Browsing the news tonight, I was struck by how much Debbie Wasserman Schultz resembles the goat from yesterday’s post (note: may have been slightly ‘shopped to emphasize goatiness). Ordinarily, I might feel bad that Debbie Wasserman Schultz looks like a goat, but she’s a really horrible person. So, actually, on the whole, I feel pretty good that Debbie Wasserman Schultz looks like a goat.
This afternoon, Uncle B and I were discussing a woman we know who has a really tragic case of resting bitchface. Also, she’s unpleasant. But we were debating whether she’s really unpleasant, or whether bitchface makes her seem unpleasant, or whether walking around with tragic bitchface has made her actually become unpleasant.
We’re philosophical like that.
So I told him the story of this guy I knew when I was a wee slip of a weasel. He was a good-looking guy, in a cute boy-next-door way. He was a little dim, with a sunny, outgoing personality. A pleasant guy to be around.
Then he smashed himself up in a car accident. They put him back together, but he totally looked like a thing that had been put back together. Hollow cheeks, mad staring eyes. In a word, creepy.
But did he really become creepy after that? He seemed to. Or was he the same sunny, happy guy in a creepy shell? Or did the stigma of living with a creepy face make him creepy? It’s so hard to see past basic biology.
Still, we have the whole weekend to figure it out.
February 20, 2015 — 9:23 pm
Is this true? It’s true enough for a weasel!
A site called breatheheavy.com claims the ‘true’ picture was emailed to them by somebody from the shoot. (Beware: my browser gave me a phishing warning while I was poking around that site).
Thing is, one of them has to be fake. And — speaking in my capacity as Photoshoppiste extraordinaire — whichever one is fake is really, really well done. So hats off to the pixel pusher!
Bieber embarrassed. Hostage-taking Muslim nutcakes dead. This weekend is shaping up to be a little happier than it might have been.
Happy Friday, all!
January 9, 2015 — 8:43 pm
Can someone explain to me why Obama’s power grab is not a huge loss for immigrant activists?
■ it potentially applies to only five of the ten to twenty million total illegals.
■ it requires a lot of paperwork. Don’t discount this one. As someone who’s been through the immigration mill, lemme tell you the time, money and angst involved in pleasing a bureaucrat is terrifying.
■ coming out of the shadows requires coming out of the shadows — identifying yourself, giving your location and confessing to lawbreaking. Maybe confessing lawbreaking on behalf of associates and employers, as well.
■ the deal is only as good as long as Obama’s in office. I can’t imagine any Republican president would be so delightfully cruel as to deport they asses after they come clean, but that doesn’t mean the terms of the deal will stay the terms of the deal. With the backlogs that are sure to happen (good luck getting extra money out of Congress to add capacity), it’s likely the typical applicant won’t make it through the whole process before O and his travelling circus of executive orders is long gone. Who buys a pig in a poke?
and the big one…
■ delivering a giant Fuck You to the Republican base in their moment of triumph kills any chance of serious GOP cooperation over anything in the next two years — but especially on immigration. Boehner and our RINO betters would love to have given O the kind of comprehensive immigration suppository he supposedly craves, but that’s out of the question now. If they pass anything at all, it’ll have to look a whole helluva lot tougher than what might’ve passed before.
In fact, the whole thing is such an enormous shitburger for the left, I have to wonder — for the umpteenth time with this guy — is he truly this incompetent, or is there some diabolical hidden lefty advantage I’m not seeing?
November 24, 2014 — 9:35 pm
Did he ever have that stupid press conference this afternoon, or what?
November 5, 2014 — 10:52 pm
Dear posterity: current events reference here (warning: Slate link).
June 11, 2014 — 10:08 pm
Not a very good likeness, but this is my first attempted Farage.
Attempted Farage. Huh. Sounds like something you’d get arrested for after a stag party.
Anyway, there’s all sorts of reasons why Thursday’s election was not the beginning of the revolution in Britain. But it was a thing of beauty still, and I’m a great believer in savoring the moment. So here it is:
Savor, damn you!
May 26, 2014 — 10:11 pm
London barber posts pic of Kim Jong Un under the headline “Bad Hair Day?” gets visit from Nork embassy goons. Both sides reported to to police. Nothing will come of it.
I love the Kims. I mean, I don’t, obviously — they’re vile and horrible tyrants. But I love the way they confirm my theory that no checks and too much praise invariably turns humans into monsters.
April 15, 2014 — 9:44 pm
Though, honestly, if the Reverend Al really was ratting out mobsters in the Eighties, that’s the most praiseworthy thing on his resume. Why are we mad at him?
April 8, 2014 — 9:34 pm
Because it’s been entirely too cultured around here lately.
April 3, 2014 — 9:37 pm
Look, I can explain. I saw this picture of a guy in a fur collar, and I thought it totally…nah. You know what, I can’t explain. It’s a superhero. You don’t want to know his superpower. But bear in mind, I’m ending all arguments from here on with POW! Mangina!
Have you ever thought how incredibly American the superhero is? Oh, the idea of a morally upright man with supernatural powers who solves problems extra-judicially — that one’s pretty much universal.
But only in America could we come up with a way to enjoy nudity without all those icky, unAmerican genitals and nipples and pubes and such.
Well, except this guy. Obviously.
March 27, 2014 — 11:39 pm