Dear posterity: current events reference here (warning: Slate link).
June 11, 2014 — 10:08 pm
Not a very good likeness, but this is my first attempted Farage.
Attempted Farage. Huh. Sounds like something you’d get arrested for after a stag party.
Anyway, there’s all sorts of reasons why Thursday’s election was not the beginning of the revolution in Britain. But it was a thing of beauty still, and I’m a great believer in savoring the moment. So here it is:
Savor, damn you!
May 26, 2014 — 10:11 pm
London barber posts pic of Kim Jong Un under the headline “Bad Hair Day?” gets visit from Nork embassy goons. Both sides reported to to police. Nothing will come of it.
I love the Kims. I mean, I don’t, obviously — they’re vile and horrible tyrants. But I love the way they confirm my theory that no checks and too much praise invariably turns humans into monsters.
April 15, 2014 — 9:44 pm
Though, honestly, if the Reverend Al really was ratting out mobsters in the Eighties, that’s the most praiseworthy thing on his resume. Why are we mad at him?
April 8, 2014 — 9:34 pm
Because it’s been entirely too cultured around here lately.
April 3, 2014 — 9:37 pm
Look, I can explain. I saw this picture of a guy in a fur collar, and I thought it totally…nah. You know what, I can’t explain. It’s a superhero. You don’t want to know his superpower. But bear in mind, I’m ending all arguments from here on with POW! Mangina!
Have you ever thought how incredibly American the superhero is? Oh, the idea of a morally upright man with supernatural powers who solves problems extra-judicially — that one’s pretty much universal.
But only in America could we come up with a way to enjoy nudity without all those icky, unAmerican genitals and nipples and pubes and such.
Well, except this guy. Obviously.
March 27, 2014 — 11:39 pm
They’ve put ewes in the little field in front of the house, for lambing time is upon us. Which is nice. Today, I looked up to see the whole flock walking toward me. That’s an odd thing — sheep are shy of people. Particularly strangers. Particularly in strange places. Particularly at lambing time.
And then I spotted Jack, leading the parade. It was the oddest sight. The sheep weren’t trotting; they weren’t running him off. The were slowly walking, converging on him, like they were curious. And he was sashaying in front, calmly, waving his wild tail, not looking back, like he couldn’t give a ripe fuck.
He’s going to be trouble, this one. He’s had his first night out, and his first day outside while we ran errands. Last week, a cab driver spotted him sunning himself in the middle of the road and carried him to the nearest house. That would be our neighbor next door, who said he not only waltzes into her house like he owns the place, he wanders in and out of the house next door to her.
I tried to make the appointment for the ol’ snip snip, but ran into scheduling problems. I don’t imagine it’ll slow him down much.
March 18, 2014 — 10:08 pm
Hey, we recycle in this household, pal!
I’m calling the Dead Pool for Carl. Chicken Farmer picked Tony Benn first, but it was his second pick so it doesn’t count. So sorry, Chicken Farmer — I’d love to give a dick to another chookophile, but rules is rules.
This is Carl’s second win, but he has yet to claim his first dick. If you step forward, C, you get *2* dicks. And also maybe me turning up some day asking to sleep on your sofa.
March 17, 2014 — 10:28 pm
Right. Here she is in color. For better or worse, I ditched the witch theme and went with a more straight-ahead glamor shot (stop sniggering in the back there). I wasn’t sure I could pull off all that lightning and shit in color. Color gives me hives.
Also, Hillary 2016. If I keep saying that, I might float a leeetle bit higher in the Google search results.
I haven’t put this on any merchandise or anything. I figured I’d get some feedback first. If you want this one (or the black and white witchy one) to print out yourself, drop me a line and I’ll email it to you nice and big. Hillary 2016.
Oh, wallpaper! I could make you a wallpaper, if you want to annoy co-workers. Give me your screen dimensions and preferred background color and I’ll make it happen. Hillary 2016.
And if any of youse just followed a link here and don’t know me, I’m a woman of fifty-something. The way the identity politics shuffle goes, that means I’m allowed to make fun of other wrinkly old broads. Though I’ll feel pretty shitty if she drops dead of an aneurysm or something. Hillary 2016.
Or I won’t. No, thinking about it, I won’t. This is a woman who has spent her whole life thinking the world would be a better place if she stuck her nose in every little aspect of my life. To hell with that. Hillary 2016.
Good weekend, everybody! Hillary 2016!
Update: okay, let’s see, so far I got buttons, stickers, greeting cards, coffee mugs, t-shirts and playing cards (oh, that last one was just too silly to pass up). What I really want are postcards and posters, but Zazzle is being a little bitch about page orientation, so I’ll figure that out over the weekend. Don’t buy anything for my sake (I only get a pittance in royalties) — buy something to make your sister-in-law weep bitter tears.
Update: okay, posters (cheap as I could, but they’re still kind of pricey) and postcards (yeah, they’re displayed sideways. Stupid Zazzle). The postcards are cheap, at least, and can be sent anonymously.
March 14, 2014 — 6:12 pm
The time has come. It’s time we return to an America where politicians have facial hair (and that’s not another dig at Hillary, who I’m sure has plenty).
I don’t really know enough of about Ted Cruz yet, to be honest. I just know he’s the orneriest cuss in politics at the moment and — whether it’s a posture or not — that’s just what I want to see. Somebody to upset a few apple carts.
That girlie mouth bothers me, though.
March 11, 2014 — 11:18 pm