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Dibs on Robert Byrd again! He’ll come through for me one of these days. And Haggis has nothing on PA Dutch Hog Maw anyway.

I’m going with Sargent Shriver. He’s 93 and his wife just died.

Round III, and I’m sticking with (to?) Amy Winehouse…shudder…
And what’s a TBA? If Ms Weasel is giving one away, it must be really boss.

I’m gonna stick with our most ex of ex-presidents James Earl Carter.

To Be Announced. I have to go to the supermarket and see if I can find some other quintessentially English filth in a can.

Or maybe not a can. Mailing those suckers costs several times what the can costs.

Commenter Deborah wrote and suggested the prize be a custom weasel-built avatar, but humility make me wonder if most people wouldn’t really prefer a nice spotted dick.

Thank you, Spad. I don’t rest easy until somebody picks Jimmah.

Did you see where Carter is on bin Laden’s Summer book list?

Kayne West

Bader-Ginsberg seems to be holding her own these days, so I think I’m going to go with Margaret Thatcher. Not that I wish that for her, but she is getting on in years and as you said…this ain’t tiddly winks.

Drat, I wanted Byrd. Ok, I’m going to continue my tradition of completely random picks of people (and cats) not known to be gravely ill and choose Andy Griffith.

Phyllis Diller. I hope I’m wrong and Spad One Three comes through.

Arlen Specter – The rat-bastard has to die sometime!

Had not seen that weas, but I just saw a video over at Ace’s in which he asserts that I’m a racist for opposing Baraky.

So could I vote for the sumbitch twice?

[…] post is by scott onS. Weasel: What can I say, anonymous? Geography wasn’t my str… steve: Well…. I […]

sandra. “kelo.” day. o’connor.

oh, yeah. forgot. rrrrRRACIST!

I had Spector last time. *Spit
He just doesn’t understand how hard it is to find haggis in my barrio.

I bid Robert Redford. What the hell.

I was going to suggest the death of ‘common sense’. But I figure it’s against the rules and besides, mad scientists have probably found a way to keep it on the barest of life support for foreseeable future.

Generalissimo Francisco Franco. Pretty confident with this one.

Dibs on Liz Taylor!

(Altho with ACORNgate in full effect, it’s tempting to call the Obama Administration…)

I think I’m going to take the guy shooting these ACORN stings, I have a feeling that he is going to be having “A Tragic Accident” in the not too distant future….

I’m soooo going international for this one and putting the kiss of death on Kim Jong Il. I think he’s a girl, too. Although I’m not so sure about the boobies!

Yay! I get that rat bastard Fidel Castro this round!

Justice Stevens.

My negative waves bounced right off Helen Thomas. Phooey.

This round: General Vo Nguyen Giap. Commie bastard is 98.

Freebies for others:

Gloria Stuart (played “old Rose” in _Titanic_ and 46 leading roles in 1932-46), 99.

UCLA basketball ubercoach John Wooden, also 98.

Lawrence Walsh, blowhard lawyer (the Iran-Contra special prosecutor), 97.

Art Linkletter (talk about a blast from the past!), 97.

Otto von Habsburg, rightful Emperor of Austria and King of Hungary, 96.

Licia Albanese, star soprano at the Met for 26 years, 96.

David Rockefeller, ancient billionaire, 94.

Elliot Carter, composer in three centuries, 100.

Correction:

Elliot Carter, composer in 10 different decades, 100.

I pick Gordon Brown. Just from a karmic perspective, you understand, not out of any expectation of winning.

I’m going to think outside the box here a bit and go with Kanye West.

Can’t be that far out of the box, Andy. MrsPaulsFishSticks picked ol’ Jackass up the thread (I won’t count the misspelling against the pick).

Sweet jeeves! Art Linkletter is still alive?!

Me? I’m going with Senator Barbara (Call me Senator, you worthless General) Boxer. I don’t expect to win. I just hate her. She was my Senator for some time you see…back when I was in elementary school. Back then I knew she was a bad person.

I developed political instincts quite young you see…

Mitch Miller….Born in 1911

He will be having his final sing along, any day now, I think….

Hmmm…I’m going to go with Maggie Smith, Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter movies. She’s only 75 or so, but she looked to be on the door in the last movie. Or maybe that was just good bad make-up?

I’m gonna say Paul Newman…

Suze Orman

What’re you going to do, Scott — dig up his corpse and beat on it?

Susan Atkins. manson chick.

Sweet Weasel! I don’t think they heard you—so excited they were about picking their new entries!

