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ZOMG I has fake hepatitis B!

I has fake hepatitis B!

Well, I guess my career as a blood donor is over, thirty years and I-forget-how-many-gallons later. Now I’ve got to come up with some other mildly shitty karma-balancing exercise to replace it. Anybody got an old lady who needs to cross the street? A lot?

And, yes. I scribbled out my unit number, just in case somebody recognized it from the label on my bag of blood. Okay?

Comments


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 12, 2008, 2:49 pm

Hmm, I guess that means that anyone who has had the HepB vaccine is ineligable


Comment from Jill
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:06 pm

Hey! Stop bleedin’ on me!

🙂


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:07 pm

First they eyeball you like a dirty whore now they try to insinuate you are. So if it is clinically nothing and not an infection, then why can’t they use it or want you to donate again?
Perhaps a note from your doctor after he looks at your immune proteins to make sure it isn’t something else?

Good point scubafreak. Most kids are vaccinated with that nowadays, yes?


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:10 pm

REDACTED!

You might want to get a doctor to check on you just in case, it isn’t Hepatitis, but what is it?


Comment from Pupster
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:21 pm

Can you still drop by for cookies?

So…what did they DO with your blud? You should write back and ask them to please return it, in like new condition.

Maybe it went to the *scary music* “institute” for ‘further testing’.


Comment from Jill
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:29 pm

Stoaty opens her envelope from the blood bank…reads the letter…and…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXL7HflU1Q&feature=related


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:29 pm

Weasel blud… yum!


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:40 pm

I very sorry about your non-existent ailment. I hope you recover (or not) from it forthwith.

Completely random, but Noreen of Emerald Bile has a new post. Regarding naming our planet as “Earth”, she mentions:

I like the Gods and Goddess names for the other planets and thank god that whore JK Rowling wasn’t around when they named them, or she would have had a hand in it: “Smallius Planetus” “Greatus Biggus Reddus” – the fucking meddling witch.


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 12, 2008, 3:59 pm

Go get your doctor to thoroughly check your blood weasel before you are at the mercy of the UK. It could be something throwing up a red flag, it could be nothing. It could be rabies. :O


Comment from bad cat robot
Time: August 12, 2008, 4:01 pm

I think you were bitten by a radioactive spider. This is their nesting time, you know. Superpowers will compensate for loss of blood-donation opportunities, plus you can help whole truckloads of little old ladies at once. But remember, NO CAPES.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 12, 2008, 4:02 pm

P&B, I believe that is correct. I got mine when I went through EMT-B training after leaving the navy…


Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: August 12, 2008, 4:28 pm

I’d flunk that test too, except it would be because I did have Hepatitis B.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 12, 2008, 4:34 pm

I’ve got one more doctor appointment before I go (assume I get out of Rhode Island SOME TIME THIS YEAR). I’ll axe him.

If you had it and got over it, you’ve got all sorts of healthy antibodies, Dave. You should charge a premium for your blood.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 12, 2008, 4:44 pm

ZOMG = Zionist Occupation Military Government? (“ZOG” is used to refer to “Zionist Occupation Government”; ZOMG reminded me of it, even though I know it’s lolspeak.)

I found out about ZOG a few years back. Blew my mind; the people were serious.

It is amazing how idiotic people could be.

Then again, I heartily recommend Daniel Pipes’s The Hidden Hand: Middle East Fears of Conspiracy. It’s an eye-opener to a whole other culture. It really boggles the mind to what extent people will weave complicated, inconsistent stories to explain the simplest of things.

I see it often with my conspiracy-theory-prone relatives. It gets ridiculous.

I don’t think you’ll find a person randomer than me.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 12, 2008, 5:03 pm

Here’s the thing, Musli. If the Jews are that clever, they deserve to control everything, you know? I can’t tell you how relieved I would be to think that a bunch of sooper geniuses were behind the scenes pulling the levers, instead of the nincompoop empty suits that I know about.

Shoot, they could even overcharge me for shit. Be my guest. Have my money. Just make things make a little more sense, huh?


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 12, 2008, 5:04 pm

I see it often with my conspiracy-theory-prone relatives.

I see it in mine too. My parents were going to vote for Kucinich. Though at this point, between him and B.O., he would be a better choice. Which is very sad.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 12, 2008, 5:25 pm

My mother assured me some day we would all appreciate what a good and decent man Jimmy Carter is.

Oof.


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 12, 2008, 6:00 pm

I was watching Paula Deen a few weeks ago when she went to Jimmah’s house to cook them some dinner. That old senile bag of arab camel dung belongs with a caregiver service. Paula was instructing him what to do….clueless. Dude, get off the world stage if you can’t stir a pot of grits.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 12, 2008, 6:06 pm

Jimmeh can’t stir grits? That’s just wrong.


