo, a black cat. Rear 3/4 view, with a red dot where the “airhole” would be located. Yeah, I noticed. I’m warped.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 9, 2011, 4:47 pm

I read somewhere recently that Manx cats are above average in intelligence.

I’d miss the tail, though. Cats have no control of their tails and, on the whole, are rather irritated by them. This causes me no end of amusement.

Comment from jwm
Time: January 9, 2011, 6:13 pm

My cantankerous Manx, Booger the Cat is indeed, too darn smart for her own good. She is fascinated by the other cat’s tail. Gives it a good swat whenever she can.


Comment from Pupster
Time: January 9, 2011, 7:37 pm



Comment from Nina
Time: January 9, 2011, 9:06 pm

I have a cat with a stub of a tail, but he’s not Manx…came home one day and found him with his tail skint to the bone. $1300 vet visit et voila! His new nickname is Bob.

Ain’t blowing on his butt, though.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: January 9, 2011, 9:08 pm

I’m so relieved people don’t have tails. Can you imagine telling your boss, “no, I don’t mind working this weekend” while you had this great snakey thing whipping and lashing around behind you.

“Oh, Grandma, this is just what I wanted for Christmas!” Twitch. Twitch twitch. Twitch.

Comment from Frit
Time: January 10, 2011, 12:46 am

Stoaty, I’ve been wanting a nice long furry prehensile tail for quite some time now. The Dragon has stated he’s pleased my wish hasn’t been granted, as he claims I get into enough trouble without the help of a tail. *gigglefits*

Comment from lauraw
Time: January 10, 2011, 1:29 am

I don’t know Stoaty, I think it would be pretty cool. The imagination runs wild.

Surely the Dale Carnegie people would teach folks how to control their tail for maximum social gain.

Check out how cats arch and puff their tails when they’re fixin’ to straight-up kill some punk. That’s awesome!

You deploy that in advance when you have 14 items in the 10 or less aisle. You’re standing there with your enormous angry tail hard-on, nobody starts any shit with you.

Getting into/ out of cars would remain a stone bitch though.

Comment from j2
Time: January 10, 2011, 8:04 am

why does the catsophonist have odd zoster like marks on her lips…? is she playing that thing incorrectly?
-just asking-

Comment from porknbean
Time: January 10, 2011, 6:14 pm

xbrad loves his catsophone, sox.

Write a comment

(as if I cared)

(yeah. I'm going to write)

(oooo! you have a website?)

Beware: more than one link in a comment is apt to earn you a trip to the spam filter, where you will remain -- cold, frightened and alone -- until I remember to clean the trap. But, hey, without Akismet, we'd be up to our asses in...well, ass porn, mostly.

<< carry me back to ol' virginny