Elizabeth Edwards, tho I’d rather hubby gets it in some horribly painful, humiliating, and spectacular way. What can I say? Saw IV was on my free “Thank you Anniversary” Showtime package last night.

He’s already dead? Son of a bitch…

I’ll take the Queen of England then (with apologies to Her Majesty, and my honest wishes for her continued long life).

God save her, and all that.

What I think is the best thing about all this is that, after old Mitch beats all the rest of these fossils down the path and plants his toe firmly into the side of the old bucket…..

I will be receiving, in the mail, my very own, collectable, suitable for framing, TBA!

I’ll pick Stephen Moody. Texas is going to do him in today for killing a drug dealer.

the New York Times

Jimmy Carter. Although nobody will notice.

Scott Jacobs: If I thought sacrificing two chickens and drinking their blood while dancing naked around a durian tree would keep Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, by the Grace of God Monarch of the United Kingdom… Defender of the Faith and so forth alive, well, I’d be having a lot of chicken for dinner. Anything but Charlie the Chimp.

Andy Sullivan for my money. Or Barney Frank. Those two meatbags are a blight on the country they infest.

Weasel, OT, but whatever happened to The Hostages blog and Wicked Pinto? I leave the moronosphere for a few months and they’ve poofed out of sight. Makes updating my blogroll slightly more challenging.

Somebody got Jimmah WAY up the round, Bob. But it was a sweet thought.

Sneaky, Allen. Nice try. But no. Never hoid of him.

Gregory, the Hostages have moved. MCPO Airdale clued me in, and I’ve updated the link accordingly. As to whether there’s a backstory, I haven’t the foggiest. I’ve gotten woefully behind on my blog reading now that I’m playing the farmer’s wife.

It’s hard to imagine an American soft porn mag going with the headline “Huzzah! She’s said ta-ra to her bra!”

That’s what I love about this place. It’s so gosh-darned literary.

I posted the haggis to mongo while we were out. Cross your fingers. Uncle B (who, incidentally, has gotten stuck with the bill for all of the fabulous prizes AND postage) doesn’t believe Customs one both sides will let these tins through.

Weasel, thanks.

What, you can’t get quality haggis on the other side of the pond?

Rats, I really wanted a copy of “Nuts” magazine. OK, my real pick OJ Simpson, with a shank, in the Nevada pen.

Nuts magazine!

Oh, the shame! The curled lip of the checkout girl…

I had ole Jimmah in the first round but he got poached in the second and third rounds before I could click on the link and take him.

Arghh..

I have a question….and it involves …..well….

How to put it delicately….

The “Best When Used Before….” date of these spiffy prizes…

I want to believe that the “Best When Used Before….” date on that can of stewed sheep guts that Mongo has won is…well….current.

I would hope that this stuff wasn’t in one of those of honest to God “tin” cans that was soldered shut with lead and put up as spare rations for Earnest Shackelton, or something….

Which brings me around to this “Nuts” magazine….

Wikipedia claims that this is a “lads” magazine, published weekly, on Tuesdays.

Now, there is an outside chance that Mitch Miller might not shuffle off his mortal coil before September 22.

Anyway…can we count on getting the “latest issue” of Nuts (thus requiring Uncle Badger to suffer under the knowing gaze of the checkout girl, one more time) or should we all resign ourselves to the fact that the September 15 issue is the “collectible, suitable for framing” issue that we will have won…

Inquiring minds want to know….

Sheep lungs. Please. They aren’t barbarians.

Honestly, you don’t think the issue where Noirin says ta-ra to her bra is ever going to go down in value, do you? Let’s just keep things in perspective here.

I am thinking that, anytime someone trys to bamboozel you into eating something that is described as a “delicacy”, you generally are best off when you reject these “delicacies” out of hand.

The more regional the delicacy…the faster you should run for the hills

Hi, long time listener, first time caller.

Let me get straight to the point here: Shirley McLaine has to die at some point, though I cringe at the thought of the retrospectives.

Oooohhhh…Shirley McLaine! Good one.

I read one of her books once, kind of by accident. I was stuck out on my mother’s farm and running low on reading materials. It gave me a very serious hate-on for all things Shirley McLaine.

I love him, but he is old ond no one has claimed him: Peter O’Toole

I am re-upping on Henry Kissinger. (Though Al Haig was tempting…)

Doctor K. Final answer.

Ummmm… Is it too late to take Henry Gibson?

Why, yes. Yes it is. He dead.

Doesn’t say what he died of. He wasn’t that old. I didn’t realize he was still working; haven’t thought of him in years.

Damn, Scott REALLY wants that copy of Nuts, hm?

