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What the sam hill is going on here?

Meet my box of extra long kitchen matches. It is a clip art tragedy, featuring a googly-eyed hairy-leggèd prestidigitator spinning a wiener for an indifferent audience of Chads and Beckys.

Did you know fire targets children? Specifically?

I reckon that’s what’s going on in the warning box in the upper right: roving fire bolts victimizing a luckless child.

Forget the porn license – give us the clipart license!

p.s. No. I did not buy a porn license yesterday. Top of the world, Ma!


Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: April 2, 2019, 9:45 pm

Porn license..????
I’m still astounded that Brits put up with having to acquire a television licence to operate a television signal reception device. Whatever happened to the folk that responded to the Churchillian pontification that “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender…”
Meanwhile, PM May told the nation that “I’m giving it another go after which I shall turn over Brexit to the Remainers!” Did I get that right or was she speaking “Churchill?”

Comment from Mitchell
Time: April 2, 2019, 10:28 pm

You guys thinking about requiring a license to hunt pr0n? Damn. Next up they’ll nationalize the stuff and y’all get the Ministry of Fap. SMH.

Comment from Mitchell
Time: April 2, 2019, 10:34 pm

On the one hand you’ll probably have to pay extra for the kinky stuff but on the other you’ll be assured that your performers are guaranteed to be ethnically diverse.

On the gripping hand you’ll have to wait 7-10 business days for your pr0n sites to be delivered in a plain brown package.

Comment from RD
Time: April 2, 2019, 10:58 pm

Fire targets children specifically because it deems it necessary for them to learn from experience. Fire knows that months of lecturing does not instill the knowledge as well as two seconds of hands-on experience. Two seconds plus the 3 days of gentle reminding pain….

Comment from p2
Time: April 2, 2019, 11:00 pm

What they’ve done is paved the way for a vrry lucrative black market. How are they gonna know you’re hunting it? Detector van from the Ministry of Housinge???

Comment from Tomfrompv
Time: April 3, 2019, 1:28 am

I can’t imagine what Brits think of PM May at this point. From US news, she comes across as totally clueless. Either that or she has been trying to scuttle Brexit all along by giving Parliament a choice of god awful negotiated exit or a crash out of Brexit.

They televised part of the Brexit demonstration and I actually red caps with “Make UK Great Again”.

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: April 3, 2019, 12:28 pm

The man from the van said they can pin point moans from up to 50 yards!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 3, 2019, 12:39 pm

Thinking about it? It’s a done deal, Mitchell. As of Monday. Nobody has the slightest idea how to enforce it or what you’re supposed to do. I feel quite sure it will become one of those laws that makes a mockery of law, further degrading everyone’s civic sensibilities.

Like the 55mph speed limit. It just makes the idea of lawbreaking easier for the straights to stomach.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 3, 2019, 12:43 pm

Tomfrompv: she is both – a fool and a traitor. May is a former tea lady at the Bank of England who, never having done a proper job in her miserable life, nevertheless is full of self confidence about her vacuous opinions.

She was carefully selected by the PTB as being the ideal person to ignore the largest vote in British history and return the country to Franco-German serfdom.She will be disposed of once that has been done.

What do you reckon are our chances of persuading that nice Mr Trump to invade and reverse colonise?

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: April 3, 2019, 3:07 pm

The pornlaw.

Not at all like the DaneLaw is it.

I get the sense it’s about as well planned and thought out as Obamacare though.

Comment from BJM
Time: April 3, 2019, 3:28 pm

The Ministry of Fap, aka, as the Foreign Office.

Comment from DurnedYankee
Time: April 3, 2019, 4:17 pm

What if you buy a porn license, and you get poor quality porn.
Is there a rebate system if the porn is cheesy low quality stuff?

If you get a porn license, but only watch porn for a day and then change your mind, can you get a pro-rated refund?

Can they do porno meters like they used to do with electric or tv and put a coin machine in your house so you can, you know, rent porn?

Whataboutknives (and pointed sticks!) When do you expect they’ll pass the Knife License law?

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: April 3, 2019, 4:44 pm

A story of

Hiding from a Porn Police RAID:


Comment from Tomfrompv
Time: April 3, 2019, 11:01 pm

I’m an avid fan of Brit TV. So I watch tons of Brit history. Who knew the Plantagenets were French? Or Victoria was German? Orvthat the Normans (more French) basically colonized Britain.

Speaking of Trump, there was a time when the Brits asked some dude from Holland (?) to come over and be their King. It seems like Britain always looked elsewhere for the monarch.

How much does a TV license cost? And how do they know you don’t have one?

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: April 4, 2019, 1:58 am


Speaking of Trump, there was a time when the Brits asked some dude from Holland (?) to come over and be their King.

Here’s an especially eerie aspect of that: both are orange!

Holland? The Dutch Republic, technically. Willie was Stadtholder of Zeeland, Holland, Utrecht and a few others I don’t remember (and I have no clue why I remember those three).

Comment from Jeff Gauch
Time: April 4, 2019, 2:05 am

Uncle Badger, I can see it now…Parliament is in session, vigorously debating what position they should take with regards to Brussels (missionary, doggy style, reverse cowgirl, etc) when there’s a commotion outside the chamber. The doors fly open and Donald Trump, accompanied by US Marines in full battle rattle, comes striding in. He walks up to the ceremonial mace, hoists it onto his shoulder and says “Listen up, mother#%*@ers, this is how it’s going to be…”

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: April 4, 2019, 1:25 pm

I don’t know, I’m thinking Trump dressed as Oliver Cromwell and his troops dressed in New Model Army of England gear might send an appropriate message.

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