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Okay, kids — Grandma’s #ready!

Thanks to Wolfus Aurelius for the idea. And thanks to Some Vegetable for “Hillary is the Bob Dole of the Democratic Party!”

Have a good weekend!

March 27, 2015 — 10:11 pm
Comments: 21

Trying to be helpful

You must have seen this today: the words journalists aren’t allowed to use when talking about Hillary. On account of they are sexist or something. This per an unofficial group of Hillary supporters, who may or may not by now realize what a shit-awful mistake it was.

The words are: polarizing, calculating, disingenuous, insincere, ambitious, inevitable, entitled, over confident, secretive, “will do anything to win”, “represents the past”, “out of touch”.

Could they have offered a more obvious list of what they see as their candidate’s most glaring weaknesses? Jesus, people are stupid.

But not us. We’re smart. And helpful. I’ll be we can come up with a lot lot more words and phrases journalists need to eschew when describing Hillary. I’ll start.

Castrating bitch. Butch. Crusty pantsuit. Cankles. Dessicated hag. Lying piece of shit. Harpy. Hambeast. Shrew. Battleaxe.

C’mon — it’s fun!

p.s. Soon as she throws that tattered hat in the ring, I’m'onna try again to make one of my Hillary! posters go viral. This is my hour. I can feel it!

March 26, 2015 — 11:06 pm
Comments: 21

Okay, tell me THIS isn’t an improvement

Looks good on her. She’s got kind of an elderly Jesus thing going.

March 24, 2015 — 9:20 pm
Comments: 16

Oh, grandma!

In the previous thread, geoff axed for a P’shop of Hillary and the iconic phone. Happy to oblige, but I couldn’t come up with anything better than riffing on her pretend inability to comprehend the cellphone. I’ve got all the bits and pieces still open, if you can think of a better take.

Seriously, did they believe this one would fly? Like, “c’mon, honey — you know grandma can’t operate simple modern gadgets. But you still want her for President of the United States in 2016, right?”

Some of these errors are so awful and unforced, you have to wonder what the Clintons are playing at. Whether they know she can’t win, but they’ve decided to swing the big Clinton dick around and ruin 2016 for their party, because…fuck you, we’re the Clintons.

I can honestly see that bunch of sociopaths doing that.

Oh, here you go, Deborah — my big color Hillary! 2016 poster, the little black and white witchy one, plus some assorted Hillary ‘shops.

March 11, 2015 — 9:18 pm
Comments: 34

I hope you weren’t eating

Romance novel covers as recreated by ordinary-looking people.

I was struck by how often the woman is clothed and the man is buck nekkid. I know romance novels are hardcore porn for women, so naturally would leave her with a little more dignity, but it seems like story mismatch for them not to be in a similar state of undress.

When I see a naked man in a clothed situation, I expect him to be snapping a towel, waving his winky about and bellowing “WAAAAUUUUGH!” or “woowoo!”

No, I have not just told you something you didn’t know about Uncle B.

March 4, 2015 — 7:36 pm
Comments: 15

Meh-eh-eh-eh

Browsing the news tonight, I was struck by how much Debbie Wasserman Schultz resembles the goat from yesterday’s post (note: may have been slightly ‘shopped to emphasize goatiness). Ordinarily, I might feel bad that Debbie Wasserman Schultz looks like a goat, but she’s a really horrible person. So, actually, on the whole, I feel pretty good that Debbie Wasserman Schultz looks like a goat.

This afternoon, Uncle B and I were discussing a woman we know who has a really tragic case of resting bitchface. Also, she’s unpleasant. But we were debating whether she’s really unpleasant, or whether bitchface makes her seem unpleasant, or whether walking around with tragic bitchface has made her actually become unpleasant.

We’re philosophical like that.

So I told him the story of this guy I knew when I was a wee slip of a weasel. He was a good-looking guy, in a cute boy-next-door way. He was a little dim, with a sunny, outgoing personality. A pleasant guy to be around.

Then he smashed himself up in a car accident. They put him back together, but he totally looked like a thing that had been put back together. Hollow cheeks, mad staring eyes. In a word, creepy.

But did he really become creepy after that? He seemed to. Or was he the same sunny, happy guy in a creepy shell? Or did the stigma of living with a creepy face make him creepy? It’s so hard to see past basic biology.

Still, we have the whole weekend to figure it out.

February 20, 2015 — 9:23 pm
Comments: 32

Tee hee

 

 

 

Is this true? It’s true enough for a weasel!

A site called breatheheavy.com claims the ‘true’ picture was emailed to them by somebody from the shoot. (Beware: my browser gave me a phishing warning while I was poking around that site).

Thing is, one of them has to be fake. And — speaking in my capacity as Photoshoppiste extraordinaire — whichever one is fake is really, really well done. So hats off to the pixel pusher!

Bieber embarrassed. Hostage-taking Muslim nutcakes dead. This weekend is shaping up to be a little happier than it might have been.

Happy Friday, all!

 

 

 

January 9, 2015 — 8:43 pm
Comments: 12

Wait…what?

Can someone explain to me why Obama’s power grab is not a huge loss for immigrant activists?

■ it potentially applies to only five of the ten to twenty million total illegals.

■ it requires a lot of paperwork. Don’t discount this one. As someone who’s been through the immigration mill, lemme tell you the time, money and angst involved in pleasing a bureaucrat is terrifying.

■ coming out of the shadows requires coming out of the shadows — identifying yourself, giving your location and confessing to lawbreaking. Maybe confessing lawbreaking on behalf of associates and employers, as well.

■ the deal is only as good as long as Obama’s in office. I can’t imagine any Republican president would be so delightfully cruel as to deport they asses after they come clean, but that doesn’t mean the terms of the deal will stay the terms of the deal. With the backlogs that are sure to happen (good luck getting extra money out of Congress to add capacity), it’s likely the typical applicant won’t make it through the whole process before O and his travelling circus of executive orders is long gone. Who buys a pig in a poke?

and the big one…

■ delivering a giant Fuck You to the Republican base in their moment of triumph kills any chance of serious GOP cooperation over anything in the next two years — but especially on immigration. Boehner and our RINO betters would love to have given O the kind of comprehensive immigration suppository he supposedly craves, but that’s out of the question now. If they pass anything at all, it’ll have to look a whole helluva lot tougher than what might’ve passed before.

In fact, the whole thing is such an enormous shitburger for the left, I have to wonder — for the umpteenth time with this guy — is he truly this incompetent, or is there some diabolical hidden lefty advantage I’m not seeing?

November 24, 2014 — 9:35 pm
Comments: 16

Well done, everyone!

Did he ever have that stupid press conference this afternoon, or what?

November 5, 2014 — 10:52 pm
Comments: 16

Hillary feels ya

Dear posterity: current events reference here (warning: Slate link).

June 11, 2014 — 10:08 pm
Comments: 17