Ear worm
I’m having sausage and biscuits tonight. Well, a facsimile thereof. Actually, it’s scones and sausage, and to make it taste like country sausage I have to add half a pound of cracked black pepper.
For those unfamiliar, the pepper in country sausage will make the sweat bead across your hairline.
Sausage always makes the Tennessee Pride jingle go through my head. (On an endless loop. Until I want to crush my skull in a machine press like that scene in The Fly. The original movie, I mean).
When I were a lass, they mostly shortened it to the couplet: “For real country sausage, the best you ever tried/Look for me on the label of Tennessee Pride.” But the version at the link is longer and includes the words:
It’s Real Country Sausage, yessiree,
The secret of the goodness is the recipe.
Well we start with fresh meat it’s really grand,
Pure whole hog pork, the best in the land.
We add a pinch of X and a dash of Z,
For flavor and taste we add Y9D.
A touch of Odom’s magic blends all three,
That the secret of the secret recipe.
Man, innocent times, when manufacturers bragged how they put delicious mystery chemicals in your food.
Searching for the song, I made the sad discovery that they’re about to close the Tennessee Pride factory in Dickson. I mean, they’re moving it to Jackson, but sad for those Dickson people.
August 17, 2021 — 7:46 pm
Comments: 6
A peck o’ trouble
I read the old lady’s words – and they do say there be a witch in it, and if you let un out there’ll be a peck o’ trouble – in the correct regional accent. Which probably means I’ve been here too long. Or I talk to too many spooky old ladies.
I’m pretty sure her granny gave her this and told her it was a witch bottle, and she assumed a witch bottle is a bottle with a witch in it.
It’s not. It’s a bottle made by a witch to ward off evil. It was a big Elizabethan thing here, though spells in jars go way, way back.
I still wouldn’t open it. It’s most likely full of rusty pins and pee.
Amazon, Etsy and Ebay all claim to sell witch bottles. Sadly, they’re little pill bottles full of oregano with a pentagram tied on. Show a little creativity, Ebay witches!
A better picture of this particular witch bottle here. Object is from the Pitt Rivers Museum in Oxford.
August 16, 2021 — 7:02 pm
Comments: 5
Dead Pool Round 145: Friday the 13th Edition
Lavendergirl takes the you-know-what with Bobby Bowden. Pancreatic cancer. I’d never heard of him; I’m so not into sports.
I said that to my dad once and he’s like, “yeah, me neither. Except football. You like football, don’t you?”
No sir. No I don’t.
Bowden sounds like he was a good man, though. And a great coach.
That brings us to the first order of business:
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.
August 13, 2021 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 85
Trick or treat
A Worthing man has admitted to making more than 1,200 nuisance calls to the NHS in a bid to satisfy his foot fetish. Richard William Cove admitted that he had rung 111 at least 1,263 times over a two year period, at a cost of more than £20,000 to the taxpayer.
Mr Cove, 45, of Boundary Road in Worthing, pretended to be an elderly woman when he called up 111. He would talk about his own height and feet while putting on the voice of an elderly woman, and then ask the 111 call handler to describe their own feet.
The most mysterious of fetishes to me, perhaps because I have ugly feet.
Here’s a word of friendly advice: don’t plug “feet” into a Google Images search, even if you limit the source to Wikimedia. Come to think of it, I guess my feet aren’t that ugly.
Uncle B reminds me someone named LavenderGirl won the Dead Pool. I never in my life heard of Bobby Bowden, but Wikipedia tells me he’s regarded as one of the greatest college football coaches of all time, so I’ll take it. I am not a sports.
Tomorrow, 6WBT, Dead Pool Round 145. Go Seminoles, I guess!
August 12, 2021 — 6:34 pm
Comments: 9
Beautiful fake
This is supposedly the most-viewed house in Sussex at the moment and it can be yours for £1M. It is part of the old Tudor Close Hotel and it was the inspiration for the board game Clue (Cluedo in its native Britain).
The hotel was a popular stop for Hollywood celebs in the Thirties. Management often hired actors and put on elaborate murder mysteries to entertain guests. Anthony Pratt hosted one, and then went on to develop Cluedo. Seems a bit of a cheat, really.