Comment from Allen
Time: August 12, 2008, 6:22 pm

“Ah can screw up ma grits, but ah did ah bang up job as president…”


Comment from porknbean
Time: August 12, 2008, 7:14 pm

He is 800 years old. Nothing worse than a crazy old fart shitting out the leg of his Depends for all the world to see. We are tired of cleaning up after him.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 12, 2008, 7:57 pm

P&B, can you actually believe that they named a Submarine after that jackass? Boggles the mind……


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: August 12, 2008, 9:33 pm

Weas, do you have the link to that lady who sells the grab bags of coins handy? I am thinking of getting a bag for the boy…his 29th is coming up.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 12, 2008, 9:35 pm

If the Jews are that clever, they deserve to control everything, you know?

Yeah I’d kind of like them in charge if they’re that good at it and that smart. Heck, it seems to be working okay so far. But for world-conquering all-powerful controllers they sure suck at it, Jews are constantly being beaten, killed, and oppressed. I mean, you think they’d be a little better at it than that, if they’re so clever they control everything.

I remember when I was in grade school… 5th grade I think. The teachers all had the election results on TV (they weren’t given until the next day back then), and were all celebrating when Jimmy Carter won. It was bizarre to me, I saw every one of them in a different light. My teacher was so delighted she floated around all day like she’d been rogered by rainbows and chocolate eclairs. I can’t imagine how horrible she’d have acted if Ford had won.


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: August 12, 2008, 10:43 pm

oh, and sorry about your hepatitis. The sores should go away soon, right?

(that joke didn’t really work, did it.)


Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: August 12, 2008, 11:01 pm

If you had it and got over it, you’ve got all sorts of healthy antibodies, Dave. You should charge a premium for your blood.

Heck that’s what I thought too. My body kilt Hep B. Line up, all major credit cards accepted.

I forget the pathology of the thing, but apparently what I carry that’s bad will kick your ass before I can teach your body to make antibodies.

Either that or they’re worried about me spiking the recipient’s blood alcohol levels when they’re feelin poorly.


Comment from LemurKing
Time: August 13, 2008, 12:30 am

PnB – don’t repress your feelings about Carter. Let them out, ok? It’ll just eat you up.

A few posts back, there was mention made of Conspiracy Theories. If you like games, there’s an older one called Deus Ex and it has just about all of the biggies (pre-9/11) in there. Spoiled me for life on any other FPS storyline.

Christopher, I will go to my grave with visions of being rogered by rainbows and chocolate eclairs. Really.

Don’t recover from your non-disease soon, Weas. Or do. I’m not sure. Whichever is better.


Comment from wendyworn
Time: August 13, 2008, 12:36 am

porknbean:

I watched this Paula Deen show once where she was cooking a whole turkey. She brushed up against the turkey leg in the pan and it kinda got stuck on her boob. She actually slapped the turkey and said “Fresh!”

it was pretty funny.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 13, 2008, 7:09 am

Rogered by rainbows! I love it, Christopher. Must steal it.

Mrs P, I don’t know if these are the same people, but this seems like exactly the same deal. I can tell you exactly who my dealer was when I get home (I’ll know by her email address, which isn’t revealed on eBay).

Shoot. Now I have a hankering for coins.


Comment from iamfelix\’s brother
Time: August 13, 2008, 10:05 am

There are reports of health care workers who have received the HepB immunization series showing similar results after donating. Doesn’t appear that the Red Cross has a hard and fast rule about it one way or the other, although they do recommend waiting seven days after the immunization. It may depend on the results of the test after the shot series. Mine was called “inconclusive,” which I guess means they couldn’t decide whether I was immunized or not.

Remove the space after http – http ://www.redcross.org/services/biomed/0,1082,0_557_,00.html (see “Immunization, Vaccination”)

I’ve asked a fire chief buddy to find out how many of his people have had problems donating after getting the HepB series, and will announce the results to any interested parties.


Comment from pajama momma
Time: August 13, 2008, 10:46 am

No more free donuts and orange juice? That’s just wrong.


Comment from mesablue
Time: August 13, 2008, 11:20 am

Fake hepatitis B — did you catch it on teh Internets?

I sorry.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: August 13, 2008, 1:41 pm

I can just see the lolweasel: A weasel in a silly pose, the caption reading I CAN HAS FAKE HEPATITIS?


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: August 13, 2008, 9:14 pm

thanks stoaty. I ordered a small bag (well, bid on it, and we’ll see if someone decides to outbid me. I should be up in time to check on it tomorrow, when the auction period expires). I vaguely remembered that there was a middle ground between the $5 and $100+ bags, but apparently not…oh well, the boy won’t know what it cost, and I can also take him out for a nice dinner.

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