Hmm. A British laddie mag for my perusal? And you know, that might prove interesting; just out of curiosity.

I kind of like the “gosh I never saw that one coming” pick, with TMI; so, Bill Moyers and in keeping with my tradition: complications following cerebral hemorrhage.

And if there’s any justice in this world, he’s stricken while interviewing POTUS BHO, on live tv, on a sunny afternoon in the rose garden at the White House.

Stoatie, you should track down a great big can of Spotted Dick for the next round….. 😉

I put my money on Senator Robert Byrd. He’s older than most redwood trees, and nearly as intelligent.

Despite reliable reports that he was mummified long ago & just mumbles when you pull the string on his back, I believe this should still qualify him as a dead pool nominee.

I tried, Scoob. Ask Uncle B. I headed straight for the canned goods aisle looking for a can of dick. Uncle B thinks they don’t sell them in cans any more; he thinks they’re in the frozen food section.

Oh, well. Postage on cans is, like, three times more than the cost of the can, even taking the slow boat.

If I could ship frozen food, I would SO put up a packet of Mr Brain’s Pork Faggots.

Ha! Sorry G-man — Byrd was the very first pick!

Stoat-meister:

Story I saw said “after a short battle with cancer”, so I’m gonna guess it was cancer. 😉

The Weasel has just found the ‘jokes’ page in Nuts and is reading them out loud to me, while I try to work.

I just want you to know how much personal suffering goes into this site. That’s all.

Man, cancer’s been the Grim Reaper’s real go-to guy lately.

My pick, for no other reason than she’s getting on in years, is Phyllis Diller.

Suffering for Art is a noble cause Uncle B!

B’lieve it or not, Enas, she’s took!

No way! Dang, you’re right Bugs beat me to Phyllis. Grrr.

Ok I’m going with Eli Wallach instead. Dude is 93!

I can’t think of anybody, so I’ll go with Prince Philip. I like him and his saucy mouth, but he’s getting up there.

I thought this is what you meant by ‘spotted dick’. Can I change my pick to someone really really healthy? If I do win, I guess I won’t have to get a Christmas present for that horny brother-in-law I was telling you about…

Tell ya what, I want to change my vote to Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi, the Pan Am Bomber. We’ll see if his Scottish Doctors had it right after all….

Okay, Scoob — but wasn’t his Scottish doctor Libyan?

Hey. Hey. Hey. I believe it was me who first called Patrick Swayze. And if not, then it was certainly implied. I think we can all agree to that.

Sigh. Like I wanted yer stinky ole canned haggis, anyway.

Anyway….

I call Kenye West. Assphyxiation*.

* don’t make me explain

Oh, I’m sure you did, jw. I’m sure you did. But every round starts over from scratch, and poaching is encouraged. All part of my diabolical plan to up my hit count enough to monetize the blog so I don’t have to think about what I want to do when I grow up any more. I had another work dream last night 🙁

Oh, and Kanye has been picked TWICE already this round. And spelled correctly once.

Just to be safe, I searched this page for “kenye” and found nothing. Now, as I’m actually reading the comments, I see that MrsPaulsFishSticks claimed some “Kanye West” person.

I hope that spelling acumen is not overlooked by the Esteemed & Right O’n’rble Dead Pool judges.

Otherwise I’d just have to go to MrsPaulsFishSticks house and rip the [TBA] prize right out of her astonished fingers and announce in a shrieky-creepy voice that I was robbed!

Update: Shit, I hate Google. Fuckin’ asshole can’t even spell his name right. Hope he dies.

Withdraw, MrsPaulsFishSticks!

I’m in no mood.

The spelling rules are extremely lax. MrsPaulsFishSticks, IIRC, claimed one “Kayne” West — an entirely mythical creature. But he, she or they approximated the correct spelling first, so that’s that.

If I instituted a literacy test — why, it would be just like Jim Crow!

A-Ha! I call, officially, before [insert your favorite imaginary deity here] and this august assemblage of lurkers, wits, & scoundrels (some overlap may occur during shipping): Kanye Omari West.

….

Now watch some state representative from Bloated Horse Carcass, Arizona named Kayne West die in his sleep tonight. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

I admit it. I was unprepared for the degree of passion ignited by Nuts magazine in this round.

I can see the feds sneaking up jwpaine’s drive, even as we watch in horror…. clearly, there’s a Kanye West thing going on here.

Whoever the fuck he is.

Gawd, I always thinks of better ones after declaring. Somebody snag Marion Barry.

SWeasel: Ms. McLaine has many annoying features. But she earned massive good-sport points with me by her cameo appearance as the video host of the Past Lives Viewing Center in _Defending Your Life_.