The setting is actually still called Tudor Mansion in the game. The house is a fake, kind of. It was built in the Twenties but with original materials – old ship’s beams, Tudor fireplaces. So an authentic fake, I guess.
There is a lot of that kind of architecture around and it really should have its own name. What do I know? It probably does.
Have I played Clue? I so. Is that the one with “Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a candlestick”?
You can get it on Steam now, if you’re so inclined.
August 11, 2021 — 8:45 pm
Comments: 6
It’s never what you expect
I’m desperate for one of these. Yes, it’s a whisk broom. You know that, I know that, but these demned Limies don’t seem to.
Which is weird, because I’m sure that’s the sort of thing Jeeves used to brush down his employer’s coat, am I right?
Amazon has a proper Rubbermaid one like this, but at a price that appears to reflect shipping it over from the States. Anyhow, I don’t shop at Amazon any more. Call me crazy, but I’m doing my best not to give my little crumbs of money to billionaires who hate me.
The generic name for such a thing here seems to be a corn broom, but my experience of British brooms in this shape is that they’re not wrapped tight enough. They aren’t serious kit. The sort of thing we call a broom they call a besom and they regard them strictly as props to go with your witch costume.
For general use, they use use push brooms, like shop brooms, and small brushes on a handle.
I managed to get a proper, good-quality, US-style kitchen broom at a feed store here once and the girl behind the counter, who worked at a stable, breathlessly told me she had bought one and how wonderful they were for getting into corners.
Yes. Quite.
August 10, 2021 — 7:51 pm
Comments: 7
Lookee what I got
Ivermectin. Just like the covid medicine.
Well, no, not just like – this is a spot-on animal treatment. Ivermectin is kind of a miracle drug for small animal and bird parasites. It gets rid of internal and external bugs with a topical application. Apparently, it’s brilliant for earmites in bunnies.
Albert the cockerel has developed a big bald spot on his head. I can’t see any parasites, but I can’t think what else it can be. I don’t think Polands molt like that. Or maybe they do.
Anyway, I didn’t need a prescription, but it was super expensive. And it looks like I miscalculated – this is formulated for budgies or something. Albert is a substantial chicken. He’s going to take alllll the pipettes.
August 9, 2021 — 7:39 pm
Comments: 8
Ah, fish and chips
The perfect end to a busy week. A busy week, can you imagine? I’d gotten used to bone idleness. This is better, I suppose – at least in an “eat your broccoli” kind of way.
Traditional chip shops are on the decline, partly because young people don’t eat a lot of fish. Most places selling it are run by foreigners. Chinese restaurants are big on fish and chips, for some reason.
We’re at the seaside, so we’re lucky to have several in the area. Our favorite is really very good. Food looks awful in black and white, so you’ll have to trust me it was a lovely drop of fish.
They were open for takeout right throughout the lockdown. We tried to go once a week, to keep him afloat and to break up the dull monotony of those weary months. Yes, he’s a foreigner. But then, so am I!
Good weekend, everyone.
August 6, 2021 — 7:25 pm
Comments: 13
Of course he’s a ginger
That’s Beano the cat. His owner thought about taking him to the pet service, but decided against since he hates being in a box. So Beano decided to turn up on his own and stroll around the place absorbing blessings.
He’s been to church before. Also, the local pubs. And he’s got himself shut into an empty house, twice.
Yes, the pet service is a Church of England thing. I almost turned up with my favorite chicken one year, but I thought the other animals would probably stress her out too much.
Also, do you know how early morning service is?
August 5, 2021 — 6:35 pm
Comments: 7
Best buds
This is an eryngium or sea holly. It is a pretty beast and not necessarily easy to grow. We have another in the nearby back border, but it is a totally different variety.
Where did it come from? Who knows? But it’s growing out of a crack in the pavement narrower than my little finger. The article says it likes poor soil. I guess!
But wait! There’s more! Growing out of the same little bit of a crack in the pavement is also a mint plant. There are dozens paving slabs all around the house, but these two are thriving entertwined in one little sliver of soil. I don’t understand gardening at all.
Bananas. I think these two are honorary banana plants.
August 4, 2021 — 8:54 pm
Comments: 8