I hope I win this time. Britain gave us Agatha Christie, which I have been reading a bunch of lately. _Nuts_ would be a good chaser.

Has anybody…uh, “claimed” Helen Thomas? That old bat was in the White House press room during the Calvin Coolidge administration.
I’ll pick the old bitch and hope for the best.

Art Linkletter, ’cause kids say the darndest things, or something like that.

Noirin has never been topless before? That doesn’t even make sense.

And does Nuts mean something different over there? If it doesn’t…gross.

Hey jw, it’s September.

A Big Brother contestant with unclad norks is of course in these days a commonplace. I suppose there is sentimental value in having her depiction in physical rather than electronic form. It might even have rarity value. Antiques Roadshow 2074: an unstained copy of Nuts magazine, with Noirin’s tits: $48 million (83¢ in real terms, after Obamaflation).

On a slight tangent, was it not in the immediate aftermath of the late, and not desperately photogenic Jade Goody’s exposure to the genre that a sine qua non (and I mean a truly ironclad one) was that any female denizen of any of the houses of the various Big Siblings was needs in possession of an absolutely cracking pair of charlies, all the better to milk (oo-err) their exposure a few weeks down the line? I throw this out solely in the form of a sociological musing.

Jane Austen, eh?

Sorry, she pegged ages ago.

Suze Orman. Please.

Hahaha…there HAS to be a backstory, BBB. I didn’t even know who she was until you started sticking pins in her wax doll…

Fluffy packaging + dry ice + Mr. Brain’s Pork Faggots + FedEx = “If I could ship frozen food….”

My reading comprehension is at an all-time low. I didn’t even notice Andy Boyd snuck in his claim to Kanye West way back–and this is even after the Weez pointed out to me that there were two claims to the guy already.

Now I find I must arrange the disappearance of two rivals, (as well as the nonsuspicious demise of a less-than-cooperative Kanye )—all the while struggling with this new-found reading disability. No matter. That Nuts magazine will be mine.

Oh yes.

The Queen, if no one has picked her.
I have nothing against her, but she is getting long in the tooth.

So, I figured that “Nuts” had a website. Sure, they do I clicked on it, most definitely NSFW.

My pick is John Allen Muhammad (See Top Headlines at AoS).

Mrs BBB: Suze Orman says none should have credit card debt.

Mr BBB: We have no CC debt.

Mrs BBB: Suze Orman said that one should pay off their mortgage.

Mr BBB: We have no mortgage.

Mrs. BBB: Suze Orman says a new car every year is awful.

Mr BBB: We buy a new car every 12 years.

Mrs BBB: Suze Orman says one should be saving for retirement as early as possible.

Mr BBB: We are old and the die is cast. As St. Paul one said, “That’s Just The F&cking Way It Is” (St. Paul Anka).

Mrs BBB: Suze Orman says…..

Mr BBB: Kill me now…or better yet…..

Have you ever considered the creation of weasel ballerina artwork? I have an empty wall and would send you coffee milk syrup and Iggy’s doughboys. Or not if you loath such things.

I must admit, BBB, that I have never contemplated creating weasel ballerina artwork. It somehow never crossed my mind.

I do miss me some Rho d’Island, though. Not my native place, but it has much to recommend it.

Hm. Some of Aunt Carrie’s clam cakes wouldn’t be amiss. They’d probably get cold en route, though.

Amy Winehouse or Lindsay Lohan then.

Rustbucket snagged Winehouse, Bob, but you’re welcome to Lohan.

You need a deep fryer. I will send unfryed clam cakes. I will send Aunt Carrie if I have to.

A weasel depiction of Swanilda dancing as Coppelia in the Royal Ballet would be the best. It’s on Youtube. Act 2.

And….

I know. No weasel ballerina art. Just dreaming the dream.

Well, I was going to re-up with Mugabe again but I don’t want to sleep on the sofa if I win. Maybe just for the glory of victory…

Ohhhhh…you know, James, I could NOT work out why your wife would be so sensitive to the death of Mugabe that she’d make you sleep on the couch.

Go on. Take him. If you win, I’ll go out and buy a tin of haggis for you instead.

Howeird Dean, de-facto head of the demonrats, from acute rectal-cranial inversion.

Howz about Senator Baucus? They can bury his health care bill with him, the S.O.B.

Princess Bernie wins?

Yessssss! I lived in So Cal during that Manson stuff. Creepy does not fully describe it.

Gee. A b**bie magazine. I’m, um, kinda, speechless…